The first month of school is now over, but Jemma isn't as excited anymore. Who could blame her? None of us are really. It was one blow after another as I watched their faces when they found out the news. Michaels shutting down more. John's going dark. James's going blank. Jemma's though-hers was the worst. Her face completely broke, and it was like I could see her heart breaking in front of my very eyes.
Yesterday was the funeral's. We decided to just do a double one-for April and Carrie. It was harder than you'd expect. I don't remember much from the funeral's however. Pretty much the only thing's I can remember is the bubble of my friends, and the caskets disappearing beneath the ground for who-knows-how-long. I think Jemma's been taking pills for depression, but I can't be sure. I don't know how Michael's holding up. He seems, I don't know. To be honest though, I'm not even sure how I'm holding on. How I haven't left the world of reality, and disappeared into the world of daydreams- where I could finally get away from all of this. Where all of us are finally free from grief's clutches.
John has changed. He's quieter, more reserved. I'm not sure about James either. He didn't know Carrie for long, but we were all close regardless, and I can tell he is grieving even if he tries to hide it. Laying down in my bed I think of all my memories with Carrie. Feeling cool tears dance down the side of my cheek, and jump from my nose I try to loose myself inside those memories. After all, memories can be better than dreams.
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Hearing that same laugh echo throughout the room I'm in I feel my body seize with panic. I can't move. I don't know where I am. I still don't know whose face belongs to the voice. Opening my eyes, doesn't help me. All I see is the dark. Not the welcoming dark either, you know the one that hide's you from your enemies. No, instead I'm stuck with the vicious dark. The one that let's things leap out at you, the one that tries to get your heart racing as you stand in the middle of it.Feeling warm breath breeze across my face I stiffen.
"So did you like my gift, Lilly? Two down, three to go!"
Again the same laugh, only this time it doesn't echo around the room. It ghosts through me, worming it's way into my heart and mind as I try not to let fear overtake me.
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This morning I had been starting to get worried. At first I had no idea why, but then when I actually thought about it I remembered Jemma's face the last time I saw her. She looked even worse. The worry never leaving me I try to go on with the rest of my day.
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Walking up the driveway of John's house I see the front door bang open, and Michael run's out with John hot on his heels.
"John Hathaway!"
Hearing him silently curse, I watch with curious eyes as he turns to face the extremely angered voice. Michael however just freezes in his steps, eyes wide. My curiosity growing I watch as a 5'8 woman who looks like John with softer features comes storming out.
"I can't believe I have to put up with this! First it's your father, and now you're gonna give me trouble too?! Well enough is ENOUGH! Do you understand me, Johnathon! I want you to be in your best. And if I find that you are in some way lacking your best in any. single. thing. I will have your hide! Got it?!"
During her whole rant her finger was waving around and no it's shoved up against John's chest. Looking over at him he's looking at the ground as if ashamed. Feeling a pang of pity I watch on.
"I'm sorry that I'm not good enough for you mom. I'll try to get better. I promise."
Her face softens, and she gingerly holds his face inbetween her hands.
"Baby don't you dare think like that. You are definitely good enough for me. Please though, I need you to start getting better at this. I can't do it alone."
He looks up into her eyes.
"I promise momma. I'm sorry."
They embrace, and feeling something touch my arm I look up. Michael is staring down at me. Jerking his head down the street I get the message and begin to walk with him to the house.
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Needing to distract myself from everything going on I decide to rewind with the normalcy of T.V. Climbing the stairs and throwing myself down on my bed I grab the remote and turn the T.V. on. Mindlessly flicking through the channels I don't really pay attention to what I'm actually looking at. Finally deciding on just staying on the spot I was at, wherever that was. Putting my arm back down, and pushing myself up so I can lean against my pillows to get a better view.
"In other news we've been instructed to warn the public that there has been an increase in suicide's lately. Now for the last part of this broadcast we're gonna go visit Daisy."
The image cut to a blonde headed and busty newswoman in the middle of a field.
"Thanks Ryan. I'm standing on the town limits and just above me you can see proof of the animals all leaving as fast as they can," the camera cuts to the sky and as she said you can see what looks like hundreds of birds flying out of town, "is this the sign of a new world disaster? Don't worry folks, we'll keep you updated! Tune back in tomorrow night at 7 p.m.!"
My mind whirling I try to figure out why these little facts matter so much to me. Pushing the info to the back of my mind, I turn to a cartoon movie.
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"Don't worry my Lilly, you'll figure it out soon enough. Have a nice dream." I barely hear the words as I unknowingly fall into a deep sleep.
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The water feels ice cold, freezing every bone and cell in my body. I know that there's something I should remember right now, but I just can't find it in me to care. I take in a deep breath and smell the salt on the air. I feel the wind rush through my hair, and I can hear the waves crashing onto the beach. I soak it all in, and surprisingly nothing disturbs me. I look up and stare at the dark clouds hovering over the ocean, and I can faintly hear a commotion behind me. I ignore it though, I don't want to ruin this peace I've found.
Lightly I trail my fingers through the water and let the waves carry me off to a calm, peaceful place. As I stand there a thought pops into my head. Just walk. If you just keep walking everything will go away. You won't have to be worried any more, or scared. Just walk, and keep walking. The idea sounds very appealing. Slowly I walk forward until the water's up past my belly button. I hesitate for a second, knowing that if I go something bad might happen. I feel a memory scratching at me, trying to get out, but nothing comes. Whatever it is I can't remember it no matter how hard I try.
I shake my head, close my eyes, and listen to my surroundings. I can almost taste the salt in the air, and that commotion in the background won't go away. I shake my head. Tentatively I put one foot in front of the other, and walk farther into the iciness of the ocean. This time I don't stop, and I can feel the water rise. To my chin, my mouth, the commotion getting louder the deeper I go. Now it's at the tip of my nose, my eyelashes, eyebrows, forehead, and then I'm under. Once I'm under I just let go, and I start to slowly drift down to the bottom of my icy coffin. I feel my lungs start to burn, and open my eyes staring at the darkness around me. After a while they begin to sting, and I close them again.
Smiling I sink farther, and farther down. I feel my arms and legs clam up, and I know that I wouldn't be able to move them even if I wanted to. The cold feels welcome to my skin, as if it's some long lost friend. Again I feel a memory scratching to get out, and frustrated I push it away. I don't want anything to ruin my peace. The cold wraps around me like a blanket, the darkness trying to welcome me into unconsciousness, and I can hear the whisper of fish urging me on. Completely relaxed I let go, and sink into the darkness and whatever might come with it.
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Eyes flashing open, I gasp for breath but nothing is coming in. Feeling my throat constrict, and my blood to start to pound in my ears I reach for my throat and try to sit up.
"Hee-"
My voice cuts off, and I can't even form a full sentence. If I can't even form a sentence how am I supposed to get someone to help me? Leaning over, I try to stand up, while also sucking in big gulps of nothing. That's it. I can't stand it anymore. My arms and legs start to flail around, and the next thing I know I'm hitting the floor with my sheets tangled around me in a stranglehold. Looking up briefly I see a shadow in my doorway, and hear that same voice that's been haunting me whisper,
"Don't forget to breath, Lilly. It was just a dream after all. You're not really drowning. At least not physically."
Panic overtaking me I feel my eyes begin to water, as my body screams bloody murder for the oxygen it so desperately needs. Hearing him laugh again, I look up just in time to see a pair of red eyes before the shadow is gone, the laugh bouncing off the walls behind him. As soon as he's gone I can breathe again. Closing my eyes and taking long, deep breaths I can't stop thinking about those bloody eyes. The fact that they were literally the color of blood, the fact that I don't think that's the last time I'll be seeing them, and the fact that the he everyone has been talking about might just have been in my house and I wouldn't have even known. Last but not least, the fact that I wouldn't have known if he hadn't wanted me to.