"Gonna take her for a ride on a big jet plane..."
Song: Big Jet Plane
Artist: Angus and Julia Stone
I don't even know what to say other than I'm sorry for taking this long to update.
READ MY AUTHORS NOTE AT THE BOTTOM BECAUSE THERE IS INFO GIVEN ABOUT THE ENDING OF LIKE TOTALLY! READ IT PLEASE SO THERE WON'T BE MANY OF THE SAME QUESTIONS ASKED! THANK YOU!
Bye.
Happy Reading!
CHAPTER SIXTY-ONE:
Adrian:
I hope you never have to hear the sound of a machine flat-lining. Seriously. I say that with the utmost meaning because it's not something that one enjoys. When you're in the hospital, it's a sign of death. A signal to alert everyone around you that you're gone and you have no way of possibly coming back. You're gone, and there is nothing that anyone can do about it.
But sometimes, there is hope. I'm not trying to be all unrealistic but faith was on my side. Somehow, someway... faith managed to be on my side. If I make it through all of this and I'm able to get back into my body, I will spend the rest of my life thanking God everyday. Even when I got to a point of not knowing what I truly wanted to do.
When I say that, I mean living or dying. A part of me just wants to throw my whole life away because I had a good run and now I'm over everything. I lived my teen years to the fullest, I fell in love, and I experienced all sorts of drama that could've been dished out and I handled it to a point where I became too tired to deal with anymore. Death would be the only way out. Right?
That's just one part of me. The other part still wants to thrive. The other part still wants to live on. See if Colton and I make it through everything like I see us doing. Wondering if the boys will all make it to their professional football teams while Sophia and I root them on as we dance on the sidelines. I want to see it all but since I'm a ghost... I have no idea what to do.
Figure out something. Anything. It's not that easy. If only I could understand things easily. Living in limbo doesn't come with any sort of manual and if it does then please direct me to it because I need help. A lot of help. I don't know how much longer I can endure sitting in this corner for another four hours.
I can't do it.
I can't.
"God," I manage to call out into the silent hospital room.
The heart monitor beside my still body in the bed tracking my life right before my eyes. "I need help. I know, I know, I know that it's selfish of me to ask for such a thing. That it's selfish of me to come running to you when I never acknowledge you for the simple things you do for me but I don't know what else to do. I don't even know what to say to you because this is a bit awkward." Yeah, it is.
"Can you please just help me? Please. I'll make up for all the trouble that I've been putting you through. I'll apologize to my mom for throwing out her favorite vase on accident at our last yard sale and whenever I see my dad, not Matthew, but my dad-dad... I'll tell him that his red and black printed tie really does make him look like a drug lord."
You should've told him that a long time ago. I know. It's just that he loved the tie so much and I didn't want to make upset him.
"Honestly, now that I think about it... I need your answer to a really tough question. Can you please decide if you're going to take me or not? The emotional rollercoaster that everyone is having to endure because of me isn't really fun. Especially, when I can't help them worth shit to get through it. I mean, y-you're God. You have an answer for everything. I don't know what you're trying to do but I don't know if I want to continue on to understand, either."
"I'm sending you mixed signals, I know. But only you will know what is truly best for me... so I'm trusting you. God, I am trusting you to chose wisely. If you choose to take me, then please, take me easy but if you choose to keep me here, please, make me strong. I can't go on like this anymore. I won't go on like this anymore. Just help me please because if not then I will have no choice but to make the bad decision myself."
Sounds like your suicide note.
Maybe it is. Maybe it will be.
~
Colton:
I automatically knew where I could find Josh. He was sitting right outside of Sophia's room in the empty hallway of the hospital. Adrianna's room was just a few doors down from Sophia's but she wasn't allowed any visitors at the moment. The doctors feared that my presence would trigger something in her that would cause her to go erratic. They're convinced that the sound of my voice caused Adrian to flat-line earlier today and sadly, I believe them.
Luckily, they were able to resuscitate, bringing her back to life, and then stabilize her. From what I was told earlier, she's doing good. Her vital signs are improving and if we're lucky she'll be waking up hopefully in the next few days. I hope those few days turn into a few hours because I really want to see her alive and well. She is alive. She is well. I won't know that for sure until I hear her speak for herself.
"I brought you some coffee." I speak quietly, sliding down the wall to take a seat on the floor next to him.
I hold the coffee out as he take his graciously. Giving me a light smile in return. "It's Starbucks so you know it's going to be the shit." He nods his head, holding in his laughter. My tight-lipped smile ceases to exist when I notice that. Even in the toughest of situations, Josh is always there greeting it with the lightest of emotions. Getting through the tough times with a happy hope. This isn't like him. This isn't Josh.
"You don't have to say anything, okay?" My voice trembles out, slowly I take a sip of the coffee.
Feeling the goodness that everyone speaks about when it comes to Starbucks. It is good. I'll give em' that one. "I would love it if you said something but since we're in this situation you don't have to say anything."
It was then that he stopped inspecting the coffee cup and looked at me in bewilderment. Did I say something wrong?
"How are you so calm about all of this, Colton?" He asked me. I opened my mouth to answer but he stopped me before I could even manage to get a word out. "Do you even understand everything that we're going through? Everything that the girls are going through? Everything they went through? Do you get that Adrian died in front of you not even a complete twenty-four hours ago?!"
Do I get it? Of course I fucking get it! There is no way to misunderstand it when one minute you're just talking to your unconscious girlfriend and then the next minute you're screaming and crying for your dead girlfriend to wake up. Luckily, he didn't have to go through that with Sophia. She was only shot in the leg and managed to escape with just that and a few cuts and bruises. It was Adrian that got dished the worst.
She always manages to somehow get dished the worst. I don't know how it happens to be but it always ends up being her. And I feel bad because there is nothing I can do about it. I can't fix the fact that she has some shitty parents. I can't. I wish I could but there isn't much I can do but tell her that everything is going to be okay. But I can only say that for a certain amount of time until she realizes that that is complete bullshit.
Everything isn't going to be okay. Her mom is basically off of her rocker. Crying and freaking out at the minuscule sign of news. Even if it's good news she still won't just calm down. Somehow, I managed to talk her into going home and getting some sleep. We all need sleep but she needed it more than us. Also, I didn't feel like listening to her weeping anymore. It was making me feel as if Adrian was going to be gone for good or something.
That's just her mom, though. Her dad, Mr. Pike, is doing pretty good. All charges were dropped against him since the case would've been weak anyways and he's managed to seek a home in a condo that he rented downtown. Ever since we found the girls he hasn't been around the hospital. Not even to check on Adrian and see if she was okay but that's fine with me. As long as I know she's doing good then it doesn't matter.
Finally, there's Matthew. The one that caused this whole situation to happen because he craved some sort of sick family. A family that he was going to force together. A family that no one was going to enjoy being in because he went about it on his own terms. Getting them together on his own terms, handling them on his own terms, and getting rid of them on his own terms. Thank God that he was crazy enough to miss his targets directly. The only gunshot that did the worse was the one to himself.
He's dead.
Matthew is dead and that's the end of that.
"You weren't in the room when she died, Josh. Don't jump down my throat for being the slightest bit happy for a change. She's doing better and that means I'm doing better. Is there a problem with being happy?" I snapped, my anger clearly showing and my coffee no longer bringing me joy. I'll throw the rest of it in the trash for all I care now. I'm wide awake but it's no thanks to the Starbucks.
"Yeah. I find your happiness a bit rude for my liking." He spat back, nostrils flaring and his grasp hardening around his coffee. "They are both in their rooms pretty shitty. No matter what good vitals they have they are still shitty. And they're going to wake up shitty and realize how much of a shitty life they really have. In all honesty, I want to be there for Sophia. I really do but this is too much to handle and so is your good mood. Therefore, yeah, you shouldn't be happy because no one in this hellhole deserves to be happy!"
"Josh, what the hell is your problem?!" I scream.
His attitude really getting to me. I don't want to hear him talk like this because I'm not used to him acting this way. Even though the circumstances are hell, he needs to be strong for Sophia. Showing her that when she is able to leave this building that everything will be back to normal and better with the help of himself. He's not understanding the big picture here. I just need him to understand.
"Colton, why do you even continue to put up with this?" He pushes his coffee away from his body.
I do the same with my own, standing up on my feet afterwards to look down at him. He's hunched up against the wall with his elbows on his knees. He looks torn. I don't know what he is torn between but he's torn. I just know...
"What do you mean? What is the 'this' you're referring too?" I think I know what he's talking about but just to be sure I ask him the dumbass question anyways.
He stands to his feet now. Coming face to face with me. I level him up, not in the interest to fight him but to show him that I'm holding my ground in this argument. Telling him that there is nothing he can say that will make me sway from anything that I've already thought about and managed to think through myself.
"You know what I'm talking about, man. This" --- he moves his arms around to gesture about the hallway that we're standing in --- "How did you manage to handle all of this twice? If I can recall correctly, this isn't the first time that you and Adrian experienced this rodeo before. I hate this! I hate everything about this!"
"But you love Sophia." I say. "She needs you and you love her."
"Yeah? She needs me, huh?" I nod my head to answer. "Then, when she woke up last night, why the hell did she kick me out of the room, huh? She instantly started crying about all of this mess and I didn't know how to help her. I didn't know what exactly to do so my stupidity ran through me and I started telling jokes." Oh jeez, Josh. Jokes?
"Why would you tell jokes?"
"Because that's the kind of person I am! When someone is upset, I joke around with them until I can see the smile on their face again because they shouldn't let anything ruin their day or just ruin them. I'm that type of person and I can't help it. But she didn't like that. ...Actually, she hated that so much she told me to 'get lost,' 'stay away,' and 'come back when I understand.'
"She just needs time to cool down and process everything." I'm starting to sound completely therapeutic and it's creeping me the hell out. "When Adrian was in the hospital the first time she was crazy. She kicked everyone out of her room for the whole day but she managed to be okay."
Josh scoffed loudly, not believing any of the crap that just spilled out of my mouth.
"'Okay?' 'Okay?' Adrianna, is far from okay! Especially, after all of this shit. When she wakes up she probably won't even remember any of us---"
When he spoke those words it instantly made something inside me snap. The thought of Adrianna waking up to not knowing any of us or even the smallest characteristics about herself had me freaking the fuck out. I don't want that to happen. I've silently been praying for that not to happen.
"Don't say that! Don't you dare talk like that! Why would you even bring that up? Josh, I don't know what your problem is but I don't think that I give a damn enough to stick around longer and find out."
I turned on my heels to walk back up the hallway but I was stopped when one of his hands latched onto my shoulder and stopped me from making a getaway. What more could he possibly say that would make me understand the bullshit that was coming out of his mouth? I didn't care. He didn't even seem like my best friend anymore but yet some evil-spirited man that lost everything in his life.
"Just listen to me, Colton. I don't think that I'm going to be around much longer for Sophia. It's too much and you know how I am with relationships. I like them easy and fun to be in but this is just too extra. It feels like I'm in an episode of 90210 but minus the money, fame, and power. You hate me for talking like this, I know it. I hate myself for thinking like this but some words just need to be said, okay? Get out while you can."
My eyes shot open. Not fully comprehending what he was asking of me to do.
"What?" I ask, my jaw dropping instantly.
Does he even hear himself? This isn't even Josh speaking. This is his evil twin that I know nothing about and he's just playing around with me. He doesn't want to leave Sophia. I know he doesn't. He bought her pastels for crying out loud!
"Leave. As in, dump her, mosey-on-down out of her life, skedaddle, breakup, ....leave." Yeah, I heard you say it the first time. "You used to have no trouble with ditching the girls and now you just want to stick around because you actually think you're in love with her? Reality check, guys like us don't fall in love. These girls are too troubled and we need to get out while we still have our pride."
Pride? After all of this he's just worried about keeping his fucking pride? Our pride goes out the door the second we leave them. That shows how much of dicks we truly are. How we just used them to our own benefit. I don't want to be known as that guy anymore. I don't want to be known as the one that let her get away. You used to be all about your pride, remember? Well, things change. He has a small point though. No he doesn't.
"Colton, imagine, you're with Adrian for the rest of your life, tied down to one girl your entire life? How in the hell is that going to be healthy for you? It's not healthy for me. I remember when we couldn't even keep track of which girls you banged a couple months ago. You banged Adrian. Now let's go. You had your fun but now it's time to get back to the real you."
The real me? I didn't know that I turned into a fake me. He's just speaking a bunch of bullshit but I wouldn't be truthful if I didn't fear the thought of being stuck to one woman for the rest of my life.
It scared me to think about that when I have so much more life to live. Senior year, college, and hopefully the NFL. Life will be amazing if all of that works in my favor. I'm too young to know what I really want. I'm only seventeen for crying out loud. Sometimes I break a sweat trying to choose what cereal I want in the morning. I don't want to agree with Josh. I know I'm in love with Adrian. God, I love her with everything in me but somehow I feel guilty for all of this happening to her.
She had no trouble with life until I invaded. Turning everything completely upside down. I ruin everything that I touch and I refuse to ruin her much longer. I bet she thinks about dumping me all the time. No matter how much she says she loves me. We all have our doubts. Sadly, my own just came at the wrong moment. I really don't want to question everything in the middle of the hospital but Josh is leaving me no choice.
"Why are you making me do this?" I ask him. "Why are you making me think like this? You love Sophia. So, why in the hell are you talking like this?"
"I'm not talking like anything. I just realized that I'm not ready to change my ways for a relationship that I know I'm doomed to fail in. Why fuck her up when I know that I have the chance to leave right now? I have so much more life to live and so does she. If it's meant to be then we'll find each other again and so will you and Adrian. I won't be like this forever."
"I can't believe you're telling me to do this. You realize what you're asking of me right? Josh, you want me to breakup with Adrianna."
He nodded his head. Not really having much to say about my revelation afterwards.
"If you love someone then the best thing you need to do is to let them go, right?"
It's not the answer to the question I fear. It's the realization that the outcome is going to bring out the worst in me. He's not right but he's not wrong either.
I'm fucked, and there is nothing I can do about it.
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If you're coming back to read this chapter or you're new reading the chapter I posted a first author's note that I erased just now to write this and say that Like Totally was going to have a open ending and I would come back with a sequel but I changed my mind on the sequel. I don't want to drag the story on even more so it's ending in the next update.
I REPEAT: THE NEXT UPDATE IS WHEN LIKE TOTALLY IS ENDING! FOR SURE! NOT COMING BACK! I want to write other books but I also want to finish Like Totally. Sorry for the change up but this is what's best.
NO SEQUEL! Okay? NO SEQUEL!
That's all! Thank you :D - Korrie'xx