(Y/n)'s P.O.V
His words echoed in the cell, hitting me like knives each time it rang in my ear. Why did I have to be reminded? Dazais words echoed, sending chills down my spine. Then, it was dead silent in the cell. Not even the air was moving...
Dazai hung his head high when he looked at me, manacles rattling and smirk widening.
"Don't think you can feel superior here, Dazai." I say and throw the knife hesitantly at him. He didn't flinch when the knife dug into the wall just above his head, facial features not budging. I slowly made my way down the stairs, eyes glued to his, and he spoke to me.
"I wasn't. I know how powerful you are and how that scares me." He said. I came as close to him as I possibly could without it being awkward or too close. I reached up, grabbed the knife and forced it out with a shing.
"Funny, Dazai. Why would you be worrying about that with your non-affecting ability?" I say, knife to his chin. I drew closer, listening to every detail of his deep thick heavenly voice... He smirked and shook his head.
"I'm not speaking about your ability." He said. I could feel his hot breath against my ear... Was I that close?
"What are you speaking about then?" I whisper, eyebrows furrowed from his strange remark.
My eyes slowly move from his collar coated in blood to his eyes, to find they're already deeply staring at me. We looked at each other through the thick darkness, a sweet and soft warm sensation rising in my cheeks... Was that normal?
It was. Yes, it was normal but only when I felt-
When I felt that. My jaw dropped.
Again?
It kept rising around my cheeks, intensifying and stretching across my face and neck. My heart was thrumming inside of my cage, the change of feeling too much for me to cope. It was familiar, but I had lost the foreign feeling for years. The only thing I had felt for the past four years was nostalgia for this man, pain and just nothing.
How could I have feeling for Dazai after everything he had done?
"What I was speaking about..." he whispered. Suddenly I lose control of myself from his voice, sultry and captivating.
He leaned in closer, lip almost brushing against my skin. His voice was like a fire burning away everything else in my mind, leaving only him for me to find.
"...Is that you could make me do anything. And that is terrifying."
I felt his smirk right next to my ear... I felt his devilish tendency starting to play with me. My face was dusted with red, limbs weakening and lips desiring for his. I stood there like I was frozen, not knowing what was coming next out of this man in front of me. He laughed so gently, his hot breath running down my neck. My mind was paralysed and lost in the moment... how was it possible for me to pay so much attention to him?
"You made me run for you and be taken hostage as an executor... Just so I know you're alive and well." He states, drawing back ever so little. I could now see the light in his eyes from the corridor, sparking with yellow.
No. No he didn't...
Flashbacks appeared of when I searched for Dazai the day he disappeared, hoping not to find a body being dragged by river currents or hanging by a thread from a bridge.
I knew the pain that Dazai had felt-dread. I knew how it tears at you and rips open closed wounds, sending one into a frenzy of fear. But why was he feeling that way? Did I truly believe that?
"But... how can you still feel like that,"I whisper," after... four years. After you made your choice to leave."
I was only half concentrated on my words, half interested in Dazais close presence. He gently sighed, as he he didn't know how to explain.
"Because it's you. The woman I loved for years," He softly replied, passion intwined with his words," You know how I can't help your beauty... you know how madly in love I was with you..."
I felt the faded bolden, remembering how he used to take me to the prettiest places of Yokohama, surprise me on my birthday, make me experience wonders that no one else could achieve. He never failed to satisfy, never failed to hide his compassion... he never failed to make me feel worthy once.
"But," I start, "you never contacted me once Dazai... did you no want to find me like I wanted to find you?"
A lump of sorrow foarmed in my throat.
If he truly felt that way through those long and agonising years... then why wouldn't he?
"(Y/n)..."
Our noses touched, which sent sparks down my body.
From that second he had me intoxicated again, because I knew how much I desired his addictive touch. I heard his hushed breathing from between his pink parted lips, slowly approaching mine, hair brushing against my cheek. Should I be this close?
Heck, why was I doing this? Why did I desire him so badly?
Why couldn't I resist and do what I had to- torture and find out he true intentions of being in the Mafia. I never listened to my head, hesitantly bringing my hand to snake around the side of his neck, coming closer to Dazai myself... This feeling just felt so right. So addictive, so normal... it felt like something had been jammed inside me and now it had finally let loose.
I thought I would kiss him, maybe I wanted to despite the pain he caused...
But footsteps echoed the tunnel distantly, fear of our intimacy letting lose sparking a new fire inside of me.
Who knows who it could be, a Mafia member, Chuuya or Aku or possibly Mori coming to find me. I snapped back into character. I wouldn't be caught so weak under Dazai charm.
I am an executive, not a prey.
I slam him back to the wall, plunge my knife into the wall right beside his ear, hoping I didn't catch his skin.
"Shut up, Dazai." I hoarsely growl and step away, bringing the knife with me, even though my cheeks were still a passionate red and he knew it. He smirked at it, knowing I had captured his heart.
Please, please don't fall in love with Dazai (Y/n)... no matter how much you want him.
I walk backwards, shaking my head, hoping he'd see the remorse in my eyes. Maybe I had thought too much about what I used to have. Maybe I was obsessed over how perfect life used to be.
Maybe I needed to find out how to say goodbye to it all. He left me, and now my life has changed. He isn't fit for the picture of my life... or for me...
My heart had wept at that thought.
"Ahh, (Y/n)."
My ears pricked. Chuuya.
He walked down the steps, feet tapping fast. I turn to see him, lips curling into a smirk like he always done, a facade appearing on me.
"Chuuya..." I call, smiling at my partner. He noticed Dazai behind me and grunted in disgust. He still hated Dazai's guts after all these years. However, he showed no attention to him and turn to whisper in my ear,
"Mori really want's you now. He's getting impatient."
I sighed, I didn't want to leave Dazai alone, especially with Chuuya who could be as fiendish as Akutagawa.
"Fine," I groan," But there's no point in seeing him, he wont tell you anything." I heard Dazai silent laugh from behind- he knew what I meant. He would probably tell me his intentions over the phone later.
"I'm actually surprised you came to pay him a visit, looking for something to waste your time on? Don't want to speak to Mori that badly? I know Mori can be bad, but really?" He asked, crossing his arms with a chuckle.
"I guess. Mori can be a pain, Chuu."I said, heading back up the stairs, the light from above reflecting of my knife. I reached the top and turn around, the sound of Chuuyas knuckles cracking made me anxious. I pushed down the fear and turned around. Dazai should survive, especially with his highest rank of martial arts.
"You go, (Y/n)," he called, turning around to show his snarl under his hat," He'll get teaching he so need."
"I'll catch you later, Chuuya." I call.
I look up at Dazai, and he gave me a wink. It gave me little reassurance, my fear still sticking to me like glue. It took me a few seconds to turn around, leaving him with horrifying violence right before him.
***
His room was too high up. I caught the elevator from the lowest level and watch from the window a small fraction of Yokohama lying out behind the glass. The orange sun shined purple, blue and yellow highlights of the buildings and windows of the city, a view I easily become infatuated with. It slowly moved down as I escalated up, miniature looking buildings clustered together unfolding in the background. I gazed out, mind wandering off to Dazai.
I remembered how he made me feel euphoria every day; thinking about it made it nostalgic and out of reach. Now after experiencing his close touch and sultry voice again...maybe I wanted to feel it again.
I watched Yokohama until I reached the top level, then stepped out into the waiting room.
His waiting room was never filled- fancy cushioned chairs had gathered thick amounts of dust that wasn't clean regularly. I walked down the dark purple rug that laid out perfectly in the middle, presenting large dark wooden doors before it. When I reached the end, I grabbed onto the brass handles, and pushed freely. I knew he didn't have any meetings on a Saturday, so there was nothing to intrude on.
His room stretched out before me, the dominance of light filling out the room from the window walls to the left. I could see him far ahead at his table behind the burning candles placed on the golden candelabra. His head was placed in his right hand, a small welcoming smirk showing. I close the doors, behind me, and sigh deeply. I knew I'd be in here for a prolonged amount of time.
His hands waved at me, indicating me to come closer. I do so, walking towards his table. It did take a while, so when I was halfway there, I started the conversation.
"I wasn't expecting an meeting so soon, Mori."
He sits up straight in his chair, and I notice he held a wine glass in his hands,
"And neither was I, until I heard about your little trip to the Agency." Damn. How did he find out? He must of had access to every camera on the streets of Yokohama. I must have been seen.
"I had no plans on arriving there until something unexpected happened." I say, now arriving at the end of his table. He hummed in reply, finger tapping on his glass filled with deep ruby wine. It was then when I noticed Elise, sitting on the floor beside Moris royalty-like red chair. The top of her golden blonde hair was swept up into a small ponytail, hair still flowing underneath. A red bow was placed in her hair, matching her red dress. She looked like she was drawing something with her crayons that were scattered next to Mori on the table.
"You have guts to go there. And what happened?" He asked. My mind played back to the presidents talk, his news coming back to haunt me again. I opened my mouth, but it took a while for me to speak,
"They said I was dying." I felt the familiar dread sensation full my stomach. His eyebrows subtly furrow, "Dying?"
"Dying." I repeat. He raised his glass and do did his fine brows, drunk his wine, then placed it back down again in a slow swift movement.
"Take a seat." He quietly said, as if this wasn't so much of a deal. I pull open a chair, and sit down, opposing Mori from across the incredibly long golden table that shined like a mirror. I sit back in the chair before continuing, "They said my ability has another side to it. One that takes advantage of the other-"
"And by doing so that change is too much for you body, which has already been attached to your current one for your whole life. It's like ripping your insides out and replacing it with someone else's. It's foreign and your body will most likely to reject it, killing you almost instantly from the turbulence the energy change causes." He sighed.
My eyebrows raised at how quick he was to pick up on the situation. But... how did Mori know that?
"...yes." I slowly reply, still wondering on how he gained that knowledge on my Gift. Did he research it? Or could he have possibly been contacted by the Agency themselves? He drinks a bit more of his red wine, gasps quietly, then looked at me with sharp eyes that gave a distasteful look.
"I would have expected more from an executive to go into the enemys base."
I sighed to myself; Mori was right. It was Dazai fault for luring me in, but I couldn't let out that traitorous truth.
"I know, Mori. I brought more than just a gun upon my arrival, knowing how risky and sketchy the act was. And if any of them had plans to attack they all would have been killed without a seconds thought.." I say, hoping to persuade the mans mind to push me out of his disapproval. Saying it out loud made me feel like a huge idiot...Then I realised I left my gun on Dazais desk back at the Agency, which just made me feel worse. I thought about how easily I strolled in there, just because I trusted Dazai. The Agency must have been stupid for letting me leave with my heart still pumping and not a single drop of blood leave my body, for it was the perfect chance to have me dead, a perfect chance to slowly cross the Mafia of their list of troubles, a perfect chance the Mafia wouldn't have let slip.
Mori saw the frustration in my eyes and decided to leave the situation, changing it to what seemed to be more important.
"Where there is Light, there is Dark."
I frown at his sudden meaningless words, "What?"
"The ability that owns two opposing sides," He spoke, sounding like he was saddened," Where either the darkness in more dominant, or the light is more dominant. The remainder comes in later from a certain trigger in the Gift holders life."
Triggers? What would trigger this opposition in me? I thought about the possibilities, but none stricken out to me. What did turn my gift into heavenly light? What could have been so pure and angelic in my life that had murder and blood around every corner?
"I'm afraid this is what your ability is turning into." He sighs, almost slamming his now empty wine glass onto the table. He sounded as frustrated as I was.
"Great." I half say to myself. Turbulence, whiteness, extra power... did I really want or have time for such hassle?
Elise then stands up and runs around the table, jumps up on my lap, and shows me her picture. I look at it with a wide smile- she had drawn me and her from bent lines and various bright colours.
"It's beautiful." I say to her, and her face lights up.
"Good! I'm glad you like it. Someone doesn't appreciate all my drawings I do for them." She said, sticking her pink tongue out at Mori in shame.
Mori immediately reacted, like a mother seeing their child do something wrong, "Oh of course I do Elise they're wonderful!" She huffed and leaned into me. She places her drawing on the table, and closed her eyes. Elise was always quite stubborn around Mori and was demanding as a Queen. I wrap my arms around her, head under my chin, and try focus on Mori whislt giving Elise the attention she so wanted. He seemed delighted at our connection, a smile on his face. This certainly wasn't the first I had looked after Elise, and it wouldn't be the last.
"Let me explain in more detail now Elise seems to be...happier. Your ability, Immense Darkness, has its opposition called Immense Lustre," He begins, getting straight into our topic again," It is manageable in some conditions where it involves a complete extraction of the ability, or learning to control the residing power."
I didn't like the sound of the word extraction.
"And let me guess, extracting the ability would mean Immense Darkness would be gone too?" I ask.
"Unfortunately, yes."
"Wonderful." I mutter. That wasn't going to happen...
I rub Elises' back, trying to deal with the pressure of my limited options. I'd have to manage with this ability no matter what the consequences will be. I coped well in dealing with controlling my own power, but this new power is exactly what Mori said- foreign.
"Do you have any idea what would cause this sudden change?" He asked, his head shifting to his side. This conversation started to feel like a hospital appointment as soon as he said it, but then I remembered- Mori was an is doctor. I paused, remembering the first time it happened.
I was on the roof next to the Agency, playing around with the shadows whilst I hopelessly waited for Higuchis signal.
"It first started was on the mission to capture the Were-Tiger with Akutagawa and Higuchi. I first noticed it when I was on the building opposite...their agency. But I have not an idea why..." I say. His body seems to twist in his chair, and his eyes slit as his brain worked.
"And then after that it got worse?" He asked, brining a gloves finger to his chin. I thought of my white dream afterwards, than the two beams of white blending into my gift as I chased for the endangered Kyouka.
"Yes. I feel like it's dramatically changed now..." I admit. Mori thinks to himself for a minuet, leaning forward in his chair. His hands grasp together, and his elbows lean across the table. I watch him think deeply, eyes fixed on the burning candles laid out ever side of the desk.
"You went straight to the prison instead of returning here... Were you aware of Dazai being there?" He asked, eyes landing on me again, now sparked with curiosity and the flicker of orange in his eyes. I started to feel like I should watch my words carefully- Dazai and I were supposed to be enemies, especially after our breakup and becoming a traitor to the Port Mafia... But I couldn't help wonder why Dazai would be involved in this.
"No. That's the truth." I replied. It was the truth- I had no idea he would end up in that much trouble so soon, especially since he was Dazai Osamu, the basically-undefeatable man. However, thinking back I shouldn't be so surprised- he could do anything he wanted with any organisation and that peculiar spot was exactly where he desired to be.
"Well, you were down there for a while anyway. He must have been very interesting to you down there." He said, leaning back in his chair. I tried and stopped my cheeks for starting to burn as I remembered our close encounter.
"Well, it's strange to see him here after so many years." I say, half lying. It wasn't strange to see him at all anymore. Our meetings had been very frequent...
"Is it?" He quizzically asked, as if he didn't believe me. I stare at Mori, wondering what he was trying to propose.
And then he let it out.
"I believe Dazai Osamu triggered the Immense Lustre." He bluntly stated.
"What?!" I exclaim. He thought Dazai had done this? Mori only smirked at my response.
"Why would you think that?" I immediately question. I started to fear if Dazai did affect my ability I'd have to stay away from him... or maybe forget him. But then I frown, maybe that was too extreme, maybe I was overthinking it.
"Immense Lustre is a very sweet ability, one that connects with emotions and inner thoughts. It's much like Immense Darkness, which connect with fears and self power," he says,"there was research done on your ability when you were first found, just incase this case was proved correct...In which it has."
I stayed silent and listened... I thought to myself, what were my emotions back then with Dazai? The sensations I felt... that feeling that I felt... it really was sweet like Mori has despairingly said.
"I believe, Miss (L/n), that ever since you saw Dazai you remembered the past experiences with him. You might have questioned his reasons of abandoning you and whenever you recently ran into him you started to get closer again. It was always easy for you two to make up when you were little, you were always so close," he tells," I believe during that time, it's boosted your Immense Lustre, especially since you haven't been so content before."
I freeze, Elsie twisting a little in my grasps. How did he know? How did he know my hidden thoughts towards Dazai? Was Dazai honestly the reason? Had I really become more content since I was with him again? I watch him examine the empty glass carefully in between his finger and thumb before his eyes dart towards me again,
"You're not in love with him again, are you?"
I froze at his unexpected question.
"...No," I lied.
I lied because I didn't want to admit the fact that I was, and I still had to figure out what had made me fallen for him again. Even after the pure torture and sickening nostalgia, I still wanted to forgive him... Even if he was turning my dark side into a unfamiliar shade of shinning white.
"Indeed," He said, as if my answer wasn't convincing enough,"Because that is how it should be, Miss (L/N)."
It stayed silent, and I sit there wondering how perfectly it fits, like a key in a door lock. I didn't know how to feel.
"We will check up on you to see how much this develops over time... if your lucky physically then it shouldn't get any more progressive..." Mori sighes, sounding exhausted," And if it does get any worse, perhaps I would just have to kill Dazai for your own safety?"
I smirked, "No one could kill him, Mori."
"Maybe not me, or anyone else in the Mafia..." He hummed," But perhaps you."
My face dropped.
You could make me do anything.
"Or prehaps you survive this and become an ultimate upper hand for the Mafia." He added, more enthustaistic.
"Yeah... lets hope that isn't the latter." I sighed.
"You're dismissed." Mori eventually said, his hand rubbing his temples.
"Okay..." I whisper, and gently move Elise. She slides of my lap and sits on the other chair, curling up and quickly falling asleep. I stand up, thinking I should say something more persuasive to Mori about my feelings that I prayed to keep him away from.
"Mori, whatever the reason is, I can assure you it's has nothing to do with that man. He infuriates me still." I say, lying through my teeth.
But something told me that Mori knew it all. His eyes slit sharply, snarl swiped across his pale lips."Your uncontrollable feelings may cause your death, (L/n)," He simply replied, "And maybe your Mafia status." I bite my lip... Mori had defiantly seen me and Dazai- there was no doubting it. He simply wasn't budging from knowing I had a new emotional attachment to him.
"I will make sure it doesn't get any worse..." I reply before leaving Moris office, knowing I just made a promise I couldn't keep.
____________
I mean... what else was I supposed to do.
Chapter song-
Vanic - Somedays
Please listen to this song cause the lyrics!!! it literally fits to a T. TO A T.
I was so shook when I found it I'm still shook now
~Aspenie xx