It turns out Noah's really sweet,
Spending time with them was
Comfortable, eventually.
It almost started feel normal,
You know, from the outside,
Like people who passed us would think that.
The delusion of fitting in somewhere,
Anywhere, has a kind of bitter sweet taste,
I'll take the sweet with the bitter though
For as long as it lasts.
We ended up walking around shops,
Seeming to genuinely enjoy each others company.
I don't trust it.
I want to.
We ate at McDonalds,
I sat next to Scarlett
Opposite from Ayrton
And Noah opposite her.
I focused on all of them,
So I didn't have to focus
On everyone else
Hoping that would not be worse.
They don't act like they're out to get me,
Or trick me so hard until I fall and
Can't get up again,
But you're never allowed to know.
It always is too late,
Never mind.
I feel closer to him now,
It's like he keeps trying to understand me,
I can tell,
I'm not sure how to feel about it
Besides guilty.
How could it ever be a good thing?
We all exchanged hugs goodbye with Lucy-Scarlett and Noah who get picked up by
Their parents
At the same time and I was left with his charming presence.
He said he'd walk me home,
I let him.
It's not like he would have refused,
I can tell he's stubborn too,
Except he is so in a more careful and thoughtful way than I.
He hugged me goodbye.
It felt so welcoming
Even though he was just leaving,
It was as if he offered something from himself
To let me know I'll see him again soon.
He smiled as he went;
To myself I whispered
"I don't want to ruin you."