"Thanks, Gray," Ethan said as Grayson handed him a fruit smoothie. "What kind did you make this time?"
"Strawberry banana with coconut," Grayson said, seating himself in the wicker chair next to his brother. He rolled his eyes when Ethan made a disgusted face. "Just try it, you idiot. I think you'll like it."
Ethan gave Grayson a skeptical look but brought the glass cup to his lips. His eyes lit up when the smoothie hit his taste buds.
"See?" Grayson said, a light smile curling his lips. "I told you that you'd like it." He slowly turned his head, blinking contentedly as he watched the small flames flicker upon the tiki torches that lined the deck. The crickets and cicadas sung lazily in the late summer humidity and somewhere far away, a dog barked and a long train whistle blew. Grayson felt himself dozing off; the dark greens of the forest behind the deck and pastel pinks and oranges painting the sky were soothing to his eyes. He felt his muscles relaxing, conforming to the chair. He nestled his knees closer to his chest, his nostrils flaring as he breathed in the aroma of a summer night: the fresh scent of moisture collecting on leaves and grass where it would rest until the sun rose, the faint smell of his mother's sweet flowers that were settling down for the night in their baskets and pots, the smell of smoke from their neighbor's campfire and the strong yet satisfying smell of fresh mulch spread upon the landscaping of their lawn.
It was one of those nights where time seemed nonexistent. It was blissful, peaceful, and it couldn't be disturbed. The façade of happiness was built around them, unbreakable in the dying sunlight. But both boys knew that once the sun broke the horizon in the morning, spreading its beams of light throughout the world, the busy life would come right back. The busy life of going to work, attending school, shopping at stores, cooking meals, caring for family, completing chores. There never seemed to be enough hours in one day, but once the sun decided to say goodbye, the clock wound down and time seemed endless.
Grayson and Ethan loved the night. No one was around and the world was asleep and silent and dark. They liked having this time to themselves. It was a time to think about the day and explore their deepest, darkest thoughts. Maybe they would be silent, maybe they would talk with each other, solving the mysteries of the world.
"Gray?" Ethan asked. His voice was calm, like the gentle purr of a feathery soft kitten. Grayson blinked his eyes open. His lids were so heavy; he wanted to just let them fall shut and allow himself to enter another world, the world of dreams.
Grayson loved dreaming. It was the only place where reality didn't exist and problems didn't exist. If he was having a good dream, he'd stay asleep and enjoy being in that world. If he was having a bad dream, he would wake up and it would be gone. He wished life could be like that.
"Yes, Ethan?" Grayson responded. He looked up into the sky, which had darkened considerably. It wasn't dark enough for the stars to shine, but that would come soon enough. Now, the sky was a rainbow of washed colors. Dark blue at the top, light blue, a thin layer of yellow, a hint of green, and a soft, satisfying, beautiful red. The red was so pale that it looked pink. A few thin clouds made their presence in the sky, unmoving because the atmosphere was absent of any breeze. They were just a silhouette, black against the sky, as if they were a shadow. A shadow from another world.
"Can we go to our spot?" Ethan asked. "Please? I don't want to go alone."
Grayson was silent for a moment. He wanted to decline Ethan's offer. He was warm and comfortable, curled up in the wicker chair, surrounded by warm, welcoming flames and the limbs of trees that reached out towards him, asking for a hug. He took a deep breath, an uneasy feeling settling in the pit of his stomach.
"Sure," Grayson said. "I'll go with you." He wanted to cherish these moments with Ethan. Besides, all Ethan wanted was a little company and Grayson was all he had.
"Great," Ethan said, grinning as he stood up. He walked over and stooped down, arms extending in a gesture to help Grayson arise from the chair. Grayson looked up at Ethan and studied his dark hair, chocolate eyes, and prominent jaw. Grayson often wondered to himself, did he look exactly like Ethan? Or did he look different?
"Are you okay?" Ethan asked, pulling Grayson from the chair and grunting with the effort. "You seem awfully quiet."
Grayson looked down at his feet, where his toes were tingling from the surprisingly cold wood planks. That was one thing about the night that he never did understand. It could seem so peaceful and quiet, yet it could be so dangerous and cold. Night was when storms would ravage the world and the frightening creatures would come out to play.
"I'm fine," Grayson said. "Just a little tired. Let's go get our bikes, I'm not walking there at this time of night." Ethan nodded in agreement and the two entered their garage, where Grayson slipped on his slides and they swung their legs over their bike seats, racing down the driveway and into the dark, empty street, their legs burning as they fought to pedal harder to beat their twin to the spot.
Grayson laughed as Ethan sped past him, a strangled scream erupting from his throat as he rose to his feet and spread his hands to the sky, completely at the mercy of his bike. Grayson didn't follow in his footsteps, he was just enjoying the night breeze weaving through his hair, cooling his scalp and spreading goose bumps on his skin. Summer scents clung to his hair and skin, and he couldn't get enough of it. He slit his eyes to protect himself from the wind and he could barely see anything except for the faint outline of Ethan somewhere ahead of him, swerving like a mad idiot in the street.
Grayson loved this. He loved the tenseness gripping his muscles and the insane feeling that any time, at any moment, something could jump from the forest and chase after him, teeth snapping and growls louder than thunder. When he was biking through the night, he couldn't look behind himself. He didn't want to know if something was chasing him. In this situation, being oblivious to his surroundings was much more desirable.
But he looked up into the sky, and in the sky, he saw stars. Thousands of them. Real or not, he knew they'd always be there.
The wind whistled past his ears in a steady roar. His shirt was flapping, the thin threads almost threatening to snap. But he couldn't feel any of that. All he could feel was the comfort the stars gave him.
"Grayson!" Grayson snapped out of his mind, his eyes searching in the darkness for his brother. He saw his brother holding his bike on the side of the road, hair a mess and face displaying his readiness for adventure.
Grayson pressed the brakes on his bike, bringing it to a skidding halt in the gravel on the side of the road.
"Come on!" Ethan urged, waving his hand desperately at Grayson. Grayson dropped his bike, racing after his brother that had disappeared into the forest.
"Ethan, wait up!" Grayson yelled, pressing his lips together in frustration as his voice only bounced off the trees back to him. He could barely hear someone crashing through the forest, probably Ethan. Grayson followed the sound as fast as he could, his eyes throbbing as they failed to adjust to the light-swallowing darkness of the forest. He felt rocks and sticks roll under his shoes and he mentally kicked himself for wearing slides.
"Grayson, hurry up!" Grayson heard Ethan yell. Forests were so strange. Someone could be so close, but the trees and bushes refracted the sound and made it seem like that person was millions of miles away, practically unreachable. But Ethan wasn't millions of miles away, and before Grayson knew it, he was crashing into a warm, solid body. Ethan.
"Tired?" Ethan raised an eyebrow as Grayson gulped in huge breaths, his heart racing unbearably fast.
"Not at all," Grayson said, hands on his knees as he watched Ethan walk forwards towards the cliff, his footsteps suddenly quiet and careful, not the loud, obnoxious noises that he'd made while stumbling blindly through the trees.
"It's so beautiful," Grayson heard Ethan say. Grayson couldn't help but agree; this spot was beautiful. They came there all the time to eat their yogurt from their favorite dessert shop in Los Angeles.
"Come on, Gray," Ethan said, turning towards the large tree that was on their left. Grayson watched as his brother hoisted himself into the tree, placing his feet and hands carefully upon the trunk that bent and grew over the cliff.
The cliff that was thousands of feet above the treacherous ground at the bottom.
Grayson didn't like heights, nor did he particularly like the thought of possibly dropping thousands of feet to a certain death.
"Ethan..." Grayson warned. He didn't want his brother to fall. Ethan didn't respond and all he could hear was the continuous scratching noise of Ethan scrabbling across the tree that grew over the cliff. Grayson wasn't going to let him sit out there alone, so he set a foot on the tree and gripped the thick bark between his fingers.
And then he began climbing.
The feeling was unreal. He couldn't see anything, and he could only rely on his sense of touch. He could feel his nerves tingling. His limbs were tense and prepared to lash out and grasp the tree if he did, God forbid, slip.
"You're such a baby!" Ethan called from farther out on the tree. Grayson could hear his voice echo off the opposite side of the ravine. "I got here way faster than you!" Grayson ignored the annoying jabs, he'd rather live than win some nonexistent race.
He had no idea where he was. He didn't know if he was three feet down the tree or if he was near the end, he didn't know where Ethan was or how close he was to him. He wanted to have a flashlight with him, but he realized it wouldn't have done much good; he needed both hands to climb.
And then, suddenly, he saw the world open up beneath him, and his heart lurched into his throat.
Light from the moon and stars filtered down onto the seemingly endless land, traveling up and illuminating the sides of the cliff, some of the spare light making the edges of the leaves glow.
The world was so far beneath them. Grayson felt his heart pounding and his fingers tightened around the tree. Don't look down again, don't look down again.
Grayson looked down again.
Rocks. All he could see were rocks. Jagged, dangerous, deadly. If Grayson fell, he wouldn't survive. He was frozen, the certain death beneath him smiling ominously. He couldn't think, couldn't move, couldn't speak. He struggled to breathe; his throat was so tight.
"Ethan!" Grayson cried. Tears pooled in his eyes and his hands were shaking.
"C'mon, Gray!" Ethan called back. "It's beautiful!"
"I can't!" Grayson whimpered, only loud enough for himself to hear. He closed his eyes, and he felt the wind rush past him. He could hear the tree creaking underneath him. A cold sweat coated his body, derived from fear.
And then he remembered. He remembered that he was going to be okay. He was going to be okay because death didn't exist.
"I'm coming!" Grayson said confidently. He bit his lip, moving forward slowly. He wasn't afraid of slipping, he wasn't afraid of falling through the endless atmosphere, he wasn't afraid of those deadly rocks.
Fear wasn't real. It was imaginary, fictitious. It was something that was only in the mind. Fear was illusive, it was able to be conquered with a different mindset.
Maybe death wasn't even real. Maybe it was all in the mind.
"Look at this," Ethan whispered as Grayson crawled up next to him. His voice displayed an awestruck emotion. The tree shook and creaked slightly when Grayson sat beside him.
"Oh my-" Grayson said, swiveling his head to get a better view of the scenery in front of them, all around them. He couldn't believe his eyes. It looked like an animated scene out of a movie. The fog that rested in the trees and rocks across the ravine looked fake. The moonlight shone upon the fog and a glittery light exploded into the air, emphasizing the water that trickled down the cliff and the dew that clung to spider webs. The sky was a solid navy blue lit up by natural night lights, the stars. The tree they sat on was suspended in midair, suspended in time. Time wasn't real, nothing was real, the moment was unbelievable and gorgeous. Nothing existed except for Ethan and Grayson and the air. Their feet dangled in nothingness, captured in the dreamy atmosphere of silence and wonder and deep thoughts. Was this even real? Were they even sitting here?
"What would happen if we jumped?" Ethan asked. His voice sounded muddled, like he was trying to speak through a thick, syrupy liquid. He was sitting so close to Grayson, but Grayson felt so distant. He tried to reach out and touch Ethan, but his hand was stopped by an invisible layer of glass.
"Ethan, no!" Grayson cried. The tree shook as Ethan stood up, his feet barely balancing on the thin branch they sat on.
"What would happen if we jumped?" Ethan asked again, his voice more desperate and urgent. His eyes were wild and he stared down at Grayson, his pupils dilated with intensity and fear and maybe, just maybe, a hint of wonder and curiosity.
"I don't know, Ethan," Grayson said, looking down at the ravine. His stomach flopped; his body was captured by a façade of weightlessness, similar to what one feels on a roller coaster.
"Would we die right away?" Ethan asked. "Would we live to feel the pain? Would our bodies break apart? Will we go to Heaven? Will anyone miss us?"
Grayson shook his head, trying to clear his mind of these terrible, horrible questions. They weren't Ethan's questions, they were his.
"What would happen if we jumped?" Grayson whispered to himself. Those rocks were waiting for him, begging them to meet and become friends. Friends?
Grayson didn't like thinking about jumping. Once the decision was made, it was made. But he was so curious. He wanted to know what it felt like to free fall, he wanted to know what it felt like to hit sharp, deadly rocks. He wanted to know what it felt like to die.
He looked up at his brother, and there he saw an extended hand. He took a deep breath and joined their hands. Ethan helped him stand up, keeping him steady, and there they stood, facing the ravine. Facing the fall. Facing their death.
"Let's go, Grayson," Ethan said. Grayson heard the emotion in his voice and looked over. A few tears slid down Ethan's face and they shone brightly. "Now is our time," Ethan said.
Grayson nodded, his head fogged over. He couldn't breathe. Not yet, not yet. There were so many things he wanted to experience. He wanted to experience another tour, meeting more fans, posting more Instagram photos and getting thousands of comments, making more YouTube videos, starring in movies and television shows, marrying the woman of his dreams and creating life, holding a baby in his arms. He was only 17. There was so much more to see and do. He wanted to do it all, with or without Ethan.
"Ready?" Ethan asked. "On the count of three, let's jump. One."
Grayson couldn't feel his body. His fingertips tingled and his heart was racing so, so fast. He didn't want to die. He wanted to live.
"Two."
He couldn't do it. There was no way. Life was going to go on, no matter who he had or didn't have.
"One."
Grayson watched Ethan's legs contract and retract. Time was moving in slow motion. He looked at their hands, joined together by strong fingers. Ethan was going to pull Grayson with him. No. No.
Grayson snapped his hand back towards himself. Ethan was off the branch, his feet and arms and legs floating in the air. He turned to look at Grayson, eyes filled with hurt and betrayal.
"I don't want to die," Grayson said.
His words thawed time, and he watched as Ethan hurdled towards the ground, a few seconds of complete silence until Grayson heard a dull thud.
Then silence once more.
He didn't dare look down into the ravine. He didn't want to see what was down there.
"I'm sorry, Ethan," Grayson said, closing his eyes as reality hit him in the face. Hard. No more twin brother. No more laughing with him, no more making funny videos with him to upload twice a week, no more person to lean his head on when he needed comfort.
No more Ethan.
Remorse. Guilt. Sadness. That was all Grayson could feel as he turned on his heel and walked back to the cliff edge. He wasn't afraid of falling. He could control that.
But he couldn't control the sobs that tore his body apart as he collapsed on the ground, the dust and dirt enveloping him in a protective, warm shield. He was shaking, oh, so badly.
"Ethan," he whimpered.
There was no answer.
"Ethan!" He screamed.
His voice echoed off the tall sides of the cliff and he knew, right there and right then, that Ethan was gone and he would never, ever come back.