"Missing you comes in waves. Tonight I'm drowning." - Denice Envall
Fading in Circles
The silence was awkward and loud. I did not know what to expect in going out tonight but it was certainly not this. We were seated in a nice fancy restaurant- Alamaros. The restaurant was filled with polite conversation at every table, corner and crevice but ours. We ate in endless silence.
"How are you enjoying your meal?" a waiter approached our muted table after some time.
"Wonderfully," dad smiled politely at the waiter. The waiter looked at the neutral facial expressions on both Laurina's and mine and nodded, clearly not believing dad's response.
"The duck was amazing," I offered kindly. The waiter nodded once more before leaving us.
I cleared my throat, looking at dad awkwardly. However, just at that moment, Laurina gave an uncertain glance at dad. Her eyes and mine met awkwardly in between and we gave each other a small smile before quickly looking away.
Laurina sighed, placing her cutlery down. Both dad and I looked at her in surprise.
I tried to open my mouth to tell her something. Perhaps to tell her that yes, she couldn't comprehend what I was feeling. And yes, this was awkward beyond measure. But yet she had no right to throw this conversation directly into my face right now. However, before anything could escape my lips, she continued.
"But I must apologise for being there at your home on Friday. I should not have been there. It was clearly a family matter and I intruded. You are an important person in Adrian's life and I do not wish to impose. We have made a mutual decision to take our relationship to your pace, whatever that pace may be."
I was flabbergasted at her direct nature. A million things flooded my mind. Thoughts about what she had said, about her 'mutual decision' with dad, thoughts about the nature and the implications of what she had said. She was so calm, so careful, so formal- the complete opposite of mom. I felt as if my mind was going to explode with all my thoughts and the only thing I could respond with was, "Thank you."
'Thank you? THANK YOU?!' was that seriously my response to what she had said?
Laurina gave me a smile before she picked up her cutlery and continued to eat, clearly content with the conversation.
"So now that's behind us," her voice was completely normal and chatty in comparison to just a few moments ago. "Tell me more about yourself, Catherine."
"There's really not much to tell," I was taken aback by how she simply just turned the conversation into a normal get-to-know you talk.
"That's not true," she exclaimed. "Your father tells me you're very smart."
"I like studying, I guess," I replied. I could barely concentrate on the conversation or the food in front of me.
"What's your favourite subject? Mine used to be literature," she continued.
"I don't really have one, to be honest," I shrugged. "I guess I just like learning."
"Oh, that's good." Her voice lowered a fraction. It felt as though she had planned the talk she just had with me very carefully. As though what she said would heal all and set a plan into motion. It was obvious she had very high hopes on tonight. And here I was destroying them. I cleared my throat, attempting to rekindle the conversation.
"So why didn't you pursue literature?"
"I see it more as a hobby rather than something I would dedicate my life to," she eagerly replied. "As it turns out, I'm better at bossing people around than writing anyway!"
"I can attest to that," dad winked at me. They looked at each other and laughed.
Dessert came and the conversation kept going. I asked about their business association and they indulged me in all the details for their future plans for both their businesses. We spoke of school again and she was excited to hear about the Medea play, discussing interpretations and meanings of the plot.
As the night went on, I could feel myself getting light headed. The more seamless the conversation flowed, the more my surroundings became unfamiliar, cold, strange. My breathing was getting shorter and I could feel my hands shaking.
I downed down my soda drink in a bid to normalise myself but the coldness of the drink only seemed to wash over me, drowning me. I had to get out.
"Sorry, it's a bit stuffy in here. I think I need a bit of fresh air," I excused myself and quickly walked out before they could reply or question me.
I fumbled with the front doors and the waiter barely managed to give me my coat before I stumbled outside. The cold air was a bitter contrast against my warm skin and I tried to steady my breathing. What was happening? My heart refused to slow down and my skin still prickled with my unfamiliar surroundings.
I couldn't handle what was going on in there. How did this happen? One minute she was just talking about how they would go at my pace and then the next we were all just talking so normally, so naturally. And since when did they start making decisions that involved me? She seemed like a good person, but I just couldn't cope right now. Going in tonight, I had never decided on an approach. I had just gone along with the flow, only to end up here. On the street. Unsure if I should go back inside and unsure of how I was going to explain it to them later if I didn't.
"Are you seriously going to walk away from me right now?" I jumped at the abrasiveness of the voice that cut through the quite night and my uncalming nerves. The angry voice came from around the corner.
"Yes, you're not in a right state of mind to be talked to!" Wes replied starkly to Mason.
"Oh yeah?" Mason's voice grew angrier and I hid into the entrance of the restaurant as they neared the corner. "Maybe if you'd stop seducing my fiancé, I'd be in a better state of mind!"
My body froze where I stood and I stayed to listen, hoping they wouldn't see me. I couldn't confront Wes about what had happened- I couldn't handle the truth. That was why I had kept avoiding it. But Mase could.
"Mase, nothing happened between Renee and I," Wes' voice was restrained by self-control.
"Then tell me what was with this friendly get together that I just walked into?" They stopped at the corner. I could only see Mason glaring at Wes. His stance clearly indicated that he was not happy with what he just saw between Renee and Wes. Welcome to the club, Mase.
"She wanted to meet up to talk about something," Wes defended himself. I scoffed quietly at him.
"Does this something involve you two?" Mason challenged him. Wes remained silent and Mason laughed bitterly. His laugh cut through my heart. It was the same level of bitterness I had watching Wes on his doorstep with Renee.
"Perhaps it involved some of that action on the porch," my heart skipped a beat at the memory of that horrible afternoon.
"She told you?" Wes replied quietly and I strained my ears to hear the rest of what he was saying.
"Of course she did. That's the thing you should tell your fiancé," Mason's voice was laced with disgust.
"Of course she did," Wes laughed bitterly. "Mase, can't you see what she's doing? She's turning us against each other again and you're falling right into it! It's a bloody circle!"
"No, Wes. You're turning us against each other! You made sure of that when you kissed her last week."
"No, Mase, listen to me. She called me that day from school. She told me that she needed the guest list to the wedding and had lost the keys to the parent's house and needed me to open the door for her."
I could see Mase shaking his head, a bitter smile on his face at the blatant excuse. Which it was! He had been away for hours. How long did it take to open a door?
"It's true. And then when she left, she kissed me," Wes continued on. But Mase only kept shaking his head at Wes.
"It's true, Mase. And you know it," Wes replied defiantly.
"No, it's not," Mason's voice grew louder. "You do this every time, Wes. She always chooses me, then you act all ambivalent, manipulate her, kiss her and then cry wolf. She chose me. Get over it!"
"Cry wolf?!" Wes' voice now grew louder and I was starting to get scared at the direction of this conversation. Wes getting angry was never a good thing. "When will you realise that she's not as innocent as you think she is? She loves this game. She loves driving a wedge between us!"
"Oh stop with the brotherly bond, it will never work when you're always after my girl."
"You're girl? You broke that brotherly bond when you slept with her when she was dating me! You would have never met her if I hadn't dated her first" Wes shouted. "You of all people can't talk about brotherly bond. At least I'm the one trying to mend it!"
"Yeah, Wes, well done on mending it," Mason replied maliciously. "Maybe sleeping with her might even fix it!"
"You know what, Mase," Wes' voice was shaking with barely controllable anger. "You've made your decision. You chose her over me a long time ago! So I don't know why I even bother with you anymore. So you and your fiancé just stay the hell away from me."
"Oh, that wouldn't be a problem if you had just focused on your own girlfriend, rather on the girl that never loved you back," Mase's face was furious and he looked like he was close to punching Wes or inflicting just any form of physical damage.
But instead, he shook his head at Wes in pity and walked off. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, Mase's last words tearing at whatever last shreds remained of my heart. My heart rate slowed down. It slowed and slowed until the slow-burning pain matched its thrum- reminding me of the person who did this. The grey eyes that loved me and betrayed me. And the uneven smile that I never knew could inflict so much pain.
Kevin was right. I had to let go. Being in the middle of this was much too painful. I turned back to my own life and I reached for the restaurant doors to join my father.
"Kitty," Wes breathed.
The warm air of the restaurant brushed my face just as Wes had called my name. I turned back to look at him and it was those eyes that reminded me of why I had stayed in the middle.
"Did you hear everything?" his eyes were wide with shock and fear.
What was the point in denying? "Yes, I did," I replied. I turned back and opened the door again.
"Kitty, please-," Wes begged me. His words cut off and he just looked at me pleadingly.
But I just shook my head at him, "I'm sorry, I can't do this."
Looking at him again would only break my resolve, so I closed my eyes, turned around and walked back inside, closing the door behind me.
Sorry this chapter took so long but I just had to perfect it! And I tried over and over again so let me know what you think :)
~ TheNightMarauder