"when it all began, it was magic. it was a blank canvas which we painted in flourishes of gold and crimson, it was silly, it was easy, it was fun. we were running through the grass barefooted, feeling the wind in our hair and the sun on our backs and it felt like falling and flying at the same time. tripping on kisses and tumbling into each other's arms; it was a reckless kind of perfect, we had nothing to lose. we were sparks darting on a glittery night, magnificent. / but we were paper planes floating in the wind; we got blown out of the air with one blustery gust. i plummeted through the sky, crumpled and crying, broken and unhealed. i was one with the ruins, feeling the sands of regret sweep over me like sawdust and sadness. i let myself be sucked into the swallowing blackness. my bluish bones welcomed the void like a welcome guest into my hollow mind. / over time, my bruises faded and wild flowers regrew from the tips of my delicate fingers. finally, i felt whole enough to find you, my other half, the stardust in my bones, the cosmos in my heart- and you had missed me. i could feel it in your breath and see it in your step- you had missed me like plants miss the rain. so, one moonlit night with candle wax dripping over our rushed words, we confessed that the fire still burnt inside of us. and for a fleeting moment, the world was good again. whole. we had come home to each other after a long day. / but then we burnt the house down. we destroyed the tapestry and the glass and everything else in it too. we tried. we really did. but passing glances, avoiding eye contact and shuffling footsteps are not love. we no longer knew each other like the pulse in our ribs. we were miscommunications and wrong maps, we were too lost to ever be found, too far gone to ever come back. the silence was painful and the silence was encompassing and the silence drove me insane. and then we were two jigsaw puzzles that just didn't fit. discordant notes in the symphony of time. we just didn't work, like malfunctioning machines. i do not doubt the flame that brandishes in my heart tonight, i do not doubt the love that grows in your soul tonight. but we're too broken to make each other whole. we are in love. still. but maybe that's not enough. //"
14th august, 2017. 5:38 pm, when love isn't enough