'So, the sun cream, sunglasses and sick tablets are all packed right?' I said for the tenth time. I was super excited so much so, that I was ready to physically jump up and down. Nonetheless I was worried in case I had left something behind. I had that feeling that I was leaving something behind but I just couldn't put my finger to it.
Zaid groaned. 'Zara. Everything is packed. Calm down and relax,' and so I did. Well tried to. I was acting as if I had never been on holiday before, when I had been many times, in fact, at the beginning of this very year to New York. But this time it was different. It was my husband and I, going away for the very first time together. I had wanted to go on a honeymoon but work had stopped Zaid and so being the new and shy bride that I had been, I hadn't asked. I didn't want to be deemed as a demanding and overbearing person a few days or months into the marriage.
Since everything was a secret, Zaid hadn't given me a single detail about the trip. Not even where we were staying, but I knew that no matter where it was, it would be amazing; clear blue skies, white sand, palm trees and the aqua blue Indian Ocean, what more could define the perfect holiday? I planned to laze about and go swimming everyday and hence I had bought a burkini, a swimming costume, which was very modest and covered the whole body. However, Kylie, my ever so thoughtful friend, had other ideas and had gifted me a very racy red swimming costume. Would I wear it? I don't know.
Zaid had gone all out because we were seated in first class which was spacious and extremely expensive, for me anyway since Zaid never travelled below the first class. His family owned many properties across England. Often I had wondered why he hadn't simply worked with his father. However he always managed to get out of answering it. I would have the answer one day. I watched Zaid tapping away furiously on his tablet and put one of my books into use. He had his worried face on, and I didn't want to bother him. Dreaming of myself floating in the beautiful ocean, I fell into a wonderful slumber.
'We're almost here.' Zaid whispered nudging me. I had slept for most of the journey. I got up and stretched. I had avoided being plane sick which was a huge relief. Before talking I quickly put a mint into my mouth. I couldn't stand bad breath so I doubt other people could.
'Good.'
As soon as we got off the plane, the hot air hit me. I felt woozy, So Zaid whipped out a water bottle from somewhere. After a few sips, I felt better.
"So are you going to tell me now? What will we be doing?' After a few more unanswered questions Zaid turned abruptly.
'It's a surprise. Don't bother asking anymore. I am telling you nothing. Absolutely nothing.' At that firm tone, I closed my mouth. There was no point arguing with the stubborn man. He was adamant to give nothing away. Hence I would simply go with the flow.
'I just want you to see everything.'
After a few moments of gasping at the picturesque scenery and Zaid's expressionless face I needed to ask him a question.
'So are you excited?'
'Of course.'
'You don't seem it.'
'Zara. Believe me I am. Just a few worries at work.' He seemed so distracted and wondered off in the direction of the luggage area. This was a holiday and his sour mood was affecting mine. Nowadays, his worry had become mine and vice versa. There was more than the feeling of physical oneness, I felt we were becoming one emotionally and mentally.
As Zaid returned, overloaded with numerous bags, he looked almost like a human trolley and his face had turned red. I felt bad for packing so much. There was one bag across his broad chest, another on his shoulder as he pulled another two large as well as holding a weekend bag. I managed to take the weekend bag off him and he refused anymore. He was such a gentleman. After freshening up and praying the Asr (late afternoon prayers), we set off again.
'So are you excited?' I asked looking at his expressionless face as we sat in the air conditioned taxi.
'Of course, I am.'
'Hmm, you don't seem it.'
'Well I don't think I need to tell the whole world about my feelings every two seconds.' He said not taking his eyes off the stupid phone. I ignored the jibe. We were both jet lagged and I didn't want this holiday to start of in terribly. Why is it with men including my own father and brother, that they found it extremely difficult to express their feelings? How did they manage to keep all their emotions in check even at the most excruciating moments, when I needed to say whatever as soon as I felt it? I'll never understand the lack of emotion from the males of my family. Therefore, unable to no longer tolerate his un-holidayish behaviour I spoke.
'Zaid, please forget about work. We are on holiday to try and relax. I mean that is the whole point of going away isn't it?' I held his hand as we sat in the taxi. He put away his iPhone and smiled at me guiltily.
'I'm sorry. I've been neglecting you. OK no more work. Just you and me.' I smiled and couldn't help but give him a kiss.
After a few minutes we arrived at a harbour where numerous speedboat and yachts of all different shapes and sizes were neatly parked . No way! I looked at Zaid who smiled in return.
'Seriously?'
'Uh-huh.' He said as he helped the driver unload the luggage into a sparkling clean white, speedboat. So, we were going off main land and obviously to a smaller island. As Zaid helped me onto the boat, I sat down and helped myself to some Fizzy lemonade and admired the way Zaid dressed his outfit of the baby blue Polo shirt and beige cargo shorts. After a while of ogling, I joined Zaid at the front wheel as the wind blew at us which reminded me of the scene in titanic as the wind blew at Jack and Rose as they held onto each other. Despite it being utterly romantic, I was glad Zaid didn't do that. Just a simply peck here and there was my limit.
As the view of houses, or should I say huts emerged against the backdrop of the sun setting with the sky had turned a mixture of gold, orange yellow and red in the near distant horizon, I let out a squeal. This was much better than my imagination and so surreal, I was sure that this was a dream. I pinched myself, and felt the pain. Yep, this was reality and I felt as if God was granting me a piece of heaven on earth. If this was man-made beauty as magnificent as it was, one could never image how heaven will be like as Allah had even stated that it was a place 'no eyes has ever seen, no ear has ever heard and no human heart has ever perceived.' Immediately, I prayed to Allah to grant us all heaven.
'Did you just pinch yourself?' Zaid said on the brink of laughter.
'What! This feels like a dream. I just needed to know its real.'
'Its real, Zara. It's all very real.' After checking in, the speedboat stopped near one of the amazing bungalows, which stood on pillars holding it up above the aqua blue water of the lagoon. My heart was beating rapidly. I climbed the short ladder, after Zaid and the driver who had taken the luggage in.
The entrance of the bungalow was a double glass door. In a desperate attempt not to look too excited, rather than running I wanted to speed walk. However, Zaid blocked my path. Over His shoulder I noticed a golden door plate with 'honeymoon suite' written across it. I had to go it! I was acting too eager, so I calmed down, nonetheless I was so excited.
'Not yet.' He said reading my thoughts. 'Let me just pay the driver. Don't move a single step otherwise...' Saying that in a serious but playful tone he left knowing that I'd obey him. After a few tense moments of me mentally fighting whether I should defy him or not, Zaid returned.
'Can we go in now?' As soon as I finished, Zaid lifted me up like a new bride.
'What on earth are you doing?' I said flustered and embarrassed.
'Just think of this as our honeymoon.' I laughed as he kissed me and took me inside and into a room and chucked me on the larger than king size bed. I didn't know that beds as big as the one I was currently spread across even existed. Zaid bounced next to me. I stretched greedily and wanted to stay there forever. But before anything, I had to pray. I rushed to the adjacent marbled bathroom towards the 'His' and 'Hers' sinks. I Stopped for a moment to admire the huge Jacuzzi style bath in the middle of the room which had steps leading up to it next to a large set of glass
After praying Maghreb (after sunset prayers) the exploring began. Across the bedroom was another pair of glass doors and floor to ceiling windows. I slid the door and stepped outside onto the cool tiled balcony where there was the most breath-taking view of the Indian Ocean, against the now midnight-blue sky that was alight due to the glimmering moon.
Mesmerised by the natural beauty, Zaid joined me, circling his arms from behind and leaning his head softy on my shoulder. I inhaled his intoxicating Hugo Boss cologne.
'Stunning isn't it?'
'It took my breath away.' Suddenly, my eyes caught the swimming pool, which was one of those infinite edge pools where water slide calmly over the edge and into the Ocean.
'No bloody way!' I said and ran barefoot down the stairs and towards the pool. I had only dreamt of something like this and now here it was, right in front of me. I dipped my right foot into the edge of the perfectly heated water.
'You spoke about it once, so I made sure to book one with it.' Zaid said quietly. He had followed me. God, I was so overexcited, I was probably embarrassing myself. What must Zaid think of me? I turned and threw my arms around him.
'You didn't have to do all this.'
'Its nothing. Besides, I wanted to. Can't a husband treat his wife? '
'Hmm, Yes he can. By the way, this is long overdue. ' I said joking. I didn't mean to sound ungrateful but just lighten the atmosphere. I didn't like the tortured look in his eyes that he had. He laughed.
'You ungrateful little...' and before I knew it he had shoved me into the water, in my favourite abaya and scarf. I couldn't believe he had actually done that to me. If my abaya was ruined, I would have his head.
'I can't believe you did that. ' I shouted at him and he continued to laugh uncontrollable and since he was on the edge of the pool, I grabbed his leg and in he came. I rushed out the pool and from a distance I laughed. His laughter had dissipated and his arms were waving wildly.
'How'd you like it now? If this abaya is ruined, you're dead. ' But he continued to struggle. He was pretending. He went to gym and swimming was a simple survival skill. I was sure he had swimming lessons. I mean, there was no way a smart man like him could not know how to swim, right? All of a sudden there was no sign of him and the water was still. My heart thumped in panic.
'Zaid, I swear you better not be pretending.' There was still no sign. I crouched down trying to see into the water.
'Zaid! Zaid!' I called. 'Please!' What if he actually drowned? Before I knew it, strong arms grabbed me by my shoulders and I was dragged into the pool again.
'Not again.' I groaned. I should have stuck to my instincts and knew he was faking. 'Argh. I can't believe you did that again.'
'Gottcha.' He said, grinning. But I wasn't in such a humorous mood.
'You had me seriously worried.' I splashed him with water.
'So you care about me?'
'Of course I do, you monkey.' I splashed him again. 'This is my favourite abaya.'
'So, I'll buy you another, not that you need any. You've got plenty of black ones.' He said in a matter of fact tone.
'No, this one is a different material and it had those special rhinestones on it.'
'Well, what's the difference? The other ones have stones too. They all look the same to me.' Huh? All the same? Why did the male species think that all black abayas were the same? They looked pretty different to my friends and me. The male species were clearly half blind to the world of women's fashion.
'This one is different. It was from Jordan, a gift from one of my friends.' I splashed him continuously.
'Well, how about a kiss to make that all better?' As Zaid leaned in closer, I put my arms around him. As soon as he was a breath away, I dunked his head ferociously and by the time he recovered I was out.
'Hey that was mean!' He protested. I ignored him. My evening swim was over. I wanted food and my head on that super-comfy bed. I know Zaid was being playful or whatever, but I guess I was just tired.
***************
I bolted upright as bright sunlight poured through the glass doors and windows. Crap, I hadn't prayed Fajr (pre-dawn prayers) today. I slumped back against the pillow and looked towards my right hand side, where Zaid was sleeping adorably; his hair was ruffled and his body looked relaxed. His arm came across my waist and pulled me closer.
'We missed Fajr (pre-dawn prayers) didn't we?' His voice was rough and still managed to sound alluring.
'Unfortunately, yes.' I said. Guilt filled me. I stroked his soft hair. He opened one eye.
'Astagfirullah (May God forgive me). But just go back to sleep. Its happened and we'll make up for it as soon as we get up.'
I nodded and cuddled up to his body as warmth emanated from his bare skin. The bed was so soft and fluffy; I thought I could dissolve into it. But I knew I couldn't go back to sleep, so when I was sure that Zaid was fully asleep, I got up and after praying and making up for it I went for a walk. That's one what I hated, the guilt of missing a prayer especially when sleep overtakes prayer. Out of all the prayers, fajr (pre dawn) prayers was the one I found difficult as it required the most sacrifice but therefore held so much reward. Sometimes when the alarm clock went off and I lay there for a bit, one part screaming to go back to sleep and the other fighting for me to get up, what gets me up is it fact that by not getting up I was letting Satan win. He was the very one who had bowed down to God on every corner of the world and now he was urging me not to. So, to win over him, I get up. I mean Muslims weren't the only people who got up before dawn for worship. Sikhs did it too. We could sleep any time of the day but fajr only came once a day. It was not ok to miss prayer. How people could live without prayer, it baffled me greatly. If all the people realised the worth of prayer, the world would have been a more peaceful and more pleasant place to live. However, we were human and did commit mistakes, but not to rectify our mistakes, that was completely in our control, not just with prayer but everything else too.
It was still early morning and the entire place seemed deserted, probably as most people were still sleeping. Luckily, the food centre was open. I walked into the food centre and ordered a nice hot coffee and croissant. Although, I could call room service, I felt like getting my own and exploring the broader parts of the resort. The beach was as splendid as I imagined it to be. It consisted of soft, white sand and palm trees. Imagine living in a place such as this for most of the year? But home was home and a holiday is nice for a few days and then it gets boring since you get bored of doing nothing, then its back to reality no matter what part of the world you lived in, no matter how beautiful. Its ironic how when we have everything to do, we yearn for nothing to do and when we have nothing to do, we yearn for something to do.
After a whole day of non-stop lazing about and relaxing, Zaid had booked us at an exclusive restaurant for a candle lit dinner. Again, it was a surprise so I had no idea where we were going. Nonetheless, I made extra effort and dressed in a emerald green summery dress; the upper portion was netted and across the middle was a silver beaded chain. I teamed it with a silver scarf, a pair of silver gladiator sandals and Smokey eyes make up. Grabbing my clutch, I joined Zaid, who was in a formal shirt with chino shorts, and smelt extremely good.
'Come on princess. Your ride awaits.' He said ushering me to the speedboat.
'Where are we going?'
'You'll see.'
The short boat ride led us to a secluded large gazebo. Zaid helped me off the deck. A waiter stood in the corner, in his formal white shirt and black trousers. He greeted us with a smile and as he moved forward to seat me, Zaid stepped in and took over the job. I smiled at his possessiveness, as I sat down.
'Madam, the menu.' It was so beautiful and utterly romantic. We were floating in the middle of the Ocean, open to everything, but nonetheless, I hadn't been to a restaurant more intimate than this place. The place was dimly lit and the heavenly scent of flowers floated around us like the light breeze.
'What's you think?' Zaid said leaning back.
'Perfect. You've thought of everything haven't you?'
'Hmmm, everything is a lot of things.' He was too modest.
'You better not chuck me into the water, or this time I will loose it.' I warned him.
'Don't worry, I won't.'
The waiter placed our food in front of us, and as we ate and spoke, I wanted to know more about his dysfunctional relationship with his dad.
'When we get back, we are visiting Mum and Dad.'
'Sure.' Was that really his response? Usually he'd stop for a second and change the subject. I wasn't sure he knew that i was speaking about his parents.
'I meant your Mum and Dad.' I watched him freeze for a second and then continue as normal.
'Is that ok? I mean its been ages and I'm sure Mum wants to see her only son-'
'Why are you so persistent about them? Can't you just forget them? I mean we're happy aren't we? There's no need to get involved with them. ' He interjected, his voice was a mixture of anger, hurt and resentment.
'There you're parents as well as mine. They've got rights. I mean Mum is lovely. Surely, you miss her?'
'Yeah, I do, but my Dad...He's not...' He stopped as if the words were stuck. What had his father done so cruel that the strong, confident man seated opposite me seemed to disappear at the mention of his father?
'He's not what? You need to speak to me. How can we figure out and solve anything if I don't even know whats going on.'
ZAIDS POV
She sat in front of me and reached out for my hand. Such a small gesture, but it meant so much. Somehow, her reassuring words lightened my burden. Her beautiful wide eyes filled with worry and concern. What did I do to deserve her? If only she knew the ruthless and cruel man my father could turn into. But I didn't want to involve her in my messy past. I had endured my father for so long but Mum continued to live with him, tolerate him. Unlike Zara's perfect family, it wasn't the same for me. Dad wasn't physically abusive. I mean, when I was a kid, I did get a few smacks here and there, but then again in those times which kid hadn't? He had never laid his hand on mum though, luckily he knew that he will have to face God one day for his actions. However, the mental abuse was far worse. The way we were nothing to him but a failure. He was never happy. Even in the brightest moments. What angered him more was my decision to go to university instead of joining his property business. I hadn't cared and was adamant to leave and get away from him. Then my ordeal with Jasmin which added insult to the injury made things a whole deal worse.
To the world, we had it all but no one knew the reality. No one knew the ridiculous game plans of my father. No one knew of the game I was in now. The twisted game Zara had been pulled into; the merciless conditions or bet my father had placed on my marriage. I couldn't let Zara find out. I was trying to give her the best few months I could, because only God knew what lay in the future and I was going to have to make up my mind soon. In this contorted gamble of my fathers, one of us will have to sacrifice something and I knew what I would do but Zara? I wasn't so sure. I wanted to keep her away from him, protect her from him. But her persistence was simply going to increase.
'Ok, we'll go. As soon as we get back to England. Now lets forget all this and enjoy.' I smiled at her and a flash of confusion passed through her face. But she smiled back. I looked at her eating. There was something I was desperate to say. Something, like the holiday, that was long overdue...
'Zara...I...I...'
'Yes?' She looked at me curiously. I looked at the waiter. This wasn't the moment despite it being in the perfect setting.
'Nothing.'
'Ok.' Luckily, she let go and I didn't have to say it. She didn't like cheesy stuff, but in my mind, I was sure she was secretly pleased. I mean what women wasn't. It was black and white; yes or no for men but for women, it was a whole different story which I was sure I'd never understand, but I would try and be the most understanding I could with my wife. Her happiness had become mine and I would choose her over myself any day. I wondered about my fathers reactions when I informed him of my decision.
Salaam to all,
As always thank you/Jazakallah so much for your lovely comments and support. Also, thank you for your patience. I thought it being Easter Holiday I'd be able to update faster but wow, I've been so busy. Anyway, hope you enjoyed the chapter and as always leave your thoughts and comments which really do help and please do vote as well.
P.S The holiday isn't over yet. The next chapter is: 'The Maldives part 2' Inshallah. xx