"I'll go see if he's alright," I say surprising everyone, including myself.
I make my way outside just in time to see Brett kick the side of the building in frustration. He's breathing heavily while mumbling the same mantra over and over again. "The sun, the moon, the truth." He leans with his back against the brick wall, his eyes shut.
"Brett?" I say, cautiously making my way toward him.
He ignores me and slides down the wall to sit. "The sun, the moon, the truth," he repeats.
I slowly sit down next to him, but he still doesn't acknowledge me. He just keeps repeating the phrase over and over again while taking deep breaths.
We sit there for a minute in silence until he speaks up. "He was right, you know," he utters.
"What?"
"I am a monster," he mutters. "I've always been one."
"No, you're not, Brett," I tell him.
"I grow claws out of my fingers and fangs come out of my teeth," he argues. "Hair grows on my face in seconds and my eyes glow yellow. I'm a monster." He hangs his head running a hand through his light brown hair.
I bite my lip remembering something that Scott told Liam.
"Not all monsters do monstrous things," I say softly.
"What?" He lifts his head to look at me.
"It's something Scott told Liam," I tell him. "Not all monsters do monstrous things. Liam was saying the same things you are right now. Just remember, you're not a monster. You're a werewolf, but if you still think that you're a monster, just keep Scott's words in mind, okay?"
He bites on the inside of his cheek, mulling over my words. It's silent for a while as we watch the cars go by.
"Thank you," he tells me, softly after a while. "You know, I was a lot different two years ago."
"How so?" I ask, kind of intrigued.
"Well, for one thing, I wasn't as much of a dick," he says with a ghost of a smile.
I let out a small laugh. "I wish I knew you then," I say, cheekily.
"I'm glad you didn't," he replies. "I was actually really short until a little over a year ago."
"No way," I gasp, laughing a bit more as I imagine a short Brett.
"It's true," he says with a grin.
We fall silent again as two of the deputies leave the building and walk to a squad car. They get in and pull out of the parking lot.
"What does it mean?" I ask, still pondering many questions I have about Brett.
"What does what mean?" He asks.
"The sun, the moon, the truth," I reply. "What does it mean?"
"What three things can not long be hidden? The sun, the moon, and the truth," Brett tells me. "It's a Buddhist saying that Satomi taught me when I was having trouble shifting after my brother died. It helps me calm down and focus."
"So it's kind of like your anchor?" I question.
"Yes and no," he replies. "It's kind of like my anchor in the absence of an actual anchor, if you know what I mean."
"I think so," I mumble.
There's another lapse of silence between us as we sit there next to each other up against the building. A breeze blows some dead leaves through the parking lot and some kids ride past on their bikes.
"Why did you follow me out here?" Brett speaks up.
"I don't really know," I mumble, picking at the edge of my skirt. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay I guess. You looked really upset and I didn't want you to do anything to get yourself into trouble."
"Like what?" He asks
"I don't know, break something maybe," I mutter. "Hurt yourself?"
"Lils, I'm a Buddhist werewolf," he tells me. "I practice nonviolence and even if I did hurt myself, I could easily heal in a few minutes."
"Well sorry for actually being worried about you," I huff.
"Aw, you were worried about me, baby?" Brett grins at me.
My face flushes. "What? No- I- of course not!" I sputter.
"I thought you hated me," he comments.
I open my mouth to say a witty reply, but then I stop myself. "I don't hate you," I mumble. "I did when we went to school together, but you were a complete dick then, no offense."
"None taken," he says with a slight smile. "What made you stop hating me?"
"I don't know," I say truthfully. "I think I stopped when you offered to help me find Liam. You were actually being tolerable that day and when you told me about how you'd help me, it actually made me really happy that you would go out of your way to help. Also, when I started to cry, I want to thank you for being kind to me instead of just making fun of me because I was crying."
Brett doesn't have a response to this. He just stares at me as if he can't believe I'm saying this. I can't believe I'm saying this.
"So no, I don't hate you anymore. Despite your continuation to make sexual comments to me, they are tolerable now since they're much less frequent," I add. "I think right now I think of you as a, dare I say, friend"
"Friend?" Brett questions, staring at me in shock. "Really?"
"Well, yeah," I say with a cautious smile. "I mean we went though a near death experience together and you helped me look for my missing brother. I think those things bring people closer together."
Brett almost looks nervous and I start to panic.
Did I say something wrong? Does he actually hate me and not think of me as a friend? Does he think that I'm insane? Can he hear my heart pounding a mile a minute right now because I've started to panic so much?
"After what happened with my girlfriend in the woods two years ago, I swore to myself I was never going to get too close to a human girl ever again," he says softly, looking away from me at the pavement in front of him. "It hurt so much to see the fear in her eyes whenever she looked at me. To know that she thought I was a dangerous monster. I swore to myself that I would never catch feelings for a girl again. I could hurt them if I lost control or they could hurt me if they ever found out about me. Then the start of my sophomore year there was this incoming freshman who sat behind me in Biology. She could sing and draw like no one else I ever met and completely captivated me."
I furrow my eyebrows at what he's telling me.
Why would Brett want to tell me about a girl he liked who sat behind him in Bio...
Oh...
I sat behind him in Biology... But he can't be talking about me. He must be talking about after I left.
"I couldn't get her out of my head," he continues. "So I told myself that I had to make her hate me so I couldn't be tempted at all. I had to make fun of her and mock her. I made her brother hate me and then her and her brother finally left the school."
I'm not gonna lie; he sounds like he's talking about me. Am I going crazy?
"I thought I would be relieved, but it hurt so much. My grades started to slip. Instead of A's I was getting low B's and even a C. I wasn't giving my best at practice." Brett picks up a larger piece of gravel and throws it across the parking lot almost as if in frustration. "I was just counting down the days until I could see her next when we played her new school in lacrosse. Then when the day came, I saw her again and I was overjoyed, but I knew I still had to keep her from having any shred of compassion for me. I also didn't deserve it. I was horrible to her for months. She deserved better, but then she found out about me at the game and then risked her life to save mine. Even though she knew how terrible of a person I was, she was so compassionate that she saved my life."
I can't believe my own ears. This can't be happening. This is a trick. He's lying. He has to be.
"I then started to take my walls down, when she was helping me when I was wounded," he goes on. "But I built them right back up when I almost hurt her when I lost control again. The next day I made the stupid move of helping her find her brother, because Satomi taught me to never leave a debt unpaid or else it might come back to haunt you later. When she wasn't scared of me after the night before, I knew I had to take my chances. I knew I'd never find another girl like her and I was tired of being responsible. So I decided I had to tell her how I feel."
I can't speak. I can't move. I feel like I can't even breathe. Nothing seems real. My world had turned upside down.
Brett, Brett Talbot has just admitted that he likes me and has liked me the whole time. I can't think. My mind is overloading. I can feel my heart pounding rapidly in my chest and I bet Brett can hear it too, but I can't do anything. All I can do is sit there and stare at the boy next to me, shell shocked at his words.
"Lily?" He says
"Huh?" is all I can say.
"Do you remember when I said I was forgetting something when we were in the woods and I cut myself off?" He asks.
I nod my head not trusting my voice to work.
"Well what I forgot was that I could finally be myself around you," he tells me. "I spent all my time knowing you just being a jerk to you to make you hate me and out of habit I just said things to you. Like all the recent comments about your uniform and stuff like that. I know that's no excuse for saying those things to you, but I'm sorry about putting you through hell for months."
"So, you... like me?" I say softly.
"Yes, I like you," he replies. "I just spent all that time explaining it to you."
My mouth feels dry as I stare at him. His light brown hair is ruffled and sticking up oddly from his fingers constantly running through it. His blue eyes are the color of the sky on a clear day and are wide open, analyzing my reaction. His jawline is sharp and his full lips are parted in worry. He really is a very attractive sixteen year old. I've always noticed, but I've never really given it much thought.
I glance down at his lips again with an unexplainable urge to kiss him. Why? I couldn't tell you.
I wonder what it would be like to kiss a werewolf? I wonder what it's even like to kiss a boy. I've never kissed someone before. With my status at Devonford and the recent transfer to Beacon Hills, I never even made any guy friends besides having Mason, but that doesn't really count to me.
He reaches up to my face and tucks a fly away hair from my fringe behind my ear.
His hand doesn't leave my cheek as he says, "can I kiss you?" as if reading my mind.
My heart races at his words and I swallow and slowly nod.
He leans closer to me, cupping my cheek gently as if I were a piece of china that could break easily. He takes his time, giving me a chance to push him away but I don't. He stops when he a centimeter away from me, but I give in and lean forward, catching him off guard as our lips meet.
He slowly and gently moves his mouth against mine as I feel a warm tingling feeling all through my body. I lean closer to him and my hands find his shirt where I grip onto the collar for dear life as my head feels like it's spinning.
I never knew kissing felt anything like this.
His other hand slides to my waist, and I get up on my knees so we are the same height, my hands sliding up into his soft, light brown hair, tug on it gently. He lets out a soft groan and pulls me up against him as he kisses me harder. His hand on my cheek moves to the back of my neck, kissing me deeper.
I then hear a voice behind me say, "wha- oh, shit!" and I push away from Brett and look back to see Stiles being pulled back inside by Malia.
I blush a deep crimson and look back at Brett. He's smiling at me with the biggest smile I've ever seen on him. "Have I ever told you that you look adorable when you blush?" He asks me.
I feel my cheeks heat up even more. "No, you never called me adorable," I tell him.
"I should call you that more often then," he replies, pulling me in to give me another small kiss. "It suits you. So does that hairstyle, and of course-"
"-The knee socks?" I suggest, cutting him off.
He lets out a laugh. "You know me too well already," he jokes.
What had just happened? I just kissed Brett.
Brett.
Brett Talbot.
The guy who made my first semester of high school a living hell. He told me he liked me and he kissed me.
Do I like him back? I don't even know. What would Liam say?
Liam.
Brett bullied Liam too. They hate each other. Can Brett be forgiven that easily?
What would Liam say if he found out? He'd tell me that Brett is a horrible person and I should stay away from him. Is he right? Should I keep my distance?
I have always trusted Liam. We've stuck together and watched out for each other our whole lives. I can't just throw that all away because a pretty boy kissed me.
"Lily?" Brett says, trying to get my attention. "What's wrong?"
"I-I'm sorry," I stutter as I quickly stand up. "I-I can't do this. This was a mistake."
"What?" Brett says in disbelief. He looks up at me, his eye wide displaying how caught off guard he is.
"I'm sorry," I repeat and turn away from him, walking back toward the front doors.
He scrambles to his feet and chased after me, grabbing my arm to stop me. "Lily, what's wrong?"
I look up at him to see a hint of fear in his eyes. "I can't do this Brett," I whisper.
"What do you mean?" He asks.
"I can't just forgive you this easily," I tell him.
"But you just said-"
"I know," I cut him off. "I can forgive you enough to be my friend, but you know what, Brett? Liam told me. I know everything about what you did to Liam at the abandoned zoo. I saw him trying to hide all the bruises, but he can't keep a secret from me. We never keep secrets. He told me everything. He told me you said that it was 'his fault.' You hurt my only brother not only physically but emotionally too. I may be able to forgive you for the things you've done to me, but I can't be with anyone who hurts the people I love. I'm not ready to forgive you yet. Maybe in time by not now."
I turn away from him again and pull my arm from his grasp. I don't look back at him as I walk inside knowing that seeing how hurt he looks might make me change my mind.
~•*•~
I'm sorry for ending the chapter like this. Especially on Thanksgiving, for those of you who live in the beautiful US of A (Turkeys, trucks, bald eagles, and shit!)
I had to. Sorry. But Happy Thanksgiving for anyone in the USA. Stuff your face with turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, pie, and all that good stuff!
I'm thankful for all of you!
-Catherine