"Help?" Jesus squeaks.
Gabriel rolls his eyes. Fucking amateur. With a snap of his fingers, the cliché animal trap net that has scooped Jesus up disappears, and Jesus falls to the ground. By this point, Gabriel isn't even trying to make it as painless as possible. He doesn't deserve the extra help. This is just pathetic.
"How come they aren't going after you?" Jesus asks him, sounding understandably jealous.
They are. I'm just not as much if a failure as you are.
"I don't know," Gabriel lies. "Guess I'm just special. Hey, anyone know where they went?"
No one seems to want to get involved, but after a few moments' pause, Sam points down the hall. Gabriel nods in recognition and begins the dangerous trek down the hallway, with Jesus hiding behind him.
"They are such children," Jo laughs.
"I can't believe they're archangels," Jess adds.
"You think that's bad? You should've seen Chuck," Sam replies, thinking back to the first few times they met the "prophet." It's hard to believe that guy is God.
"I think I've seen enough of Chuck," she tells him.
"Amen to that," Sam agrees.
Jo scoffs. "You think you have it bad? At least he doesn't seem to have it out for you personally."
"That's what you get for choosing the archangels," Sam replies. "Really, you should've known Chuck was going to focus on them. They were his first children, pretty much." Obviously there's the leviathans, but he didn't seem to care about them the same way he does the archangels.
"I chose Michael," Jo corrects him. "I didn't choose any of the other ones."
Somewhere far down the hall, Michael, Lucifer, and Gabriel burst out laughing, sounding like Shenzi, Banzai, and Ed from The Lion King watching Spaceballs.
"Although I'm beginning to wonder why I don't just hide behind you until Chuck lets us leave instead," she adds.
"It'd probably be better for you to hang with us than them, anyway," Sam tells her. "I don't think you want a part in that drama." He gestures vaguely in the archangels's direction.
"Yeah, probably," Jo agrees.
Chuck randomly appears next to them, his arms crossed over his chest and looking very authoritative. All he gets in response to his sudden appearance is a collective inconvenienced groan, which he bushes off with ease.
"Sorry, Jo. Can't back out that easily."
"Bite me," she snaps.
"I think I know someone else who would rather do it themself," he replies with a glance down the hall, where Michael and Lucifer are still tormenting Jesus.
Jo crosses her arms and bites back a sarcastic remark. Finally, she asks, "What do you want, Chuck?"
"Just here to let you know that you can't escape the archangels," he tells her. "So don't bother trying. I'll get my way if it kills you all." With a grin, he disappears as suddenly as he came, hopefully to plan out interesting scenes that this book desperately needs but doesn't have.
Curiosity getting the better of him, Sam asks, "Who was he talking about? Did you and Michael... you know..."
Jo's response is half a scoff and half a laugh. "God, no. We're seriously just friends."
"Well, the way Chuck says it..." Jess replies.
"Chuck's an ass," Jo says simply. "Ignore him." Because she'll be damned if he wants her to admit she and Lucifer fucked. Twice. God, that sounds so wrong. What is she doing to herself?
Sam and Jess share a look, and they know they're thinking the same thing.
Jo and Michael totally fucked.
~~
"What the..."
Jesus looks around at all the little cups of water suddenly littering the floor. He looks up to see Michael and Lucifer laughing, not even trying to be subtle.
"Gabriel!" Jesus yells.
Gabriel teleports from behind his brothers to in front of them, pretending he wasn't laughing with them. Of course he wasn't. They're on opposite teams. Gabriel would never betray Jesus like that.
Okay, yes, he did, but in his defense, it's freaking hilarious to watch how much better the eldest two archangels are than Jesus at this type of thing.
Gabriel picks up a cup of water and splashes it on the other two archangels. This starts an all out water war, which ends with fours Super Soaker water guns and four soaking wet people in a fight for their lives. It's entirely possible Gabriel "accidentally" shoots Jesus a few times, but all it was was an accident. He definitely wouldn't prefer to be on his brothers' team and is playing both sides. Of course not. And it doesn't matter if everyone else sees through the charade, because at least Jesus is oblivious, and that's really what matters.