I suppose that this evening all the neighbors heard our argument. I hate being accused of things I didn't do. It takes so long that I'm losing my confidence of my innocence. I don't meet my friend often, just because I don't want to argue with Dave again. It may sounds like an absurdity, but it is a 'real absuridity'...
He went on a balcony and slammed door. I wanted to run after him and slam the door even harder, but something in my head told me that it doesn't even make sense. Dave is sometimes too much impulsive and I didn't want to make him even angrier. I went to the kitchen to make our favourite evening tea. I tried not to be irritated, but when I was pouring water to the cups, my hands were shaking.
I entered the balcony with evaporating drinks and I placed them on a table. He didn't even turn around, so I said:
— I made the tea Dave.
— Are these cups of tea some type of apolgizes? — he laughed ironically
— Apologizes to you for what?
He didn't answer.
— The only one person on this balcony who has to apologize is you — I said as calm as I could.
— Unlike you, I don't cheat with your friend!
— How many times do I have to repeat that Martin is my friend too and I simply spend time with him in the same way as you do? Whether because of this, you have the right to forbid me being happy? — while I was making the tea, I promised myself, that I won't get angry. Unfortunately Dave has to act like a small jealous child.
I took the cup of tea in my hands.
— Imagine, that this cup is our relationship and my hand symbolizes you — I told him and threw the cup on the floor. — Think about it Dave.
I took my phone and left our flat. I took a bus and went to my favourite park. I sat down on a bench. I was looking at children playing hide and seak. I thought that Dave is like a small kid. He wants to be loved and sometimes he's lost in his feelings. He can't express himself. Beliefs of childhood caused him jealousy. He thinks that he has to deserve for my love like he tried to deserve love from his biological father. He lives in belief that everyone around him is much better than him. No internal understanding of love as a unconditional feeling leads to thought that you must force someone to love you.
I knew that Dave was going to call me, but I didn't know what he was going to tell me. There were two options: he will apologise and try to glue together 'our cup of tea' or he'll pass the glass indifferently. I haven't got a strenght to save our relationship over and over again. Waiting for phone ringtone was the most stressul moment in my life. After one hour I finally heard it.
— I'm sorry — first words I've heard, made me calm. How long I didn't hear them. — I shouldn't act like that. Perhaps it's just my imagination, which suggest me scenarios that don't have a chance to be in reality. I understand that every relationship require some kind of a sense of personal space, freedom. I just don't want to lose you, but now I know that if I try to protect you from others too much and I'm always jealous, I'll definitely lose you. You're the best what happend to me in my life. I have never been as happy as I am with you.
— So let me be happy to Dave...
— I will, I promise — he said. — I love you Steph, please come back to home, it's going to dim.
— I love you too Davie... — I replied looking on a setting sun and feeling sure that his words aren't empty.
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I hope you'll like it!
I think that I made a lot of mistakes, because I'm totally mad today! :D I act like a freak. (Exactly which enthusiast of Depeche Mode isn't kind of a freak? XD) I even thought today that I'll do a one shot for @eloise_jennifer this time, but I forgot that I didn't do for @PrettyInPinkPolaroid :D
I can't wait till friday! I'll see my Basildon boys on stage in Warsaw! <3
By the way; that's one of my favourite Dave's photos of all time! <3