The door slammed behind me with enough force to shatter it in it’s hinges, splinters of wood flying everywhere in my wake. But I barely even took notice as I marched straight over to the back wall in my bedroom and punched my fist straight through the plaster, into the insolation and the wood frame. My scream of pain was muffled by my other hand, as I drew my mangled, bloody fist out of the hole I’d created and spun a half circle, slamming my opposite hand through the mahogany headboard of the bed I shared with Derek. The whole thing split right down the middle, fractures splintering everywhere once again as I removed my broken hand from the wreckage and watched in utter disgust as the skin knitted itself back together, the bones straightening out and mending and the beginnings of bruises vanishing.
“Chris, we have to talk about this.” Derek’s voice sounded from the doorway, and an instinctual growl rose up in my throat like bile. Just the mere sound of his voice was enough to make me want to slam my head into the wall, and I turned to confront him with dry eyes, for once.
“About what, Derek? Huh?”
“About everything! Too much has happened lately, and we’ve both made some mistakes-”
“‘Some mistakes’?!” I exclaimed hysterically, lifting my perfectly-healed hand to count off the problems on my fingers.
“Derek, everybody is dead because of you!” I cried, tears welling up in my brown eyes now as I hastily thought over everybody that had died because of Derek.
“Boyd. Erica. Cora. Monica. My dad. And now Ethan?! Derek, you even killed your own uncle! Everybody around you dies. Even I died!” I screamed through sobs that threatened to overtake me again, but I valiantly pushed the grief back. I can’t break down yet.
“Don’t you think I know that? I’ve lost more people than you can imagine, Chris. Don’t make me lose you, too,” Derek practically begged, tears filling up his agonized green eyes. I crossed my arms over my chest, huffing out a shaky breath as I regarded the man in front of me as clearly as I could.
I loved Derek; I didn’t think a day would ever come when I didn’t love him. But he wasn’t the same guy I’d fallen in love with over a year ago. We’d been through a lot together, both good and very, very bad. We’d been at our lowest together, but we’d also been at our highest together. Derek was responsible for the greatest pleasure I’d ever experienced, but he was also the reason I’d suffered pain and loss greater than anything I’d ever felt before he’d entered my life. Derek was the best thing I had in my life, but he was also the worst thing to ever happen to me. The contrasting emotions tossed and turned around in my mind, making my head pound and the very blood in my veins ache.
“Derek...I love you. I will always love you. But right now, I just...need some time, okay? I just need some time and some space to figure things out. A lot has happened lately, and I need to...to figure out how I feel about all of it before I make any decisions.”
“Okay. But you’re not...leaving, are you?” The tremor of fear in Derek’s normally-deep, self-assured voice made a current of guilt shudder through me, and I shook my head.
“No, I’m not leaving. But I would appreciate it if you gave me my space.”
“Absolutely,” Derek said, nodding his head several times as he backed out of the room, his uncertainty of the situation showing on his face. When I was finally alone, all of the tension and all of the fight and all of the anger melted out of my system, my body sagging as I fell back onto the bed that I shared with Derek and my eyes closing of their own accord. I’d been honest when I’d said I needed time and space to figure out how I felt; the hard part came now, when I had my space but couldn’t even begin to process the events of the last few days.
*** *** ***
The next morning, Derek was already gone when I got up, and so I quickly showered and got dressed in peace. I’d tossed and turned all night, tangling my legs up in the covers and then throwing them off, switching pillows and rearranging my position countless times before I’d finally succumbed to the pressing fatigue behind my aching eyes around two in the morning. I’d cried a good deal of the time, both for myself and for the people that I’d lost. My life had changed too much in too short of a period of time, and now I was left reeling and hurt and confused. I was a werewolf, pregnant with a werewolf baby that nobody knew about except one of my best friends, who was also a werewolf who had kissed me and caused my also-werewolf fiancé to accidentally kill previous-werewolf-best-friend’s twin brother, who was also a friend of mine. The day before, a pack of werewolves, including my friend who was a werewolf and his then-still-alive twin werewolf brother, had killed my best friend Monica, who had been turned into a werewolf because of me, and my werewolf-fiancé’s younger sister Cora, who was also a werewolf.
When I arrived at school, I had zero interest or concern in actually attending my classes; I was using school as an excuse to see Aiden, who I knew was hurting beyond belief. When Derek and I had left him last night, he’d been laying over his dead brother’s body, sobbing like his heart had just been ripped out. And to add to the pain of losing his twin, I also knew that Aiden had physically felt the pain of Ethan’s death, through their twin bond. So when I caught up to him in the hallway and wrapped my arms around him, I wasn’t entirely surprised to have Aiden latch onto me like a baby and press his face into the crook of my neck.
“Hey, shh...shh, it’s okay,” I murmured, stroking the back of his head as I slowly led him over to an empty classroom and closed the door. Planting my butt on the edge of the teacher’s desk, I scooted back and let Aiden stand between my legs, so that our heights were even. Pulling his head back to my chest, I tried to smother my friend with my warmth as I felt the tears drip from his eyes onto my shirt.
“I just...I can’t believe he’s gone,” Aiden sobbed, hands digging into the back of my turquoise blouse as I hugged him harder and clenched my eyes closed so as not to let the tears fall. Aiden’s pain was all my fault; Ethan’s death was all my fault. I’d hurt two guys who had done nothing but save my life and protect me since I met them, who had had my back time and time again. They deserved better than this. They deserved better than me.
“Shh, it’s okay, Aiden. I am so sorry, so so sorry…” My voice was nothing but a hoarse whisper, and the grief finally overcame me as a sob choked out of my throat and I let my head fall onto Aiden’s shoulder. His weeps of pure anguish vibrated against me, my shoulders shaking with the sorrow I felt, the guilt. We remained in that position, me sitting, him standing against me, both of our arms wrapped around each other, heads resting on the other person’s shoulder as we bawled our eyes out for the loss of the people we loved.
Finally, my sobs quieted down, and I lifted my head to see that Aiden was done crying too. His normally sparkling brown eyes were dark and sullen, red tinging the white around them, but a ghost of a smile graced his features as he met my gaze.
“I don’t have anybody anymore,” he whispered brokenly, and I couldn’t help the fresh wave of tears that welled up in my eyes.
“You have me, Aiden. You will always have me,” I sniffled, allowing a single tear to roll down my cheek before I hastily wiped it away and stood up. Aiden had lost his brother, his twin because of me, because of my mistake, and I wasn’t about to let the ball drop on my responsibility of taking care of him. I owe it to Ethan.
I spent all day with Aiden; we drove to his apartment to get Ethan’s body, and then I listened for an hour as Aiden explained his family past to me. He and Ethan’s parents had died when they were quite young, only ten years old, and they’d gone into the foster care system. Their therapist had been a kind young woman named Ms. Morrell, who had sent them to live with a family of werewolves. The guidance counselor, I realized as I recognized the name Morrell. And the emissary of the Alpha pack.
“That was how we found out about werewolves. Our foster dad, who was an Alpha, turned us both, but we hated it. We were too young to handle it, control it, since we weren’t born wolves, and so we...went crazy. That was when we met this guy at our school, named Ennis-” Aiden threw me a look, and I almost laughed at the irony of his story now.
“-who told us of his ‘foster father’, who could teach us how to control it. We were foolish and naive, and so we went over to his house to meet his foster father one day after school. Well, as you can imagine, instead of teaching us how to control our powers, he taught us how to merge. He taught us how to be powerful. And when we went home, our anger at our foster family expanded until we both just unleashed all of our fury onto them. It had happened before, but we’d lost every fight, being the runts of the pack. This time, however...this time we killed them all. Our foster sister and our two brothers, our foster mom and our foster father, the Alpha. We were horrified, distraught, and in our panic, we ran to Ennis and his father for help. Next thing we knew, they were taking us in and explaining the reason why our eyes were red now, not yellow. And we were inducted into the pack; we met Kali, and we found out just how evil Deucalion could be.”
By the time Aiden had finished telling his story, we’d arrived at the destination, which was an empty lot about an hour and a half out of Beacon Hills. Stepping out of the car, I hesitantly followed Aiden as he carried Ethan’s body out into the middle of the dusty field and set him down in the middle. It pained me to look at Ethan’s dead body; throat ripped out, chest and face covered in dried, sticky dark blood, and mouth wide open in apparent agony, I let another tear drop in honor of Ethan and all the pain that he had been through.
“This is where our parents died, our real parents. Ethan and I always said we’d come back here, just once, to say goodbye to them, but we never did,” Aiden told me quietly as he began to dig a hole in the ground, right in the center of the plot. I watched in miserable silence until Aiden was finished digging his brother’s grave, lifting Ethan into his arms.
“Ethan, you were my everything. My brother, my best friend, and my better half. You were calm when I lost my temper. You were rational when I was unreasonable. You saved my ass when I made a mistake, and you loved me despite every crappy thing I put you through. You...you were the only person I had left in the world, and even though we lost everybody we loved, we knew we had each other. I will never forgive myself for letting you die for my mistake, but I promise you will not have died in vain,” Aiden breathed, his voice hitching and shaking through his tears. When his face crumpled and he let out a wail of misery, reaching as though to set Ethan down into the ground, I finally lurched to my feet and grabbed his arm.
“Wait...I want to say something too.” I turned my attention to Ethan’s body, whose voice would never be heard again because of me. Tears clogged my throat, and I tried to suppress the urge to break down and scream in anguish. Be strong for Aiden.
“Ethan...Even though we started off hating each other-” I let out a shaky laugh, which was thinly mimicked by Aiden.
“-we grew to become quite close friends. You saved my life more times than you should have, and when the time came for me to save you, I failed you. I-I am so sorry for that,” I whispered, my voice breaking as tears began to cascade down my cheeks. I closed my eyes for a brief moment, tipping my head to collect myself before I began again.
“You should not have died. You were strong, and you were fearless, and you looked after the people that you cared about. There...there could be no better honor than to be one of those people, and I’m sorry that you died because of me!” The last few words shot up several octaves as I wailed in despair and began to cry convulsively. Through my distressed sounds of weeping, I heard Aiden say one last thing to bid his brother farewell.
“Welcome home, Ethan.”
Squatting down to gently roll Ethan’s body into the grave, Aiden stood back up and turned to face me, tears chasing paths down his cheeks. My knees buckled as I let out an agonized shriek of pain and collapsed to the ground, my entire body wracked with the all-encompassing sobs that overtook me.
“Chris, chris, it’s okay,” Aiden cried, taking me into his arms as he too dropped to his knees beside me and squeezed me tightly against him. My hands raked down his chest, my mouth opening and closing in silent agony as I cried harder than I’d ever cried before.
“No, no it’s not,” I blubbered, emitting another howl of pain as my eyes clenched closed and I tried to fight off Aiden’s hold on me. Every cell in my body throbbed with the heartbreaking realization that everybody wasn’t dead solely because of Derek; they were dead because of me, too. Aiden lost his only family because of me. His only family. I heaved out another distressed wail of agony, my shoulders heaving as I bawled and hyperventilated and shook in Aiden’s arms. Eventually, I was crying not just for Ethan, but for Cora and Monica as well. For Boyd, and for Erica. For everybody who has died, and for everybody who has lost somebody they loved.
*** *** ***
I crept into the apartment late that night, after driving over to Aiden’s apartment and lying with him until he’d fallen asleep. I’d rubbed his back the entire time, trying to suppress that constant wave of tears that had assaulted me all afternoon. It didn’t even seem possible to cry this much in such a short span of time, but I had. Dropping my bag and my jacket on the couch, I slid off my shoes as well and tiptoed down the hall, entering my bedroom as quietly as I could. Derek, naturally, was already in bed, asleep, and with my enhanced hearing, I could tell he was actually asleep. Huh. He must have fixed the bed from what I did earlier. The sound of his breath moving through his lungs slowly and steadily was what tipped me off, and after quickly changing into a pair of pajama pants and a loose t-shirt, I peeled the covers back on my side of the bed and frowned. Derek’s arm was flung across my pillow, blocking the only space available for my head to rest, and as I carefully slid into bed, I sat uncomfortably with my abdominals clenched, keeping my head and shoulders up as I tried to figure out what to do. I didn’t want to wake up Derek, because then it would be awkward and impossible to fall asleep with him staring at me or trying to get me to talk to him. But I also wasn’t about to rest my head on his arm, the way we used to sleep sometimes, and so with a sigh, I finally grabbed the extra blanket off the end of the bed, slid on my Uggs, and crept down the hall, into the living room.
It was chillier out here, and as I knocked my stuff off the couch and onto the ground, snuggling into the cushions, I let one last tear fall for my relationship with Derek. I knew when he awoke, he’d be shocked and hurt to see me sleeping on the couch, as if we were a separated married couple, but I didn’t care. I didn’t really know how to feel about Derek, and as I let my eyelids droop closed, I allowed the tiny voice in the back of my mind to think what I hadn’t dared to for weeks. Maybe Derek and I just don’t fit together anymore.
Light filtered across my face, along with the smell of warm syrup and...was that toast? My eyes flew open, and with a gasp of astonishment, I sat up abruptly. I was back in my own bed, and as I rubbed my eyes and peered around, I realized Derek was perched on the bed beside me, holding a plate ladened with all of my favorite breakfast foods. Burnt turkey bacon doused in heated maple syrup. An onion bagel with strawberry cream cheese and salt. A glass of orange juice, seltzer water, a few drops of lime, and a spoonful of sugar. It was all there, and as my eyes ran over all of the food, I wasn’t entirely surprised to find that they filled with tears. When am I going to run out of tears to shed? I wondered as I propped myself up against the pillows, taking the plate silently and meeting Derek’s glowing green eyes. I knew I should have said thank you; I knew I should have said something to show that I was appreciative.
“You remembered the lime juice?” I croaked, taking a small sip of the drink and smiling softly at the taste. Derek had gotten it perfectly right.
“Yep. And the salt, on the bagel,” he said delicately, his deep morning-voice rumbling in his chest as he watched me take a bite out of the bagel and practically moan at the taste. After trying a piece of the bacon, I was just about to thank Derek when he leaned over and smudged a drop of syrup off of my chin with his thumb, smirking slightly. When he saw the tears pooled in my eyes, Derek’s eyebrows scrunched together and he leaned over me protectively, instinctively.
“Is everything alright? Did I do something wrong? I know this isn’t exactly leaving you alone, but I knew how upset you were about - about everything, and I just thought I’d try to cheer you up a bit,” Derek said in a rush, anxiety swirling in his eyes as I cracked a small smile and reached my hand up to cradle the back of his head reassuringly. My fingers tickled the small hairs at the nape of his neck, and Derek visibly relaxed.
“It’s perfect. Thank you, Derek.” With a nod and a sad quirk of his lips at my obvious dismissal, Derek rose to his feet and left the room, tossing me the remote as he did. A breath that I hadn’t realized I’d been holding rushed out of me, and I leaned back against the pillows as I switched on the television. Even though Derek had been incredibly sweet to carry me back to bed and make me breakfast in bed, it wasn’t enough to erase everything he’d done. But it was a start.
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Hope you guys enjoyed this early update! I'm starting up school again tomorrow, so sadly I won't be able to update as much as I have been lately:( Also, I'm probably going to be focusing on this story for a couple weeks (if you read my other stories) so thats why this will have the most updates while the others will not! Thanks for reading and also I was BAWLING my eyes out writing Ethan's funeral scene, so I hope you guys did too! Lol also if you havent seen the TW finale yet, the scene on the right is from that, and it basically expresses some of the emotions that I used in this chapter when *a twin* died, so please check that out if you want. Thanks! xoxox
PS. Please comment "Rip Ethan" if you enjoyed this chapter/this story/or his death and funeral in this story! Thanks #RipEthan