"You can keep as quiet as you like, but one of these days somebody is going to find you." Haruki Murakami, 1Q84
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Chapter Seventeen
"The b ... big d ... do ... dog is ... b ... br ... brow ... brown."
Faith listened as Kit sounded out the sentences in his reading book. As soon as Faith had learned that Cassian was to give Kit reading lessons, Faith had immediately sourced some teaching material for children learning to read. She had tried to find the least childish renditions for Kit, so as not to make him feel behind.
Cassian had been planning on teaching him to read from Utopia.
"Excellent," commended Cassian. "See, now that you have memorised what sounds the letters make, it is easier to put them together to make words."
"If you say so," murmured Kit as he leant on Cassian's desk and turned over the page.
Faith had experience with impatient children. Granted, her daughter was just shy of three, but she still knew that when children wanted things, they wanted them immediately.
When Faith had learned that Cassian was to give Kit reading lessons, she was elated. He was determined to give Kit an opportunity to better himself. It seemed so perfect. Faith had found Cassian. Cassian had found Kit. If this was to be the pattern, she wondered who Kit would find.
There was a selfish part of Faith that was glad that Cassian had a distraction. It had not escaped her attention how unsettled it had been between herself and Cassian since she had revealed herself to him. Faith knew that Cassian would ensure that no harm would come to her or Lucy, but that still did not make things any easier.
Cassian had proposed marriage after all, but their relationship could never go beyond where it was now. And exactly where that was, Faith was not sure.
So she was happy that Cassian had somewhere else to direct his attention.
Faith had kept Lucy away for the first few reading lessons because she had not wanted to intrude. After each lesson, Cassian always insisted that Kit stay for dinner. It was during this time that Lucy had attached herself to yet another.
Lucy had been curious about Kit at first. And as soon as Kit had given her the time of day, Lucy was besotted. She seemed to adore Kit's curly blond hair, and loved it when Kit lifted her up onto his shoulders. It was one of the sweetest sights Faith had ever seen.
Faith had not given much thought to Kit when she had first seen him at the church, and she chastised herself for it now. He had seemed like a sour boy. But Cassian had persisted, and he had extracted a decent and deserving young man.
This had been the first lesson in which Cassian had invited her and Lucy inside. Lucy played like she usually did, though Faith knew she was itching to climb atop Kit's shoulders. Faith cleaned as she usually did, repeated where she had already been so she did not have to leave.
The sight before her was special. Cassian had such patience and compassion. There was not a single man in her acquaintance who could boast such qualities.
Faith had grown up in a society where men were rich, proud, belittling, self-righteous, rude and haughty. These gentlemen would never have looked an inferior in the eye, let alone take one into their homes for literacy lessons.
"Th ... th," hesitated Kit.
"You had the word before. The, remember?"
"Oh, yes," Kit mumbled. "That sound is hard. I keep thinking it is the 't' sound."
Faith suddenly remembered something from her own time with her governess. She abandoned her dusting cloth and went over to the desk. Kit looked up at her with wary green eyes as Faith looked down at the words in the reading books.
The 'th' sound was repeated often. "Do you know, Kit, when I was a child, my governess taught me that the 'th' sound was the only time I was ever allowed to stick my tongue out." Faith grinned sheepishly. She had loved learning that sound as a child, and often used 'th' words in everyday conversation just so she could poke out her tongue. Her parents were none too pleased.
Kit chuckled, some of the stress leaving his face.
Faith caught Cassian's eye in that moment. He was staring at her with such a sense of pride.
"So whenever you see these letters coupled together, you remember that they make the 'th' sound, and that you have permission to poke out your tongue." Faith winked and a wide smile spread across Kit's face as his attention returned to his reading book. Faith smiled with satisfaction as she heard Kit read the next 'th' word without difficulty. Faith bent down to collect Lucy in her arms to take her down to the kitchen for afternoon tea.
Faith set Lucy down with a cup of milk and a biscuit while she sat down next to Hattie who was folding the linen. Faith took a pillow slip and began to fold it.
"Is that boy still upstairs with the master?" asked Hattie.
Faith nodded. "Yes. It is really very good of him to teach Kit to read," she said fondly.
Hattie smiled knowingly. "Oh, is it?" she teased.
Faith rolled her eyes. She often responded flippantly to the teasing comments of the other servants. She successfully concealed her true feelings on the matter. They never saw her true devastation at her situation.
"I often wonder about the master, you know," Hattie mused once the folding was complete. "He used to frequent those clubs in London. You know the sort. Drinking, smoking, gambling, with fallen woman flitting about the tables."
Faith clamped her lips shut as she listened.
"But ever since you have arrived, I think he has only been once. He is home more. He used to practically live in his factories. I have always wondered as to why he never married. But then I suppose, he is in the fortunate situation of being able to select whomever he pleases as a bride."
"Really, I do not think it appropriate to be discussing Mr Kensington's private business," muttered Faith.
Hattie giggled. "Oh, come now. You can tell me. Everyone knows the master is in love with you. He has been besotted from the moment he brought you here. He singles you out. He takes you on outings. You are his favourite, and you spend an awful amount of time cleaning his study." Hattie raised her eyebrows in disbelief. "Do you return his affections?"
Faith stared into Hattie's kind but curious eyes. She trusted this woman. She was her friend. But Cassian had instructed her not to share her secret. "No," Faith lied. "I think him kind and generous, but that is all."
Faith could tell that Hattie did not believe her. She only prayed that Hattie thought that Faith was being bashful.
***
The entire household celebrated Lucy's third birthday on St. Valentine's Day.
Mrs Simpkins prepared a glorious cake and handmade gifts were presented to Lucy. Among the gifts were beautifully stitched clothes for her doll, and a brand new pink dress for church, lovingly made by the housemaids. Hattie had embroidered the bodice with daisies. Poor Mr Wade could not sew, and so funded the material for his favourite little girl.
Cassian had purchased a gorgeous dolls house for Lucy, which he had positioned next to her bed, so that when she woke up on her birthday, it was the first thing she saw.
Faith had not objected to the expense. Not on Lucy's birthday.
Cassian had invited Kit to Lucy's birthday dinner, which was being held in the infrequently used grand dining room. All of the servants were invited, and all were terribly excited to dine like a rich Londoner for the first time.
Lucy proudly wore her new dress as she gleefully enjoyed the attention she received. She enjoyed twirling, fanning out the skirt of her dress, and lapped up the praise and admiration of those watching her.
Faith helped Mrs Simpkins to lay the table, positioning the dishes just so. Mrs Simpkins had prepared a delicious roast dinner, with every trimming imaginable. The aroma was mouth-watering.
"Kit!" Lucy screamed excitedly.
Faith's head turned to see Cassian entering the dining room with Kit at his side. Cassian had been teaching Kit three time a week for six weeks now. Every time Faith saw Kit, he seemed to be a little taller. However, an explanation for that could be that he stood a little taller with each ounce of confidence he gained from his reading lessons.
"Have you missed me, Goose? I only saw you yesterday," Kit chuckled as he lifted Lucy up onto his shoulders.
Kit had taken to calling Lucy "Goose" every so often. Lucy adored it. It would take Faith a little longer to be comfortable having her daughter referred to as poultry.
Lucy wrapped her little arms around Kit's forehead and she rested her chin on top of his head. Her smile was as bright as the sun.
For so long, Faith had had a funny feeling that something would go wrong now that her secret had been revealed. But it would not. It could not. They were too happy here.
Faith stole a glance at Cassian, who was laughing along with the others up at Lucy on Kit's shoulders. Happy enough, she corrected.
"For she's a jolly good fellow," boomed Mr Wade in a powerful singing voice nobody knew he possessed. But everyone quickly joined in. "For she's a jolly good fellow. For she's a jolly good fellow, and so say all of us! And so say all of us, and so say all of us! For she's a jolly good fellow, for she's a jolly good fellow. For she's a jolly good fellow, and so say all of us!"
The dining room was filled with cheers and applause, and joyful wishes of birthday felicitations. It filled Faith's heart so fully knowing how treasured her child was by the people in this room.
"For you," whispered Cassian.
Faith jumped, not realising that Cassian had come to stand beside her. Cassian was discreetly holding up a snowdrop flower. He was staring down at her, his gaze so tender.
"What for?" she asked softly as she accepted the delicate little flower.
"It is St. Valentine's Day," he replied simply. "I love you, no matter sinful, and no matter our situation."
Faith trembled as she heard the words. Not one person had ever said those words to her before. And yet here she stood, hearing them for the first time from a man she could never have. Cassian's words washed over her, filling her with such feelings of warmth, comfort, and disappointment.
Faith pushed the snowdrop through one of her buttonholes, and as she did so, she caught sight of her wedding band on her left ring finger. It might as well have been a noose around her neck for it had stolen her life from her.
"Let us eat!" she exclaimed, motioning for everyone to take their seats. Jolly conversation filled the dining room as plates were filled with the divine meal. Faith cut up Lucy's food for her into little pieces.
Cassian had taken the seat next to Faith, choosing not to sit at the head of the table. Underneath the table, Cassian took Faith's hand. It was not a gesture of longing, or a gesture of romance necessarily, but one of comfort. His touch was understanding, and Faith felt herself relax as she enjoyed the evening.
***
"What does that say?" Lucy asked as she pointed to one of the signs that hung above a shop door.
Cassian, Faith, Kit and Lucy, who sat atop Kit's shoulders, were walking back to the church the following morning.
"A ... poth ... e ... cary," read Kit carefully.
Faith smiled as Kit remembered to stick out his tongue at the 'th' sound.
Faith then noticed Cassian's proud expression. He really cared about this boy. Faith then thought that she should not refer to Kit as a boy. He was a young man, and a foot taller than her.
"What does that say?" Lucy persisted, choosing another sign.
"Mill ... i ... ner," read Kit. "What is a milliner?" he asked, puzzled.
"They make fancy hats," replied Faith.
They passed the milliner's and saw all the fine hats on display in the window.
"Surely women would tip over wearing some of them," chuckled Kit.
Faith smiled. She had attended many an afternoon tea with ladies wearing such extravagant hats. The tulle and feathers and ribbons were all quite ridiculous.
The party arrived back at the church and Kit lifted Lucy off of his shoulders and placed her down on the ground. Lucy appeared quite put out that she was now standing back at her original height.
Kit smiled. His smile was happy, Faith thought, as it reached his eyes. He looked so much healthier, too, for having spent time in Cassian's company. Kit was still a skinny young man, but he did not seem to be so thin anymore. Three hearty meals a week certainly helped in that respect. His clothing was no longer ill-fitting. Cassian had seen to that. Poor Reverend Atwood had not the resources for a boy with such long limbs. Cassian had commissioned clothing for Kit, and he was now dressed appropriately for his height, and the cool weather.
"Thank you for inviting me, sir," Kit said gratefully to Cassian. "Thank you as well, Mrs Rowe."
Cassian frowned. "How many times have I told you to call me Cassian?"
"Just don't seem fitting, sir," replied Kit.
"You are welcome, Kit," interjected Faith. "Lucy quite adores you."
Kit feigned a playful gasp and knelt down to Lucy's height. "Do you, Goose?" He then tapped the side of his cheek. Lucy giggled as she kissed Kit's cheek. "Happy birthday, Miss." He tapped Lucy's nose and stood back up again. "Will I see you on Monday, sir?"
Cassian nodded. "Absolutely."
Kit beamed and waved goodbye as he walked back into the church.
Faith stood there with Cassian for a moment, who was watching after Kit.
"I will do right by him, you know," Cassian murmured quietly. "He is getting to the age where even the good Reverend will not keep him. There are not many employers that will take on a child in his situation. Believe me, I know."
Faith pursed her lips. Cassian had not divulged much of his childhood struggles to her. She supposed that was a story for another day. "I know you will do right by him. There is not another man in this city that would do for that boy what you are doing."
"I keep thinking that I should give him a job in one of my factories. Create a new role at Angel Faith Textiles for him. But it does not seem enough," continued Cassian. "I have all this wealth for a reason."
"You will know the right thing to do when the opportunity presents itself," replied Faith.
Cassian nodded. "I suppose you are right," he agreed. "Come now. Let us get home and out of the cold." Cassian scooped Lucy up into his arms and held her on his hip as he led them back in the opposite direction.
Cassian and Faith chatted animatedly. That was something that Faith truly enjoyed about Cassian. She could tell him the darkest, most intimate moments of her life, and then she could chat about something so inconsequential, and he would listen intently to both.
Faith was laughing as they walked back past the milliner's, and so she did not see the young girl who had just exited the shop. Faith bumped right into her, knocking the young girl to the ground.
"Oh!" cried Faith. "Oh, I am so terribly sorry! Let me help you!"
Instead of carrying hat boxes, she had been carrying a book, which had flown out of her hand and landed open a few feet from where they were gathered.
Faith knelt down on the ground to help the girl up. She was dressed ever so finely. Her gown was a lovely pale green, adorned with white lace and embellished with such intricate embroidery. Her over coat looked just as expensive. It was white, or it was had Faith not knocked her to the ground.
The girl wore her hair down which was odd. Her hair was truly lovely, though. It was the most brilliant shade of red, and had a gorgeous natural wave to it.
"That is alright, ma'am. Mama always says that I need to keep my nose out of books and to watch where I am going," she said casually. At that moment, she looked up at Faith with the most brilliant pair of blue eyes that Faith had ever seen.
Except Faith had seen them before.
The young girl was beautiful. Her blue eyes were framed by light coloured eyelashes. Her nose was small and straight, and her skin was smooth and pale. Her face was heart shaped, and she would only grow more beautiful with age.
Faith had always thought so.
The last time Faith had seen her niece, she had been eight of so years old. She had to be nearing twelve now.
Faith was not the only one to recognise. Olivia Pendleton's eyes widened as well. Olivia recognised her aunt. She looked as if she were seeing a ghost.
"Aunt ... Aunt Anne?" she asked in disbelief.
---
Did I not warn you about a red head? Hehehe
My mum taught me to read before I went to school, but I remember doing 'th' sound words when I was in Grade 2 and my teacher saying that it was the only time we could ever poke our tongues out. I hated that teacher and she hated me. I have no idea why. I was literally a dream student. My previous two teachers had thought that way. I was so bright (what happened?!) and I always achieved the top marks and finished everything first. My mum thinks it was because she once corrected my teacher's spelling on the board while she wasn't looking and then she had it out for me after that. I was only 8 *insert crying emoji*
But the embarrassment is real you guys. I know a man who is 26 and cannot read. His teachers didn't notice all through school and he was so good at sport in high school that his teachers didn't care. He thinks it's too late now, and it too embarrassed to seek help. It's tragic that in this day and age, there are still people that cannot do something that we all take for granted. I cannot remember not being able to read so my heart goes out to those who struggle.
But I have to tell you the cutest thing. I know I crap on about netball all the time, but my girls are the cutest. They're not little girls anymore. They are all 12 and going on to high school next year. But they have their school production coming up the day after my birthday. I told them at training yesterday that I had booked tickets to come and watch them perform and they were so excited! They were saying things like "We are going to give you the best birthday performance" and "Make sure you watch me in this scene" etc, like they genuinely were excited to have me there, and they wanted to impress me and do well for me. Those kiddos, guys, I love them.
Speaking of birthdays. I turn 23 in two weeks! Can you believe that? I started on Wattpad at 17. I often look back on my really old author's notes just to see what I was doing at that time, and some of them are like "It's my 19th birthday tomorrow" or something and I'm like, omg, where did that time go?
So I'll be celebrating at my little girls' production, and hopefully someone in my family will think to give me a cake :P (I had to make my own cake last year lol).
Anyway, enough rambling. Vote and comment!!