It's been a week since my dream and I'm still shook. It felt so real and every time I think about it I feel the urge to burst into tears. In class, at home, at work even when I go to the bathroom. Instead of going to lunch I decide to sit in the library and read my book. I don't feel the need to be around anyone right now.
As I flip the pages I faintly hear two girls at another table. One has dark black hair and the other has light brown hair. I try to ignore them until one of them makes a disgusted sound, "Beyoncé is so overrated she isn't even that pretty" I narrow my eyes at that comment.
Her friend agrees, "Right did you see that performance she did for the Superbowl totally inappropriate just sing a song and be gone" She says and this time I look up from my book.
I know for a fact they're not talking about the recent performance she did as a Black Panther. They better be talking about a different Beyoncé.
"Did you hear her album it was so dumb she didn't even sing a song related to lemonade" Light brown hair girl says and in my head I wonder if she's dumb or she's being serious.
She named it lemonade to pay homage to her grandma and to describe the struggles of everyday black women. Then again these are white people we're talking about. They wouldn't understand nor will they ever understand.
"Is she really posting about that black lives matter crap? You know there is a whole agenda with that organization." Black haired girl spits and for a second I nearly black out. My first instinct is to tear their heads off but I tell myself to calm down. I want to hear what these bitches have to say.
"Don't they know that all lives matter? Because you know if there was a hashtag of white lives matter everyone would cry racism"
Don't engage.
"Right what about black on black crime? Should we talk about the number of police officer that have died doing their jobs. People have no idea the amount of stress police officers are under in the field"
Now I have to look up, "If a black man gets shot by the police it's because he's dangerous" Flashes of my dream come back to me and I feel the tears threaten to fall. Nah, fuck them tears these bitches really tried it!
"Excuse the fuck me!" I snap.
The two girls look to me and instantly they sit up straight, "Kendra!" They say in unison. They both stare at me like they know they're in for it and I'm glad they already know.
I walk over to them and pull a chair right next to them, "I didn't realize you two knew so much about the oppression of black people. Please continue I would love to hear more" I sit back in my seat and await their answer.
Neither of the girls have much to say in fact they just look at one another and then back at me unsure if they should answer. "What's wrong? What was that you said about black lives matter crap and there being an agenda?" I question the black haired girl.
Before she can even speak I sit up and almost smack her in her face but I refrain myself. Sis jumps and quickly shields her face and I scoff, pathetic. I look to the brown haired girl and wait for her answer, "I'm sorry what was that about justifying the unlawful shooting of black men?"
"Kendra we didn't-"
I don't waste any time before I let them have it, "No you meant exactly what you said. Black people are thugs, right? Criminals who should be locked up and kept away from society. You don't want to see us or hear us but you'll use us won't you?"
"You need someone to entertain you, you need a culture to emulate because if history serves me correctly white people are known for stealing other people's culture. You don't have an original bone in your bodies and yet we're the thugs and the thieves?"
Neither of them have the balls to respond and I figured as much. It's easier to talk shit when you think no one is around to hear you. "And for your information nobody said all lives don't matter because anyone with the sense God gave them knows that all lives matter!"
"However, in America where racism is institutionally rooted we as a people have to remind people like you that we do in fact matter!"
I laugh humorlessly, "You guys thrive on your white privilege you have no idea what it's like to be oppressed therefore you have no right to speak on matters you are so ignorantly unaware of!" I try to keep my voice steady and strong but to hear them belittle the movement doesn't sit right with me.
"I'd watch what you say around black folk, now that your boy is president y'all think you can say whatever the hell you want to say around us but do not be fooled honey. We are not back on the plantations and I will not let you sit here and put down my people with your ignorant ass"
I get up from my seat and turn to grab my stuff. I go to walk awa when another thought occurs to me. "One more thing black on black crime is just that crime. People crime against those they live closest to. Police brutality is a problem where white police officers think they are above the law and can shoot and kill black men"
Tears threaten my eyes but I refuse to let them fall, "Innocent black men with families who now have to live in a world without them. Families that are now lost and hurt but best believe a change will come"
"Cause you will not!" I say putting emphasis on the word not.
"Have your foot on our neck forever" I state strongly with a flip of my hair.
With the snap of my fingers I walk away from them, "Stay woke bitches" I call out and exit the library.
^.^.^
"I hope this doesn't happen again" Principle Hart demands as he folds his hands on his desk. I sit back in my chair with my legs crossed unmoved.
Of course those freshmen girls couldn't handle the realness so they snitched on me to Principal Hart which explains why I am not in class and in his office getting chewed out.
He sighs, "Kendra please school is supposed to be a safe haven. A place where we can get away from all the racial foolishness" He pleads and I scoff.
"Racial divide foolishness?" I question.
I chuckle and lean in a little, "Principle Hart, it's only foolish to those who don't experience it" I educate him and now he chuckles.
"Miss Kendra, despite what you may think I'm not that ignorant. I may not face it the way you do but racism doesn't only touch black and brown people. White people are not immune to its destructive ways even if they are the ones who operate in it."
"Good for you you read a book"
He shakes his head, "I married a black man and have a black stepson. A son who will face things in life that I will never have to worry about and that sickens me more than you know. Some free advice: Don't assume you know about a person when in fact you don't" I don't respond so I just look down at my hands. On the inside I do feel a bit of conviction.
He leans back, "Just like you want people to look past your skin color then you need to do the same, it can't be one sided and another thing"
"Racial stuff aside if you want respect you have to give it. If you want the world to change then you need to make the change within yourself first. Show them what it means to be a decent person who accepts differences not fears them"
His words hit differently and all of a sudden I feel less confident than I was two seconds ago. I lean back in my seat and clear my throat, "You're married to a black man?" I question the accusatory tone gone.
He smiles proudly, "I am"
I grin, "That's dope. I'm sorry for going off on you. Not so much those other bitches but definitely you" I apologize and Principal Hart accepts.
He clears his throat, "Other than that I don't see a reason to keep you here. You're a good kid so go back to class" He says as he turns away from me and I grab my bag to leave.
I step out into the hallways which is deserted. The bell must not have rung I guess. I walk towards the staircase and up to my next class to stand by the door. As I replay our conversation in my mind I hear voices down the hall.
"I'm sorry Ms. DeStephano I just need a minute" I hear a male voice say.
I recognize that voice as Cole and I turn to see him as he steps out of class. He turns his back to me and takes a phone call. I can't make out who it is but by the tone of his voice I can tell he's a little shaken.
"Who are you?" He questions.
"You're a liar!" He snaps and I pretend to swipe through my phone but secretly listen in to his conversation. He demands that whoever it is on the phone leave him alone. The sound of his voice pulls at my heart and for a second I feel moved to check on him.
I know that Cole and I aren't friends but there has been a change in Cole. Normally, he's always in the mood to either annoy me or try to flirt with me. Lately, he's done neither of those things and I kind of miss it. I miss our banter.
I decide to screw it and make sure he's okay. I approach him as he hangs up the phone and runs both his hands through his hair. Once he sees me he straighten out and clears his throat, "Hey" He says and I lean agains the wall just like him.
"Are you okay?" I question.
"What are you my therapist now?" He tries to laugh but I remain serious.
He squeezes his nose, "I'm fine" He answers but it's clear how unfine he is.
"Don't lie to me Sterling. Not like you could anyways" I tell him and he looks over at me.
"Never Lyon"
We stay silent for a second and I take a look at my watch, "Well the bell is gonna ring in like a minute so you better pull yourself together if you're so fine" I say with quotations around fine. When he doesn't even smile I push against his shoulder.
"You remember our promise right?" I hold up my pinky and he raises an eyebrow at me.
I scoff, "Let's go we ain't got all day for this" I say impatiently and a small smile tugs at the corner of his lips.
I see a little spark of happiness appear back in his eyes as he takes my pinky in his, "I promise" He says and I smile satisfied.
"Promise"
Then the bell rings.