A/n *trigger warning* includes self harm please don't read if you will be triggered by it💚
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------love y'all always here if any of you need to talk, I'll listen give advice if needed---- always keep fighting.
-L
Stiles' pov
I felt useless, broken and hurt, Scott didn't look at me the same after the nogitsune, he still spoke to me but not like he used to. I would sometimes be left out in pack meetings now just because no one would tell me about them and then afterward Derek would come round and ask me why I wasn't there and sometimes fill me in with what happened, he was always nicer to me after we got over the whole 'pushing up again walls' thing we had going on we considered each other friends sometimes more like best friends and he could sense my sadness after the nogitsune so sometimes when he came over, which was nearly every night to check on me he would just toe off his shoes shrug his leather jacket off and climb under the covers with me pulling me to his chest, sometimes my tears stained his shirt as he just whispered sweet nothings into my ears. Then he wasn't there, he had to out of town for a week and during the week I couldn't sleep for my life the insomnia taking over and I couldn't help but search out the blade I used and drag the perfectly straight metallic edge over the softness of the skin on my forearms making line after line of pure perfection sometimes with the lined blood running down my arm and onto the red towel which was protecting the floor, sometimes I would carve words into my delicate skin the words I used to describe myself - useless, burden, fat, faggot, human, selfish, inconsiderate, greedy, stupid, idiot, murderer - until I felt I was in control of the amount of pain I felt or until I felt something in general. It was the 6th night since Derek went away and I couldn't help myself I ached for the sharp metallic object to dance around my soft pale skin creating patterns in red in every direction, I was about to add another line when my wrist was pulled upward to prevent me from adding another line I looked up to find Derek looking down at me with the softest expression he could muster while trying not to cry and shout "what're you doing?" He asked me sternly but softly "hi der... And I'm not doing anything, painting a picture" I replied tears rolling silently down my face. He picked keys off the bathroom floor bridal style and placed me on my bed so that I was sitting on the edge of it then he re-entered the bathroom and came out with a wet cloth and some bandages I just sat there letting silent tears fall, he wiped one of my cheeks with his thumb before wiping my arm with the cloth, me hissing slightly at the pain he looked down sad while he was cleaning my arms and almost silently asked "why?" Then listened his head up a little to look into my eyes "because I can't do this anymore der, I feel like I'm dying, Scott will never look at/ talk to me the same as before I mean I don't blame him, I killed his first love and my own mother I'm surprised he hasn't always looked at me the way he does now" I said surprisingly stable due to the floods of tears rolling their way toward my chin "Derek looked up pain in his eyes "stiles that wasn't your fault and you know that neither of them were your fault. Don't you get that?" I just averted my eyes. Derek put both of the bandages on my arms and then embraced me into a tight hug "I'm in love with you" he whispered sadly I pulled back slightly astonished at the confession and replied "love you too" he nodded and then looked determined he voiced his thoughts and said "so I'm gonna help you through this, he handed me the blade and rolled up his sleeves" I looked up his confused "what're you doing?" I asked "stiles cut me not yourself, I'll heal so I can take it but I can take you hurting yourself when you don't deserve it" he said as he chocked back a sob "but you don't deserve it, I do -" "no you don't stiles you're the most perfect person I know, you do not deserve what's happened to you and you don't deserve the self inflicted torture you are making yourself endure, so... Cut me, I will take your pain away baby" he interrupted and I shook my head "I can't hurt you" I replied as I let a tear escape my eyes "then stop hurting yourself baby" he nodded grabbed a piece of paper wrote a letter then got some sellotape and stuck the blade to the bottom of the letter he had written, placed it into an envelope and sealed it. He then walked past me to his desk to grab a box off his shelf opened it, it contained several different envelopes and he added this one on top of the pile and closed the box, and placed it back on the shelf. He walked over to me no more tears running down his cheeks but his checks with red blotches where the tears hadn't stained his face and climbed on my lap just hugging me, nothing more just hugging he winced a little when his arms came into contact with my back, then he whispered into the crook of my neck, "will you stay the night? Cuddle?" I nodded my head and lay down pulling the covers over us when sleep nearly took over him 5 minutes later I whispered "always".
A/n hope you liked please vote and comment i like to know what you think of it💚