"Stop acting like an idiot" the words flew around my head. I was acted stupidly, I couldn't act any other way though. Everything I did was mostly done with care, except when I lost control, but how could I keep myself in control. Could I "stop acting like an idiot"
'Sorry Ling.' I looked down, each word now carefully thought out. 'You know I'm your friend, I'm just in a weird state of mind. Great first impression isn't it?'
'Lucky it isn't my first impression then.' Realisation flew across Lan Fan's face, though I stared in confusion. 'Your memory has deceived you. Please (y/n) forgive me for not saying this earlier.'
'I'm still confused.' I couldn't help but stare in wonder.
'We have a lot to talk about. I've know you since you were a small child, our parents often visited each other.' Realisation surged through me. 'When you said your father hurt you I couldn't believe it. Whenever I saw him he acted so sweetly to you, but that was before your brother I suppose. Your sister was loved too.'
'You knew me that well?' I couldn't stop staring at his lips as they formed those words.
'(Y/n) forgive me for not telling you earlier.' Ling had a look of remorse on his face. 'I was with you the day your brother passed. The assassins were after me, your brother was in the way. Blame me.'
'No.' I began to grind my teeth, 'I'm not blaming you for nearly being killed, it's not your fault.'
'Please allow me to take the blame.' His eyes didn't look at anything in particular, they only looked away from me. 'It burns in my mind, I only thought of Fu as an annoyance, not a guard, so I forced you to sneak away from him with your brother. We played near the forest, that's where they got him, I was too afraid to help so I ran. I'm glad they didn't hurt you, but I killed your brother.'
'Ling,' tears filled my eyes, I told myself I wouldn't cry, 'you were a child and so was I, none of this is your fault.'
'I caused your dad to hurt you.' He had so much pent up anger against himself, Lan Fan listening to the story as if she'd heard it thousands of times. 'If I hadn't let your brother die you would have been happy.'
'Happy? Trapped in my house, learning to be the leader of a country that only cared for alchemy, alchemy doesn't mean much to me!' I touched his shoulder, Lan Fan cautiously studying my movement, Ling looked up at me. 'I'm happy now. I've made friends and reunited with old ones. I wouldn't change a thing about my past if it meant I didn't end up here. Sure I cry and I struggle to remember those things without hurting, but the happiness I've felt here means so much more.'
'(Y/n). Thank you.' He placed his hand onto the one on my shoulder. 'Now that I've been open to you, tell me why you were lying.'
'You're good at manipulating people's emotions.' I let out a breathy laugh. 'I lied to not make things awkward. I love him, I've spent nights figuring that out. May Chang likes him too, it's more important that she's happy then to be with Al.'
'Then do you really love him?' Ling raised an eyebrow. 'I couldn't be that kind hearted to spare the feelings of one person. I wouldn't be able to keep those feelings inside just to see someone else smile.'
'I love him, no question about it. It does make me jealous to see May Chang swooning over Al, but-' I paused, looking through the crack in the door Lan Fan had left open when she came in, May Chang was smiling with Al, Al looked happy too. 'He said he only liked me as a friend so I shouldn't force my feelings onto him when he's happy. Look at them, their smiles mean so much more to me.'
I grinned in pain. Sure, I loved how happy they were, but I wished Al had that emotion for me. He seemed different with May Chang, I don't think it was like that, because she was a child, but it was different. May Chang's smile also made me happy, to see how she grinned in Al's presence meant more to me than sharing my feelings.
'You're a caring person, you haven't changed one bit.' Ling looked at May Chang and Al too, then grabbed my attention. 'But Al likes you. He was only trying to stop the awkwardness. Trust me. He was just as hurt as you were when you said you were just friends.'
'I want to tell him, don't get me wrong, but I want to say it when he's back in his body.' I was saying this to delay saying it. 'I'll say it when he doesn't have to worry about everything.'
'Well, now you've told me that. You were crying before when you left to go to the bathroom.' Ling looked concerned. 'Is everything ok?'
'Oh don't worry about that.' I smiled widely. 'I promise I'll tell you if it's bad, but right now I've been having this reoccurring nightmare. I don't sleep a lot, so I guess I closed my eyes and it just came back to me.'
'I'm always here. I think our debt is now even.' We looked at each other, my face shocked and confused, his bright and forgiving. 'Let's go back in.'
'Thank you Ling.' happiness coursed through my veins.
We walked back in, I noticed Al looking over, but I didn't look back. I walked over to where Fu and Roy were, all three of us joining their conversation.
'Fu told me about your connection with Ling.' I realised what Ling had said to the group, he told Lan Fan to watch in case I fought back, he told Fu to explain to Roy and he told Roy he needed to talk to me. 'I guess you didn't remember until now.'
'He told me now. I do have a faint memory of him.' I smiled at Ling and hugged him. 'I used to call you Xing Ling!'
Ling laughed, hugging me back...
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End of Chapter 25
(I hope you enjoyed the chapter, I enjoy writing it! I'll try and post as often as possible since I'm on holiday now!)