Chapter 18
Actions Are Louder than Words
"No." I blurted
I can't disobey Ben. All the cards are in his hands as always and I'm stuck under his orders.
"This isn't up for debate, if you want to get outta here you I can sign out after Dr. Feller checks you out." Jason said in a stern voice
Pulling myself up I shook my head in protest unsure of what to say without telling him to much.
"I don't want to go with you." I managed to say although my voice wasn't convincing at all
Lucielle dropped my hand with a slight frown on her usual happy face. I ignored her disappointed face, that's exactly what I didn't want to see.
Jason took a step back as he dug his fingers into his hips. His thin pink lips turned from side to side as he gazed up at the bright fluorescent lights above.
"I'm going back to Ben but not with Sarah." I said to Lucielle who turned her face from me
Seeing Lucielle like this is worse than returning to Ben. I hate hurting her after everything she has done.
"So your just going to dump her with us while you run back to that hell hole?"
The disgust in Jason's words made feel like some cheap whore. I know how this looks- me telling them to take my daughter.
I won't see her anymore. Pushing the thought away I reached over to the side table grabbing a pen and paper.
"I'll write down everything you need to know. She has no allergies but I'm not sure about seafood so just stay clear of that." I said as I scribbled
As I just wrote down her doctor's number Jason pulled the thin paper from my hand tossing it to the far wall.
"Like I said this is not up for debate so get any thoughts of going back to that monster out of your little red head." Jason said his eyes burning into me
The fierce blue flames caused my heart to ache to smooth the wrinkles on his forehead.
"I agree with Jason." Jack added as he came up to his wife's side
Lucielle nodded as she wiped her wet lashes from the tears I hadn't noticed she shed.
"You don't understand." I whispered feeling backed into a corner
"What don't we understand Gracie? That you are so in love with him that your willing to crawl back even after this?" Jason shouted angrily
Jack reached his hand out to pull Jason back as he came up against the wide gray bed. Jason shrugged his uncle off.
"Some women can't get out of a domestic relationship. They get trapped by low life assholes like Ben." Jason continued his rant
I swallowed the lump in my throat as I thought about all those helpless women who were probably in the same dilemma as me. But they also don't have great people like the McTern's behind them.
"I know." I replied weakly
"Are you still going back to him?" he asked
My throat went dry at the mixture of concern and anger in his handsome strong features. Why won't he let this go?
I answered his question by sighing out loud as I nodded my head. A strand of red hair few onto my face but I didn't dare move an inch.
"Damn you Gracie." he cursed in a low growl
Squeezing my eyes shut I tried to drown out the desperation in his tone. This is harder than I thought.
"Open your eyes and talk!" he shouted
The booming of his voice startled me as I slowly opened my eyes already seeing the stone like face staring me straight through.
"You don't understand." I repeated unsure of what else to say
"Explain it sweetheart, talk to us." Lucielle pleaded
As a reflex I shook my head when Jason placed both each of his large hands at the sides of my face as he lowered himself towards me.
"I swear on my parent's grave that you are not leaving this hospital with any one but me."
My eyes blurred with a set of tears at his promise. His dead parents- the ones I heard are the cause for Jason to run away? I heard he couldn't handle the pain so he left.
And he just swore to take me home.
"Please don't." I begged
His face softened just slightly but he quickly covered it up.
"Do you really love him that much?" he asked in a hoarse deep voice
Love Ben?! I fought the urge to laugh cruelly at his stupid assumption but I resisted. I loath Ben! If I could I'd have pressed charges against him and watch as he rots for years in that prison.
I didn't answer noticing now how I could use the lie to my advantage.
"Do you?" Jason asked in a gentler tone
As much as I wanted to say yes and get this interrogation over with I couldn't lie with Jason staring so intently at me. It was as if he could see what I was hiding.
"No." I finally admitted
Jason's shoulders relaxed at my response. He's relieved?
"Than why?"
"I want to return-he's family." I lied
The fire returned to his eyes as Jason leaned in with his face pinched with anger fiercer than before.
"Family doesn't do what the son of bitch has." Jason hissed
My heart literally jumped into my throat, is he referring to what I think he is? Lifting my hands up to my lap I concealed my panic inside.
"He has done nothing any other loving stepfather would do." I forced the words out
They tasted bitter as they left my lips. Loving?! Ha Ben is the opposite of a loving parent. From the corner of my eye I saw Lucielle shake her head furiously causing her blonde hair to hit her gentle face.
"He's loving?" Jason asked his voice laced with an edge
With my eyes locked with his I nodded hating myself for this. Jason bit his bottom lip as he searched my face for any sign of a lie.
"Do you consider sleeping in the same bed a parenting method?"
My bottom lip hung open as I stared with doe like eyes at Jason's manly face. I swallowed feeling my throat dry as sand paper.
"Jason." Jack said in a warning tone
But he ignored Jack's warning as a twitchy frown spread on his stubbled face.
"When did it start?" he asked
"I don't know what your talking about." I said in a steady voice
Forcing my fear down I sat up still intimidated by his knowing look. Pressing my shaky hands to his chest I pushed him gently at first but when he didn't move I used more force.
"Move." I said through clenched teeth
"Did you allow him?"
"Jason!" Lucielle shouted at his question
I felt my bottom lip tremble as I continued to push at his chest but it was no use. My chest tightened at how close he is to the truth.
"Answer my questions!" he growled
A sob shook my shoulders as I balled my fists and hit his chest. I only hit him twice before he grabbed both my fists in one hand. I shook my head refusing to lose it in front of him.
Taking a ragid breath I tried twisting out of his hold but I felt weak and tired to fight anymore.
"Please just let me go." I croaked as I dropped my head low
My red hair fell over my face as hot tears escaped my eyes and dropped onto the bed sheet. I heard Lucielle take a sharp breath.
"I can't." he said his voice deep with emotion
Jason's long bronze fingers tilted my chin up so I was staring up at his soft blue orbs. A sigh left my lips, why is it one look like that can make my knees quake?
He gulped hard causing his adams apple to bobble.
"Have you had sex with him?" he asked in a soft voice
My chest tightened as I struggled to breath. I tried leaning back but Jason's grip on my hands held me in place.
"Ye-" I couldn't finish so I nodded
A muscle in Jason's jaw twitched as his face hardened but his hands remained feather light. Jack muttered a curse as he shook his head. Is he disgusted? Turning my face away from them all, I don't want to see their reactions.
It sickens me at what I have done to avoid a beating.
"Don't hide." Jason whispered as he cupped my face in his large ones
My bottom lip trembled when he forced my gaze back to him. The sympathy clear on his face. His thumb rubbed my lips causing them to tingle under his gentle caress.
"Did you want to or did he force you?"
Shock and relief filled me at the truth finally coming out. I opened my mouth to speak but I couldn't seem to utter a single word.
"Gracie?" Jack called out
How am I suppose to tell them that Ben didn't force me anymore? Before Sarah was born yes but now I didn't fight him. It was easier that way. A new set of tears brimmed my eyes before running down my face.
It was than I lost it. Everything felt too much to handle, Ben's threat, Sarah's safety, Jason's assumptions. Its too much. A sob slipped through my slightly parted lips, raising my hands I covered my face as I cried for all the misery I have been through and the future misery. Would it ever be over?
A pair of strong arms circled my shoulders and pulled me forward into a rock wall of muscle. One wide hand was on my back while the other rested on the back of my head.
"Oh god." Jason mumbled under his breath not meaning for me to hear
He stroked the back of my hair like I would for Sarah when she is upset. His hand on my back rubbed in small circles as I cried into his chest. I lifted my arms to circle his waist but hesitated.
The hand that was rubbing my back grabbed my arms one by one and wrapped it around his waist. Immediately my arms tightened around his slender waist as his hands returned to my back.
"He- he..." I began but the words died on my tongue
"Shh love your safe now, he can't hurt you." Jason assured me
I shook my head against his chest, I'm not. Ben can still hurt me and my daughter. Crying over this won't help, I need to continue on with the plan.
With a deep breath I let my arms dropped from his waist as I pulled away from him. Unlike before Jason let go immediately. With the back of my hand I wiped my eyes dry and sniffed.
Looking to the side I saw a red eyed Lucielle crying against her husbands shoulder as she watched me. Even Jack had a a few tears rolling down his slightly wrinkled cheeks. There faces made me feel more guilty so I turned my gaze back to Jason's.
I was shocked to see his eyes moist with tears as well. My heart leapt in excitement but quickly dropped as I forced my emotions down.
Letting out a deep breath I spoke "Since you ripped the first ones could you get me new leave papers so I can leave this place." I said in a odd dark voice
"Sure, Lucielle has everything ready for you at my place." Jason said as he blinked the tears away
I shook my head ignoring his soft features, I like the new Jason but I can't get distracted.
"I'm going home Jason." I said
"What?" he asked his eyes widening
Poking my chin out I managed to muster up enough courage to nod. Jason shook his head as he examined my face for any sign of me changing my mind.
"Nothing you can say can change my mind." I said
"Grace he'll hurt you." Jack said with glassy eyes
He will. I shook my head about to defend Ben but I couldn't argue anymore. I don't want to argue.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Jason spit
I pressed my lips together willing myself not to breakdown like earlier.
"Do you enjoy what he does?"
Jason's face twisted in disgust as his bottom lip curled downwards. I wanted to scream at him for even thinking that?
He flexed his fingers at his side.
"Is that it? You like sleeping with him?"
"You don't know anything about me." I replied in a solid voice
One corner of his mouth tipped upwards as he snorted at my words.
"Actions speak louder than words." he said
Under the blanket I balled my fists up as frustration flooded through me.
"Do they Mr. McTern? Because your words at the diner seemed louder than your sudden change in attitude towards me." I said as I narrowed my eyes
I saw a flash of regret cross his angry features before he covered it up. So he does feel bad, good he deserves to.
"How are you judging me when you did the same thing twenty four hours ago? You believed his lies so quickly." I shook my head as the raw wound reopened
"He tricked me-" Jason began before I interrupted him
"No you chose to believe him because you needed that one excuse to hate me."
Jack and Lucielle looked between us with both confusion and understanding. He never told them, that's good because I'd hate for them to think I was some whore.
"I don't hate you." he sighed
A cruel laugh bubbled from my lips as I watched Jason shift on his other foot uncomfortably.
"I'm sure you don't since your exact words were 'a roll in the hay'." I shouted
He shut his eyes and bit his bottom lip, his aunt and uncle turned to him with their brows knitted together.
"Do you want to explain?" Jack asked as he crossed his arms over his chest
"Yes please explain to them but after I leave." I said as I whipped the blankets off of me
Before my feet touched the ground Jason was at my side. "Nice try, get your ass back in that bed."
He grabbed my forearms and pushed me back. I wiggled in his tight grasp desperate to get away from his warm touch.
"I can do what I want, I'm a grown woman." I argued
"Your a child." he replied
I shook in a attempt to get him off but his fingers dug deeper but was still gentle.
"Get off of me!" I shouted "You said it yourself you don't want to know my dirty laundry."
"That's what your angry about, the bastard beats you half to death and your angry about a few harsh words I said?"
Tears blurred my vision as I recalled his exact words 'I don't want you'. It felt like he stabbed me in the chest with those four words. It hurt, he hurt me worse than Ben could.
"You never even apologized." I said in a low voice
"I guess I haven't." he said as his shoulders drooped
That's all he has to say. Anger welled up inside me at his simple answer. He still hasn't apologized.
"It doesn't matter please let me go."
His eyes softened as he looked me over. "I hurt you?"
I snorted at his stupid question. He called he a damn bed hopper! Accused me of hurting Sarah and he thinks he hurt me?
"I was angry I never meant to hurt you."
"Yes you did." I said as I pulled one arm free
"Well yes but I felt horrible afterwards. Stop wiggling."
Frustrated I made a small growling sound. "Leave me alone."
"Not until you come home with me."
"No."
"You are not leaving this hospital without me got it."
My breathing quickened, Ben will be expecting me soon. I bit my lip as panic settled in my chest.
"I can't!" I shouted
Jason bent down so we were at eye level. His soft blue eyes were mesmerizing as they practically saw straight through me.
"Why? Tell me why?"
"I just can't." I cried
"Yes you can Gracie."
I shook my head as the tears ran down my face for what felt like the millionth time. His warm hand settled on my trembling one.
"Talk to me." he said, I bit the inside of my cheek
"Gracie." he growled
"Ben came here earlier and.." I stopped short feeling my throat clog with emotion
What am I doing?! Ben will literally flip out! My heart slammed against my chest in fear. Slipping my hand from under Jason's I covered my mouth as a sob slipped out.
"What did he say?" Lucielle blurted
"He told you to go back, didn't he?" Jason asked
I nodded my head as I wept into my palm. A curse left Jason's lips followed by one I thought I'd never hear.
"Did he threaten you?" Jack asked angrily
"He's going... to.... take.... Sarah." I hiccuped
"He can't." Lucielle gasped with her hand on her throat
"He can if he's the father." Jason huffed out
Two horrified pair of eyes turned to and at that moment I knew there was no turning back. A burning started in my chest, I rubbed the area feeling terrified at the truth finally coming out.
"I need to go back or he'll take her away." I said
"No." Jason said as he clenched his jaw
Did he hear me? Sarah will get hurt if I don't do as he says. As if hearing my thoughts Jason raked his fingers through his dark hair.
"That son of a bitch isn't going to hurt Sarah or you. I won't let him." Jason promised
"How?" I whispered feeling hopeless
Jason searched my face with such tenderness in his eyes I nearly melted.
"I'll take care of you Gracie." he said as he bent and placed a gentle kiss to my forehead
My heart soared at the promise but my brain wasn't as easy to win over. As much as I want to I can't fall for more of Jason's perfect words.
There is only so much heart break I can take.