Warning that this is super intense.
I pulled out the cellular mobile device, as I think the humans call it, and began tapping at it with my finger. Except just because the universe HAPPENS TO HATE ME, it didn't fucking work. I slammed my nail at the screen, to nothing. NOTHING. I tried using the sliding instruction it gave me, telling me to move a shitty rectangular quadrilateral over, WHICH ALREADY HAD NO FUCKING POINT, and it maybe got carried ever so minimally to the side, BUT NEVER REACHED THE POINT IN WHICH THE DEVICE DECIDED TO SAY I COULD INSERT ITS PASSCODE. Once, it was even practically touching the end, and it JUST STOPPED AND RAN BACK TO THE END OF THE LINE LIKE I WAS SCARING IT.
"FUCKING ASSWHORE," I yelled at it, voice getting coarse and caught. "DO YOU FEAR ME, DO YOU FEAR YOUR LEADER. I FUCKING CREATED THIS SHITTY PLANET, YOU DISGRACEFULL CUBOID OF SHINING INTERACTIVE LIGHTS. I CREATED YOU!" I pierced into it with my voice, which was feeling more and more helpless as time passed on. Just 11am. Oh happy happy day.
MAYBE, if I wasn't such an idiot I could've created a better planet. Maybe f I wasn't such an idiot, I wouldn't have created humans, then I wouldn't have created cheaters, and then BY THE END I WOULDN'T HAVE CREATED DAVE OR JERKS OR THE CONCEPT OF CHEATEES AND THE WHOLE FUCKING LOAD OF THEM.
I breathed in heavily, pretending like the little red tears weren't gathering around my eyes. I WAS GETTING ANGRY AT A HUMAN MOBILULAR DEVICE. A MOBULAR DEVICE. OF COURSE IT WOULD HATE ME, I'D HATE THE BEING THAT CREATED ME AS WELL. WHY WAS I ANGRY AT IT, IT'S POINTLESS. UGH, WHY DO I FEEL EMOTIONS. NEXT TIME I EVER GET THE CHANCE TO CREATE A SPECIES, I'D BETTER GET KANAYA TO MAKE SURE SHE BREEDS THEM.
Finally, it magically decided to open up and slide by itself and I tried not to just be that weird asshole who screams in the middle of the street. Okay, now maps. To home.
NEW MESSAGE: hey karkat where r u? i'm over at urs
~John
DO YOU EVEN KNOW. DO YOU EVEN KNOW. DO YOU EVEN FUCKING KNOW JOHN YOU FUCKING SON OF A BITCH. JOHN YOU IDIOT. HOW OBLIVIOUS TO I SEEM TO EVERYONE. OH YEAH, LOOK AT KARKAT, HIS MIND IS JUST ELYSIUM - I KNOW, LET'S GO BEHIND HIS FUCKING BACK AND FUCK, HE'LL NOT NOTICE. HE'LL JUST SIT THERE IN HIS LITTLE PERFECT WORLD. YOU KNOW, HE DOESN'T HATE HIMSELF IT'S JUST TOTAL BLISS OVER THERE. TOTAL. BLISS.
The phone started ringing and a picture of a bee showed up along with an irritating bzzzzzz. I picked it up.
"Hey, thitfathe, what'th up? I heard thomething'th up?" Sollux's lisp greeted me, with an almost obnoxious laugh.
"YEAH WELL WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT TO KNOW?!"
"Jeeth, KK. Try nithe thometime. People'd apprethiate you more."
"I'VE HAD ENOUGH WITH APPRECIATION YOU BASTARD. EVERYONE I KNOW IS A BASTARD. EVERYONE. EVERYONE FUCKING SUCKS AND YOU KNOW WHAT??? I SUCK THE MOST. SO DON'T EVEN SAY THAT 'OH IF YOU WERE NICE THEN EVERYONE WOULD STOP BEING IDIOTS' CAUSE THEY WOULDN'T, SOLLUX. THEY WOULDN'T. YOU DON'T FUCKING GET IT."
"What'th wrong?"
"I HATE YOU ALL. EVERY SINGLE ONE."
"WHAT ITH WRONG?!" Now there was something new in his voice. Something that'd never been in there - concern. Genuine. Concern.
Suddenly. My voice closed. No no no. My throat closed and tightened and all that there was was silence.
"KK? KK, where the fuck are you?!"
Silence.
"KK, WHERE ARE YOU??!!"
I hung up on him hanging there, and I took a seat on the road, and I buried by face into my knees as my shoulders shook and I could feel strawberry colored tears streaming down my face like a dam had just been opened and was flooding the land. No. no more. I didn't want to deal with this. I didn't want to FUCKING deal with this. No no no. No. I'm a shitty person - I get that - but no more. No more. I don't want any of this. I DON'T WANT IT.
My phone rang, and even though I couldn't see it's screen as it lay turned over on the sidewalk next to me, the ringtone of frogs croaking told me that it was Jade. My thumb answered it accidentally - bumping into it.
"Karkat, Karkat are you there?" Her high pitched voice sounded comforting on a normal day, but it meant nothing to me right now. I just stayed there, shaking, and wimpering helplessly. God, I was so weak.
My hand brought it up to my ear and I took a deep breath. "Hey Jade." I couldn't keep up the screaming anymore.
"KARKAT OHMYGOD ARE YOU OKAY?"
"Does word really spread that quickly? Who told you?"
"Kankri saw you from the house nextdoor and told Sollux, who told me." A phone call interupted the conversation, and the phone rung.
"Could you wait a second Jade?"
"Sure." I answered the other line that was interfering with the call. I could even recognize Dave from his breathing.
"LISTEN UP YOU-YOU IDIOT.
FUCK YOU.
FUCK YOU TO THE DEPTH OF SPACE UNTIL YOU GET SENT SO FAR OUT INTO THE UNIVERSE THAT YOU OFFICIALLY LEAVE IT, AND DIE INSTANTANEOUSLY, AND INEXPICABLY PAINFULLY.
FUCK YOU. AND LISTEN BECAUSE I MEAN IT THIS TIME. FUCK. YOU! AND LET IT EAT AWAY AT YOU!" I hung up on him immediately, and I could hear the change in sound immediately, and I was back to Jade.
"Karkat!"
"Hey, Jade."
"How're you? What're you feeling?" Jade could be a pychologist if she really wanted to, that's how calm she was, but still how sympathetic she seemed.
"Usual." I wiped tears away from the tear ducts in my eyes. "Like shit."
"Karkat, I just want to put out that I don't agree with any of the things that dave did, and I don't think I ever will and ever have. It's completely wrong and I didn't know he was that sort of person. I wouldn't expect it."
I didn't either. "Yeah." I replied, then I heard a shuffling about in the house I was in front of. The clicking of a door behind me, and the sound of it creakily opening. "Crap."
"Karkat?" Came Jade's voice through the phone, and I got up and started running swiftly the block. I knew it was Terezi opening the door to her house behind me. I noticed the quick shuffle in the way she was stepping, and how hurriedly she was trying ot lock her house with her keys jingling. She wore a white hoodie with a rainbow stream going down her left side. The other troll's breathing was sharp as though worried, but she still looked like she could crack a smile any moment under pressure. It was a trait that Terezi carried. When she started moving in my direction, in quick steps, towards a car. Oh God, I was doing a lot of running today.
It was like I could see her squinting as I started fading into the distance. "Karkles?" I heard her whisper at first, but then it grew louder. "KARKAT?" Without a reply, I knew that she wouldn't follow me, but I also knew that she was going in the same direction as me.
"Karkat?" Jade's voice was still on the line, and I could just imagine that she was hearing the sound of me running out of breath.
I just ran.
Like I did before, but harder. It was like I knew how to get home and because I'd done it before, I could run faster.
Running towards the problem. This needed to finish. NOTHING EVEN MAKES FUCKING SENSE ANYMORE.
I could hear all the thoughts crowding my head, like I was in a cheesy action movie where the hero gets surrounded by all the criminals.
His love is a lie, Karkat. It was always a lie. He never loved you. No one could ever love you, Karkat. You're just too much of a bad fucking person.
I KNOW, I KNOW I SUCK. STOP IT.
You've lost control. It's coming to get you. Dave's a cheater. He dated an idiot, and now he's even got the cheatee at home. John doesn't even know you know. In fact, they're probably fucking right now. Making out. Human to human. You're not human, fuckface. Dave wants a human. Not an emotionally unstable alien freak.
STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT.
Run. I bet they're right there right now.
That's why I was running. That HAD to be why I was running. The voice had completely taken over, nerves, senses it was all there. I could see the white, suburban house coming up, and I ran harder, then slowly into a jog, which became a walk, which slumped back into a crawl, and back into a sprint until I was at the window.
John and Dave were there, I could see them - the window let you have a view of the living room. They had confusion plastered on their faces. None of them would notice me, but the only thing on my mind was them. It was like the earth had put its sound into mute, and I couldn't hear the sound of voices, or cars, or the breeze. Just watch the scene unfold in front of me. They were too busy with the video game on their mind.
I saw John's arms fling into the air, irritated - probably 'cause he'd lost. Probably accusing Dave of cheating. I did the same with Sollux. John was never really a killer at video games. The black haired teen started flinging his arms around, and Dave tackled him - looking like he was telling him to shut up and calm down. Probably something about how losing your cool wasn't cool. But no one but me saw the position they were in when Dave tackled John. Dave was on top of John, with his hands pinning John down on the ground. They were only a few centimeters away from making out.
Then, amidst the silence of my mind, I heard a sound from the phone in my hand. High pitched, and delicate. "Karkat?" But I barely heard my name being finished, because the phone wasn't in my hand anymore. It was heading for the window. I heard the window break, and little fragments of glass came down like rain, some of the droplets coming out and stinging my arms and a place on my cheek. The stinging felt nice - but then I saw the shock in the blue eyes and I could almost see the red over ironic shades, piercing into me. The blue eyes carried shock, and another something. The orange ones were quickly hidden behind the sun glasses.
Arms from behind me managed to catch me. "Karkles! Come on!" I stood idly, being carried away against my will, but still looking dead in the eyes of those two. My vision was glued to them. It wasn't a stupid staring contest, but when Dave looked away I knew that he got the message from it all. My breathing was shattered like the window. My heart was shattered like the window. Life was piercing into me through the glass rain, while Terezi put me into the backseat of her car. No seat belt needed. She put me in the back and I fell sideways along the car. The shutting of a door. The opening of one in the house. My name being called by a familiar voice. A friend telling me it was okay. My eyes shutting. And my mind closing down.