Chapter Twenty-Four
It took several hours to get the bodies looted and buried. They hid the tents and extra belongings behind an outcropping of rocks after gathering up what belongings they could use.
Langley had tried to speak to Jessie several times during their work but she was distracted, distance and only gave him one or two word responses. Fear crept into Langley's heart but he forced it back. Jessie loved him—didn't she?
They climbed onto their horses, both of them equally exhausted and set off into the early morning. Jessie refused to stop until they reached a town and it was nearing evening before they rode into Grimms Cross. It was a small cattle town named after the richest rancher in the state, though Langley doubted a man with that kind of money ever came to a dusty place like this.
"I'll get a room. You go ahead and get our horses settled in," Jessie said briskly as she jumped to the ground.
In the light of day Langley could see the bruises on her chin and the welt on her cheek and the only thing that soothed his temper was knowing that the men responsible were dead.
Langley tried to reach out and take her into his arms so he could kiss away the tired lines around her eyes but she quickly turned away from him and walked away.
Langley watched her go and panic kicked up in his chest. He was losing her. Dammit, he was losing her! He could feel it. Something had happened in that camp to cause her to change her mind about the two of them being together. Langley had to find a way to change it back.
He led the horses to the livery and paid for their keep. After making sure they were both settled in, he grabbed up the saddlebags and headed to the hotel. "I'm with the woman who just came in," he told the elderly hotel clerk. "What room did she get?"
The man pushed his glasses up on his brow and scratched at his temple. "She rented two rooms, sir. Rooms seven and eight, just down the hall."
Langley managed a polite thank you to the man but inside his heart had just dropped down into his boots. His chest ached but the pain had nothing to do with the bullet that had slammed into it yesterday.
Stepping into room eight, Langley realized it was empty. Jessie must be in room seven. Why would she get them separate rooms? They'd been sharing a bed or a bedroll for a long time now. If that was her way of telling her that they were done then she was going to have to do better than that.
He damned well deserved better than that and she at least owed him an explanation for her sudden distance. He threw down the saddlebags and stormed to room seven, banging the door with his fists.
"What is it, Langley?" her tired voice whispered from the other side.
"Let me in. We need to talk."
"No, we don't," she countered. "Let's not make this harder than it has to be."
When Langley heard the tears in her voice they made him unexplainably angry. "You owe me an explanation, Jessie. I won't talk to a closed door so you either open it and let me in or I'll bust it down."
Silence reigned for several long moments before the lock was slowly turned and the door pulled open. Langley stared down at Jessie, her face a mask of sadness and her violet eyes red and swollen. His anger quickly morphed into confusion.
"Jessie, what's wrong with us? Why don't you want to be with me suddenly?"
Jessie threw her hands up and strode away from him across the room. "I told you that love hurts people eventually. I told you this would happen."
"That what would happen?" Langley questioned. "I'm not sure what you're upset about but if you'll tell me, I'll do what I can to make it better."
"You died, Langley!" Jessie all but screamed. Langley quickly shut the door behind him as tears streamed down Jessie's face. "At least I thought you were dead and when I did, I just gave up! All I could think about was how my life was over if I didn't have you. Everything I loved was lying dead and bloody on the ground and I didn't want to carry on anymore."
Langley took a step toward her. "Jessie, I...."
She held up her hand to stop him. "Stop. Leave me alone."
"No," Langley growled. He closed the distance between them and pulled her into his arms. She remained stiff and tense against him but Langley buried his face in her messy hair. "I'm not dead. I'm just fine, Jessie. I'm here with you and I'm not going anywhere just yet. I love you and I know you love me so stop pushing me away."
Jessie let out an animalistic sob and suddenly she was clinging to him with fierce desperation. "Langley, I was so scared...."
"I was too," Langley assured her, stroking her back. "When I woke up and realized they had you, a million different possibilities ran through my mind."
"Make love to me, Langley," Jessie whispered, her grip on his shirt loosening.
Langley knew he would never tell her no. He pulled away and took her cheeks gently in his palms. Tipping her face up, Langley took in the sight of her flushed cheeks, her red-rimmed violet eyes and her trembling lips.
Once he'd had his fill of simply gazing at her, Langley lowered his lips and took hers hungrily. He felt her reaction and knew it seemed more desperate than it should but he didn't stop. Langley needed to make her forget that she had ever thought about leaving him.
Jessie allowed herself to get lost in Langley's touch. It would be the last time she ever allowed herself to feel it. She would not risk herself to love a second time but she would spend one more time in his arms feeling his body, his kisses and his tender possession.
"I'm going to love you forever, Jessie," Langley vowed as he slid her shirt from her shoulders and nibbled at her heated skin. "We can go to Windfall and settle down. I'll be a good husband to you. I swear it."
Sheer want for his lovemaking and nothing else was all that kept Jessie from bolting from that room. Forever? Settle down? Husband?
Jessie couldn't give Langley forever. That was a long time and the chance for hurt was too high. And settling down? She was too young for that! There were too many places she still wanted to go. And he had to be out of his mind to be speaking marriage! Jessie had only truly seen one marriage up close and her parents certainly hadn't made it look like a good place to be.
Langley shed the clothes from both their bodies and laid Jessie down gently upon the bed. He tasted and touched every inch of her body and she found her thoughts swirling, unable to focus on much of anything when all she felt was fire.
When Langley finally slipped inside of her, Jessie cried out his name and wept against his shoulder to hide her tears from him. She rode the waves of pleasure higher and higher until the band of pleasure within her snapped and she trembled in his arms.
Langley remained braced over her and deep inside her for a long while after they had both found release. Neither of them spoke as Jessie kept her face in his neck.
Finally Langley rolled to the side and pulled her with him, keeping their bodies tight together. Jessie kept her head on his chest as Langley traced her bare arm with his fingertips.
"Never think about leaving me again," he scolded gently. "I love you too much to lose you."
"I love you too," she whispered, knowing it was the truth. But it wasn't enough. Jessie could not be with him. She could not risk that. Jessie could not give him what she wanted because it wasn't what she wanted. Love only ever ended with hurt and Jessie wouldn't let herself get in that deep again.
***
Langley awoke to a sound in the night. Jessie wasn't lying beside him any longer. Langley's eyes found her pulling on her clothes in the light of a single flickering candle.
He wasn't surprised. He'd known when they'd made love hours ago that he was a man desperately holding on to a woman letting go—that didn't make his pain any less.
"Where are you going?" he asked.
Panic shone in her eyes when she turned to him. "Langley, I...."
Langley stood up, keeping the sheet around his hips. "You were walking out on me again, weren't you? No goodbye this time either?"
Jessie swallowed hard and squared her shoulders. "I can't give you what you want, Langley. This is for the best."
"Jessie I love you," he reminded her. Her shoulders sagged as if he'd just placed one-hundred pounds on them and Langley's fists clenched. "Is my love that big of a burden?"
"I can't do this!" she snapped, slinging her hands. "I warned you that I would hurt you! This is damn hard but..."
Langley held up his hand. "I'll make it easier."
Without another word, Langley pulled on his clothes and weapons while Jessie sat down upon the edge of the bed and watched him. He shoved his hand through his red and hair then laid his hat over it before turning his gaze to her.
"I'm gonna lay out two scenarios for you. If when I'm done, you want me to stay then you tell me so. If you don't then you can just sit there and say nothing. Understand?"
Jessie simply nodded. "I understand."
Langley hands were shaking but he shoved them in his pockets. "Option one is that we get back in that bed and forget this conversation ever happened. We go up to Windfall so I can see my family, we get married and we grow old together. I'll give you everything you want. I'll go anywhere you ever want to go and do everything you've ever wanted to do. If you want to settle down, that's what we do. If you want to roam, we'll do that instead. Our life will be up to you. All I'll ask is that you do marry me because that means something to me."
Langley stopped and gave all that time to sink in. Then he continued, his voice shaking a bit. "Option two is that I walk out this door and you never see me again. You act like my love is something painful or burdensome and I don't want that for you. You've left me twice and I chased you both times. You need to understand that if you let me walk out this door tonight, that's it. We're done. I'll take my love back and I'll leave you forever."
Langley's voice broke but he forced himself to hold her gaze in the candlelight. He cleared his throat. "So tell what it's gonna be, Jessie. Am I staying or am I going?"
Jessie stared at him. She didn't cry and she didn't speak a word.
Langley's heart turned to stone inside him and dropped like lead to his feet. But he wouldn't go back on what he'd said. If his love was such a bad thing for her then he would take it back because he only wanted her to be happy.
He nodded as he opened the door. He hesitated for a moment with his back to Jessie giving her time to say something, anything, to make him stay.
She didn't.
Somehow Langley managed to step across that threshold before closing the door behind him with a solid click.
Langley went straight to his room, grabbed his saddlebags and all but ran out into the night. He couldn't stay in this town a second longer. Saddling his horse, Langley tried to think of where he should go. Only one place kept flashing in his mind.
Home.
Langley wanted to go home.
His heart had been shattered, his spirit was broken and all he wanted was to see his family. He would head through the Colorado Territory and cross over into the Dakotas. The trip would take several weeks but it would give Langley a bit of time to recover before he saw his mama again.
If she saw him with tears on his face and this pain in his heart, she'd worry herself to death.
***
Jessie lay down on the bed, pulled her knees into her chest and sobbed. Her entire body trembled and shook as hot, angry, desperate tears streamed down her face.
If only she could have been born different.
Jessie Burke was a coward. She was too afraid to love Langley again. She could never be so at peace and at ease with him again as she had been in that gully. Love wasn't for Jessie—Langley wasn't for her. Love hurt people—she hurt people. Her family broke things.
Disgusted by her own tears, Jessie leapt to her feet and yanked on the last of her clothes and her weapons. She gathered up her weapons and left the hotel. She had no reason to stay here any longer.