Edited
I stood in front of the bathroom mirror, staring at myself. The reflection that stared back at me was one I didn't recognize. Curled, butterscotch hair rested on my shoulders, bouncing in ringlets as I turned my head to the side, backing up and previewing my outfit. I was styled in an elegant, off-the-shoulder, navy top with large floral patterning, along with a white pair of skinny jeans, and black flats.
"Yes!" Autumn squealed, clapping her hands together. "I'm so proud of you, Emery! You finally decided to dress cute for once!"
I backed up, still staring at myself. I don't know what came over me this morning when I woke up, but for some reason I was feeling extra confident, something that I haven't felt in a very long time. So, this morning, when I opened my closet to try and grab the usual, there was this voice in the back of my mind. This voice that kept telling me to shift my hands farther and farther to the right, farther and farther into the untouched section of my closet.
So, I listened to it.
"I don't know," I whispered, "I just—something was telling me to pick a cute outfit today," I shrugged my shoulders, "so I did."
"You mean that voice in the back of your head that knows Evan's going to have a complete heart attack at this newfound change?" she smiled as she touched up her makeup.
The lunch bell was going to ring in a few minutes, so Autumn and I were hanging out in the bathroom, since I just couldn't stop staring at myself and wondering what the heck had come over me. I mean yes, I wanted to impress Evan, but if that was the case why hadn't I done this earlier? Why the heck did I gain some confidence now?
I couldn't help but smile a little as I looked at myself one last time in the mirror. "Maybe,"
Autumn just smiled at me, before the both of us walked out of the bathroom, radiating with confidence. In fact, as she and I walked down the hallway, it was like I was in a totally different environment. Whereas before, everyone had always walked right past me, acting like I didn't exist or like they didn't know me, now, everything was so much different.
Eyes. I felt them on me everywhere. Guys I knew, guys I didn't, even guys who had girlfriends all seemed to perk up at the sight of me. It was like a whole new world. Like when a prey first realizes that the predator is seeking it out. Or when Nemo left the vastness of the ocean for the first time, only to enter the real world. You don't realize how big it is until you've left your safety net. Until you're no longer in your comfort zone.
Autumn grinned as we passed a group of boys whose eyes lingered on the both us for a few seconds too long.
"They totally just checked us out," she whispered.
Whereas Autumn was thrilled by this notion, I, on the other hand, wasn't so much. The one person I wanted to see me was nowhere to be found, and the ones I didn't have a care for were everywhere to be found. Autumn and I walked towards the lunchroom, stopping as the hall got congested near the entrance. A group of guys walked past the both of us, the tallest of the heard stopping for a moment.
He nodded his head at me, his jet—black hair flopping up and down, and I didn't miss the twinkle in his eyes. I had seen boys look at Autumn like that all the time. "Hey, Emery,"
Who the heck was that?
I turned to Autumn, eyebrows raised, brows wrinkled, and the look of complete confusion written across my face. Was this what it's like to be Autumn for a day?
She smiled. "It's amazing what a bit of mascara and a cute outfit can do, isn't it?"
I just shook my head at that statement, before the both of us entered the cafeteria. We headed towards our usual table where Carter and Riley were already seated, chatting away and eating their food. After the day that Aiden had apologized to me, they kind of just started sitting with us. I guess it's a permanent thing now.
Riley beamed as she saw me. "Emery! You look so pretty!"
"Thanks," I smiled, taking my empty seat and pulling out my packed lunch, which consisted of my favorite meal—tacos!
Blake slid into the empty seat next to Carter, gaining my attention as he spoke. "Dude, you're not gonna believe what just happened to me!"
The sly grin that was on his face spoke volumes.
"What? You banged some girl in the janitor's closet?" Autumn jumped in. "Wow! Such an accomplishment."
You could literally hear the sarcasm dripping from her voice as she made a grand spectacle of what Blake had just said. He looked at her, eyes narrowing for a moment, and I could practically feel the tension in the air as they stared each other down, but instead of sticking around to watch another confrontation occur, I walked to the front of the cafeteria searching for a fork on the utensil table.
After a few moments of surfing through the utensil bucket, I heard the pattering of feet against tile and a sudden minty smell filled my nostrils. To say that smell was alluring was an understatement. All I wanted to do was keep smelling that smell forever, but what I couldn't place was where I had smelt it before. It was so familiar.
I turned my head to the right, almost dropping dead when I realized where the smell was coming from. My eyes widened.
Aiden?
His eyes flickered to my outfit, a sudden flash of emotion in his eyes bringing me out of my stupor. What was that? And the words that came out of his mouth next were something that I'd never expect. Especially from someone as obnoxious as he is.
"Wow," he said, "you look beautiful."
I couldn't help but smile, although I was still confused as to why Aiden would say something so... gentlemen-like to me. Usually he comes off saying inappropriate, obnoxious things that aren't compliments at all, just crude. But despite my utter confusion, the compliment no doubt managed to put a smile on my face. I hadn't expected that Aiden would ever be able to say something like that, let alone to me.
"Thanks, Aiden," I smiled, deciding to take it as a friendly compliment.
His eyebrows quickly furrowed, before it disappeared in the blink of an eye, a wide smirk replacing it. "Guess what?"
"What?"
He pulled out his phone and scrolled through some things, before sticking the screen right in front of my face. My eyes immediately flickered to the box that had popped up under his notification panel.
Aiden has received a grade of an A/100 on Spanish Exam – 1.
"Oh my god!" I cried, impulsively throwing my arms around his neck and hugging the life out of him, before pulling back and seeing that his smirk had turned into a lopsided grin. "Aiden, that's amazing! Congratulations!"
He shrugged, and I didn't miss the way he looked atm, the intensity of his gaze. It surprised me, shocked me even. "I couldn't have done it without you,"
I turned around, shaking my head, the both of us heading back towards the lunch table. "That was all you, Aiden, not me."
We took our seats at the lunch table, where Carter, Riley, Autumn, and Blake were watching the both of us sit down. For some strange reason, I felt like they were talking about something they didn't want us to know about, but I decided not to ask.
"Why the huge grin?" Blake asked, taking a bite out of a green apple, the audible sound of the crunch resonating to the whole table.
Aiden grinned again. "I'm back in business baby,"
"Dude! No way!" Carter cried, smacking his hands down on the lunch table like he'd just had an epiphany.
Blake fist—pumped the air. "FUCK YES! WE'RE BACK, BABY! WE'RE BACK!"
He had practically screamed it to the entire cafeteria at which point everyone had turned to look at our table, an eerie silence in the air, before, of course, Aiden broke it.
"You heard him!" Aiden slammed his fist onto the table and I had to stop myself from snorting in laughter. "WE'RE BACK!"
Then, as if every single player on the basketball team knew exactly what was going on, they all stood up and started chanting, we're back! We're back! We're back! And after a few minutes the whole entire had cafeteria chimed in as well.
"We're back! We're back! We're back!"
All three of us girls looked at each other with the we're hanging out with idiots look, before we burst out laughing. There was honestly never a dull moment with these boys and you know what? I think I was starting to get attached to them.
As that thought popped into my head, the smile began to form as I looked around at the group. Never in a million years would I have thought that I would be spending time with "the cool kids" let alone become friends with them. After getting to know them, I know that all the terrible things people say about them couldn't be father from the truth. It's all just lies people make up about them, especially about Aiden. Everyone says he has this terrible reputation with girls, but honestly, I haven't seen him with any since I started tutoring him, except for that one he have his number to. All the other rumors I've heard about him are 100% fake. Spending so much time with Aiden in the last few months has made me realize that.
A part of me feels bad that people think badly of Aiden, because isn't what everyone thinks he is. He's just a big goofball. But as I sat there and watched the entire cafeteria cheek on Aiden, my eyes couldn't help but flicker over to the table where Evan sat. To my surprise, his eyes were homed in on me, staring, watching, almost like he was in a trance. But I watched as his eyes slowly flickered away from me, before turning on Aiden, and his brows began to furl. I was struck the question once again: What was this strange grudge between them? Does anybody know?
After school let out, Aiden had asked if I could tutor him before his basketball practice. He said even though he had gotten a 100 in Spanish that he was still struggling and wanted to make sure he maintained his grade, so I agreed.
As we both made our way out of gym class, I remembered that I had accidentally left my biology book in my locker, so I quickly told Aiden, who said he would wait for me here, before going back to retrieve it. I walked around the hall and down a ways, before finally arriving at my locker, thankful it wasn't that far from the gym. My fingers twirled and spun the combination lock, before finally tugging it open and pulling out my book. Before I could close it though, I heard voices around the corner. Voices who were talking about me.
I furrowed my eyebrows, tip—toeing to the very end of the hall, just before it snaked off to the left, where all the voices were coming from. I stood there, hiding behind lockers, curiosity getting the best of me as I listened in on the conversation.
"Did you see Emery today, man?" the disembodied voice said.
A different boy spoke up, one whose voice was more grating than the first. "Oh, fuck man, I don't know where she's been hidin' that ass all these years, but damn. I'd definitely hit that."
I suddenly felt a sick feeling in my stomach, like bile rising up in my throat as I continued to listen. I couldn't believe that boys actually talked about girls like that, thought about them like that. Like they're just objects for fascination, or something you can just conquer. As if they have no feelings or emotions or hardships. Like they're just things.
The first boy let out a chuckle. "Good luck with that bro, she's a fucking prude and everyone knows it. I bet she'll be eighty by the time she loses her virginity."
As those words left his mouth I felt a burning anger rise up in my body, like a ball of fire that had just been lit and doused in gasoline. I was ready to turn that corner and slap the life out of him, but before I could act on anything, I heard a third voice speak up. This voice though, this voice I recognized, and when I heard the words that came out of his mouth I felt like I'd just been hit by a truck, like I'd just been stabbed in the back.
"You're probably right man. I mean, she's practically in love with me and I can't even get her to look at me, let alone sleep with me."
A knife. That's what it felt like. Like a knife had been driven straight through my heart and someone had turned that blade, serrating my heart into pieces. It was like my reality had just been flipped upside down, like I was no longer standing there, but being launched into an alternate dimension where gravity was no longer holding me to the ground—nothing was. Everything just felt so numb. My limbs felt heavy, and my heart was shattered, each time pounding against my chest like glass shards being shoved into me over and over again.
Breathe.
I felt tears stinging at my eyes as I stumbled out into the middle of the hall, my eyes landing on Evan, who stopped in his tracks, eyes widening at the sight of me. The two other boys walking beside him stopped too, but I didn't say anything. I felt the tears coming and I bolted, all of my anger washing away, replaced by an undeniable pain.
"Emery!" I heard him call, the clicking sound of cleats against tile echoing behind me, bouncing off the walls and only reminding me of the giddy feeling I would always get when I heard that noise.
Ignore him. Ignore him.
I walked faster, feeling hot tears beginning to run down my face like a geyser of emotions all ready to explode. Every emotion I had been keeping bottled inside me was ready to surface, clawing its way out of me and demanding to be set free.
"Emery, wait—!"
I turned around, stopping in the middle of the hall to look him straight in the eyes. I bit my lip to try and keep the tears at bay, but I could feel my hands trembling, my whole body trembling. Everything felt broken, disconnected, as I stood there staring athim.
"I don't know what's worse," I whispered, trying to blink back the tears, "the fact that you didn't defend me," I started to choke up, "or—or the fact that you agreed—with them!"
"Emery please—! Let me—let me explain—!"
I shook my head, feeling a trail of tears drip down my face as I turned around and began walking as fast as I could towards the gym. As fast as I could back to Aiden. There was nothing left to explain, nothing left for him to say to me. I had heard everything, and he had no defense. I had heard the words come out his mouth, so smoothly, and without hesitation that it was as if they were second nature to him. As if he'd practiced saying them all day.
He reached for my hand. "Emery, I—!"
As I stared at him in that moment, I didn't recognize the boy that was looking back at me. Didn't recognize the bright blue eyes that had once captivated my attention and made me believe that maybe not everyone was so bad after all. As I stared back at him, I realized that I really don't know Evan as well as I thought I did, because the Evan I know, or at least the one I thought I knew...would never have done something like to me. Ever.
"Don't touch me!"
He seemed taken aback by the sudden hostility in my voice, but right now the only thing I could feel was pain. A white hot, numbing pain that was spreading throughout my entire body like I'd just been run over by a semi. He tried reaching for me again, slower this time, but before he could even lay a hand on me someone had shoved him backwards so quick, you would've missed it if you had blinked.
Aiden stalked forward, stepping in front of me protectively, and shielding me from Evan's gaze. I could feel the tension, thick in the air as they both stood tall, fists balling tight. "She said don't touch her, so don't fucking touch her!" Aiden spat.
Evan looked between the both of us as I pressed my lips together tightly, forcing myself to hold in the tears, forcing myself to hold in all my emotions until after he left. I wouldn't let him see me break down in front of him. I wouldn't let him see the power he had over my emotions.
Evan was seething in anger, eyes narrowed at Aiden, an unrecognizable fire behind his eyes. "Stay out of this, Parker!"
"You son of a bitch!" Aiden raised his fist towards Evan, getting ready to lay one on him, "you fucking coward! She doesn't even know!" but before he could do anything Blake and Carter appeared, running towards him and grabbing ahold of both his arms.
"Emery?!" I heard Riley's voice behind me. "Oh my god! Are you alright?"
"Emery?!" Autumn cried, running towards me from behind, as well.
Evan stared at the six of us, his eyes narrowed and widened, forehead creased with wrinkles, before he stalked off, slamming his shin guards into the lockers opposite him, and turning, disappearing from my sight.
I didn't have the courage to look into anyone's eyes in that moment. All I could do was stand there, trying to hold back the tears. And just as I was about to burst Aiden pulled me into his arms, cradling my face against his chest as I broke down. I sobbed and sobbed, balling his shirt into my fist and staining his shirt with my tears, but he just... let me. He didn't say anything to me, nor I to him. He just held me.
Everything that happened after that was a blur. The only thing I could focus on was the mind-numbing pain I was feeling. My heart didn't want to except what had happened, but my brain wanted to retaliate at Evan for everything he had done.
I don't exactly remember how it all happened, I was just so out of it, so completely lost in my own thoughts that I didn't even realize Aiden had brought me home and helped me into my house. I was still clinging to him like a lost puppy, holding onto him because he was the only steady thing in my life at the moment. He was the only person that I could count on right now.
He guided me to the couch and sat down next to me, hugging me into his chest, resting his chin on the top of my head. I didn't say anything, I just welcomed the warmth, burrowing my face into his chest as silent tears dripped down my face.
But it wasn't long before I began sobbing again.
"Aren't you," sob, "going to," sob, "ask me," sob, "what he said?"
"I heard everything." was all Aiden said.
I don't know how long we sat there, him holding me while I cried, but it felt good. It felt good to be in his arms. There was a knock on the door, before it opened, and Autumn and Riley took a peek inside. I hid my face deeper into Aiden's chest, knowing that it was time for him to go. Knowing that he was going to leave me.
Aiden sighed, gently pulling me out of his hold, before cradling my face in his hands, wiping my tears away gently with his thumbs.
"I have to go," he whispered, "but I promise as soon as practice is over, I'm coming back, okay?" I didn't miss the sincerity in his words as I nodded and he stood to leave, before Autumn and Riley took his place, on either side of me.
Riley spoke first. "Sweety, what happened?"
Autumn placed her hand on my shoulder. "Yeah, Emery, what happened?"
I looked up at the ceiling, feeling the tears start to pool in my eyes as thoughts of what had happened popped back into my head. "I—!" But I couldn't get the words out, every time I tried, more tears would come.
"Just breathe," Riley soothed.
And so, I did. I took deep, calming breaths, until the crying finally toned down and I managed to choke out the story of what had occurred, each moment that passed by as I remembered his words, only twisting the blade inside me deeper.
I told them everything. About how I had overheard those boys talking about me and about what Evan had said about me, never once defending me, but instead agreeing with them. And I think that was what hurt the most—the fact that he had agreed with them.
Riley sighed. "Sometimes people just aren't who we think they are. Sometimes the people we think mostly highly of—turn out to be the ones who have the darkest secrets. And sometimes," she whispered, "sometimes the people we think the worst of, turn out to be the good ones."
As she spoke those words to me, I couldn't help but feel like they had some sort of deeper meaning behind them. What about, I'm not sure, but it felt like she was trying to tell me something. When I looked at her, with my tear—stained face, I could see the truthfulness in her eyes.
"She's right, Emery," Autumn agreed, "as much as I was rooting for you and Evan, we both thought he was someone he wasn't. Today showed us both that. Because if he really cared about you he never would have said something like that about you."
I looked at them, biting back the tears. Why does life have to be like this? Why does it have to be so cruel? Why doesn't it care what you want? Or what you deserve? Why can't I have the boy who's going to treat me like a princess? Who's going to be my knight in shining armor, and rescue me from the darkness? Why can't I have that?
"I wish I would've slapped him," I whispered, staring at my feet, and as I looked up at Riley and Autumn, we all burst out laughing,
"I would've killed to have seen that," Autumn smiled.
Riley was still laughing. "Who wouldn't? The asshole deserves it."
I don't know how much longer the girls and I stayed there, contemplating everything that each of us would have done differently if we had been in that very situation. All I knew, was if I could do it all over again, I would've slapped that boy so hard it would've left a handprint sized mark for a week. I felt a small smile come to my lips as that thought crossed my mind. There was no doubt that he deserved it.
Just for a moment, because then I began to remember the ease with which those words had rolled off Evan's tongue, and I was reminded of the pain all over again. Is it possible to have your heart broken by someone who was never yours in the first place?
Aiden came back, just like he promised, and I couldn't have been more grateful. I wanted to just lay on my couch and eat ice cream with the girls, but he had other plans. He had brought the whole gang with him and informed us that we were going to the famous Pinnacles hiking trail, just beyond the outskirts of the city. I had only been there one other time, on one of the trails that weren't as beautiful as the one Aiden had taken us to. We hiked around one and a half miles, crossing a creek, and jumping over fallen logs just to get there, but the view waiting for us at the top was definitely worth it, especially at night.
"Oh my god," Autumn whispered as we finally emerged onto the small clearing that led to the ledge overlooking the city.
Carter and Riley sat on the oval shaped ledge that jutted out just past the rest of the mountain. She sat comfortably on his lap, occasionally giving him small pecks on the lips, and giggling at things he would whisper to her. I looked out across the skyline, tearing my eyes away from them. It hurt too much to watch them like that. I forced myself to focus on the view right in front of me.
Trees lay behind us, adorning the bright yellow, orange, and red leaves that fall had brought on, but the most beautiful view, was that of the city. I looked out past the ledge, at all the city lights. I immediately recognized the faint lights of Grand Central Park. As far away as we were I could make out the tiny sliver of light that always lit up the top of the elephant's trunk. It glistened and glinted against the glowing moonlight. And I was suddenly taken back to the night I had confessed my deepest, darkest fear to Aiden. I smiled, remembering that day.
"It's beautiful," I whispered, feeling Aiden's presence beside me.
"Yeah...it is,"
No words were spoken between us for a little while as we both sat by the ledge, opposite of Carter and Riley, along with Blake and Autumn. I smiled when I saw those two sitting with each other. As much as they fought, I had a feeling somewhere in the near future something was going to happen between those two. Something wonderful, and for a moment I felt happy. So happy for my best friend.
But then I remembered the sinking feeling that had shot through my body when Evan had said those words about me. I just couldn't get them out of my head. They had been repeating and repeating over and over again in my mind for the past hour.
You're probably right man. I mean, she's practically in love with me and I can't even get her to look at me, let alone sleep with me.
Is that really what he thought of me? After all these years I was just some failed conquest to him? A part of me thought it made sense, but the other part of me knew that wasn't how Evan truly felt. It couldn't be. It doesn't make any sense. He was always so kind, so nice...
I felt Aiden shift beside me. "You okay?" he asked.
I knew what he was talking about. He didn't even have to say it.
"Not really," I whispered, feeling a few tears come.
The truth is. I really don't know if I'm ever going to be okay with what Evan said. Does he really think that way of me? Evan had always been so sweet to me, so nice, ever since we had grown up as kids. I didn't understand how he could possibly think those things about me. I thought he was better than that.
"He doesn't deserve you, Em,"
I looked at him, watching, as he slowly turned to look at me, straight into my eyes.
"You're too good for him." he whispered. "You're too good for any guy that comes your way. I mean," he chuckled, "you spend your Saturdays helping your elderly neighbor clean her flower beds because you know it's the one thing that'll make her happy. And your free time? You spend it helping me chase my dreams... because you know it's the one thing that makes me happy." he turned to look at me, his eyes sparkling. "You see? You spend all your time trying to make other people happy, but you never stop and try to make yourself happy."
I looked at him in awe. Looked at this boy who had managed to figure out everything about me. Managed to see past the girl who just cooped herself up in her room and studied all the time. He saw past it all, past the appearances, and the facades. He could see the real me. The vulnerable girl who just wanted to please everyone.
And that terrified me.
I didn't know what to say as I continued to look at him. I was in shock, but at the same time a part of me wanted to smile. I had always known that deep down inside, underneath that hard exterior, Aiden was so much more. So much more than any of us could understand.
"I never thanked you," Aiden said, breaking the silence.
I looked at him. "For what?" I whispered.
He turned to look at me, his eyes staring into mine with such intensity that I almost looked away. "For believing in me,"
I stared at him and for a moment, the both of us just sat there, staring into each other's eyes like we were looking into each other's souls. I felt something stir in the pit of my stomach.
"I never thanked you,"
His lips turned up. "For what?"
"For being there," I whispered as we both continued to look at each other.
A small smile formed on his lips, before he looked back out at the city, his arm wrapping around my shoulder and pulling me closer to him. And for some strange reason... I didn't pull away. I placed my head on his shoulder and let him hold me, savoring the warmth of his body against mine. Savoring the way his presence made me feel.
Savoring the way he made me feel so safe and at home. Like everything was going to be okay.
________________________________________________________________________________
Wow, this chapter was rough. I had such a hard time writing about what Evan did to Emery because I wanted to get the emotions just right. I literally had to rewrite it like at least three times before I got it right.
Anyways though, thank you so much for reading, voting, and commenting. You all truly make my day with your comments and votes!
So, what are your all's thoughts on what Evan did to Emery?
Do you think there's more to this than what meets the eye?
How about Aiden's reaction to the whole situation?
Hmmmm. Questions, questions.
- Katy ;)