I always thought my cat had a staring problem- she always seemed fixated on my face. Until one day when I realized she was looking just behind me.
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I could feel the hairs on my arms stand up to a pin straight from that feeling. The sudden quite around me had me silently freaking out. I tried not to make any sudden movements, you know just in case someone was watching me. Usually in the movies, at times like these, there is usually a stalker or a murderer lurking around in the trees, just waiting to pounce on you. So my strategy was to not show any sharp movements but have my mind alert at all times.
It was just when I was coming up with various defensive scenarios in my mind when Rufus shrank back from me with eyes so wide. With fear of my own surfacing I took a step towards him, trying to calm him down. Maybe this place was having an effect on him too. It was odd because the woods never really had such an absurd feeling to them, they were always calm and serene, looming as they may be. Rufus took steps further back from me, his ginger fur standing on its end, making me even more uncomfortable.
It was then I noticed that Rufus wasn’t looking at ME in fear but just a little bit off to my right side, just ever so slightly behind me. You know that absolute fear you get, when you have that feeling that someone just may be standing behind you? Yep, that feeling was wrecking havoc inside me as I slowly gathered the courage to turn around in matrix like slow motion.
It was then that I saw her.
Her face was ethereal, if that was what you could call it, with raven hair, flowing wildly around her heart shaped face, her deep blue eyes staring at me in bewilderment, her pink lips twisted into an “o” shape, displaying her utter confusion. I couldn’t take my eyes off her face but I was forced to look down when I noticed what she was wearing. It was an old, white gown, you know, the kind from the 90’s that went down all the way to your feet with a slight train behind it. Her sleeves were long too, tattered towards the ends, her long, slender fingers peeking through the torn ends. I could see her finger nails were dirty with sand or mud, I couldn’t be sure, as though she had been digging or clawing at something. I looked further down to notice that I couldn’t see her feet. Her gown was so long that it covered the space on the floor where her feet were supposed to be, only to show a very dirty, muddy train on the gown.
Containing myself the best that I could, I was afraid if I screamed out loud, I would freak her out, break her out of her confusion instilled stare, only to have her attack me, I stepped back gently. She seemed to blink at my slow movement, her blue eyes shining and tilted her head slightly to the left only to stare at me again. I figured it was safe as long as she stayed in her state of perplexity and took another small step backwards, trying to make sure I didn’t step onto a now frozen Rufus (maybe he didn’t see her around either?) causing her to take a sudden step forward and yell out loud, “No!”
I stood frozen.
“I’m..I’m so sorry. Just please. Please don’t go. I’ve been lost, lost for so long. I haven’t seen anyone in quite a while… please don’t go. Please don’t leave me alone,” Her expression had changed from bewilderment to a cross between fear and anxiety. I swallowed loudly, now realizing that I had held my breath when she had stepped towards me, calming down a little. Oh, it’s only just a lost girl, albeit with an absurd sense of dressing, still a lost girl. My sense of manhood jumped up (where the hell was it when I got scared of her?!) and I stepped forward to help out this distressed girl.
“It’s alright. Don’t worry, I won’t leave you alone. What’s your name?”
“Irene,” she had started to sniff, deadly close to tears.
“It’s okay Irene. Don’t worry. I’m right here. Don’t be afraid. How long have you been lost for?” I was trying my best to not have a crying girl on my hands. Nothing is worse than a crying female. I’ve seen girls do it at school and I can’t stand it. All I want to do is have them stop crying, just give them what they need, no tears, please. I always feel like a deer in headlights in a situation like this.
“It feels like forever, I can’t remember,” she said sniffing again, with the confusing look returning to her enchanting blue eyes.
“Oh. Alright,” I was running out of comforting things to say and I could already begin to feel palms sweating in dread, just to have her not cry in any situation. Quick! Think of something!
I took a step forward, “Don’t worry. We’ll find your home. I’ll help you,” I volunteered, forcing a smile to my face, trying to reassure her, despite the situation.
“Promise?” That one word and that look in her eyes, stole my breath away. There was no way I could say no to her. For two reasons: 1) there was something that changed in that moment. Like a universal click that bound me to her, forcing me to help out Irene, no matter what. 2) I was afraid she might start crying again and there was no way I was going to have a crying girl on my hands.
“Yes, I promise,” and this time I gave her a genuine smile.
I saw it then. I did anticipate it, but it wasn’t how I thought it would be. At my declaration of taking her back home, she had proceeded to fling herself at me, opening her arms out wide, in a hugging motion. I had anticipated to feel the brunt of her weight in my arms and proceeded to close them around her (I’m just a gentleman, alright? There’s no way I’d leave her with a one sided hug, it’s so rude) but I couldn’t feel a thing.
I couldn’t feel her arms around my neck, her weight in my arms, nothing. I could tell that she was physically there, as though I was forced to put my arms around her waist, in a hugging motion, because I could feel how her body would occupy that much mass in space but I couldn’t physically FEEL her there. It was an absolutely terrifying and weird sensation.
“Umm, Irene, how come I can’t feel you?” I asked her ever so slowly enunciating each word, fearful of what I might hear in these lonely, secluded woods.
“Whatever do you mean?” she said stepping back out of my arms and leaving a little gap between us. Even then, I did not fail to notice how I couldn’t tell the difference between her hugging me or her leaving my arms. It was like she was never there but I could feel as though someone/something had stepped out of my personal space.
“I mean, when you hugged me right now, I couldn’t feel you in my arms,” I said, earnestly looking at her face.
“Are you crazy? I could feel you just fine. Please tell me you aren’t one of those perverts with those crazy pick up lines, trying to hug me again?” she said, stepping back a little, giving me one of those creeped out looks I’ve seen girls give to guys who are trying to cop a feel during gym glass.
I was thoroughly offended. The nerve of this girl who I’M helping out, out of the generosity of MY heart! (well not really, she looked so innocent and vulnerable, there was no way I could’ve not helped her I took a deep breath so I wouldn’t end up screaming at her and looked her square in the eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes.
“You know, you have a lot of nerve talking like that to someone who’s about to help you out. Thank you for the insulting words but I’ll be on my way now,” saying I turned around and began to walk, feeling Rufus at my heels behind me.
Before I had even managed to take five steps, I could hear her wailing, crying out loud from behind me. I turned around in a hurry only to find her on the floor with her arms wrapped around her knees, face hidden in her lap and crying.
I ran over to her and tried not to touch her this time,
“Oh God. Please don’t cry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell and get angry. It’s just that you insulted me even though I’ve been nothing but nice to you-“ she cut me off mid way,
“Oh I’m so sorry, I’m a terrible person. Maybe that’s why I’m so lost. I didn’t even ask your name and I insulted you. It wasn’t my intention at all, oh I’m so sorry,” and she sat there, with her arms still wrapped around her knees, looking up at me with those gorgeous eyes and glassy tears staining her face. It was utter agony. How can she piss me off and yet be able to make me feel bad at the same time?
“It’s Jason. And you’re not a bad person; in fact you seem really nice. Please don’t cry, I can’t stand it when girls cry. Please. Just don’t,” I say as gently as possible. Her crying was starting to make me nervous again and I didn’t want sweaty palms.
I turned around then and began to walk; she had stopped crying and was watching me from the floor. I turned around and called out to her,
“C’mon then, we don’t want to spend all day here. Let’s go find your family,” and I could hear her get up and run up to me.
I must be a special kind of stupid to eagerly help out a beautiful, lost person in the middle of nowhere and feeling obligated to! For the love of God, I couldn’t even feel her! Like physically FEEL a human being. On a certain level deep within my soul, I knew something was wrong, I just couldn’t tell what it was.
“Thank you, Jason,”
“Don’t worry about it,” Rufus meowed just to add his two cents as we walked back in the woods in the direction of my house. Interestingly, the wind had come back in the air and leaves were crunching under my feet, birds were chirping in the trees again. A shiver ran up my spine as I realized, nature was giving me a message.