The voices of the interns awakened me around five the next morning. I rub my eyes sleepily as one of them starts to take my vitals. I was slowly waking up during this time but I was still exhausted from the day before. But today, I have another PET scan and Aunt Lisa promised to take me home so I could grab more of my things. I was going to be staying at the hospital full time, so I mine as well have the items I needed here.
"Kailey, we need to draw some blood sweetheart. I'm pushing your PET scan until tomorrow." Dr. Sadey was sitting on the edge of the bed as I blink away what remained of my sleepiness from my eyes. "If your levels have stabled, you'll be able to head home for a few hours. If not, we'll give you another transfusion to stabilize everything."
"I feel like a vampire." I joke, trying to lighten the mood.
"I'll see you in four hours." Dr. Sadey leaves the room so the interns can do their job. All but Conner follow the doctor. He stays behind to get the blood sample and finish giving me my daily medications.
"No needle pricks right, now right?" I ask worriedly. They put in the port with a promise for less needle pricks but I wasn't feeling that promise yet
"Yes, I'm just using your port." I was thankful for that fact. "Are you hungry?" He asks after finishing drawing my blood. "I can take you down to the cafeteria if you want."
"I guess." I was a little skeptical of hospital food but my stomach was growling at me and I wanted to eat some real food for once.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The cafeteria was amazing. I was so happy with all the choices being offered to me. I eventually choose French toast and a parfait for breakfast. Conner also made me grab some orange juice before he pushed our trays to the cashier. They swiped my meal card and I was all set. I decided to eat at the table by the window because I could see the city before me.
"I'm going to go grab food, but I'll be right back." He promises as I start to eat my breakfast. I had a weird metallic taste in my mouth that made the orange juice taste horrible but everything else tasted good.
"Aunt Lisa!" I called as she came into the cafeteria. She smiles before coming my way.
"Did you wheel yourself down here?" She asks worriedly. I shake my head as Conner comes to our table. "Thank you for taking care of my niece. It helps me rest easier knowing that you are here if she needs you."
"She's my favorite patient." He responds with a smile. "I grabbed you a ginger ale. I had a feeling you didn't like it after I saw your facial expressions."
"It tastes metallicky." I respond thankful for the drink Conner got me. "This taste's so much better."
"I'm glad, my little fighter." Conner studies me as I finish downing the ginger ale.
"What time is your PET scan?" Aunt Lisa asks after she returns to our table with her own tray of food.
"They canceled it." I inform her as I steal one of her strawberries. "I might need another transfusion if my iron levels haven't stabilized." I reach to steal another one and she passes them to me.
"It's nice to see your appetite is still in tact." My aunt jokes as she watches me eat. "I was worried I wouldn't be seeing the real Kailey for a long time."
"I'm still here." I assure her as I continue to devour the red fruit. I watched the people go about their business in the streets below, not knowing that a girl was intruding on their day to today activities.
Their lives weren't going to change as they passed our doors. No, everything would be normal and maybe they would feel a twinge of guilt as they pass a mother with her sick child, but it never lasts. Just like the sadness when you see a St. Jude commercial, it lasts for the duration of the commercial then they move on.
"Is everything okay?" Aunt Lisa asks as she touches my shoulder reassuringly.
"Yeah, I'm just tired."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
My feet remained planted where they were as I stood in the threshold of my house. Everything was quiet as if death himself was waiting for me to come back to him.
I couldn't breath as I waited for Aunt Lisa to join me where I was standing. She would know what to do at this very moment, when my own heart was failing me. I felt like this was admitting I was sick. A healthy person wouldn't have to choose a few things to make her hospital stay better.
"I can't do this." I set back, managing to stumble over the uneven stairs. I fall back landing on by butt. Tears threatened to spill down my cheeks as pain swelled from my knee and injured pride.
"Are you okay?" Aunt Lisa kneels down next to me. I nod as she helps me up. "Now you're going to have to go inside."
"I can't do this." I argue but the pain radiating from my knee told me otherwise.
My aunt leads me inside the house and towards the living room. I took up residence on the couch as she goes to get some ice.
The house was undisturbed, like my mom hasn't come home since all of this happened. My book sat on the side table, calling to me as if nothing changed. I reach over and pull it towards me. I might as well finish it while I'm at chemo tomorrow. I have nothing better to do anymore.
"Here," she hands me the ice along with a towel to protect my fragile skin. "Do you want me to go grab your things?"
I shake my head as I force myself onto my feet. I grit my teeth against the pain.
"Are you sure, I can go up there for you?" She helps me limp to the stairs. I felt like a little kid again looking upstairs. It looked like a million stairs before we could make it to the second floor.
"I'm fine. But can you grab my jacket in the hall closet? I'll call if I need anything." I assure her as I start making my way up the steep incline. After several minutes, I managed to make it to my bedroom.
The bed welcomes my embrace as I curl up under the covers. I hadn't realized how much my cancer had already taken out of me. Guard was one thing but doing normal everyday activities with the impression that nothing was wrong, well, I wouldn't be able to keep it up for very long before my cancer showed through.
Aunt Lisa didn't come upstairs until about an hour later. I had passed out among the covers.
"Wake up, sweetie." She whispers as the bed welcomes her weight, also. I groan as I pull away. I just wanted to sleep in my own bed after days of the hospital bed. "We have to get you back before rounds."
"Fine." I groan as I get out of bed. I grab a duffel bag and shove a bunch of my pj's and a couple pairs of workout clothes. Next came a couple books, a quilt, and a few other items. Aunt Lisa grabs my electronics. I would welcome their comfort in the coming weeks.
Finally, it was time to get back downstairs. I clung to the railing, hoping I wouldn't fall again. Aunt Lisa managed to put my things in the car and come back to help me before I was halfway down the staircase. I leaned much of my weight on the banister as she put her arms around my waist.
The effort from the stairs, managed to exhaust me enough that I passed out in the car. It was a thirty minute drive from my house to the hospital but it felt like eons.
The interns were starting their rounds by the time I was readmitted to the hospital. I couldn't keep my eyes open as blood was drawn and vitals were recorded. My eyes drifted close as Dr. Sadey came in and within seconds I was out like a light.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"But I'm hungry," I whine as Dr. Sadey comes into the room. The interns had just informed me of the fact my PET scan was today and that meant I couldn't eat until after the scan. My stomach angrily agrees with my statement.
"I know, Kailey." Dr. Sadey sits on the edge of my bed. "We get better scans if you haven't eaten anything."
"Is there any way to push up my scan?" I give her puppy eyes which didn't get me anywhere.
I would have to wait four hours before my scan, which left me no choice but to argue with my stomach about the fact.
The time ticked by slowly as I attempted to finish my book. Nothing could distract me from the fact that this scan would help determine the time frame in which my leg would be amputated. If the scans came back and let's say the cancer spread, well I wouldn't be walking much longer, at least not on two legs.
My eyes glance towards my cell phone. I had at least a hundred texts from my friends at school. They were worried about me. I was worried if I read them, I wouldn't be able to keep up the façade that I had just disappeared.
Eventually, I give up grabbing my cell phone and pulling up my texts. A single text from Mallory catches my eye before I could read the ones from my friends.
I'll be at the St. Judes today. Do you want to meet up before I head to radiation?
I have a pet scan at 10. How about lunch?
I would love to. When will you know the results?
Hopefully, sometime tomorrow :-P
What results are you expecting? <3
Probably something bad. ☹
Whose you're dr?
Dr. Sadey
She's the best. Whatever happens, she'll be there for you!
How's your radiation going?
Fine, I guess. They're hoping to do surgery soon. 😊
That's great!
I gotta go. Mom's wanting stop by target. See you soon!
Part of me was jealous about the fact her mom was so involved. My own mother still hasn't graced my aunt and I with her presence. I keep wanting to send her a text telling her everything is going fine, but it really wasn't okay right now.
I'm terrified that I will be losing my leg within the next couple of weeks. I'm scared that I won't be able to do anything after it's gone. I'm also afraid of what my dad will say when he comes home. I guess I'll have to cross that bridge when we get there. I have enough to worry about without thinking about the future.