Chapter Twenty
Ellie had no more tears to cry and no more heart left to break as she threw hers and Liza's belongings into a trunk.
"Where are we going?" Liza asked as she watched her from the bed.
"Town. I have enough money to put us up for a while and I'm sure I can find a job doing something. I am not staying here with that man any longer. It's not fair what he's doing to me! He says he can't be with me because he doesn't deserve me but yet he doesn't want anyone else to be with me either!"
"What about my schooling?" Liza questioned.
Ellie rolled her eyes and slammed the trunk lid down, "Already taken care of. Elizabeth is taking care of it and I'll pay her back just as soon as I'm able."
"Ellie, you can't leave my brother," Susie pleaded from the doorway to the bedroom.
Ellie blew out an irritated breath, finding that the only emotion she had left to feel at the moment was anger, "I'm not leaving your brother, Susie. He left me." Ellie looked at her reflection in the mirror and smoothed out her hair. "Now go to Kent and tell him to hook up the wagon and come in and get my trunk. Liza and I are going to town."
"I wish you wouldn't go....." Susie said tearfully.
Ellie walked to her and hugged her tight, "I'm going to miss you and Sally. And I'll miss Elizabeth and Brody and the babies but I can't do this anymore, Susie. I love Jacob too much to have him so close and yet so far away at the same time. It hurts too bad."
Susie nodded and wiped her face as Ellie pulled away, "I'll go tell Kent," she said and quickly walked out.
"I'm going to miss this ranch." Liza pouted, "I really like Susie and Sally and I was looking forward to seeing them during my breaks this year."
"You still can. Elizabeth would never turn you away," Ellie promised.
Ten minutes later Kent came to the doorway of the room with his hat in his hands, "I've only ever been in the house once before, Miss Thompson, and it didn't go so well. What do ya say we hurry on up out of here before Jacob catches us and makes this time even worse," he urged as he looked around. "I got that wagon ready."
"Thank you, Kent." Ellie managed a little half smile, "Would you mind carrying my trunk out?"
Kent nodded and placed his hat back on his head, "Of course not." He walked over and grabbed the trunk but before lifting it, he frowned at Ellie, "I don't think Jacob is going to be very happy about you taking off when he's not here to say goodbye."
"Jacob doesn't want to be happy," Ellie replied harshly, "He wants to be alone and miserable and able to feel sorry for himself for the rest of his life as he whines about all the things he wishes he could be."
Kent nodded, "If you say so ma'am," he offered her a smile, "I know if I had a chance to marry a woman like you I certainly wouldn't keep you waiting, Miss Thompson."
Ellie smiled and laid a gentle hand on his arm, "You're a nice man, Kent."
Kent was a smart enough man to know when he was being politely turned down and he hoisted up the heavy trunk, "Ladies first."
Ellie started for the door but then stopped and walked over to the wardrobe. She pulled out the hat Jacob had given her and laid it on the bed. Then she laid the note she had written him on top of the hat and walked out of the room with Kent and Liza following behind her.
***
Jacob knew he had to talk to Ellie... Every day of his life since giving her up had been the worst day of his life. And that was saying something since his entire life since the age of seventeen had seemed like a life and death struggle just to have enough to eat.
But what would he say to her? He still didn't feel like he deserved her. Especially now that he had hurt her so badly. He had seen the hurt in her eyes today and it had broken his heart to know that he had caused her that pain. He had thought he could stand idly by and let her fall in love with someone else, someone she deserved more, but he had been wrong.
Right or wrong. Whether he deserved her or not he had to have her.
He rode up to the ranch and jumped from his horse before bounding into the house, "Ellie!" he called out, "Ellie, where are you?"
He stood in the sitting room and listened for the sound of her footsteps but they didn't come. He frowned. Maybe she had locked herself in her room after yelling at him earlier. Jacob started down the hallway and stopped when Susie opened her bedroom door, "What's wrong?" Jacob demanded when he saw the tears on her freckled face.
"She's gone," Susie whispered softly.
Jacob pulled off his hat and ran his hand through his hair, "Who's gone?"
"Ellie. Liza too."
"Where did they go?"
"Away from you," Sally snapped harshly as she limped out of her own room. Her leg was nearly healed but still not well enough for her to do much more than hobble around.
"She left....?" Jacob asked dumbfounded.
Sally rolled her eyes, "What did you think would happen with you stringing her along? Always telling her that you couldn't be with her because you weren't good enough but yet keeping her here where she has to see you everyday. You kept her here; cooking your meals, washing your clothes, making your bed and yet you refused to make her your wife even though she's doing all the household duties your wife would do and she loves you just as much as a wife would! What exactly did you think was going to happen, blockhead?!"
"I...." Jacob started, but in true angry Atkinson fashion, Sally cut him off.
"Why in the hell would you think you weren't good for her anyway?! You are a great man, Jacob Atkinson! You are a hardworking man who does everything he has to in order to provide for his family! Everybody else in the world can see what a great husband you would be! Why can't you?"
"Because he doesn't want to be happy," Susie said quietly.
Jacob whirled around and glared at her, "Why would you say that?" he demanded.
She shrugged, "That's what Ellie said."
Jacob didn't have time for this. He shook his head at both of his pain in the backside sisters and walked to Ellie's room. He opened the door and froze.
She was really gone. The room looked neat and untouched. The wardrobe was open and empty and the bed was made. Jacob walked over to the bed and ran his fingers over the faux flowers on the hat he had bought for her over a month ago. He smiled when he remembered the way she had smiled and thanked him with an innocent enthusiasm that had touched him.
His eyes fell on the folded piece of paper lying on the brim of the hat. He recognized Ellie's delicate handwriting when he saw his name written across the paper. He picked it up and unfolded it, scanning it quickly.
Jacob,
I cannot do this any longer. I thought that if I just waited long enough, if I simply gave you time, you would come to see that you needed, wanted and loved me as much as I do you. Obviously I was wrong. I love you but I will not stay here and let you break my heart everyday. For a month now you have ignored me. You treat me like a stranger--no that's not right--you treat me like an employee. Do you have any idea how that rips my heart out?
Then today you made it clear that, although you don't want me, you don't want anyone else to have me either. Why? Just because you want to live your life miserable and alone doesn't mean that I should have to. That is why I'm moving into town. I am going to find a job there and once I make enough money I will go wherever the wind takes me.
I am used to looking out for myself. I see now that I was foolish to think that that was going to change when I fell in love with you.
Goodbye Jacob
Ellie
Jacob read the letter three times and each time he felt even more foolish than the time before. He loved her. She loved him. What was he doing? And why in the hell was he still standing here?
"Are you going after her?" Sally asked as she stood in the bedroom door with her brow raised and her arms crossed over her chest.
Jacob nodded, "Yeah, I'm going after her."
"Well then you better hurry. She left close to half an hour ago. Kent took her and Liza in the wagon."
"Kent," Jacob grumbled, the name leaving his lips like a curse. Jacob ran from the house, jumped on his horse and galloped off to find his woman.