CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Hero Complex
October 31, 2015; Saturday
Blue Bay Retreat House, Azulan City
11:10 pm
Shem wasn't sure if he should feel relieved or more scared than ever when he was finally able to hoist himself up onto the window of the garage. Sa isang banda, ligtas siya sa loob at maaari siyang maghanda kung sakaling bumalik ang mga killer. Ngunit sa kabilang banda naman, hindi niya alam kung nasaan ang mga kaibigan niya, ang kapatid niya. Who knows what those bastards were doing to them while he was trapped inside the garage. After watching what they did to Jean and Kuya Max, he knew he wouldn't wish that on anyone, maging yung mga may atraso sa kanya.
He couldn't just stay inside like a sitting duck. Napatingin siya sa dapat na lalandingan niya. Madilim na sa labas kaya't halos hindi niya na makita kung madamo ba ito o mabato. Hindi naman ganoon kataas ang babagsakan niya ngunit nag-aalalangan pa rin siya. For all he knew, there might be glass shards waiting for him down there.
"Magpupulis ka, Shem. Talon lang yan," bulong ni Shem sa kanyang sarili. "Paano pa kung mas mataas ang kailangan mo talunin para mahuli yung kriminal?"
Steeling his courage, Shem closed his eyes and thought of all the loved ones he still has to see. As memories of his uncle, his young cousin, Ailee, and B.I.P. flashed through his mind, Shem let go and jumped. For a moment, there was nothing but air whipping past his ears.
He immediately bent his knees as soon as his feet touched the ground and rolled. Nang makatayo siya'y agad niyang pinagpagan ang kanyang sarili habang nagpapasalamat na makapal ang damo sa pinagbagsakan niya. Muli niyang tinignan ang kanyang cellphone kung may signal na. . .ngunit wala pa rin.
Thinking fast and trying to maintain his determination, Shem used the darkness to his advantage as he moved around the area without being seen. Humihingal siya nang marating niya ang gate at laking dismaya niya nang makita niyang naka-padlock ito. At maging doon ay wala pa ring signal.
Kinakabahan siyang nagpalinga-linga hanggang sa mapatingin siya sa retreat house at nakunot ang kanyang noo nang makitang walang ilaw na nakasindi. Even with just the moon's light, it still looked the same as when they first arrived. But it was like a blindfold had been taken off and Shem could no longer see its appeal. Shem peeled his eye away from the deceitful exterior of the house and glanced at the gate once more. His eyes strayed to the vast wall connected to the gate and the large narra tree standing next to it, its branches falling just a few feet away from the edge of the wall.
Muli siyang napatingin sa retreat house. "Bahala na. Hindi namin 'to kakayanin nang kami lang. Kailangan kong humingi tulong."
Ibinulsa niya ang kanyang cellphone at dali-daling lumapit sa puno upang akyatin ito. Shem grunted when his foot slipped from the moist tree bark but persisted until sweat was dripping down his forehead and his palms were scratched. He didn't waste any time and leapt from the branch onto the top of the wall. Tila kusa na lamang gumalaw ang kanyang katawan at natagpuan niya ang kanyang sarili sa kabilang bahagi ng pader na nakapalibot sa retreat house.
Bahagya siyang natulala habang nakatingin sa pader. Is that it? Was he. . .truly free? Free from the horrors happening on the other side of the wall?
He almost sagged to the forest floor in relief but Shem forced himself to focus. It's not that easy. Lumingon siya sa retreat house sa huling beses bago tuluyang naglakad palayo. Binuksan niya ang flashlight ng kanyang cellphone upang maging gabay sa madilim na daan.
Leaves and twigs snapped beneath his feet as he sprinted across the forest path—although, Shem wasn't sure if it was the path they used when they arrived or just a random path he was getting himself lost in. Either way, he had to try and go somewhere.
Best case scenario, makarating siya sa bayan para humingi ng tulong. Worst case, maliligaw siya pero makahanap siya kahit paano ng signal para matawagan ang Tito niya.
Ilang beses man siyang madapa dahil sa mga ugat o batong nasa daanan niya, hindi ito alintana ni Shem na agad bumabangon sapagkat ang tanging nasa isip niya lamang ay matulungan ang mga kasamahan niya. His heart was beating so fast and sweat was mixing with the mud clinging to his clothes but he continued running. Running and running.
Sinubukan niyang sa iisang direksyon lang tumakbo upang madali siyang makabalik kung sakali subalit habang lumilipas ang oras, hindi na rin siya sigurado sa daang tinatahak niya. Shem paused several times to catch his breath and rest for a few moments before going back to running.
Makalipas ang halos isang oras nang hindi niya pa rin natatanaw ang bayan na sinasabi nina Ma'am Demetria, muling tinignan ni Shem ang kanyang cellphone.
"Salamat sa Diyos!" bulalas niya nang makita niyang mayroon nang dalawang bar ng signal. But his breath caught upon realizing that his phone's battery is gonna be drained soon. He needed to act quickly.
Not wasting any time, Shem climbed the tree nearest to him, ignoring the strain and soreness of his muscles. Sulit naman ang pagsisikap niya nang makasagap siya ng mas stable na signal.
With shaking, bloody hands, Shem dialed his uncle's number. Kung buhay lang sana ang mga magulang niya, sila ang una niyang tatawagan upang magpaalam bago humingi ng tulong; pero sa ngayon, ang kapatid na lang ng ama niya ang pinakamalapit niyang kamag-anak. At alam niyang maaasahan niya ito.
"Sorry, the number you have dialed is busy at the moment," narinig niyang sabi ng boses ng isang babae. "Please try—"
"Bwiset!" Pinutol ni Shem ang tawag.
Nanatili siya sa kanyang pwesto sa loob ng ilang minuto, bago niya muling sinubukang tawagan ang Tito niya. He angrily swatted an insect away as the words were repeated. Shem rubbed his forehead; things weren't going the way he planned. He had already thought of what he was going to say, but how was he gonna ask for help if he can't even contact his uncle?
Minutes passed, and it was still the same response. He was down to 27% nang napagdesisyunan niyang tawagan ang landline ng bahay ng Tito niya. Bagama't kinakabahan na tuluyang maubos ang load niya dahil dito, he knew he had to give it a shot.
"Hel. . .lo?" sambit ng isang maliit na boses matapos ang ilang pag-ring.
"Jeff?"
"Kuya Shem!" masiglang bati ng bata. Shem could just imagine the grin on his 4-year old cousin's face.
"Bakit gising ka pa?" Nag-aalalang tanong niya. Although, he was quite thankful that the kid picked up the telephone or else he was probably doomed.
"Kumuha lang po tubig. Thirsty," sagot ng batang si Jeffrey. "Kuya Shem, kelan ka uwi? Miss na kita, bad kasi yung iba kong playmates."
Shem pursed his lips as tears threatened to spill from his eyes. He really missed the little guy and it hurts him to hear that Jeffrey was being bullied again. He glanced at the starless sky and took a deep breath.
"Jeffrey, listen to Kuya, okay? When I come home, maglalaro tayo at kakausapin ko yung mga nang-aaway sa 'yo." Hopefully, makauwi pa nang buhay, Shem added in his mind. "Kaya dapat good boy ka, ah? Jeff, pwede mo bang tawagin si Papa mo para sa 'kin? Good boy ka, 'di ba, Jeff?"
"Opo! Good boy ako! Wait lang, Kuya. . ."
Narinig ni Shem na inilapag ni Jeff ang telepono at ang paalis nitong mga yapak. Shem breathed a sigh of relief. There's still hope. Siguradong matutulungan kami ni Tito.
"Hello?" A gruff voice spoke after several moments. "Shem, hijo? Napatawag ka? Kumusta naman kayo diyan sa Azulan? Gabing-gabi na. Bakit gising ka pa?"
Huminga nang malalim si Shem. There was really no easy way to say what he was going to say.
"Tito. . .kailangan namin ang tulong mo." Isinalaysay ni Shem ang mga nangyari sa nakaraang araw. Hindi niya napigilan ang panginginig ng kanyang boses nang i-kwento niya ang tungkol sa pagkakapatay kay Max.
Sandaling hindi nakakibo ang nakatatandang lalaki. "Ma—Mabuti naman ligtas ka! Paanong nangyari 'to? Anong klaseng seguridad ba naman ang meron ang university na iyan. Una yung pagkamatay ng anak ng mga Hipolito at Villaverde. Tapos yung sa music festival. Tapos ito?" Lintaya ni Chief Mercado. Saglit itong natahimik bago muling magsalita. "Teka, naiwan ang mga kaklase mo doon, 'di ba?"
"Oo, Tito," mabilis na sagot ni Shem. "Kaya kailangan na nating kumilos para iligtas sila!"
Narinig ni Shem na bumuntong-hininga ang Tito niya.
"Alam kong pakiramdam mo, may responsibilidad ka sa mga kaklase mo lalo pa't magiging pulis ka rin. . ." aniya. "Pero nakikiusap ako sa 'yo hindi bilang Hepe kundi bilang Tito mo. Stay out of this, Shem. Aasikasuhin ko na ang pag-rescue sa inyo kaya manatili ka na lang diyan kung saan ka ligtas. Please. Hintayin mo lang ako."
"Pero, Tito—" Shem tried to argue but the line had already died. Ubos na ang load niya.
Shem sat on the tree branch uncomfortably for several minutes. Napapatalon siya sa mga kaunting kaluskos. He contemplated what he was going to do next. Nirerespeto niya ang hiling ng Tito niya dahil alam niyang kapakanan niya lang ang inaalala nito.
Pero alam din niyang hindi kakayanin ng konsensya niyang pabayaan lang sila. At the same time, he remembered all the horror movies Clyde and Anthony forced him to watch with them. Hindi pa siya ganap na pulis at malaki ang chansang mapahamak lang siya. Ayaw niya mang aminin, pero takot na takot siyang makaharap ang mga killer.
"Ano bang dapat kong gawin?" bulong niya.
Napatingin siya sa kanyang wallpaper kung saan kasama niya si Ailee at ang B.I.P. noong joint birthday celebration nilang magkapatid. He couldn't help but feel an ache in his chest. Sa mga oras na iyon, hindi niya alam kung ano ang kalagayan ng mga ito. Hindi niya alam kung anong tamang gawin.
At that time, Shem was also too confused and scared. A lot of things were running through his head as he randomly went through the contents of his phone. Self-preservation. Self sacrifice. Friendship. His sister. . . His brothers. What would they want him to do if they could see him now? What would they have done if they were in his position?
Hindi niya man kadugo ang mga miyembro ng B.I.P. at si Ailee, their bond was stronger than any blood for him. Ang B.I.P. ang naging sandigan niya simula elementarya at high school, lalo na noong namatay ang pamilya niya. Sa kanila niya naramdaman ang buong pagtanggap. Kahit na madalas lagi silang napapaaway dahil sa kalokohan nina Kevin at Gregg, magkasama pa rin sila sa lahat ng iyon. They built dreams together, and he didn't think he could face a future where some of them weren't able to live and make those dreams come true.
And Ailee. . .si Ailee na tumulong sa kanyang maibsan ang pangungulila niya. Knowing that she had an estranged relationship with her adoptive brother made him more than willing to become a substitute. He promised himself he wouldn't let anything hurt her again. Which was why he made a deal with JC in the first place. Now that things have seemingly gone back to normal with those two, this tragedy struck. His heart ached for them. At lalong hindi siya mapirmi nang hindi niya nalalaman kung maayos lang ba ang kalagayan ni Ailee. Siya dapat ang magp-protekta sa kapatid niya ngunit narito siya, ligtas samantalang walang kasiguraduhan kung buhay pa ito.
Natigil siya sa pag-iisip nang makita niya ang isang video sa kanyang cellphone. Wala sa sariling pinanood ito ni Shem. Agad na tumambad sa kanya ang nakangiti at bumubungisngis na mukha ni Ailee. Base sa kasuotan nito, mukhang kuha ito isang araw bago magsimula ang kanilang kalbaryo.
"Hello, Kuya Shem," pagbati nito. "So ayon. . . Iniwan mo 'tong phone mo sa 'kin para maglaro ng basketball kaya pupunuin ko ito ng mukha ko."
As if it doesn't already have a folder dedicated for your pictures. Shem smiled at her carefree antics, a side of her that was usually stored behind a serious demeanor.
Muling sumeryoso ang mukha ni Ailee. "I don't really know what to say. . .pero gusto ko lang siguro magpasalamat. Thank you for being a brother and a good friend to me. I know things have been strained between us lately but I want you to know. . .na wala akong sama ng loob. I hope you find it in yourself to forgive yourself. At alam kong alam mo na hindi lang yung tungkol kay JC ang tinutukoy ko."
Through his own blurred sight, Shem saw unshed tears in Ailee's eyes. "Wala kang kasalanan. It would really mean a lot to me if you finally let go of your guilt. Anuman ang mangyari, magkapatid tayo, and nothing can change that. Ya lyublyu tyebya vsyem syertsem¹. Salamat sa pagiging Kuya ko."
Muling ngumiti si Ailee sa camera, at bago niya ito tuluyang patayin, nakita ni Shem ang pagtulo ng kanyang luha. Right then, he knew she was going through something. He wasn't certain what it was but he trusted his gut feeling.
And of course, he knew what she was talking about. . .his guilt.
June 2011, the start of Grade 10 . . . Ailee had been gone for almost a year and he just found out that it was Erza's father responsible for the death of his family. At ang masaklap pa, nililigawan niya noon ang dalaga. Shem couldn't handle it all and decided to transfer to a school in Villa Lobo. Ilang buwan din siyang walang contact sa lahat.
Shem never would've come back if his uncle didn't call him about 'the unsolved case of the Marquez and De Valerio girls'. At hanggang sa mga panahong iyon, hindi niya pa rin napapatawad ang sarili niya kahit na pilit na sinasabi ng iba na wala siyang kasalanan. Shem couldn't help but agonize over what would've happened differently if he never left Santa Filomena. If he wasn't halfway across the province when his sister almost died. Until he found a satisfying answer, he wasn't sure if he was ready to forgive himself yet.
Muling ibinaling ni Shem ang kanyang atensyon sa kanyang cellphone. Sunod niyang nakita ang video nila ng B.I.P. na naglalaro ng basketball na kuha rin ni Ailee. He watched himself steal the ball from Kevin.
"Woohoo! Go, Kuya Shem!" Ailee hollored behind the camera.
"Weh, si Kuya Shem lang ba talaga?" pang-aasar naman ng boses ni Cess. "'Di mo ba ichi-ceer si JC?"
"Oh, fuck off!"
"Hoy, linya ko 'yan!"
Tears started to form in Shem's eyes as he watched his friends look so carefree on the small screen. Kung hihintayin niya pa ang pagdating ng Tito niya, sino sa kanila ang makikita niya pang muli? Sino ang mga hanggang sa larawan at video niya na lang maaalala?
He wasn't one to fool himself into thinking that they will get through this unscathed. This wasn't a movie or, God forbid, a theater play. He had no clue who was pulling the strings. At mas lalong hindi niya alam kung anong umiikot sa utak ng mga salarin kaya wala siyang ideya kung ano ang magiging takbo ng kwento nila. Bawat desisyong gagawin niya'y alam niyang makakaapekto sa kalalabasan ng mga pangyayari.
If he sits and waits for it to pass, he ensures his safety. But if he tries to go back for them, what can he do? Try to get them to escape with him to the forest? Try to incapacitate the killers? They got the upperhand. Wala siyang kalaban-laban. Kahit na may training siya, walang binatbat iyon sa patalim ng mga salarin kung patutulugin lang siya. They don't even know who the killers are. Self-preservation or honor their bond? He knew if they were in his position, some of them would've done the same stupid act of trying to be a hero.
"Tatakas ka na naman ba, Shem?" Wala sa sariling sambit niya. "Look how well that worked out back then."
For a moment, Shem wondered if staying out of the picture was the right choice. But as he glanced at his wallpaper, his eye zeroing on the police cap that he was wearing, he knew that he couldn't continue being a bystander. Wala man siyang nagawa upang pigilan ang nangyari kina Yna at Ailee noon, sisiguraduhin niyang gagawin niya ang lahat para masiguradong wala nang ibang mapapahamak.
"Sorry, Tito. Hindi na naman kita susundin. Sana maintindihan mo. At isa pa, kailangan kong balikan yung police cap ni Papa."
Dali-daling bumaba sa puno si Shem, hindi niya alintana ang kanyang mga galos at sugat sa pagmamadali. Bumalik siya sa tingin niya'y dinaanan niya kanina. He really couldn't tell at all even with the flashlight of his phone whether that was the right way.
Kumaripas na ng takbo si Shem kahit na pagod na siya. Walang kain at walang pahinga. Pero hindi siya tumigil. Hindi niya kayang tumigil. Ilang beses din siyang naligaw, to the point na napunta siya sa isang ilog na hindi naman niya nadaanan kanina. Saglit siyang tumigil. The sound of the river flowing that would've been music to his ears at any other time did nothing to calm him down. At any rate, it only reminded him more of the time that is passing.
At dahil uhaw na uhaw na siya, naglakas-loob na si Shem. He cupped some water in his hands and drank. He also washed his face, the cool water a welcome reprieve, to clear his mind.
Matapos ang ilang sandali'y nagpatuloy na siya sa paghahanap sa Retreat House. Hindi na rin siya tumigil upang magpahinga dahil pinangunahan na siya ng takot na huli na siya at mapahamak ang mga kaibigan niya.
Medyo maliwanag na ang kalangitan nang sa wakas ay matanaw ni Shem ang nagtataasang pader sa paligid ng Blue Bay Retreat House. Kinailangan niya pang umikot upang marating ang gate. Hindi na nag-atubili si Shem at agad na umakyat.
As soon as his feet hit the ground, Shem wasted no time and ran towards the front door. Nasa maliit na hagdan pa lang siya ng porch, narinig niya na ang mga sigaw na mula sa loob ng bahay.
Knowing full well that no amount of rigorous training could have prepared him for what he might see and that there's no going back once he's inside, Shem muttered a silent prayer before darting through the open door.
Translation
Russian
¹ya lyublyu tyebya vsyem syertsem - I love you with all my heart
END OF CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO