A/N: If you dislike straight sexy stuff, then STOP reading when you see ($) and START reading when you see it AGAIN. It's not graphic at all, it's basically non-existent, but if you are very sensitive or can't stand stuff like that, skip that part. I'm putting this here because I don't want you to skip everything and miss some... telling details.
At the end of November, I invited Selena to my room while my roommates were gone. I was nervous. Would she let me touch her? Especially when she found out I was inexperienced? I had never said, "Hey, let's have sex," but I had told her that my roommates wouldn't be returning that night and she'd agreed to come, so she knew what that meant, right?
A knock sounded on the door and I opened it to let her in. "Hey," she whispered, her voice a little raspy. She cleared her throat. It was strange because she usually sounded so confident. But while it was strange, it was also sexy.
($)
"Hey..." I said, trying to calm down though I was now suddenly incredibly turned on.
She turned to me and swallowed. We stood, staring at each other awkwardly.
Are we supposed to do something innocent first? I wondered.
"Liam," she said, taking a step closer. "Let's not beat around the bush. We both know why I'm here."
I blinked then slowly wrapped my arms around her waist. "Yeah... I have no clue what I'm doing though," I admitted.
She kissed me. "It's okay," she whispered.
We had sex. It was a strange experience. I'd never desired something as much as I wanted to touch and kiss and connect with her. Afterwards, she told me I wasn't bad, if not a bit rough. I apologized and she shook her head. "It means you like me as much as I like you."
"Are you sure?" I asked. "I may like you more."
($)
She scooted her bare body closer to mine and kissed my chin. "I doubt it. What do you like about me?"
"The way you look at me," I said. "Your eyes. It's like they know everything."
"Know everything?" She furrowed her brows. "If anything, Liam, I look at you like you're the most amazing person I have ever encountered."
'I'm not amazing,' I wanted to say. Instead, I said nothing. I just held her closer, feeling her bare breasts press against my chest. Really, I didn't know what was good about me. I was "sweet" was all anyone ever said. Pri, Selena, the random people I held doors for or let cut me in line. Even Alex―what had he liked about me? The fact that I defended him from bullying? No, that couldn't have been it. If that was it, he wouldn't have hid the locker room incident from me in grade 7. And he would have had no reason to love me after elementary school when the bullying and comments stopped after he changed the way he carried himself.
"What are you thinking about?" Selena asked, stroking my cheek.
'What do you like about me?' I wanted to ask her, but I was afraid of the answer. "What living means," I found myself saying. I kissed her. When I pulled away, she was looking at me with serious concern. So I wouldn't have to see that expression, I pulled her head to my chest and put my chin on the top of her head.
**
The next semester began and, along with it, my photography studies. I loved it and felt like I had a head start with Selena teaching me tips and techniques behind the scenes.
I'd planned to take Summer courses to make up for the lost semester, but my parents wanted me to come home. They said I could do it later, maybe between my third and fourth years. So, I went home. The summer was uneventful.
When Fall semester started, things changed. My professors were more critical. I looked around at some of my classmates' works. They had natural talent.
I had nothing. My grades were decent, but they weren't perfect. I felt my feet part with the ground. I was beginning to float again.
**
Selena's mother was in love with being in love. For Thanksgiving, she was going on a trip with her newest husband. And so, Selena would be spending the holiday alone.
"Do you want to come home with me?" I asked.
Selena looked at me in surprise.
"My parents are cool. And my little sister's an angel."
I was shocked when Selena started to cry. She nodded and hugged me. "I'd love that, thank you."
When we arrived in London the week of Thanksgiving, my parents greeted her with warm arms.
"It's my first time spending Thanksgiving with a family in years," she told them. "Thank you so much for inviting me."
She chatted with them pleasantly until they said they were headed to the store and could we watch Lily. We sat on the couch, watching some kids cartoon with Lily in the floor, rolling back and forth.
"Your parents are so nice," Selena told me.
"Yeah." They really were.
Lily, who was 7 years old now, hopped over to the couch and stared at Selena.
"Selena looks like Alex," she said.
I froze.
"They're both pretty!"
Selena looked at me and smiled despite herself. "Is that your ex-girlfriend?"
"No..." I relaxed my wide eyes, trying to settle my swirling, confused brain. "It's a guy."
"Oh?" Selena stared at me and I quickly figured out what she was thinking.
"I meant, an old friend."
"Liam and Alex were childhood friends," Lily said.
I looked at the TV. "Wow! She just did magic!"
Lily whipped around and bounced to the TV, properly distracted.
I could feel Selena looking at me strangely. "And he was pretty?"
Unsure of how to respond, I shrugged. "Lily said that. He was a guy. Can guys be pretty?" I asked rhetorically.
"Right..."
"You don't look like him."
"Do you have any pictures?"
"No."
Selena didn't say anything else about it.
To prevent Lily from saying more about what little she knew of Alex from my mom's stories and from photo albums, I arranged to sleep in Lily's room on the floor and Selena took my room.
The next morning, I knocked on my bedroom door to call Selena for breakfast. "Come in," she said.
I stepped in and closed the door then kissed her, wrapping my hands around her waist, plumper than our first time nearly a year ago. "You're soft."
She hit my arm. "It's the birth control. I gained like seven pounds already."
"There's nothing wrong with that," I said, staring at her chest.
"Pervertido," she muttered. "Hey, Liam."
"Hm?"
"Eyes up."
I looked her in the eyes.
"Last night, your mom showed me pictures of Alex."
My expression was blank. "Oh."
"I kind of see what Lily said."
"What are you saying?" I asked, frowning.
Selena blinked. "I'm not saying anything?"
I frowned deeper and Selena looked at me strangely. We stood there quietly as an awkward atmosphere grew around us.
I cupped her face and kissed her deeply. "I love you, Selena."
She widened her eyes and then smiled softly. "I know. I love you too." And we kissed again.