Chapter 9
Cold
There’s just a week before Christmas. I didn’t go to the trip to the beach because of a certain reason. Tom. Instead, I spent my day with Sarah, on a Christmas shopping spree. We went to a famous boutique to fulfill Sarah’s addiction for dresses.
Meanwhile, I’ve been thinking to give Zack a new coat or a new pair of boots. I know Tom will give him something that will beat my gift off. I gave up and ended up choosing a pair of gloves. Almost 20% discount so I grabbed it. Sarah’s almost finish but she can’t make up her mind whether she’ll pick blue or turquoise. She ended up buying green, which is out of her options. We rode her car on our way to my house. She said she’ll spend Christmas with us because her parents will have some kind of second honey moon.
We arrived at the house with plenty of time. She went to Zack’s room, which is temporarily, her room. And Zack stayed with me, almost for two days. Aunt Jaime was sitting with Edward at the porch talking about whatever lovers talk about. Zack welcomed me and kissed me at the cheeks. He’d grown up a bit. But still, he looked adorable. I hope Mom’s here; I know she’s proud of him. I got a phone call from Tom early in the morning. He said he just missed me and the gig would extend for two days. So, he’ll be gone for almost two days. I hate it! Two days without him? Come on? I’ll be a total wreck by this time. But still, I need to hold myself together. Boyfriend is a description that shouldn’t be used. Well, after all he’s just making his way. We have this sort of understanding right now but, we’re taking things properly. I went upstairs absentmindedly. Not thinking of what will happen for the next two days. I wanted to go to sleep and wake up in the next two days but, look at the bright side; he and his dad would celebrate Christmas with us so I took a comfort. I sat lifelessly and let my mind explore.
“Blaire? Are you okay?” its Sarah’s voice. It took me a second to move my body. Oh, I’ve been sitting for hours now and my body stiffened.
“I’m fine!” I assured her. I stood up to face her but I slipped on the floor and it created the most embarrassing sound.
“Ow!” I put my hand on my head.
“Blaire? What happened?” she sounded very worried, like Mom.
“I slipped. It’s nothing.” I open the door.
“Are you sure?” she eyed my arm. I saw a bruise over my pale skin.
“It’s nothing. It’s just a spot.” I told her.
And we walk down the stairs. Edward and Aunt Jaime’s not where I saw them earlier. Sarah must have seen the question in my gesture that she already answered it for me.
“They went out of town. She said, she’ll spend Christmas with Edward on where they’re headed to, I don’t know.” She rubbed her chin.
“She didn’t tell me this because…?” I waited for an answer.
“Because Edward surprised her a couple of tickets on where they are now and since you’ve been on a drama there in your room, she told me to relay her advance Christmas wishes to you.” we reached the kitchen.
“That’s odd.” I said while sitting at the tallest chair next to me. Zack was on the TV watching cartoons again.
“By the way, Josh’s going to pick me up tonight.” She trailed off. Her cheeks showed a little pink.
“So? Are you together?” I asked her while putting my now long wavy hair into a messy ponytail.
“Kind of. Well, I honestly don’t know.” She said.
I didn’t answer anymore.
It was 5:00 in the afternoon when I started cooking for dinner. A soft voice from my back said my name.
“Blaire?” it’s Zack.
“Yes?”
“I was wondering if you could allow me to sleep over at Joshua’s house.”
“When is it?” I asked calmly.
“Well, actually. It’s tonight. And they’ll pick me at six. Can I?” I looked at him. “Just promise me you’ll behave yourself. And be polite with Mrs. Windcott, okay?” his eyes looked cheered. “I promise.” And he dashed through the stairs.
“And by the way…” he stopped at the middle. “Help her with the chores. Did I make myself clear?” I giggled. “Yes ma’am!” and he continued.
I was preparing the table. Mrs. Windcott fetched Zack a couple of minutes ago. So, it would be me and Sarah who would eat together at dinner. She was walking down the stairs.
“Oh, Blaire… Uhh, I’ll pass dinner okay? Josh and I’ll at a restaurant so serve yourself.” She was walking towards me arranging her scarf.
“Well, okay. Call me when you need me. Take care okay?” as she vanished from the dark.
Is this weird or am I imagining things? I am all alone in this house. Alone with no one to talk to, I’m scared. Not that I believe in ghost or anything. It’s just that I’m not used to being alone. I disposed the dinner, putting the food at the fridge. I darted to my room and sat quietly. There’s neither Zack nor Aunt Jaime, nor Sarah, even Tom. Loneliness shadowed me across the room. The silver moonlight crossed the crystal clear surface of my window. I breathe loudly enough to fill the room with silence. I prayed that I may fall asleep to make my night a night that never was. A moment which I could never remember a bit, my heart is calm. I let myself reminisce for a while. Then, a steam of memory flooded my whole being. The loss of a child to a mother, a hatred of an innocent kid for a father, an endless love of a sister to a brother… I stopped myself from thinking. If I let myself think of him, I’ll need him more, badly. I have two days to go till I see him.
It was past eleven and I haven’t sleep yet. My eyes can’t feel any weight from the sole of the earth. I’ve convinced myself to sleep but the pain in me fights. I know it’s been a while since Mom’s death. But honestly, I never get over it and never will be. She’s a part of who I am now and who I will be for the next years of my life. I lie still in the middle of my bed, feeling a coldness of being alone suffocated me.
It’s almost twelve and Sarah hasn’t come home yet. Since I’m not sleepy enough, I walked down the porch, wearing thick cotton jacket Aunt Jaime gave me, and sat at where I planned to be.
There I was, sitting at the porch in the middle of the night. Thinking about things under my control and, even those things which shouldn’t be my concern, I giggled. I was acting so strange of being alone, in this house. Aunt Jaime, Zack, Sarah and Tom, I’m all alone.
It was about four o’clock in the morning. I woke up with stiffed back and neck. I fell asleep last night while sitting at the porch. That explains my back pains. I went to the bathroom and took a shower, leaving may jacket at the porch. The water was hot. It definitely helped me to calm my rigid muscles. After the shower, I went downstairs to have some breakfast. An orange fruit on the table reminded me of Sarah. She loves orange that every time we went to the grocery, she always demands an orange. Then a thought stroked my head. She’s not home yet. She told me she’ll be back but she didn’t. I went to her room to double check. ‘Maybe she’s home. I must have not notice her.’ I said to myself. I opened the door and found nothing but a bed and closet, still the same as I saw them yesterday. I went searching for my cell phone to call her. My heart began to stump fast that it made my impulse crack. ‘Where could she possibly be?’ I know he’s with Josh. That guy’s a responsible one, I know it. But why on earth Sarah’s not home yet? I composed my nerves by drinking a glass of water, freezing from the refrigerator. Maybe it’s too late for her to go home last night that she chose to sleep over at Josh’s house. I considered it as a reason. But after three glasses of water, I can’t calm down. At least I know that Zack’s safe there at Mrs. Wincotts’ home.
So I distracted myself. I remembered Tom. There’s just a day to go and I got to see him. That thought made me blush that I giggled to my too much excitement. Its seven o’clock in the morning and Sarah’s not home yet. I already called her parents. Luckily, they’re also aware that Sarah’s with Josh. A phone call made my worries fly away.
“Hello?” I said politely.
“Hey! Honey! It’s Tom.” The velvet voice tickled the bell. The butterflies on my tummy got wild. I was longing for this, the voice of an archangel descending from heaven.
“Hey! What’s up? I missed you already!”
“Me either! Well, honey, I got some bad news!” his voice was sad now.
“Oh-ow! What’s that?” my voice cracked.
“The tour was extended until first week of January.” This is not happening, a total-whole-killing month without him? This is a total torture!
“Oh!” I said avoiding a sad tone. I don’t want to bother him in his career. He’s not my boyfriend anyway! What’s with all this drama?
“I promise I’ll be back! I love you.” he assured.
“I know.” I said. I can’t hold it, my voice cracked at the end. He was still saying something but I hang up the phone. I hate this! My heart’s been stripped off from my chest. It feels empty. Very empty that you can feel nothing but the pain, pain of longing someone, someone who’s life turned to be so unreachable, so unreachable that you can’t take it; I looked down and enjoyed my misery.
Sarah’s home around eleven in the morning, she wore the same dress as yesterday. She looked tired and sleepy. “Hey! Why you didn’t come home last night?” she didn’t answer. Yeah right! She fell asleep at the couch. Well, there’s nothing to worry about. She’s fine. No scratches. I put off her shoes and arranged it at the shoe rack, put pillow on her head and blanket.
It’s nearly lunch when she woke up, raiding the cereal box. She looks like a monster. She sat down at the table and ate hungrily. I just looked at her. I didn’t ask her about last night. She seemed to be fine. Well, I think it’s her choice if she preferred to talk about it. It’s was past lunch and Zack come home with his friend, Joshua. They’re playing at the playground while I prepare something. Sarah’s been sleeping all day and I didn’t bother to disturb her. They must be watching all night that she feel like sleeping the whole day. I finished my assignments and Joshua’s already home. The sun fell down the horizon which told me it was nighttime already. Sarah’s still sleeping. I went to her room but found her lying on the bed, still asleep. I woke her for dinner but she told me. “I’m not hungry.” So Zack and I ate lunch together. Aunt Jaime called me and told me she was fine and the place was great. They’re at the Philippines right now, visiting our relatives.
I woke up marking December twenty-third. It’s just two days to go and it’s my first Christmas in L.A. Zack, Sarah with Josh and I visited some parks yesterday. Sarah and Josh went ice skating, the lover thing, while Zack and I gamed for making snowman. It’s an extra bonding with my brother, is all I can think of. Of course, being away with the one I love seemed to be pretty hard. But I put a hold on the first week of January because I got to see him again.
Everything was going smoothly these days. I didn’t have a phone call, a text, or a letter from Tom which made me emotionally miserable. Christmas passed quickly that I never got to enjoy myself, even a bit. I’ve been agonizing, I know I’ve said it a million times before but I never got to get over it. Tom’s getting famous all over the state. They’ve released their first album and I can see him now on televisions, heard him on radios, though he’s in the guitar. They’re at West Virginia right now, not on gig anymore, but on concert. But he never got to call me. The last time he called me was the most painful one.
It’s the second week of January and still, no signs of him.
I sliced the tomato as I continued my anguish. Zack’s asleep already. Aunt Jaime’s not coming home anymore. She decided that they were going to rest their lives in our homeland. Her wedding was adjusted to February and they chose to have it on Philippines, which is fine to me. I hate that romantic-kissing and hugging with all that stuff. I erased the thought of him. It’s been almost a month without him. I was surprised I got to pass the whole month without any suicidal, just a lots of crying. I was about to slice the third tomato when I heard Sarah’s voice from the bathroom. She’s vomiting like she’s poisoned or something. I rushed to her with worried heart.
I knocked the door helplessly as she continued to make that sound.
“Sarah? Are you alright? Let me come in please.” I begged her.
She opened the door. I saw the water flowed from the mouth of the faucet drifting all its weight towards the sink. “Are you alright?” she looked at me. Her eyes are swelling with tears. “What happened?” I can hear that she’s holding back her tears. But she didn’t hold for long, she cried at me shoulder and pleading me to call Josh for her. As she told so, I called Josh and told him that Sarah’s been crying. Well, I really don’t know the reason. After fifteen minutes, Josh came knocking at the door. He entered wordlessly rushing to Sarah at the bathroom. They closed the door. Maybe they talked about whatever it is. I made myself calm to whatever is happening here. I placed my head on the couch, traced the end of my knee and hummed the latest single of Tenth Planet, Tom’s band. I shook off my head and slapped my own face for daring to think about him. I’ve been avoiding everything that reminds me of him. Too much for frustrated love affair.
I heard them walked out the bathroom. The footsteps were headed to my direction. I looked up and I saw then sat at the couch in front of me.
“What happened to you two? Did you break up or something?” Josh’s eyes are like on fire, full of regrets and pain. Sarah’s under Josh’s arms that it made me jealous and forced to remember someone. Sarah kept on crying as she gasped for air to open her mouth. Josh looked away, still holding Sarah on his arms, trying to sink in something I don’t know. Something they don’t want to tell me.