*Marianne*
It was our fifth day in London and I was tired.
After Jack had posted that picture with me on Instagram the day before, my notifications blew up. People automatically thought we were dating and I honestly didn’t realize how much hate the boys’ girlfriends got on a daily basis.
The fans found my Twitter and Facebook through Instagram and immediately started adding and following me. Jack also followed me on Twitter of course, which only made my notifications blow up even more.
You’re not pretty enough for him.
Ugly bitch, what does Jack see in you?
He’s only using you for sex. After one night, he’ll be gone.
I laughed out loud at the last one, even though Jack got mad that his fans were treating me like that. I knew that they were only jealous that I was friends with him. I’ll admit I used to be one of those girls, minus the harsh words.
So my evening was spent replying to the positive tweets asking how I was, what other bands I listened to, and what hair dye I used. Add in the fact that Jack had cuddled into my side on his bed, put on Home Alone, and ordered a couple of pizzas and I was actually happy. I ended up falling asleep with Jack’s arm slung over my stomach and my legs entangled with his.
When I woke up the next day, I was incredibly worn out. I just didn’t have the energy to get out of bed even though I realized I was still in my clothes from the day before and I really had to pee. Mine and Jack’s legs were still tangled together and his mop of hair was splattered across his forehead.
When I no longer could resist the urge to urinate, I hesitantly scooted my way off of the bed and walked to the bathroom, which Zack was just leaving.
“Hey, I’ve been meaning to thank you,” he said in a soft voice in attempt to not wake anyone else.
“Why would you thank me?” I asked in utter confusion.
“Jack’s been more of himself since we’ve been here. You make him happy, and that makes the rest of us happy. Just whatever you do, don’t give up on him, okay?” Zack pulled me into a tight hug to complete his thanks.
“I wouldn’t even if I could,” I nearly whispered into his shoulder.
“Good,” Zack smiled. “Could you also make sure he takes one of these? He hasn’t been since we’ve been here.”
He handed me a bottle of prescription pills and I looked at him in confusion.
“They’re anti-depressants,” he answered my unasked question.
“Oh,” was all I could think to say.
Jack was depressed? I would’ve never guessed that. I mean sure he’s been a bit emotional over the past few days with me, but I thought he was just lonely and lacking self-confidence. Huh.
I made it my life mission to make sure he was okay. He had thousands upon thousands of people looking up to him; he was their sunshine on the dark days. Hell, he was my sunshine too! He always went out of his way to make sure everyone around him was happy, he wore his heart on his sleeve, and he was so passionate about his music and band.
I wasn’t sure why, but Jack basically had me wrapped around his finger. Maybe it was because I got to see the real him and he trusted me with that. Either way, I knew I was already in too deep and he was going to be stuck with me for a long time.
I finally peed, brushed through my hair and teeth, and changed into a pair of sweatpants and a Glamour Kills tee. Jack had moved my luggage into the boys’ room the night before since I wasn’t spending much time in my own room anyway.
I opened the door between our rooms and saw Carly and Alex cuddled up in her bed, and Michaela sleeping haphazardly across hers. Behind me, Zack was sitting on his bed with Holly’s sleeping head in his lap, and Rian was sound asleep on the fluffy couch near the door.
I smiled to myself, and realized just how happy we all were in that moment.
“Marianne?” Jack’s deep morning voice croaked, demolishing the silence.
“I’m here,” I whispered, walking back to him.
“I thought for a minute you’d left.” He looked down at his hands, seemingly bothered.
“Why would I leave, silly?” I was so confused and I thought we were past that.
“Everyone does,” Jack glanced at my face and I could see the sadness in his eyes.
“Well lucky for you, I’m not going anywhere, Jack.” I tried to lighten the mood by gently poking his cheek.
“You will though. No one sticks around for too long. I’m only good for one fucking night. Just when I think someone’s different, that they might actually like me for me, they leave. I should be used to it but it still fucking hurts. And now I’m afraid that I won’t be able to control my drinking or I’ll piss you off one too many times and you’ll leave too. And honestly, you’re the most real thing I have.”
“You listen here. I’m not going anywhere, and I do like you for you. I don’t know how you haven’t figured that out yet, but there’s something between us, Jack. I don’t know what it is exactly but I do know that I want to keep falling asleep with you by my side and I want to be the one you always trust with your secrets. I want to make sure you’re happy, and I want to be a part of the reason why. I don’t care what you say or do, but I’m staying right here.”
Jack looked up at me in awe and pulled me down to sit beside him on the bed. I mentally noted that Zack silently moved from his sitting position on his bed and nearly tiptoed out of the room.
“Why do you care so much?”
“Because I know what it’s like to feel like you’re alone, like you have no reason to smile, to laugh, to carry on with your life. I’ve been there and I can promise you that it does get better. I just want to make sure that it gets better for you. You mean too much to me to be so sad.” I felt the heat in my cheeks from being a bit embarrassed at myself for admitting that.
“You were depressed?” Jack’s eyes were wide and I could see how hurt he was from my revelation.
“I was,” I answered.
“I’m sorry.”
“Why are you sorry? You had nothing to do with it.” I started playing with his fingers out of nervousness.
“That’s why I’m sorry. I wish I could’ve been there. I would’ve made sure you were happy. I can’t imagine you being like... like me.” Jack looked so torn up about it that I couldn’t resist the urge to lace my fingers through his.
“You helped me in a way, you know,” I admitted.
“How,” Jack asked.
“Your music helped me stay strong. As lame as that sounds, it’s true. You were my bit of happiness in the midst of my cloud of sadness. You reminded me that I had a reason to smile, and that’s really why I’m here now. If it weren’t for you and the guys, I’m not sure I would’ve made it.”
Wow, I probably just sounded like some psychopathic fangirl. Way to go, Marianne.
“You would’ve found a way to save yourself. You didn’t need me, or us. It was all you,” Jack smiled before embracing me in a tight hug.
“Maybe, but now you need to do the same. I may not have needed you back then, but I do now,” I muttered into his chest.
“I need you, too.”
I pulled away and handed him the bottle of pills.
“Take one, Jack. Please, for me?” I asked, batting my eyelashes in hopes of him giving in.
“Fine, but only for you.” He grinned, lifting up the glass of water next to the bed and swallowing a pill.
“Thank you,” I smiled.
Jack looked at me a bit oddly and before I knew it, his nose was nearly touching mine. I didn’t even have time to question what he was doing before his soft yet chapped lips were planted firmly on mine.
It took me a second to loosen up, having this been my first kiss. I finally figured out my lips were supposed to move against his and just followed his lead. He was very experienced in the kissing department and I was a bit intimidated, not going to lie. But it was so sweet, the way that one of his hands was barely touching my waist while the other was holding my hair behind one of my ears.
Our lips weren’t locked for too long before I pulled away and rested my forehead against his.
Jack smiled and whispered, “No, thank you.”
My heart nearly broke at his words, but I just pulled him closer and kissed him again.