The next morning you had woken up warmer than you ever had, and unable to move. It was a familiar warmth, the kind that had nothing to do with the temperature- but, you figured that Torrie must have turned the heat on while you'd been asleep. You groaned softly, trying to stretch out, but unable to move. You wondered when you had become so deeply entangled in your bed sheets. You squirmed again; the blankets wrapped around you radiated warmth, and you probably needed to get up soon anyway.
You moved to get up, but another groan echoed throughout the room. This time though, it wasn't your own.
"No," the all too familiar voice murmured, and you could feel her lips moving against your collarbone. It sent another wave of warmth through your body when you recognized the small frame that was pressed up against you. "Stay," she commanded in a small whisper, further confirming who was sprawled on top of you.
It was then that you remembered the night before, but the memory was hazy- almost dream like. You vaguely recalled her laying down next to you, the warmth pressing against your back- her murmuring something in your ear.
"I love you too."
You immediately stiffened- you had told her you loved her. You had told Ariana Grande, the one you were supposed to be taking it slow with, the one that you couldn't even mention in interviews or else you would get in trouble, that you loved her.
You were in the middle of mentally scolding yourself when she moved again, and your jaw set automatically- preparing to force a smile and pretend like nothing had happened. That was what you had to do, right?
Ariana must have noticed, because she sighed and leaned upward, pressing a kiss to the side of your jaw. You could feel the warmth from her lips spread across your cheek,making you instinctively relax. You had become so used to relating Ariana to comfort and safety that it was like you couldn't be tense around her anymore- you melted into her touch easily. She knew that she could coax anything out of you without even trying.
"What's wrong, love?" she asked, propping herself up on her elbows so she could look at you. She was hovering above you now, looking down at you with an expression you couldn't place- contentment, happiness- love.
There was that stupid word again.
Her hair fell around you like a curtain, and it was then that you could really see her. She had no makeup on, and her hair was down- you realized that it was the first time you had seen her without a ponytail, and it made you wonder why she always wore it up when it was just as beautiful when it was down. (Well, maybe you were just a little biased on that one). She was wearing another one of your sweaters- and you were starting to think that she had a stockpile of your clothes with her at all times- it was dark maroon and incredibly washed out, faded golden words that read 'gryffindor quidditch' around two brooms forming an x shape. You'd had it for a good ten years then; and even though you'd worn it about a thousand times, it seemed to taken on a whole new glow when it was on her.
Although, the glowing could have had something to do with the little rays of sunlight that managed to sneak through the cracks of the hotel blinds- casting the entire room in that calm, sunrise yellow that wasn't too bright but just bright enough. It made her ombré hair take on a golden highlight, and it peeked through her hair just enough to give her already stunning features a warm aura. It really looked like she was glowing, and just looking at her you'd sworn your heart had never beat that loud before.
Your most recent thought echoed in your mind then; how telling her you loved her was a mistake. How you had to be distant because if you even looked at her in front of anyone it'd be the last you'd see of her. You looked up at her, looking at you in waiting, and shoved your thoughts aside. How could you let some minute insecurities get in the way of this? Waking up to her, having her look at you like there couldn't possibly be anything else in the world more important- you had to keep that. So, you silenced the voices in the back of your mind and let yourself once again get lost in the beautiful brown orbs that's stared back at you- waiting for a response.
You shook your head slightly, smiling, "I'm fine."
"You're sure?" She reached over, tracing your jaw with her thumb gently and you felt like she'd done it a hundred times, like this was how you were supposed to wake up every morning. Her voice said that she didn't believe you, but she didn't press any further than that- letting you tell her how much you were comfortable with telling her.
God, why was she so perfect?
You smiled brighter this time and leaned up, trying to kiss her- but she pulled away, wrinkling her nose.
You were a little put off at first- Ariana had never refused the chance to kiss you. Especially since she'd been even more clingy recently, there wasn't a time you could recall where she didn't jump on the chance to be physical. (You pretended it wasn't that big of a deal, but secretly you really loved it when Ariana was such a cuddle monster). You raised your eyebrows in questioning, at which she only shook her head, "I have morning breath."
You looked at her like she was crazy, "morning breath? That's what you're going with?" It was a pretty lame excuse, even for her. You laid back down- you obviously weren't going to try and kiss her if she didn't want you to. But, you did take the opportunity to make a funny face, scrunching up your eyebrows and pouting your lips as if you were wondering why should wouldn't kiss you. You weren't upset, just teasing her- and she knew that.
She laughed, loud and bubbly before collapsing back on top of you, her face nuzzling into your neck. She really was laying directly on top of you; her arms thrown around your neck and her legs entangled with your own. It was funny that she was so small and that the bed was a relatively good size, yet she'd still decided that directly on top of you had been the perfect place for her to lay.
"You were just using it as a distraction anyways," she countered, looking up at you again as her eyes took on a more serious look. Her voice lowered, and quoted a little - and she paused as if to let you adjust to the more meaningful atmosphere, "You know you can tell me when you're upset, right?"
You knew she was being genuine, that you really could tell her anything. And you wanted to; you wanted to tell her how scary this whole thing for you was, and how it made you fidgety that you had to hide it all. You knew she would understand, and you knew she was rational- that she could look at the problem with you and work with you to solve it. But, that didn't mean she could do anything about it- just because she understood you didn't mean her press team would. There were so many more people dictating your relationship than you and Arian- saying she was there for you didn't mean that it would fix everything like you used to be able to. That just meant she would listen- not that she would stay.
But instead of saying any of that, you just smiled softly and kissed the crown of her head- a gesture you knew she took comfort in. "Of course. Thank you, Superstar. But I assure you that nothing's wrong."
"Promise?" Your eyes connected with hers and saw everything you wanted in reach. She was worried about you, she cared about you- in this moment, she wanted you. The real you, the you no one ever gave a chance- the one she gave all her chances to.
"Promise," you confirmed, wrapping your arms around her waist in a bear hug and making her laugh again. She hid her face in your shoulder once more while you held her, and it was peaceful - before you remembered what day it was.
"Crap," you groaned, "I have to get up."
Ariana lifted her head and gave you a pointed look, "I know you don't mean that you're getting out of this bed any time soon Maximilian Peters- because I did not take the early flight down here at one o'clock in the morning for you to leave me in bed like one of your one night stands."
You raised your eyebrows again, "one night stands?" You asked, incredulously. You had dated a couple of other people before Ariana, but nothing serious - and your night life hadn't been very exciting either. (Mostly consisting of re-run episodes of law and order, the only company being your cat Gidget) "the only one night stand I've ever had is the one I got from ikea."
You waited for her to laugh, but she never did- instead, giving you a fairly intimidating glare- "You promised me an entire day, missy."
You tried to move out from under her but she tightened her grip, pinning you down, "I know, and I promise I'm all yours after my interview." She gave you a pouty huff and you tried to get up again, only to stand up with her still latched on to you- her arms around your neck and her legs wrapping around your waist. Your arms quickly moved under her legs to hold her up, making sure she wouldn't fall.
"Ari!" you couldn't stop the laughter that bubbled up in your throat. The way she hung onto you made you wonder if she'd been spending too much time with Camila.
She was about to yell back at you when the door to your room opened, revealing an amused blonde standing in the doorway- looking at you like she knew you were up to trouble.
You immediately blushed, realizing how comprising you and Ariana looked with her legs wrapped around you and her face so close to your own, "Torrie! I-uh," you stumbled, "she just-" When you were fumbling around for an excuse, you took a step back, tripping over yourself and ending up on your butt on the floor- Ariana plopping conveniently into your lap. You blushed even more, giving the tiny singer a small glare before turning back to Torrie. "Torrie, this isn't-"
"Oh no, I don't need to hear about whatever was going on here. I just came to tell you that you have thirty minutes to finish whatever this is before you need to get yourself to glam."
"Thirty minutes!?" Ariana looked to Torrie, "can't you reschedule?" She gave Torrie her famous pout, and you were tempted to just leaned forward and kiss it away- but, you settled for chuckling lowly and pulling her closer. It was your turn to bury your face into her shoulder, nudging your nose against the warm fabric of your sweater.
"I'm sorry darlin', but she's got people to impress and I've got a long hour ahead of me if I want that face to be impressing anyone other than herself." Torrie smirked at you teasingly as you pulled away from Ariana and narrowed your eyes in a glare. Her loud, boisterous laugh echoed through the room, and it made you smile- she'd always reminded you of your mom. Well, a version of her- one you'd only known through old photos.
You heard Ariana too, trying so hard to conceal her quiet giggling at Torrie's joke. You turned to her too, giving her the same glare you'd given the southern blonde. She hid her mouth behind her hand then, and turned her head away like it would help hide the fact that she was clearly very amused.
"You know that just because I can't see you doesn't mean I can't hear you laughing at me?"
She only laughed more, her arms moving to wrap loosely around your neck and her nose pressed into the side of your face- reminding you of how your cat Gidget would nuzzle against your head to wake you up in the morning.
"I'm sorry, baby," she chuckled, "It's not your fault you look like that." You groaned and shoved her away, making her laugh even more as she moved right back to where she'd been before. Her head moved to rest on your shoulder, and you looked away from her as if you were actually offended.
"I hate you, you know."
"No you don't," she said confidently, her finger moving under your chin to get you to look at her. She smiled at you and leaned forward, kissing your nose and laughing when you wrinkled it in response. "You don't really hate me, and I don't really think you're not the most beautiful thing in the world."
You were going to attempt to mumble out some kind of response when Torrie beat you to it, "Awwwwww! Aren't you two just the cutest thing?"
You groaned and hid your face in the tiny brunette's hair, "What happened to thirty minutes? Alone?"
You heard Torrie chuckle, "Okay, okay. I'm going. But I better have your butt in my chair in thirty minutes, young lady."
"Yes ma'am" you grumbled back, hearing the door finally close. Ariana's laugh rang in your ears and you closed your eyes- content.
"Max?" Ariana spoke, moving one of her hands down to take one of yours into it, interlacing your fingers. You gave a small hum in response, not wanting to do anything other than just sit with her while you could. "I was thinking, and what if..." You moved to look down at her, and she was biting her lip. "I know you don't like this private stuff-"
"I'm assuming you're referring to the part of our relationship where we have to keep the entire thing a secret?" You finished for her, a little more harshly than you meant to.
You saw her grimace at your words, and you immediately regretted saying it. But it was true- you had to change your whole relationship with her after that meeting, and you didn't like to dance around the truth. After that meeting things just weren't the same- you still had a relationship; you could never get enough of being around Ariana.
But maybe that was why it was so hard.
It was quiet for a few moments before you spoke- your tone softer, "Ar, I'm-"
"No, you're right," she wouldn't look at you, and you knew that she was thinking. She could never really look at you when you talked about this- these... limits. She pulled away slowly, but didn't go too far.
You sighed and leaned forward, pressing a kiss to her shoulder, "I may be right, but that doesn't give me permission to snap at you like that. That was where I was wrong. I'm sorry I spoke to you like that, Superstar." You never wanted to fight with her- you'd been down that road enough times before. Whenever something like that happened you always made sure your intentions and apologies were clear, that every argument had a clear message and that she knew you cared about her no matter what you said.
She was quiet for a few second before nodding, "I know you didn't mean it to be hurtful, and you know that I want it to be different as much as you do. But, we have to deal with right now- and right now I...." She took a breath and stood up, "I'm gonna take you out."
"I- what?" You looked at her like she was crazy; not sure if you'd misheard her or if she just had a death wish. Take you out? To where? It was a risk even being in the same hotel already.
She beamed at you and helped you up to stand next to her, taking your hands in hers, "you heard me- I'm gonna call the car, we're gonna take the back exit from the hotel donned in only the finest black hoodies and big sunglasses, and I'm gonna take my girl out to a movie. I'll buy out the whole theater if I have to."
Your head was spinning with worry and uneasiness, but you wanted to see how far she'd take this- why not entertain her little date idea? "Is that right? And you think no one's gonna notice when Max Peters and Ariana Grande have mysteriously both disappeared from their performances and two very celebrity looking people show up together at a movie?"
She gave you a little glare and wrapped her arms around your neck again- you could see the wheels turning in her head, "Come on, Maximilian- we've got a good five hours after your interview and before my show. We'll wear disguises like spies and sit in the back row. Besides, I hear the back row is where the kids these days go to-"
"To get into trouble," you finished for her, looking at her suspiciously.
She grinned and moved closer to you, looking at you with that infamous pout, "me? Cause trouble?" Her voice took on a surprisingly good faux innocent tone.
"Don't look at me like that, I'm watching you Grande. This is some risky stuff you're talking about here." You wrapped your arms around her waist and gave her a pointed look,but she only gave you the puppy eyes she knew you could never say no to right back. You sighed, maybe one date wouldn't hurt anybody. "Alright, I'll go-" she was about to cheer, but you stopped her, "but no funny business."
Ariana flashed you her mega-watt smile and moved even closer, her lips suddenly only a breath away from your own. "I'll make sure to be very careful- you don't have to worry about any...funny business."
Then, just as quickly as she had appeared- she was gone.
You whined, trying to pull her back by your still intertwined hands. She laughed and came back after a second, pecking your cheek quickly, but then pulling away again.
"Ar," you complained when she left you again, but this time she just shook her head.
"Uh-uh Maximilian- no funny business, remember?" She teased, "besides, I need to get your butt to Torrie's chair or she'll never let me hear the end of it."
You let her lead you into the other room by your conjoined hands, where Torrie was already setting up her stuff and James was ready to go over the question prep with you. It was slowly becoming a familiar sight to you; the makeup splayed across the vanity, and several fold up chairs scattered across the room. Torrie, who as always wasted no time and immediately started putting the curlers into your hair, and James smiled knowingly at you when they saw Ariana enter the room with you. But, they said nothing and only continued with your usual morning prep. Ariana stayed for a little bit, but only long enough for you to get settled in.
"I will see you later, cutie," Ariana smiled when she was finally ready to go, purposely embarrassing you with the nicknames. Where normal couples would cutely embarrass each other here and there, Ariana made sure to never walk away unless your face was redder than a fire truck. You figured that she only played it up so dramatically because your relationship was so secret, because she never got to show you off like she used to.
James smirked and looked at you, "cutie?" He questioned- and you knew it'd be a while before you could live that one down. You heard Torrie chuckle too and saw her shake her head as she turned away to clean off one of her makeup brushes.
Ariana paid no attention to the teasing, even though you knew she'd heard it, and leaned down to kiss the side of your mouth as you glared at the press manager. You swore you could see her amused grin from the corner of your eye, but you were too concerned defending your pride.
You crossed your arms and gave him a menacing look, "oh, bite me you little shi- hey!" You scowled.
Ariana grinned and leaned back, "you said 'bite me'."
You scrunched up your nose and raise your hand to touch the corner your lip, "I didn't mean literally, jeez-"
"Don't be such a baby," Ariana rolled her eyes, but was still smiling, clearly not worried about the possibility of you ever actually being mad at her. You looked away and tried to squirm away from her, but she leaned down again and forced you to turn towards her so she could kiss the afflicted lip. "There, all better."
"Whipped," James said in between pretend coughs.
You leaned over and slugged his shoulder, making him lean back and raise his hands in surrender- but you could still see him laughing at you.
"You better watch it Jamie," you glared at him, but then turned to Ariana, smiling sweetly. "I'll see you later?"
She nodded and kissed your cheek before heading towards the door, "you know it, knock 'em dead, love."
The interview had gone smoothly- performing your Halsey cover and promoting your single with Camila was easy, and Elvis Duran was fun to work with. He asked you questions about your music and about your relationship with Samuel- and you found out that you were the first artist he had stuck with instead of just discovering you and handing you over to the record label. (A fact that made you even more grateful for the man's role in your life.) And, to your surprise, the one question about Samuel had been the only relationship- related question he'd asked you. Nothing about Camila or Ariana or about whoever it was people had come up with.
You were finding out the hard way that making friends with people was hard, especially when you couldn't have a single conversation with someone without people assuming you were dating them. But, you were also finding out that most celebrities didn't mind it as much as you thought they would because they were so used to it.
"You just have to be careful about it Maxie," Camila had told you once during one of your usual Wednesday hangouts, "it rarely ever does any real damage, but...you just- just make sure you're careful. Some people don't take it as well as we did." She had gone kind of quiet after that, and you knew not to press any further on the topic. After that, you had told yourself two things- that you really didn't like whoever had put that look in Camila's eyes, and that you would be careful when it came to the rumor thing.
And you had- and now you weren't getting any questions about it any more.
After the interview and the walk through of the lobby to meet some of your fans, your mind had gone back to that conversation with Camila, and the look in Ariana's eyes when she had told you shed wanted to take you out.
You had never seen the brown eyes full of so much excitement, and you knew she only meant to make you happy with the gesture. She knew you weren't happy with the situation- and was trying to fix it by doing what she could, which made your heart fill with that warmth again. You knew it was a stretch, but that look in her eyes have you hope again. Hope that you could make it work, that you could be happy without all of the fear that had been spreading you apart lately.
But, throughout the day, Camila's advice had been floating in and out of your mind. What if you got caught? You knew it wasn't that big of a deal to Ariana- that Ariana had dealt with the same thing with Camila and her friend Liz, but you knew that it was a big deal to the people behind the curtain. You wondered why it only mattered when it was you, why it didn't matter when it was the other girls. But, you also supposed it was because Ariana hadn't been actually in love with those girls.
In love.
You still hadn't brought that up with her either- even though it plagued your mind as much as the date did. Your mind had filled with questions after she'd left while you were in glam that morning. She hadn't said "I love you" as a goodbye- did that mean she'd forgotten? Maybe she hadn't really heard you that night? Or maybe, she was just as nervous about it as you were.
"Max!" You snapped out of your thoughts when the all too familiar voice yelled your name. You looked up, puzzled, and saw Samuel laughing at you- shaking his head. "Your phone's ringing."
You looked down at your hand to see your phone, ringing obnoxiously. You swiped to answer it before even looking at who was calling, "Hello?"
"Hello, is this Miss Peters I am speaking with?" The voice was unnecessarily posh, and even with the fake accent you could tell who it was right away.
"That would be me, yes," you played along- wondering why he was calling.
"Good. Miss Grande had instructed me to inform you that she will be meeting you at your hotel room to begin your date in exactly two hours." You laughed as you heard him pause and then adress someone else, "wait, the date's gonna start in the hotel room? Girl, you got some explaining to do now."
You laughed at the "Frankie! Oh my god!" you could hear in the background, also easily recognizing that voice.
"At the hotel room? I thought that was a second date thing," you teased, and you could imagine the siblings on the other line- Frankie with a big smirk on his face and Ariana trying not to laugh as she attempted to stop him.
"Yes well apparently Miss Grande is just getting right to it. I honestly am not surprised the way she talks about your-"
"I just wanted you to be all cute and tell her to meet me for the date! Not scare her away!" Ariana's voice interrupted, and you knew she had managed to take the phone away from her brother. You laughed at how she sounded so out of breath.
You were about to give a sarcastic reply back about being scared in the beginning, but a third voice in the background beat you to it.
"I don't think that girl's scared of anything if she's been with you for this long."
There was a colective gasp on the other side of the phone, and you barely heard Frankie laugh out, "Nonna!" You could barely contain your own laughter, especially after you'd found out who said it.
"And that would be my cue to hang up, bye!" Ariana rushed out, making you laugh even more.
Your heart had swelled up- even just knowing you were on the phone while her family was present made you happy. She was comfortable enough with you to talk to you while her family could hear, and it made all of the thoughts of pushing her away disappear. You had such a good thing going- and it was only getting better when you stopped forget about all of the things that could go wrong. You smiled- you loved this girl, you were in love with this girl.
But, it also made your anxiety about losing her stronger.
"Ar, wait- about the movie.."
"Oh no you don't," she stopped you, "you're going on this date with me, Maximilian- even if I have to drag you to the theater myself." Her tone was stubborn, and you knew there was no way you were getting out of this. "If we wanna keep doing this, we're gonna do it right."
"I just need there to keep being an us, and this is a big risk."
Need. Not want, not would like- you'd told her you needed this, needed her. And you didn't care that it broke all your rules about being careful, because dammit it was true- you needed her, and you loved her.
Her voice became softer, and full of that something that you could finally place, "there's always gonna be an us, Max."