"Anyone who ever wondered how much they could love a child who did not spring from their own loins, know this: it is the same. The feeling of love is so profound, it's incredible and surprising." Nia Vardarlos, Instant Mom
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Chapter Twenty – Four
Both Faith and Finn leapt to their feet, with Faith barely managing to place Lucy on the end of Cassian's bed before she was inches away from his face.
Faith pushed Cassian's hair back out of his eyes. "How do you feel?"
"Like I have been shot," he replied honestly, his voice still thick and gruff.
Faith supposed that was a stupid question.
"You have been shot, my friend," said Finn. "You are bloody lucky to be alive."
Cassian sucked in a tight breath as he attempted to sit up.
"Oh, no!" cried Faith. "No, you stay put. You need to stay lying down and resting." She did not know whether sitting up would burst his wound or not.
Pain was written all over Cassian's face as he attempted to move. He quickly gave up and laid back down. "What happened?" he asked.
"Do you not remember?" Faith wondered. She hoped he did not remember the pain. She was certain that she would hear Cassian's screams in her nightmares for years to come.
"No ... I remember the duel. I remember us both missing, and that is it."
Cassian did not know that he had shot George, too. And fatally. How would Faith tell him?
"George's second shot hit your chest," Faith said carefully. "There was a lot of blood."
"Faith was incredible," interjected Finn. "I never saw a woman so level-headed in such a situation?"
Level-headed? Faith had been a wreck. Perhaps she ought to start gambling if she could hide a bluff so well.
"We needed to stop the bleeding and get you to a doctor seeing as the surgeon present was otherwise engaged. So Faith, here, cauterised your wound with a smouldering sword. She saved your life."
Finn was being awfully kind. If he had not known what to do then where would they be? Faith had merely followed instructions.
Cassian lethargically smiled. "That is twice now. Twice you have saved my life."
"There is no need to keep count when you consider all that you have done for me." Faith would not tell him about the bullet yet. He needed to rest. They would discuss plans for its removal at a later time. Faith had to stop herself momentarily. She was already planning for them as a couple. It was almost like tempting fate.
Cassian suddenly frowned before looking back at Finn. "What do you mean the surgeon was otherwise engaged? What was he doing?"
Faith could tell that Cassian already knew the answer to that.
"Your shot was true as well."
Cassian's tired eyes widened in shock. He stared at Finn in disbelief. "What are you saying?" he asked fearfully.
"A messenger visited us, Cassian," Faith said softly, bringing Cassian's attention back to her. Faith felt as though she could be gentler with the news. "He informed us that George, like you, had been shot. While the good Doctor Ward was able to ensure your survival," or rather promise that Faith's butchering of Cassian's chest with a smouldering sword was the right thing to do, "George's wound was fatal." Faith could hardly believe her own words but they were true.
Cassian was shocked, and then there was guilt. Faith could see it in his eyes. "Oh, good Lord," he gasped. "What have I done?"
"No," snapped Finn aggressively. "There will be no guilt here. There will be no responsibility. He challenged you. He knew exactly what he was getting into and you both made the decision to risk your lives. That is why the law still respects the honour of duels." Faith smiled at Finn gratefully. "Besides, look at what you were fighting for. Look at your prize." Finn gestured to Faith.
Faith was unsure of being referred to as a prize but she appreciated the sentiment.
Cassian stared at Faith, the look of apprehension in his eyes. "What do you think of me?" he asked fearfully.
Was he worried that she would think differently of him? "I think," Faith began, "that you are selfless. I think that you are kind and I think that you are brave and true. You protect the people you care about, and I know that you love me." Faith took old of Cassian's hand and squeezed it tightly. "I know that you love all of us." Faith included Kit in that statement.
Faith could tell that Cassian believed her words. He seemed to visibly relax. Faith could not understand what it was like to be responsible for the death of a man, but in a way she was. George had challenged Cassian to a duel over the presumption that Lucy was the bastard child she had conceived with Cassian.
But Faith did not feel guilt. Perhaps it was a sin, and she would be punished for it one day, but she did not feel guilty in this moment. She wanted to enjoy life. She wanted to live without fear.
"Lucy, what do you say to going and hunting down some biscuits? I am sure the good doctor has some sweets hidden somewhere," Finn suggested, clearing his throat.
"It is past Lucy's bedtime," protested Faith.
"You will thank me later," Finn muttered under his breath as he scooped Lucy up and promptly removed her from the room, closing the door behind him.
Faith and Cassian were left alone.
"Your friend seems very nice," murmured Faith.
Cassian chuckled, though restricted the laughter when it affected his chest. He cringed. "Yes, he is a fine character. I met him in –"
"Oh, yes. He told me that you were imprisoned for a time. You have yet to tell me about that." Faith arched a quizzical brow.
"I will tell you everything," he promised. "But first, I have to ask you ..." he trailed off before regaining his nerve. "You need not answer if you would prefer it, but I want to ask, I have to know. Did ... did George touch you?" Cassian asked apprehensively, fearful of the answer. "I was so worried. I wanted to get you out of that house as soon as I possibly could."
"He tried to," replied Faith honestly. Lord, how George tried. "And if I were still the person I was when I was first married to him I probably would have let him. But I meant what I said in the story. You make me brave, Cassian. Brave enough to fight, to stand up for myself and to protect what is only mine to give." Faith felt very proud of herself, and very grateful to Cassian.
Cassian smiled at her proudly. "You are the bravest woman I have ever met," he declared. "I knew it long before you did."
"I have a made a decision that might not be very brave," Faith confessed.
"What are you talking about?"
"Mr Carne and his family were caring for Lucy as per your instructions." Cassian nodded in confirmation. "The news of the duel, and the reason for it," meaning Lucy's illegitimacy, "spread like wildfire. Mr Carne was only trying to be kind when he corrected everybody he came across. He informed them all that Lucy was George's daughter."
"Yes," Cassian said slowly.
Faith realised he was not familiar with that part of the law. "Somehow the news got back to the Pendletons because the servant was sent here with two messages. One: that George was on his deathbed. The other: that it is the legal right of the father to name the guardian for his child upon his death." Faith could still scarce believe that Lucy could have potentially been raised by John and Ruth and not her.
"What?" cried Cassian angrily. His body tensed and he attempted to raise his torso again, once more crying out in pain.
"Hush! No, stay resting. All is well," promised Faith. "George named John and Ruth as Lucy's guardians but I lied and sent back the message that Lucy was illegitimate, and that her father was a soldier I had once met." Faith was still fearful of the future repercussions of this decision, but she would just have to help Lucy however she could.
Cassian appeared quite confused. "Why did you not say that I was her father?"
"Why would I embroil you in scandal?" Faith asked Cassian plainly. She was already harming Lucy's future. How could she harm Cassian's when she did not have to?
"What do I care about scandal? I would rather it be known that Lucy has two parents who love each other than a nameless soldier being attached to the story." Cassian appeared to be quite annoyed with Faith.
Faith suddenly felt very foolish. Of course Cassian would not have minded if she had named him as the father. Faith pulled her hand from Cassian's in an attempt to give him a little space.
Cassian seized Faith's hand and refused to let her go. "Don't you dare," he said fiercely.
Faith nodded helplessly.
"You don't need to protect me, Faith," said Cassian, his tone much more tender. "It is I who should be protecting you."
Faith willed herself not to cry, but when she thought of the repercussions of her actions, she could not help but be upset. "But what about Lucy?" she asked sadly. "What have I done to her? How have I harmed her? I have all but signed away her future. She is illegitimate. She will be whispered about wherever we go. What sort of dowry would she need for a man to take her?" Faith did not like the idea of a man demanding inordinate sums of money to marry Lucy just because he was accepting the fact that she was illegitimate, but that would most likely be the reality. That was what Faith's decision meant for Lucy.
Cassian painfully shuffled over on his little bed, making room for Faith. Faith welcomed the embrace. She laid down next to Cassian, resting her head on his healthy shoulder. What did they look like? An almost widow resting with a shirtless, wounded, gorgeous man. What if they were seen? Faith no longer cared. What did she care about scandal now, anyhow?
But once again, Faith felt that all too intoxicating sensation of safety. Cassian would do whatever he could to fix Faith's monumental failures. He would make it alright.
"You made the decision that any mother would have," Cassian promised. "You made the decision to keep your child safe and away from danger. My mother did the same for me when I was a child."
Cassian did not often speak of his mother. Faith stayed quiet so that he would continue.
"I knew what my mother did," Cassian said hauntingly, as though he was recalling something very specific, "and she did it for me. She did it to feed her son. If my childhood has taught me anything, it is that mothers would do anything for the love of their children, and so I completely understand what you did."
"I am glad you understand," whispered Faith. "But that does not change how Lucy will suffer."
"I have all this money for a reason," Cassian said softly. "I ought to do good with it. If a dowry is what she requires, then a dowry is what I will provide to a good, decent man with kind and loving intentions." Faith felt Cassian's lips in her hair. "I am going to take you and Lucy to a safe place, Faith," he promised. "A place with good people, a place where you will thrive. Lucy will make friends, and she will grow up under my protection, bearing my name. I would not have it any other way."
"You would have her called Lucy Kensington?"
"I will have all three of you called Kensington just as soon as I can."
Faith Kensington. Faith smiled. She enjoyed the sound of that name. "The three of us?" Faith asked knowingly.
"Yes," replied Cassian. "I made a decision about Kit. About what I will do for him."
Faith smiled. "Pray?"
"I have decided to take him in," he declared. "I have decided to be his father, and to give him a surname. He ... he is a good boy, I know it. He is just like I was. A boy who is constantly overlooked because of his station. A boy who has never been given a chance, not ever." He spoke so passionately. Faith admired it dearly. "He is terribly clever, you know. He had great potential and he deserves the right education. Just imagine what he could be. I can give that to him. I can give him a home and a name. I know that is what he craves above all."
"Cassian, you do not need to justify your decision. It is the right thing to do. Kit will have such a loving father in you."
"And mother?" Cassian asked hopefully. "I know I made this decision without you, but it will be the last, I promise."
Faith sighed. She had become very fond of Kit over the last couple of months. She almost felt ashamed for not noticing his good qualities when she had first met the angry young boy. Faith could easily find a place for Kit in her heart, and she knew that Lucy would adore having Kit as her permanent older brother. She already attached herself to him whenever he was present in the house. "I will be the best mother I can be for him," she promised. "But I confess, I did suspect your plans. Finn told me of the deed of purchase."
"That will be the last decision I make without your input," he amended. "It was a two pronged decision, really. Kit cannot inherit my property from me as he is not my blood, but he can retain what is legally his. It was my way of ensuring he had a future. I also planned on having Finn take the three of you to Norwood if anything happened to me. The estate would legally be Kit's, but you would all have a safe home."
Cassian had purchased an estate in Norwood, wherever that was. That was where he was planning on having them all live. That was the place where he believed Faith and Lucy would be safe. It sounded idyllic. But to entertain the thought still felt as though she was tempting fate. They had no confirmation that George was dead. What if he made a miraculous recovery?
Either way, Faith was not going anywhere near that family again. "I will never see my son again," she realised, devastated. If she left the Pendletons behind, she would also be leaving her son behind. She would never be able to visit him again.
Cassian understood immediately. "You will see him again one day," promised Cassian. "While his body will remain here, you can always remember him and treasure him."
That was a sweet thought, but Cassian could not understand the guilt she felt in leaving her son on that estate. Nobody knew he was there. He was all alone. Not even his mother could visit him.
"Do you believe he is in heaven?"
"Yes." Faith nodded her head.
"Then is does not matter where his bones are. He can see you remembering him and loving him from wherever you choose to do so. We will plant the same flowers when we get to Norwood, in the perfect place. That will be Sky's place."
A sob shook Faith's body. She did not know if it would be perfect, or if it would feel wrong. She could only wait and see.
Just as Faith was wiping her eyes with her sleeve, there was a knock on the door. Was it Finn come back with Lucy, or was Doctor Ward coming to check on the now conscious patient.
"Who is it?" asked Faith.
"The Countess of Runthorpe," snapped back Ruth from behind the door.
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Back for one last round ... then of course back to haunt the next book ;)
I don't know if this is just me that does this, but I often get great story ideas at the most inopportune times. I'm never near my laptop where I can just type away at an idea, I'm usually in the middle of my shift at work sometimes. Actually where I got the idea for this story, I'd met a student named Faith while on my placement and I just became obsessed with the name and wanted to use it for the right story and this one hit me.
Anyway, so often I just write these ideas down on my "Notes" on my phone. Well I was scrolling through all my notes the other day and I've got all sorts of shopping lists etc and then, wayyyyyy back in 2013 I found my ORIGINAL plan for "The Accidental Duchess". It was so cool! Originally I had titled the story "The Duchess", and Bess was named Corinne. So glad I changed my mind on that. I have no idea why I was obsessed with that name for a while. After watching Nick's season of The Bachelor I can't have a Corinne in my stories hahaha. Emmett was originally called Eric (though I eventually named him after one of my managers at my first job because he was one of the coolest, most handsome guys my 15 year old eyes had ever seen back in 2009). Originally, it was Emmett's brother the Duke who had died, Marie was French (though I never changed her name back to the English Mary) and their surname was Chambers and not Wilde. It's so cool so go back and read through my original ideas :P
I also have to tell you the cutest thing. So I told my girls at netball tonight that I was going to Europe over their summer holidays (our summer holidays are December-January) and one of the first things one of them said was "Oh my god, Laura I hope you don't die in a plane crash!" so I made them all knock on wood! Then another one of my little one's got so angry, her eyes narrowed and her fists bunched, glaring, she says to her, "I hope you step on some Lego!" and I just about fainted from laughter. I love those kiddos. They're so gorgeous.
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