The day was cold, foggy and confusing. I woke up around 4 am, still no sign of my dad being home. I got up and went to the fridge whilst feeling very sad and quite sick, i opened the door and the light from the fridge blinded me until my eyes adjusted. Hardly any food but, i took out left overs from last night’s tea although i knew it wouldn’t matter that i ate ten minutes later because i would just throw it all up again. I hate eating, it makes me sick. The sight of food in front of me makes me immediately feel guilty. This has been happening again for the past few months but I'm okay with it. Nobody else but me knows because well, i have nobody to tell. At school I’m considered a slut, freak, lesbian and an emo. I have no friends and i don’t socialize due to me being an outsider.
Anyway after the whole eating thing was over i sat on my beanbag in front of the TV and switched it on, nothing but late-night news and strange educational documentaries about insects so i walk into my room without turning the light on because the light from the television is enough to see what i need to grab. I pick up my art book and a few pencils not coloured ones just led and proceed to sit back down in front of the picture box, even though I’m not actually watching whatever is on i like to draw with noise not any particular just noise i cannot seem to draw or paint or do anything i like doing in silence there always has to be some kind of sound surrounding me. I zone out while drawing and seem to wake up to hearing static from the TV.
"I must have pushed the remote by accident" yes, i spoke out loud. I looked down at what i had drawn after i switched the telly off; it was about five am the sun was rising so there was light throughout the whole apartment to see clearly.
"Again? How did i draw it again?" i was baffled by this picture, by how it’s the seventh time i have drawn the same exact thing without knowing how i drew it or even remembering drawing it.
"All of them the same thing, yet all they are all so different." I mumble confused. the drawings were a girl sitting alone by a tree reading with a bright green apple in her hand. She looks quite sad and alone but also strong and independent. I'm extreamly confused why or how im drawing these pictures but i have a feeling they all mean something. "I am going to find this girl and find out what it is about her. Why this is happening"
_____________________________________________________________________________