*Justin*
Saturday
8:42 PM
Christmas was officially over. Besides Christmas Eve, I didn't see Bella over the holiday. She had family over her house, and I had ended up having family over at my parents. It had been a struggle not being with her every waking moment since we got home, especially when she told me that the timer for their oven went off for dinner the night of Christmas Eve and she jumped.
She was scared, and by now I knew that she was good at pretending she was ok when she wasn't. That's how she was now. Bella had been smiling through everything, being completely stubborn when people tried to help her by trying to stay independent, and telling people she was ok when they expressed sympathy.
She was not ok. She was far from ok. She might have forgiven me, but her insecurities were evident, she didn't really trust me anymore, and she was afraid to even be alone.
I blamed myself for that.
I blamed myself for a lot of things.
I stood up from my bed, pacing through my room as I held my phone up to my ear, waiting for Bella to pick up.
"Morning." I chirped once she picked up, pulling out clothes from my drawers.
She giggled. "Good morning Justin."
"So, what do you say we have a movie day today? Are you up for that? We can watch older movies, and I'll bring over candy, we can have tons of popcorn, and later we can get a pizza. I will happily come over in my pajamas."
"Pajamas?" She laughed again, the sound of sheets ruffling on her line. "Your definition of pajamas is your boxer breifs pal, but I'd love a movie day with you."
I chuckled, running a hand through my hair. "No, I have real pajamas. I picked up some candy yesterday...I was kind of hoping you'd say yes."
"Of course I would. I don't know how anyone could resist a whole movie day with their boyfriend."
"You sound like you're feeling better." I couldn't help the smile that curled on my lips as I sat on the edge of my bed again, my stomach twisting from the continuous sound of her laughter.
"I am actually. My bruises are healing, I'm still sore obviously, but it was a lot worse, and I really enjoy not having to change a bandage anymore...I'm just worried about scaring."
"Well I think at the end of the day it's just going to show how strong you are."
"Thanks, but we both know scars are called scras for a reason. They aren't meant to be there."
"Hey, stop it." The smile fell from my face, my eyebrows pulling together. "You're beautiful."
I heard her sigh, silence hanging in the air after that.
I knew she didn't believe me.
"When are you coming over?" She asked, changing the subject just as quick as it had been brought up.
"I was getting dressed now and heading over, if you want."
"Yeah, sure. Want to join me for breakfast first? I can make us some chocolate chip waffles."
"Sure, That sounds yummy. I'll be over in about twenty minutes."
"Ok. Sounds good."
"I love you." I told her, my eyebrows frowing together again as I looked forward.
"I love you too Justin. I'll see you in a little while."
And we hung up.
I sighed, knowing that she had just slipped back to the quiet and reserved part of her before the conversaton had ended.
God, I needed my Bella back.
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9:18 PM
"Hey." I smiled at Bella, leaning forward and pressed my lips to her forehead.
"Hey."
"You're not wearing any makeup. I love it." I thumbed her chin, then tucked a lose strand of her behind of her ear that was out of her bun.
"Thanks." She ducked her head quickly, hiding the blush that covered her cheeks. "You got new tattoos."
"Oh, yeah, just a couple. I got them yesterday."
"I like them. Are you going for another sleeve?"
"Eventually. These were a Christmas present to myself."
"What's in the bag?"
"Some good movies and candy, as promised." I leaned down again, kissing her softly.
"Well come on," She smiled, taking my hand and pulled me into the kitchen. "First we can have waffles made by me, and then we can pop in the first movie."
"Where's your brother?"
"I got him to spend the day with his girlfriend, Dad had to go into the office for a little while, and Mom left last night."
"You never told me how that went...both of them in the same house."
"Well, they were friendly, but that's it. No flirting...Mom has a boyfriend now, and the moment she heard about me she flew out here, and Dad offered up the guest bedroom. I think they're friends, but at the end of the day she said they were both still my parents, and that wouldn't change anything."
"Gotcha." I nodded once, sitting the bag down on the table, then walked behind her and slid my hands around her waist as gently as I could, pecking her cheek a few times. "I'm glad you had fun with you're family."
"Yeah, me too. It was nice."
"So...my mom really wants me to go to church with her tomorrow...actually she got my whole family to go...and I wanted to know if you wanted to come with me. If you're feeling good enough of course, it's ok if you don't want to, I just thought it would be nice, and we'll all go out to lunch after. I can pick you up...and if you want we can do something later..."
"Of course. I need out of this house Justin. I'm going nuts."
I chuckled, kissing the top of her head.
"Well then I'll pick you up at nine."
"Should I dress nice?" She asked, flipping over the waffles. "Or is it more casual?"
"It's more casual I believe. I'll find out from Mom, just be comfortable. I'm just wearing a nice shirt with jeans."
"Alright, that helps." She nodded, walking away from me for a minute and grabbed two plates. "Do you use maple syrup with chocolate chip waffles?"
"No," I chuckled again, grabbing silverware for us. "That's a rule breaker."
"Good, I don't either." Her smile was wide as she turned back to me, wrapping her arms around my neck. "I love your hair like this. I think I've told you that before."
"Yeah, I know you do. Wouldn't be much of a pajama day if I fixed my hair now would it?"
"No." Bella shook her head, standing up on her tiptoes and pecked my lips. "Let's eat now."
"Alright buttercup."
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*Bella*
11:43 AM
I eyed Justin out of the corner if my eye, watching as he rubbed his palms against his thighs.
He'd been doing that for the past 15 minutes.
"Justin, are you ok?"
"What? Me? Yeah, I'm ok." He nodded quickly, giving a small shrug.
"Why are you doing that?" I asked him, catching his hand.
"Oh, I didn't even notice I was doing anything."
"Hey, are you trying to quit cold turkey?" I sat up a little more, raising an eyebrow as he looked at me.
"Alright, yeah, I'm a little bouncy, I have been for the last couple of days since the adrenaline has died down for now, but I'm ok."
"No you're not." I said softly, turning his face towards me so he couldn't look away.
"Yeah I am. I wasn't drinking everyday, some people do that. I wasn't smoking everyday, ok cigarettes I was but-"
"Exactly, and you just stopped. Even though it wasn't heroin or something else like, it's still withdrawl. You're body went from having it to not having it at all."
"I'm ok."
"Justin, you're barely even sitting still."
"I'm sorry." He frowned, letting out a sigh. "It's just going to take a little while. I can do it."
I leaned closer, pressing my lips to his cheek.
"Is there anything I can do?"
"No, I should probably get some patches or something. This week has just been busy, and last week I was just concerned about getting you back."
"Lolipops." I grinned, slipping my arms around his waist. "They worked the first time."
"That and a little something else - but don't worry about it. I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry."
"No it's ok. It was a very nice reward for both of us." He blushed then, quickly looking away like I usually did. "Aw, my Justin is blushing."
"Oh hush."
"How about you try this?" I slowly leaned forward, picking up the bag of Sour Patch Kids and put them in his lap.
"Do you think this is sweet enough?" He leaned closer, sticking out his bottom lip in a pout.
"I mean I thought so." I giggled, feeling our lips brush together. "Why? Did you have something else in mind?"
"Maybe."
"Like what?"
"This." He smirked, pressing his lips against mine and slid his hands on my neck.
Just after a few seconds, I slowly adjusted so I was on his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck.
God it felt so good to kiss him like this again.
I missed this.
So much for watching our movies. I couldn't even remember which one was on anymore.
I wasn't wearing a bra either...I wonder if he knew that. It hurt to...at least right now.
His hands slid down from my neck to around my back, giving me a gentle tug closer.
Ugh, I wanted it so bad.
But it would hurt, and I knew Justin wouldn't allow that - especially since he finally kissed me again on Christmas Eve.
I giggled a little, nibbling down on his lip and smiled as he lowly groaned.
His hands traveled farther up my back, but I whimpered, quickly tensing up and pulled back.
Damn bruises.
"I'm sorry Bella." He frowned, immediately letting go of me.
"It's ok, it's not your fault."
"We can't really-"
"I know." I sighed, crawling off of him and sat beside him, quickly looking away.
It was stupid for me to even try to initiate anything. Especially right now. It contradicted everything I had said to him, and that wasn't fair to him.
I know he was probably aching, and now I felt awful.
First it was because he's needing drugs, now it's because of me.
Stupid.
"Bella?" He asked me, sliding his hand on my thigh.
"Hmm?" I think my voice cracked, and I couldn't look at him. I was actually embarrassed, and I felt awful.
He knew what I was doing, which I assumed was the reason why he turned my head by my chin to look at him.
"It's ok."
"No it's not."
"Yes it is. I promise."
I looked away from him, feeling his thumb moving along my leg.
"Bella, look at me."
"I'm sorry, I wanted - I want to-"
"I know, it's alright. We shouldn't be... You have to trust me again first. I don't deserve that yet, and you're hurt."
"Stop being so sweet."
"No." He cheesed, kissing my cheek, then my lips. "We'll be ok...Twizzler?"
"Sure." I nodded, watching as he got one from the bag on the table, then popped it in his mouth. "Hey!"
"No, you have to take it from me."
"Are you serious?"
"Yes." He mumbled, leaning closer to me.
I had two options here, I could take it and tug it away, or I could go the cute route he was probably hoping for and kiss him when it was all over.
I giggled a little, taking hold of the twizzler, and decided to go the cute route, meeting his lips when I reached the end.
"Not so bad huh?"
"No." I smiled at him, biting down on my lip.
"Do you want to go out with me on New Years Eve?"
"Of course I do. There isn't anyone else if want to spend the day with."
"And you'll stay up till midnight with me?"
"Obviously. Then I wouldn't get my kiss."
"Good. I already made us reservations- even if you said no. I would have dragged you."
"I'm sure you would have." I giggled as he pulled me back against his chest, turning my head to place a few light kisses against his jaw. "I love you."
"I love you too, beautiful."
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Sunday
8:50 AM
"Where are you going?" Josh asked, leaning against my doorframe.
"Oh, um, Justin's picking me up in a couple of minutes. I'm going to church with his family."
"Well I'm glad you're getting out of the house."
"Trying to get rid of me?" I teased, slipping on a pair of my flats.
"No, of course not! I-I-"
"Josh, I'm just kidding. It's ok. I'm really glad to get out of the house. I need it. I'm going insane."
"I figured. Well have fun, and be careful. I'm going to eat some breakfast. Did you have anything yet?"
"No, I'm going to eat a banana or something before I head out. We're going out to eat afterwards so I didn't really want to eat a big breakfast."
"Ok, well I'll see you later."
"Ok." I smiled at him, then went and turned my curling iron off, feeling my stomach churn.
It was the first time I had put effort into how I looked since the explosion.
I had dressed casually, in skinny jeans, and a nice flowy flower shirt that was kind of bohemian, and of course I had a cami on underneath, but even then it didn't irritate my burn.
I slung my bag over my shoulder, walking into the kitchen and grabbed up a banana.
"Are you heading out?" Dad asked, looking up from his mug of coffee.
"Oh yeah, Justin's picking me up in a minute. I'm...going to church with his family, plus it's a nice way for me to get out of the house."
"It sure is. You look nice. Be careful."
"Why is everyone saying that to me this morning?" I asked as I swallowed a biet of my banana. "I'm ok. I'm sorry - I just -"
"It's ok honey. Have a nice day."
"Thanks."
I polished off the rest of the banana as the doorbell ran, and I ran through the hall, opening the door and smiled at Justin.
"Hi."
"Hi." He smiled back, taking my hand. "You look pretty."
"Thanks." I blushed, quickly ducking my head, but he pecked my cheek, earning a giggle out of me. "You look nice too."
"Nice? I look nice?" He teased, gently shutting the front door behind us. "I think I look good."
"Shut up you dork." I nudged him gently, leaning back against the passenger side. It didn't hurt. My bruises were ok.
"You know, I love your laugh," He smiled, leaning down and rested our foreheads together with his hands on my neck. "And your smile."
"Yeah, well I love yours too." I giggled, pecking his lips. "Now we don't need to be late. Your mother would throw a fit."
"Alright, alright. Just give me a kiss first. One."
"Fine." I stood up on my tiptoes, pressing my lips lightly to his. "There, now let's go."
"Did you mean it?"
"Of course I did." I frowned, now standing back on the flats of my feet. "Why wouldn't I?"
"Bells, I was just teasing. I know you did."
"Oh." It came out as a whisper, his tumbs still moving along my cheeks.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel bad."
"No, it's ok. I should have known you were joking."
"Here," He got the door for me, placing a sweet kiss on my forehead.
"Thanks."
"Of course."
I looked down at my hands as he walked over to the other side, meeting his gaze after he hopped in.
"I don't know how I feel about this." He admitted, pulling out of my driveway.
"About what?"
"You know, going to church. I used to when I was little, but it's been a really l ong time."
"I was surpised you considered going, but I don't think it's a bad thing."
"I don't remember if I told you this or not..." He started slowly, looking at me in the rearview mirror. "But when I was in the ambulance with you no the way to the hospital...I found myself praying for you, and just talking to God - if there is one. I talked to my mom on the phone for a while when I was waiting to get the ok to see you. I think that's why she wants me to come. I don't know if my prayer was heard or if it was a meir coinsidence."
"I can't imagine how scared you were." I frowned, reaching over and ran my nails along his arm ever so lightly. "I'm sorry."
"I'm not. It was a wake up call, and it made me realize that we all really aren't guarnteed tomorrow. I've never been that scared, and hopefully I never will be again."
"We're going to be ok now." I think I was assuring myself more than him, especially with everything that has happened.
We had to be ok.
___________________
*Justin*
December 31st, 2013
6:43 PM
"Where are we going?" Bella asked for the third time, leaning closer towards my ear.
"Somwhere." That had also been my answer every time.
"Justin, come on." She whined, resting her head on my shoulder.
"I'm not telling you. It's a surprise and I intend on keeping it that way."
"Fine. Be cute."
"I am cute." I smiled, kissing the top of her head before taking her hand. "We're going to have fun tonight, and you can't stop me."
"I won't stop you. I can promise that."
"Good, I hope you're hungry. There is going to be lots of food, I know I'm starving."
"So am I. I'm really excited. Am I allowed to guess?"
"No, but we're here anyway, so surprise." I chuckled, finding a parking spot and quickly pecked her lips before she could kiss me back. "Stay there, I'll help you out."
I got out of the car, walking around to her side and got the door for her, helping her down and wrapped my arm around her waist.
"You look beautiful." I smiled at her, kissing her temple again. "I'm so happy you're feeling better."
"Me too, it's a great feeling, and we still have a whole month to spend together. This is our first real date in a month."
"What? Our movie day didn't count?"
"You know what I mean!" She laughed, momentarily resting her head on my shoulder again. "Like dinner, this is nice. Spending time with you outside of the house is nice."
"Yes, yes it is."
I held the door open for her, letting her inside first and felt her feel for my hand, letting her fingers fall through mine as we stepped inside.
"Do you have a reservation?"
"Yeah, Bieber, there's four of us."
"Four of us?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.
Right after she said that, the doors opened from outside, and in came Jackie and Mike.
"Jackie!" Bella flung herself into her arms, a smile wide across her lips. "I miss you."
"I miss you too. I'm sorry I couldnt' see you sooner. I hope the few times we talked on the phone were ok. How are you feeling?"
"Great actually," Bella pulled back, tucking a strand of her curly hair behind her ear. "Everything's healing up rearlly nicely, my bruises are just about gone, and now I'm wait for this stupid burn to heal."
"How is she?" Mike asked me, nodding his head towards Bella.
"She's good, a lot better. Smiling a lot."
"Good, and she's you guys are ok?"
"Yeah." I nodded, putting my hands in my pockets. "I think we are, right now, we still have things to work on, but you know, we'll get there."
"Exactly. You look happy."
"I am happy." I smiled at him again before Bella hugged him, snaking her arm around mine afterwards.
"You guys can follow me." The hostess said, leading us through the restuarant.
"Thank you." Bella smiled up at me, pressing her lips against my jaw.
"You're welcome buttercup."
___________________________
8:37 PM
"Justin, are you sure?" Bella asked, looking up with her brows come together.
"Why, do you want to go somewhere else?"
"It's not me I'm really worried about. This is where I know I got drunk for the first time...and they'll recognize your face. They'll have no problem giving you alcohol again."
"I won't drink. No drinking. I just thought we could have fun dancing."
"And I want to dance with you, but the temptation is there. You've only been going for what, two weeks now? I don't want you to fall back into it Justin, I don't."
"Alright, well we can do something else."
"Are you mad at me?"
"No, of course not." I shook my head, running my hands along her arms. "I know you care and you're just trying to help. I appreciate it. Now it's New Year's Eve, what do you want to do?"
"I'm not really sure. As long as I'm with you it doesn't matter."
"How about this," I smiled at her, letting both of my hands fall down to hers. "We go back to my place as planned, change into some comfy clothes, put on Rockin' Christmas Eve, and while watching that, we make cookies to eat. This way we can cuddle, eat fresh cookies and milk, and stay up until midnight. I want my kiss."
"Yeah, that sounds perfect." She nodded quickly, nibbling on her lip.
"How many times do I have to tell you not to do that unless you want to be physically attacked?" I asked her, giving her a tug closer.
"Probably a lot."
"Let's go." With a final chuckle, I pulled her back to the car, kissing her before shutting the door.
___________________
*Bella*
9:43 PM
"You're going to eat all the cookie dough!" I scoled, smacking Justin's arm.
"Ow! Jeez."
"No more."
"Oh yeah, and what you going to do?" He asked, resting his hands on either side of me against the counter. "Spank me?"
"No, you'd enjoy that too much."
"Reow to you too."
"Stop!" I buried my face in his chest, hiding the blush that covered my cheeks.
"You love it."
"We have cookies to make. Before midnight."
"Fine, after I get a kiss."
"What is it with you and negotiating with kisses?"
"Because I like them," He pouted, leaning closer so there was only a couple of inches between our lips. "You make me beg."
"I do not!"
"Yes you do."
"Fine. Then you're not getting anything." I ducked under his arm, trying not to laugh as I walked over to the pan to start putting cookies on it.
"Bella! Come on, that's not fair!"
"Life isn't fair."
"Love me." He pouted, resting his chin on my shoulder and slipped is arms around my waist.
"I do love you." I frowned, turning my head to look at him.
"Then kiss me."
I playfully rolled me eyes, leaning in and connected our lips, resting my hands on top of his.
"Now that you've had your kiss, help me with these cookies so we can cuddle faster, and no more eating the cookie dough."
"Alright, alright." He let go, kissing my cheek and grabbed the spoon out of the bowl. "But I call licking the bowl."
After putting the cookies in the oven, we sat down on the couch, his head rested in my lap with my fingers running through his hair.
"Don't you fall asleep on me." I giggled, watching as his eyes closed. "i want my kiss too."
"It feels good."
"Dork."
"Be nice to me." He smiled, taking my hand and kissed it.
"I am! I'm just teasing. No sleeping."
"If anybody's going to fall asleep it's you, not me, princess."
"I'm not, I'm wide awake right now. It's close to eleven I'll get a little sleepy."
"I'm just going to have to tickle you to death then."
"You can't because of my burn, ha."
"I will. There's more to tickle than just your sides."
I eyed him then, raising an eyebrow as he smirked.
"Do you want to go out and get lunch tomorrow? We can go to the same place we went to celebrate your acceptance to NYU."
"Yeah, that's sounds good to me. I love it there."
"We have some good memories there."
"Yeah, we do." I nodded, running my fingers through his hair again. "We'll have many more too."
"Yes we will."
Things seemed to be getting back to normal...if I even knew what normal was anymore.
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What do you think about Justin agreed to go home? Those cravings? :( Ugh I felt bad.
COMMENT AND VOTE PLEASE!
The drama isn't over yet. Manny still hasn't been found...
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