When his boyfriend's heart had stopped Castiel Novak felt like his heart had stopped beating as well. He felt like he was dying right with his beautiful boyfriend, he felt like he couldn't breathe any more. His surroundings were unimportant right now, all he could concentrate on was that his boyfriend was dead.
But then the heart monitor started beeping again.
It felt like a dream to him, a pretty perfect dream though. Would things be alright in the end? He hoped so – his boyfriend was his whole life. Those months they had known each other felt like a life time, it felt like all the time before he had met the two Winchesters had been too long ago, like it hadn't even been this life where he hadn't known Dean and Sam Winchester.
Still, he had to consider that things still weren't great, that Dean's life still was in danger and that Dean could die after all.
He shouldn't think about this. Dean's heart was beating. Dean would pull through this and they would get their happy ending eventually.
At least he hoped so. He couldn't be sure, Dean had been so sure he would die but somehow still had survived whatever had happened. Maybe he would survive all of this and would get to see forever with his boyfriend by his side.
Things would never be easy for them though. Dean was paralysed, was haunted by his past, would always have those scars. They would never be able to live the life they both had wanted, they had to choose a different life because of John Winchester.
It didn't mean that Cas would love Dean any less. Cas would do anything for his boyfriend, he just loved him with everything he had and he was set on showing that. He would show Dean that he was beautiful, even with all those scars. He would make sure that Dean knew that he didn't need to walk to be able to be an amazing human being.
It would take a long time for Dean to heal and some scars would never fade away but they would be together and that was important, wasn't it?
What did it matter that Dean would be in a wheelchair? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
It would be incredibly shallow if Cas decided that being with someone in a wheelchair wasn't something for him and it would probably destroy whatever trust Dean had in people. Also, it would take away a big part of his support system because Cas and Sam were the most important people in Dean's life. Without them he wouldn't be the same.
But would things ever be the same again?
Probably not. They all would act differently. They all would have to learn to live with Dean's disability, they would all have to learn what to do, how to deal with the scars of the past months.
John Winchester had managed to change all of them – probably not for the better. But they were together till the end (A/N: OF THE LINE YOU FUCKING BASTARDS) and they would get through this together and rise from the ashes like phoenixes because Cas wouldn't allow himself to give up – and he wouldn't allow anybody else to give up either. They would get through this, no matter what it would take. They were strong enough to do this.
*~*
He wouldn't leave Dean's side, never again. This was his place, he would always be there to support his boyfriend, to make sure that Dean was okay, that Dean wouldn't give up. This was where he was supposed to be. Dean always told him that he was an angel and now he would make sure that Dean would never lose his angel again and that he would always have someone that had his back and helped him up when he couldn't do it on his own.
Then again, he would need some support as well. He was just human, he was no superhero, no angel, nothing supernatural that could get by on its own. He was a mere human, he needed support as well.
And he hoped that he would get it as well. After all, they were in a relationship and no relationship was an one way road, both parties had to make sure things were working out. He knew that he couldn't expect any help from his family, all of his brothers were stuck up and didn't like the youngest, they had been glad that he had been gone. The only family he had were Jody and the rest of the foster kids and obviously Dean and Sam.
The sad truth just was that he was the one who always was there for his friends and his family. He always supported them and made sure they weren't alone, who always made sure they were alright. He tore himself apart to make other people happy and often he didn't even get a thanks. It hurt more than he wanted to admit, it broke him.
With Dean he had felt like he belonged for the first time, he felt like finally someone cared about him. He could let himself go, he could be weak while also being strong enough to know that Dean was happy. They were the perfect match.
Well. They were supposed to. Had been made for each other.
He didn't know if things would still be the same now. Dean had been so sure that he would die, the last words they had exchanged sounded so much like it. What if Dean didn't want him any more when he woke up? What if Dean decided that their relationship had ended the moment his heart stopped beating?
What if he wasn't good enough any more?
He couldn't think about a life without Dean, he couldn't imagine what it would be like. He loved Dean with all of his heart, Dean was his everything. He had invaded every part of his life, there was no way he would find back to being Castiel without Dean by his side.
He would be lost.
*~*
"Castiel? Can I talk to you for a moment?"
Cas blinked slowly and lifted his head. He felt like he was in a trance, like he had been asleep for hours and just woke up. It was such an annoying feeling if he was honest and he hated it. Still, he had to be okay, if just for a few moments until the person was gone again.
It was Percy.
Not that Cas had anything against Percy, he was a nice enough guy and quite loyal to those he loved. Still, not Castiel's favourite person in the world.
Sure, the misunderstanding had been cleared and he knew he didn't have to be jealous of the black-haired any more but he still was quite hesitant around the man, didn't quite feel comfortable with him around.
Maybe it was because Dean was so close to that man. Maybe he was jealous. It was unfair to Percy because he really was one of the good guys and it proved itself to be difficult to hate the man or even just remotely dislike him but Cas was doing his best to do just that. It was just so damn petty but it was something that had remained from when Dean had been away.
He hadn't been listening completely, he knew that he had been wrong to a point and he had overreacted. Still, there was something about Percy that he couldn't bring himself to like, no matter how much he tried.
"Castiel? Are you okay? You're really pale and it looks like you're not even reacting to what I'm saying," Percy tried again, obviously trying to keep his voice steady.
Cas couldn't blame him for that, not really. He knew how his brothers often had freaked out when he had been in a state like this and they had known him for all of his life. Percy had just come into his life and this was the first time Cas wasn't composed and felt like he was breaking in a long time and it was the first time that Percy saw that.
He sighed and shrugged a little, running his hand through his hair as he looked over to Percy. "I'm fine, I guess. Just didn't pay attention. What do you want to talk about?"
It was obvious that Percy wasn't entirely comfortable with this and that he probably just wanted to run away. Cas could understand that, he would want to run away too if someone he barely knew was acting like he was and barely reacting at all.
Still, Percy also seemed to be slightly relieved at his reaction. Whatever he had thought Cas would do hadn't come true and that obviously seemed to take the edge out of the situation.
It was ironic, really. People usually didn't even expect him to react in a bad way or the way he was reacting now. People just thought he would react calmly, listen to everything they said and then say something really thought out. What people seemed to forget though was that Cas was just another teenager, that he couldn't know everything and that he wouldn't be able to react objectively to any given situation. He was feeling things that often didn't have anything to do with the situation he was facing.
It had taken a lot of time to get him out of that rational behaviour and Dean almost dying had tore him apart, he didn't feel like he could react calmly to anything in the near future. It scared him more than anything, he was supposed to be rational, he wasn't allowed to let his feelings get the best of him and -
He shouldn't listen to those thoughts. That was what his family had tried to make sure he believed, to keep him from thinking too much or doing something that would hurt the Novak family's reputation. Looked like his father had managed to do so already and who cared about the youngest son now anyway?
Percy coughed and brought Cas back to reality.
"Dean, he... He asked me to write all of you some letters. I still have the ones for Jody and Sam because I haven't found them yet and... I thought you deserved to get yours first? I don't know, I'll just give it to you and then I'll leave you alone. Just promise me to call someone when you need somebody, yeah? Don't go through this alone, it's not worth it."
Cas didn't have any time to react to Percy's words before the man had given him an envelope and raced out of the room like someone was chasing him. Castiel didn't really understand why Percy had acted like this but he just shrugged it off with a sigh and looked at the envelope.
It was simple, white. Only his name was written on it, the handwriting messy but still good enough to decipher. It wasn't Dean's handwriting but Percy had said that he had written those letters, so it was understandable. It would have been impossible for Dean to write those letters anyway, he had been way too weak to do so.
The envelope was simple enough, didn't look threatening – how could an envelope look threatening anyway? Still, Castiel was scared to open it and read what Dean might have wanted to tell him. It had to be important because he had considered it to be his last words to his boyfriend, so he wouldn't waste any time with pointless formalities. Especially not if he had also let Percy write letters to Sam and Jody.
Dean wasn't dead though. He didn't really want to know what was written in that letter because then he would be reminded of Dean's barely avoided death and he didn't know if he could deal with that right now or any time soon or ever for that matter. It would feel like he hard really lost Dean and he didn't want to see that as a possibility, he didn't want to be reminded of that.
It wasn't like he had to read that letter. Whatever Dean had wanted to say to him, he would be able to say it now, he didn't need that letter. He hadn't died.
Still, Cas was quite curious about what Dean would possibly want to tell him when he thought he was dying. Was that curiosity really worth it though?
No.
It wasn't.
He would wait for Dean to tell him what he had wanted to say. That letter could wait.
Sighing quietly Cas shook his head and shoved the letter into the pocket of his trenchcoat that was hanging over the chair and looked back to Dean, taking his hand gently in his own.
"Hey, love... I know you wanted to tell me something in that letter but... I don't care. Whatever you wanted to tell me, you'll have to tell me in person, yeah? You just gotta wake up and then you can tell me. I love you so much, just... Please wake up, yeah?"
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A/N: So, this is the third and last part of my wings series.
And this chapter is the shortest I've written in a long time WHOOOOOPS
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it and you stay on this ride with me :3 It won't be as dark as the last two books but... come on, you guys know me, I'll find a way to torture you ;)
Update from my life: I met a cute repair guy, I WON A CALL FROM OUR LAST NIGHT, I'll see Our Last Night and All Time Low live in October... And I'm a bored loser that just watches Netflix.
Anyway, stay awesome <3