"Decide what you want, decide what you are willing to exchange for it. Establish your priorities and go to work.” ~ H. L. Hunt
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2012 © All rights reserved
A ЂώζЅŧ of Fate ♪ Forty
I stood outside the familiar door, took a deep breath before I knocked.
“Hi mom,” I smiled as the door opened.
My mom took me into a big hug as she helped me with my bags. I had left a majority of my stuff back in the boys’ flat since I was going back in a few weeks’ time for school anyway.
“Hungry?”
“Famished,” I smiled.
“Go take a shower and I will cook you some pasta.”
“I love pasta,” I grinned before heading off to the shower.
My hair was still dripping wet when I tucked into the plate of carbonara.
Mom went to grab a towel and started rubbing my hair, sprinkling droplets on my pasta.
“MOM!” I groaned.
“Didn’t I tell you always to dry your hair?” she growled.
“Arghh…”
“ARGHHH!” she echoed after me.
I laughed.
“Don’t you have to work today?” I asked between mouthfuls of noodles.
“Took leave.”
I smiled.
“When do you have to get back?” she asked.
“Anytime before Christmas.” I promised to spend Christmas with Zayn and his family.
“You are not spending Christmas here?”
Uh oh.
I shook my head.
“Mom, why don’t you come to London? We can spend Christmas there!”
She shook her head, “Year end closing.”
I groaned. That was the headache of accountants.
“I can’t leave until Christmas Eve.”
“Hmm…”
“Are you ready for school yet?”
“Absolutely,” I beamed.
“What about the band?”
I shrugged, “I don’t know. Jenson has not get back to me yet.”
“Can’t you take a leave of absence?”
“If I have to,” I said. “But now, let’s just see what Jenson can arrange for me.”
“How’s Emilyn?”
“She’s fine. Got tanner.”
She laughed, “Your aunt is going crazy with her.”
“Why?”
“Spend too much time in school.”
“Isn’t that a good thing?”
“Apparently not,” she shrugged. “No family time.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Are you still with him?” she asked softly.
It was a question I dreaded.
I nodded. “Yes.”
“I’m not against him,” she said. “It’s just that…”
“I know, mom. It’s the religion thing.”
Again.
“Apart from that,” she said. “I don’t want you to end up like me.”
“Huh?”
“It is a lonely life. Especially when he’s not around most of the time.”
“You talking about Dad?”
She sighed. “It was always lonely without him during festivals especially.”
She continued, “Plus you will have to face all those funny pictures and reports.” She was referring to the picture again.
“Sooner or later, you will realise that there’s a limit to what you can tolerate,” she said.
“We’ll be fine,” I assured her.
“Are you sure?”
“It’s a learning process. That’s how a relationship grows, isn’t it?”
She sighed. “Do you know about this?”
“What?”
She stood up and went into her room before returning with a magazine cutting.
“I don’t follow but my colleagues’ daughters do.”
I took a look at the picture.
Oh gosh, not again…
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“Zayn, why are you in the papers again?” I asked over the phone.
“Huh?”
“My mom showed me a picture of you snogging another girl again…”
“Which one?!” he exclaimed.
“I thought you said you will never touch another drop of liquor…” I sighed. “Were you drunk again?”
“When? Where? Which picture?”
I told him the date of the magazine.
“Gosh, Jo! That was ages ago!”
“How many of such pictures do you have actually?” I groaned. I was amazed at myself for taking the whole thing as a joke.
“I don’t know,” he admitted.
“Are you mad?” he said after a long pause.
“No, just tired of seeing all these.”
“I’m sorry…”
I smiled, “I’m fine.”
“How’s things with your mom?”
“Not too bad,” I said.
“Is she still upset that you are with me?”
I chuckled, “I guess so but she’ll survive. How’s things on your end?”
“Same old stuff. My family is excited to meet you.”
“Oh gosh, I could feel goosebumps…” I groaned.
“Don’t worry too much about it. They’ll love you,” I could almost see him grinning.
Then I heard someone shouting in the background.
“I got to go,” he said. “Mike’s calling the shots again.”
I laughed. Mike was the new sound guy. “Okay. Talk to you later.”
“Love you.”
“Love you too.”
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After six months of being away from home, it sure felt strange to be back. I spent my day lazing at home, surfing the net and keeping up with news. I was glad I was hiding away here in Manchester. There appeared to be much commotion in London over the outburst of Zayn’s pictures as they started surfacing.
The fellow who did all these sure had nothing better to do.
And as usual, the media was anxious to get hold of me.
It was a mistake when I went out to meet Val. She was back from Paris and anxious to share with me all her juicy bits of her trip which included bringing home an Italian boyfriend. Then the trouble started. One of the tabloids reporters saw me on the streets and followed me home. When Mom came home that day, a school of people had gathered outside our house. Some of them had even dug up my history such as schools I had attended, and worse, my family background. One thing clean – I had no previous boyfriends.
“What’s this?!” Mom practically screamed at me when she peered out of the window. “How am I supposed to get to work?” She had asked for urgent absence from work, but that was only for a few days.
“I should have stayed in London,” I groaned.
“These people just don’t leave us alone…” Mom sighed.
“I’m sorry, Mom,” I said. News about my dad was also all over the papers. And it sure was not pretty.
“What will happen when you get back to London?” she asked. “Will the school asks you to leave because of all these?”
“Mom,” I protested. “I’m sure they know how to deal with all these media.”
But she was right.
I actually received a warning letter from RCM. Despite securing a scholarship and a place in campus hostel, I was recommended to find alternative housing so as not to disturb the in-house residents ‘just in case’.
Damn.
How practical could they get…?
Colin was kind enough to offer his flat to share but I thought it would be better off on my own.
And Zayn offered their place as well.
I was so stressed up that I actually came up with a stupid idea. Probably one of the most stupid things I ever thought up of.
Of course, I pushed the idea out of my mind instantly.
Until I saw the autumn term schedule of the college.
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“It’s not going to work!” I exclaimed.
I could hear Zayn’s sighing on the other end.
“Jo…”
“Come on, look at that bloody schedule. Classes every day. Practices every other night,” I groaned. “How on earth can I continue to go touring with you guys?”
He let out a deep sigh.
“The schedule for the next tour is out, isn’t it?” I asked.
“Ya…”
“And?”
“UK tour the entire Jan. US tour in Feb. Australia New Zealand tour in April. And probably Asia tour after that.”
“That would be another four months out of town at least,” I groaned. “I can’t.”
“Jo…”
“Zayn,” I said firmly. “You have to let me go.”
“Please?” he begged.
“There’s no way I can be part of this anymore…”
He sighed.
“And it’s better that I inform Jenson about it so that he can find a substitute drummer. Now is the best time to do so.”
“If…”
“If?”
“If… I ask you to give up college?” he asked softly.
I gasped, “You don’t mean it, do you?”
“It’s just an if…”
“You know I’ll never do that,” I replied. “Be it RCM or college back home, I’ll still be going college.”
“I know… it is important to you…”
“Of course.”
“Well, if you must…”
“Sorry Zayn. But I’m going to call Jenson now.”
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Jenson was sad to let me go but he sort of expected it. In fact, he had no solution to fit in my college schedule into the boys’ schedule.
“I’m so sorry,” I apologised.
“No,” he cut me. “I’m the one who is sorry. I promised you that I would arrange something…”
I laughed bitterly, “It’s impossible. You can’t possible fit anything in with RCM’s schedule.”
He chuckled, “I’m going to let you off for now. But I’m going to book you when you graduate!”
I laughed, “We shall see.”
“That’s true…,” he sighed. “You probably end up as a conductor or composer or something. You won’t want to play with us anymore.”
“I might start writing songs for One Direction,” I chuckled.
“Hey! That’s an idea! Maybe you should start now,” he suggested.
I laughed again.
“Anyway, it’s my headache now. Got to start looking for a new drummer,” he groaned.
“All the best!”
“You will be here for the New Year countdown?”
“You bet! It’s my final show!”
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In the end, I did not get to spend Christmas with Zayn and his family. Mom was horribly sick with fever and I just had to stay home with her. We had a quiet little Christmas and she insisted to go to church early on Christmas morning. Thank goodness she recovered on Boxing Day and I could get back to London with a peaceful heart.
With the festive mood in everybody’s minds and people rushing everywhere, I was glad that the media paid less attention to me as I travel back to London. It was my final performance with the boys and I was looking forward to it as much as dreading it.
“JO!” Harry waved and came over to give me a big hug. “We miss you!”
“I miss everybody too!” I laughed as I hugged him back. “How’s everybody?”
“Catching up,” he grinned. “Max just got in.”
“Jo!” Louis shrieked and ran over to me practically lifting me off the ground with his bear hug.
“We are so going to miss you,” Liam said as he came from behind.
“Me too,” I sighed.
I looked around. “Where’s Zayn?”
“Somewhere around, I think,” Liam said. “Last I saw him talking to Niall out on stage.”
“He’s taking it quite badly,” Louis said. “About you leaving the band. Then missing you over Christmas.”
“I know,” I winced. “He didn’t want to talk much on the phone.”
I went in search for Zayn but he seemed to be totally missing in action. Even Niall had no idea where he went to. I even tried searching the smoking area but to no avail.
I was a little pissed off when I stepped on stage. Why had he not come and look for me?
Throughout the entire performance, I stared at his back wondering what he was thinking. During the countdown, all of the band members stepped up on the stage and I tried to squeeze my way to Zayn but he was way too surrounded by the dancers. He made no attempt to get me too, even though he saw me. I was very sure he saw me for I smiled at him.
I finally managed to catch up with him at backstage.
“Zayn!” I dashed into the room not caring if Harry was stripped down to his boxers and the rest of them half naked.
“Whoa!” Harry screamed as he pretended to cover his privates.
“I’m not interested in you,” I chuckled as I threw him a towel which I grabbed from the rack.
Zayn was sitting in front of the dressing mirror in a singlet. He took a look at me through the reflection before reverting back to cleaning his face.
“Zayn,” I pulled out a chair and sat next to him. “Why are you avoiding me?”
I saw the boys nudged each other from the corner of my eye, before they disappeared out of the room.
“I am not,” Zayn replied.
“Really?” I eyed him dubiously.
He kept quiet.
My irritation got the better of me, “What’s your problem?”
“Nothing,” he mumbled.
“You are acting very strange…”
“Nothing really,” he insisted.
“You don’t look like you are happy to see me,” I pointed out.
“I’m just tired,” he said.
I let out a deep sigh. “You have nothing to say to me?” The boys would be leaving the very next day to Holmes Chapel – Harry’s hometown.
“Like what?”
“Zayn Malik!” I glared at him.
“Look, I’m tired okay,” he finally turned to look at me.
“I haven’t seen you for weeks, and that’s the only thing you can say to me?” I looked at him, shocked.
“What’s a few weeks compare to a few months…?” he mumbled.
Then it struck me.
“You are angry,” I said.
“How can I not be?” his tone filled with rising anger. “You decided to quit the band for good. You missed our Christmas date as well.”
My eyes widened with shock. “I talked and discussed it with you. It was impossible to cope with both! And Christmas – what did you expect me to do? Leave my mom alone at home?”
He kept quiet.
“Are you being a little unreasonable?” I asked him.
He groaned and ruffled his hair. “I’m just…”
“You are upset, so am I,” I said. “But I have my priorities as well. I thought you would understand… how much I was looking forward to school…”
“I know,” he said. “All you ever talked about was school and all those music stuff.”
“But…”
“I’m sorry I can’t really understand all those.”
“I don’t…”
“You sounded like you would enjoy school more than with us… with me…”
Huh? What was wrong with him?
“Why are you behaving like this?” I shook my head.
“You’ve changed…”
Huh? I had what…?
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“It just seems like the gap between us is getting wider…”
“What are you implying…?”
“Let’s break up.”
I stared him dumb-founded.
“What did you just say…?”
“We are two people from two different worlds. Too much differences. It’s getting too difficult to cope…”
“You are telling me difficult to cope?” I asked in disbelief. “Look here, who’s having a more difficult time? I have people all over at my doorstep every day just because of all your flings. I have to cope with all these stupid Twitter messages and insults. When I walk on the street, people point fingers at me. And now, I might even face expulsion from school because I decided to be with you. And you are telling me you find it difficult to cope?”
“I’m sorry…” he mumbled. “Let’s just remain as friends.”
He stood up and walked out of the room.
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I stood at the doorstep of the campus of the Royal College Music. First day of the orientation week.
It had been a week since we broke up.
Since then, I had also stopped following the news of One Direction. News had spread fast. Everybody knew about our broke-up – with reason as I wanted to concentrate on my studies. Suited me well.
I had cried for the last seven days until there was no tears left. If not for Val and Colin, I probably had cried myself to death.
I still could not understand why Zayn chose to break up with me so randomly. I tried to ask message him but he simply ignored my messages. The rest of the boys were very sweet about it. Danielle was so upset that she made Liam go find out what was wrong with Zayn. But I was no longer interested to know.
The hurt was too painful. All I wanted to do now was to concentrate on my studies and fulfil my scholarship.
After all, this was part and parcel of life.
Still, I thanked God for this twist of fate bringing me to where I am today.
***AUTHOR'S NOTE***
Yes, there will be an epilogue ~