Song of this imagine: (seriously listen to it)
Pills n potion by Nikki Minaj
13 by LANY
They could never make me hate you
Even though what you was doing wasn't tasteful.
Our love was toxic. Even when we met, were intoxicated. But I still love him. With all my being.
I sat in the balcony, relaxing in the cool breeze of September. A hot cup of coffee in my hand while I stare at the view of the city in front of me. Its probably two in the morning, but I don't care. All my mind was thinking about was him. Loads of question rants my head and I can't shut the up. I took the last drag of my cigarette and dumped it on the ashtray. The questions filled up my mind again.
Is he okay? Where is he? Is he drinking? Is he drinking too much? Is he with someone else?
Okay, the last question broke my heart and crushed it till it lose blood. My cheeks feels tight because of all the crying from a while ago. Voice is hoarse from the unstoppable shouting and all I wanted to do is to forget. My body craves for sleep but my mind wouldn't let me. My whole being craves for him too much and I want him now. Even if I push him away just two hours ago.
We fought because of stupid pointless things. These past few days he's been so distant. I missed the old him.
That guy that would stay up late with me even if he's so sleepy just so I could have someone to talk to. That guy who would sing me songs to wake me up in the morning. That guy who would remind me I'm beautiful even if I look like a fucking mess. That guy who would spoil me when I'm on my period. That guy who would say he loves me million times a day so that I wouldn't forget. I miss him. I miss my Harry.
I've been texting him every now and then. But he ignores it. I called him for thirty times already but he also ignores it. My blood must be boiling right now and I should feel anger. But no. All I could feel was pain and fear. Fear that he might not come home to me again. That he might be with someone else and that he chooses her over me. God, that would hurt so much. I wanna talk to him. I love him and I don't wanna lose him. Not in a million years.
Yes, I've said a lot of hurtful things to him before but he did worse. He hurt e before but I know he didn't mean it so I just forgive him. I caught him kissing a girl in a club twice. But I chose to forgive him as well and that's because I love him. My friends told me I was too blind to see that he's changing and not like the Harry they used to know. My love for Harry was way too powerful than the anger that I must feel. I almost lose my friends just for defending him against them.
My heart picks up its pace when I heard our front door being opened and shut. Which means he's here. Should I go back to bed and pretend that I'm asleep? Or should I just confront him about our situation. I know Harry pretty well to know that he's drunk and when he's drunk, he's not good to deal with. But before o even make a decision, the door of our room was pushed open. I stood up and our eyes immediately met. His deep green sea eyes were bloodshot and he looks a complete mess. My feet brought me inside our room and in front him.
"Y-You're back.." I breathed. He shifted his eyes somewhere but my face.
"Yeah." He's voice was groggy and I could smell the vodka and tequila from our five inches proximity.
I sighed and said, "I'm sorry for saying those awful things to you. I'm sorry if I hurt you."
"You don't have to apologize, baby. None of this is your fault." He sighed. "Its was mine. All along. Right from the start, I knew I don't deserve you,"
"But we're exactly the same! We were both wasted the first time we met!" I chuckled but he kept the poker face. Making it hard for me to read his emotions and the things going on inside his head.
"But you're way too better than me." He spoke. His voice sounds defeated and I think I know where is this going but I don't wanna think about it. The thought alone will break me.
"No Harry, I'm enough. You're enough. Our relationship is enough."
"You don't understand it." He said and took one step back while rubbing his temple.
"Where are you trying to get this?" I asked, pin laced on my voice.
"I just came here to take my things." He sighed and walked to our closet. I grabbed his arm to stop him.
"No! Please Harry let's talk. Don't do this to me!" Tears are already falling from my eyes and his features soften.
"I'm breaking this up for you. You don't deserve all this pain that I caused you. You don't deserve being treated this way. You deserve a man who wouldn't hurt you! And that man is definitely not me." He continued picking out his clothes and stuffing it on his suitcase.
"But I'm not complete without you, Harry. Don't you understand that? Without you, there's no me." A sob left my lips and he closed his eyes.
"I love you, baby. That's true. The last three years when we're together was the best years of my life and meeting you is the most unforgettable night. I'm doing this for you..."
"So you want me to thank you is that it?!" I suddenly became angry at him but I still don't want him to go.
"This is the only way I couldn't hurt you anymore." He said, cupping my face. His minty breath washes my face and I'll sure miss this.
"Please don't go, Harry." I cried and his thumb catches the tears before it falla down my chin. "My life would be useless without you."
"That's not true, babe. You can do everything even without me. Its just I hate seeing you crying, you don't deserve that." He spoke and kissed my forehead. His lips stayed there for a few more seconds and he looked me in my eyes while leaning his forehead on mine.
"Please stay, Harry. Please." I begged one more time, hoping he would change his mind. But then the sad look on his face tells me otherwise.
"I want to." He sighed, a tear fell from his glassy eyes. "But I cant. I've done a lot of unforgivable things to you. I had a lot of secrets too." He mumbled his last sentence which made my eyebrows furrow.
I backed a bit from him and a puff left his lips. "What is it?" Silence. "WHAT IS IT?!" I yelled and he looked up at me.
"I cheated on you." Right after those words left his lips, its like a huge rock was thrown at me and thousands of knives stabbed me from behind. "I didn't mean to. I was just so drunk and I didn't know what I was doing."
"Who is she?" I asked through gritted teeth and my hands curled into fists.
"Some girl in a club. I didn't even know her name." He spoke and I slapped him hard on Hus face.
"You told me you love me!" I screamed in his face and slapped him once more but he didn't dodged, he just let me hit him. "You fucking liked to me, Harry! I loved you! I love you so much and it fucking hurts! What did I ever do to you?! How the fuck can you do this to me?!" I hit his chest multiple times but it's not enough to show him how fucking painful it is what he did. He betrayed me.
"I'm so sorry, baby." He spoke softly when he wrapped his arm around me which made me stop though the sobbing didn't.
"No." I pushed him away. I knew all to well that if I let him touch me, it would be more difficult to let him go and to hate him. "You wanna leave, right? Then go! I wouldn't stop you anymore! Leave and never come back!" I yelled and pushed him away.
He collected his things and looked at me one more time. Our eyes met but I immediately averted my eyes to somewhere else. Finally, I heard the door being shut then followed by his footsteps going downstairs then another door being shut. Once I knew I was alone, a scream left my mouth. My eyes landed on a picture of me and Harry caught my attention. We looked so happy in the picture, his arm was wrapped around my shoulder and his lips on my cheek while a wide grin was plastered on my face. I took it in my hand, then a flash of imagination of Harry fucking another girl appeared on my head which made me throw the picture frame on the wall, crushing it to pieces. Soon enough, all of our pictures of me and Harry was thrown into walls, breaking it to pieces.
A mess of shattered broken glass was on my carpeted floor. I took a bottle of vodka out of the drawer from the kitchen downstairs and jogged back to my room. Sipping from the bottle of alcohol, my face scrunched because of the taste that I immediately got used to. I took the drugs-which I called 'happy pill'-from the bedside table that I promised not to take anymore but I didn't throw it in case of times like this one. I took two and downed it along with the vodka. I laid back on my bed, letting the clouds cover my brain. I didn't need to wait that long to feel the pain easing a bit, the ecstatic feeling from the drug took over. I've never done it for quite a while but it looks like this would be back to my system again.
I fucking love him that this is the only way I could forget his presence.
Heyaaaa guys I'm back again and exams are fucking OVERR!!! WHOOT WHOOT!! Anyways... Your votes warms my heart and your comments literally put a smile on my face for 10 minutes straight 😭😭 thank you guys so much ily all!!! 😘😘
So I wrote something about the new 'fanfic' of my love, Harry, and its about a best friends story and I know that you're thinking its a bit cliché but no, its not (I hope so) I'll do my best not to make it too cliché and that I promise 😳 there's just a bit problem, its because I don't have a cover for it too so if you're willing to help you please do message and if not its okay :) I might need a new cover for this imagine too and if you guys helped me I promise that I'll write you an imagine, just tell me about how do you want it to be. This note took so long so that's all thank you for the support you have no idea how happy you guys make me
~gwen.xx