Outfit: http://www.polyvore.com/24/set?id=118466115
*4am*
"WAHHHHH!" Tyler screamed, I groaned and rolled out of bed. I walked into the twins' room and picked Tyler up. I nursed him gently while singing some song, probably my own lyrics, I was that tired. Once he was quiet and nursed him till he fell back to sleep. I placed him down in the cot and tucked him in, I checked on Ava before closing the door and walking out.
I went to that bathroom and did my business before washing my hands, I turned and just as I was about to leave, I saw the box. THE box. I sighed and rolled up my sleeves, the lines were writing across my arms. The redder ones from last night shone bright against my pale skin.
It's been 2 months since Luke's gone, it's just been Christmas and I'm officially 18. I'm still single and I'm still suicidal. Every night I've argued with myself whether I should do it or not, every night, the twins cry for love. I couldn't leave them like my parents left me. I climbed back into bed and slowly closed my eyes. I slowly drifted to sleep.
DREAM****
I stood at the back watching as the love of my life committed his love to some random girl. I stood watching as he smiled deeply into her eyes. He slid the ring onto her finger and she did the same for him.
"You may now kiss the bride." The priest smiled.
Luke leaned in and his lips met the blondes, their lips moved together fast and he pulled away, the walked down the aisle and everyone threw confetti, the blonde giggled and Luke pulled her outside, they walked to the edge of the cliff and looked down. Luke smiled and grabbed her tiny waist.
"I love you." Luke told her.
"Even more then Lily?" She asked.
"Way more then Lily." He smiled, kissing her lips.
They went to their honeymoon and somehow I was following them.
Luke pushed her inside the tiny house and I stood watching them from outside. She pulled off his shirt and kissed down his neck, my heart broke and he moaned loudly. He slowly undid her dress and I turned away. It began raining as I ran away, tears fell from my eyes as the ever growing heartache filled my chest.
"He never loved you. It was all a lie." I told myself, I came to the bridge and I just threw myself off. I just fell and I fell for what seemed like eternity. Finally I saw the floor and I hit it.
END OF DREAM******
I stood up and walked into the bathroom, I splashed my face with cold water and took a deep breath.
"Pull yourself together Lily, this is pathetic." I told myself. I looked in the mirror and it was clear I wasn't sleeping. My eyes were dark and dull, my face was pale and dragged. I had no motivation to do anything, I have no energy anymore, I turn up to work late everyday because I spend the maximum of 4 hours laying in bed trying to pry myself out of bed.
There's no point.
My phone rang and I picked it up.
"Hey?" I asked, already knowing it was Tobie.
"Hey, I'm picking you up in 10 minutes be ready." He told me.
"Ugh, Tobe, I don't want to work today." I whined.
"Get ready now Lily." He demanded.
"Ugh, whatever." I replied hanging up. I laid back on my bed and closed my eyes.
Tobie's P.O.V
"She's fucking testing me!" I exclaimed to Carter who nodded.
"Just be easy on her yeah? She's having a hard time, just calm." He told me, I nodded and he kissed me, I smirked against his lips and bit on his bottom lip, hard. Carter moaned and I pulled away.
"I need to get her up, see you in a minute." I smiled before walking to my car, I jumped in and quickly drove to Lily's house, I unlocked her door and headed upstairs. I opened her door and sighed. Her cuts were visible from here, I felt my eyes water and I blinked them away before going into the twins room. I got them dressed before putting them on their play mat, I went into her room and put on my 'I couldn't care less act'.
See, with Lily you have to be tough because when she knows she can get something, she pretends to be incapable, something me and Carter have noticed. She worry her little head and panic, she'll them convince herself she can't do something and go in search of sympathy, she's not an attention seeker, she just needs sympathy to get her what she wants.
"Lily get your fucking ass up or I'll dress you!" I exclaimed, she groaned and rolled herself in her blanket.
It kills me to do this, It kills me seeing her like this, she was giving up.
"GET IN THE FUCKING SHOWER, OR I'LL SHOWER YOU MYSELF!" I yelled grabbing her wrists. This IS harsh but it's what gets her working.
"Not today please Tobie." She cried, I dragged her into the bathroom and turned on the shower.
"You asked for it." I muttered pulling her shirt off her, she couldn't care less. I grabbed a hold of her waist and pushed her trousers off her. She simply lowered her head and began crying.
"I'm sorry." She mumbled.
"JUST GET DRESSED!" I screamed and she nodded, I walked out and walked to the twins. I sat on the sofa and laid back covering my face in my hands. It physically hurts me seeing her like this, she's lost all her hope, faith and strengths. It makes me so sad.
I heard the shower shut off and I went into her room, I grabbed some clothes and she walked out. I threw them at her and she sighed. She picked them up before getting dressed in the bathroom. She walked out in the Sleeping With Sirens top, black jeans and her Sleeping With Sirens shoes. She slid on some bracelets before putting in some earrings and walking downstairs. I carried the twins into my car and saw her sat on the couch.
"Lily! Get up!" I exclaimed, she stood up and groaned, I pulled her into my car and strapped her in the passenger seat. She sat with her feet on the dashboard.
"Feet down." I told her, she nodded and dropped them down.
"You did it again." I stated.
"Yes." She replied, looking out the window, I'm a year older then her yet I feel like her father.
"Lily you need to stop." I told her, my fingers wrapping tightly around the steering wheel.
"No! I'm hoping to lose enough blood until I die!" She exclaimed, I pulled over at the café and saw Carter smiling, he saw my pissed face and raised an eyebrow.
"Lily! How can you say that?" I asked her.
"BECAUSE I WANT TO DIE!" She screamed, I unclipped my belt and threw myself at her, I slapped her arm and she shrieked before hitting me back, Carter ran in and grabbed her, he pulled her out of the car and pulled her into the café. I waited until he came back.
"She's a fucking handful." I muttered, he nodded and picked up Tyler's carrier before carrying him inside, I grabbed Ava and walked inside. I saw Lily was locked in the store room, we are handling her so wrong but I need her better and Samantha's left so she can't go to therapy. I unlocked her door and she walked out, she hugged me and cried into me.
Another regular thing, she thinks about what just happens, beats herself up and then apologises, I will never know how Luke kept her sane but that's the power of love, I guess. I hugged her and pulled her back, wiping her tears. She smiled and grabbed her apron, she tided herself up before serving. I kissed Carter before we sat with the twins.
One thing bugged me, something was going to happen, I can feel it.
Little did I know what it really was.
Lily's P.O.V
It's been 5 hours since my mini fight with Tobie, I'm such a terrible person.
I headed over to the new group of teens that walked in, I mentally groaned and went to take their order.
"Hi, what can I get you?" I asked in a dull tone, with a fake smile on my face.
"Better service." The blonde bimbo laughed.
"Ok, A) there's no one else B) you actually think I want to serve you and your group? and C) answer the question." I smiled.
"Ugh, someone's on their period." One of the boys sniggered.
"OK, let's get this straight, just because stupid boys don't get periods doesn't mean whenever a group of hormonal whores walk into my café and annoy me, they can say I'm on my period because, I can assure you, if I was I would have killed you by now, so shut up and answer the question." I rolled my eyes.
"Ugh, have you had a break up or something cause you look like you've been hit by a truck." A red head laughed.
"Do I look like a person that would ever get a decent person that loves them? Oh and I haven't been hit by a truck, unfortunately." I drifted off.
"So you want to die?" A boy asked.
"Yes, now answer the bloody question, what do you want?" I asked them.
"EW I DON'T WANT SOME SUICIDAL EMO SERVING MY FOOD!" The blonde screamed. I rolled my eyes and picked up the ketchup, I opened it and squirted it in her hair.
"Whoops, I slipped." I smirked.
"YOU'RE SO FUCKING RUDE! UGH GO EAT SOME MORE FATTY FOODS BECAUSE THAT'S ALL YOU EAT!" She screamed before walking off, one of the boys pushed me against a wall.
"You're a fucking ugly, fat, pathetic, disgusting little rat." He spat.
"I know." I laughed before he punched my stomach and walked away, I sunk to the floor. Tobie ran up to me.
"Are you OK?" He asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I smiled, it was fake, everything is fake.
"Can I go home now?" I asked him.
"Sure, I'll drive you." Tobie smiled, He locked up the café and Carter carried the twins to the car. He strapped them in and Tobie drove us all home. Before I got out, I hugged Carter.
"Thank you! For being an amazing person! Honestly, I'm sorry for making you go through this." I told him.
"It's fine, love you!" He smiled, kissing my head.
I moved to Tobie.
"Thank you! For everything, that time with Chase, for getting me out of bed everyday, thank you!" I smiled and kissed his cheek.
"It's fine." He replied and kissed my forehead.
"Bye." I smiled and picked up the twins before walking into my house.
Tobie's P.O.V
I turned to Carter after Lily walked into her house.
"Something's not right." I muttered to him.
"We'll come back and check on her in a hour or so." Carter told me, I nodded and I pulled out before driving home.
Something was screaming for me to turn around and stay with Lily but I decided against it.
Lily's P.O.V
I turned on my music and sat down closing my eyes. Untitled by Simple Plan played.
I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
I dropped the twins in their room, quickly hushing them to sleep. I ran to the phone and dialled Calum's number.
C-Hey.
L-Hey, you having fun?
C-Yeah, something's telling me you didn't just want a friendly chat.
L-I just wanted to say thank you.
C-what for?
L-Just being a friend, not many people wanted to be my friend, thanks Cal!
C-It's fine, wanna talk to Luke?
L-No but can you pass Mike over.
C-Sure.
M-HEY!
L-HEY!
M-So what up?
L-I just wanted to say thanks.
M-What for?
L-Being a friend, just being there when I've cried, I really can't thank you enough.
M-Hey, that's what friends are for.
L-Thanks, can you pass it to Ash?
A-Hey.
L-Hi.
A-How's Ava and Tyler?
L-they're fine, they're missing you though. Um...I just wanted to say, thank you.
A-What for?
L-Just everything, just thank you.
A-OK, Luke's out so do you wanna phone back or...?
L-Um, no I don't need him, just say to the others, I'm sorry and good luck, same for you.
A-What are you sorry for-*END*
I hung up and ran upstairs, it's now or never. I grabbed the notepad and pen.
Dear whoever finds this,
If you can see I'm still alive. Don't call the hospital, Don't do anything, let me die, it's better this way-Lily x
Dear Josie and Kerri,
Good luck for the future, go for it! ;-) x
Dear Tobie and Carter,
Good luck with the adoption, I just want you happy. Thank you. Thanks for everything, I'm sorry I had to drag you through this, please don't remember me, I love you like brothers, I couldn't hold on any longer. Loves you xx
Dear Calum, Ashton and Michael,
Hey Ash, I guess I wasn't strong enough. Please mention me to the twins, when they're grown up and beautiful, I love them, like I'd love my own kids. Thanks for getting me this far. I can't thank you for the amount of love and friendship you've all shown me, for a while you guys gave me hope and faith. Good luck for the future, I love you as friends xx
Dear Luke,
I don't know where to start. I'm sorry I broke you. I'm sorry, I hurt you and I never deserved you. I don't know if this means anything but I love you. I always have and I remember the day I met you, god why couldn't there have been another spare seat on the bus. I actually thought we'd get married one day and have some children. I bless you and your future wife and kids. Remember me? As long as you don't hurt, don't forget. DON'T YOU EVER GO NEAR A FUCKING RAZOR BLADE AGAIN! I always thought writing letters were too soppy but I can't video it, I look like shit, I still don't understand why we broke up, but you have my heart. I love you and I'm sorry. I'm crying as I'm writing this. I love you, forever and always-Lily xx
I walked to the twins and kissed their foreheads.
"Good luck beautifuls." I whispered before solemnly walking to the bathroom.
I closed the door and grabbed the blade.
I pushed the blade deeper and deeper into my wrist, I dragged it across and the blood poured out, I didn't cry though, I deserved this. I deserved this pain. The more blood I lost the more dizzy and light headed I became.
"I'll always love you Luke Hemmings."
With that, I fell to the floor as the dark liquid pooled around me.
Luke's P.O.V
I walked out of the jewellers, the small red box in my hand, I opened it and smiled, the ring shone bright as I turned it in the sun.
"Oh what a gentleman." An old woman walking by smiled.
"Ha, I've messed this girl too much, it's time to show her my love." I smiled at her.
"Well, I wish you the best and the lucky lady." She smiled before patting my back.
"Thank you." I smiled before we walked our separate ways.
"Lily Rivers, Lily Hemmings. At least it works." I smiled before slipping the box into my pocket and walking home.
Tobie's P.O.V
I pulled up at the house, no lights were on.
"Do you think she's in?" I asked Carter.
"I don't know, lets go see if she's OK." Carter told me, we climbed out of the car and I unlocked the door, the sound of crying babies filled the air and I ran into the twins' room.
"CARTER FIND LILY!" I yelled, trying to calm the children. I heard a few doors open and close and then I heard Carter shriek.
"CALL A FUCKING AMBULANCE!" He yelled running in, I saw the blood on his trouser leg and hands.
I grabbed my phone and rang an ambulance. I went to see the damage and as soon as I did, I fell to the floor. I ran towards her and dropped beside her, I saw Carter pressing his t-shirt to her bleeding wrists. I picked her up and cried.
"LILY RIVERS WAKE UP! LILY COME ON SWEETIE WAKE UP! WAKE UP FOR ME! FOR AVA! FOR TYLER! FOR LUKE PLEASE DON'T DIE!" I screamed, tears fell and I heard the sirens and paramedics ran inside, the bandaged her up and I saw the 5 notes on the side, I ripped up the 1st one before holding the 4 in my hands. The ambulance took her away and I grabbed the twins, Carter drove us to the hospital and I stood outside watching as the doctors pumped new blood into her. I held Carters hand and they finally managed to make her live.
The doctors left the room and one came up to us.
"I'm so sorry. She's slipped into a coma."
A/N: HEY!
OMG I CRIED WHILE WRITING THIS! :'''( xx
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