Abrielle's POV
The dreams were back. Do they even count as dreams?
More like nightmares.
I wake up screaming and ripping at my bed sheets.
I first dreamed about the night my mom died.
"Abrielle, sweetheart?" Those words alone were too much for her to say.
She was dying.
And I couldn't do anything about it.
"Yes mom?" I could barely see her through my tears.
The cancer had spread throughout her body, she was too weak.
She was perfectly healthy, my mom. The diagnosis was a huge shock.
My mother was so frail she couldn't even lift her hand off the bed.
"Abrielle.... I love you. I.... Want.... The best for you.... And Emmett. Stay strong...."
She closed her eyes and the heartbeat monitor beeped harshly.
She was dead.
I pressed my forehead to the cold metal of her hospital bed as hot tears ran down my cheeks.
I never did cry at the funeral.
Emmett was seven, he didn't understand why she was dead.
I became angry. I lost friends, and became violent and unsocial.
I started to cut my wrists, every cut a reminder of the pain I felt, the pain my mother felt.
I stood over my bed in New York one night, pills in hand.
I had my note, wet from my tears
"I can't take it anymore, I love you.
-Abi."
I swallowed the whole pack, and laid down on my bed, waiting for death to take me away. I thought of Emmett and my dad.
I couldn't leave them. Not like this.
I vomited the pills back up and pretended it never happened.
When my dad discovered my cuts, he looked up at me with tears in his eyes.
We moved to California because my dad insisted on a "fresh start."
And here I am, three years later, still finding myself clutching the faint scars on my wrist remembering my horrible past.
I was only thirteen.
I tried my best to forget my past, to become a typical high school girl.
But you can't forget the past, and it always comes back to bite you in the ass.
And the dreams. I dream about my mother dying, except in the most horrific and blood chilling ways.
Sometimes I'm dying with her.
Sometimes I'm forced to watch her die.
Shawn stirred something inside of me, like a dark creature waking from its slumber.
He made me feel alive again.
Something that Ricky never made me do.
I could live,
I could laugh,
I could love with Shawn.
And I planned to do just that.
------
Damn. That was deep.
Sorry, I just had a moment.
Anyways, If you can relate to this, if you have ever been depressed, suicidal, or you have cut,
I just want you to know that there is always someone out there who loves and cares about you, no matter what.
Stay strong.
-Sophia💕