I sat in the car fidgeting. I had dialed Val's number a hundred times in the last hour but I could never push the send button. I watched as the front door open and Zacky walked out and casually leaned against my car door.
"You gonna sit out here all day or come in?"
"Well...you see...I need to talk to Val..." I trailed off.
"As long as you told him yes come in. If you told him no I'd suggest calling Brian to meet you at the bar," Zacky grumbled under his breath.
"What? Val knows that Matt was planning to propose?"
"Yeah....she's been busy putting lists together for you."
"Really?"
"Yeah...she's excited."
"I guess I should go in then?"
"Please and please tell her I'm heading over to Johnny's. I need a break from florists and bakeries and dress shops and....." he shuddered.
I laughed.
"Alright I can do that for you."
I got out and headed inside as Zacky took off like a bat out of hell.
I knocked on the door shyly and waited for Val to open it.
"Why are you knocking? Nevermind, I'm just so glad you are finally coming in. I have your planning book here as well as some lists of the shops I was looking into for my wedding. Did you guys set a day yet?"
I just stared at her excited face.
"You did tell him yes didn't you?"
"Yeah...it's just...this wasn't how I was expecting this to go."
She settled down on the couch and patted the spot beside her.
"I'll admit it was a bit strange for me at first to picture Matt marrying someone else but seeing him with you in the hospital I know he loves you and the way you look at him it's obvious that you are falling for him. This is the next logical step for you guys. So have you thought about where you want to have the wedding?"
"Yeah....I thought of a few things but Matt and I haven't really talked about it yet."
"Well I have a list of locations here for you to discuss as well. I'll help you anyway I can. You know you still are my best friend. Do you need any help with the babies?"
"Well, Barbara and Joe are still staying over but if you want to come over and help I'm sure that the more hands we have the better."
"Great! I can't wait to see the twins some more. Is Matt going to adopt them then?"
"Well eventually I think. He said he wants to wait until the twins are older so they can have a say in it."
"He always was such a caring man."
"I know."
"Now that sounds thoughtful."
I smiled. "I was dreaming yesterday about the summer after my parents death."
"The one where Matt helped you get back on track and remember how much you loved Jimmy before the depression set in?"
"Yeah, and it was strange because I was thinking about Matt's proposal and Jimmy and the twins before I fell asleep."
"I don't think that's strange at all. It seems to me that Jimmy was trying to help you remember what a good man Matt is."
"I know what a good man he is that isn't why I was hesitating."
"Then why were you?"
"Because I wasn't sure if I could love Matt with my whole heart and then Papa Gates told me that it wasn't about not loving Jimmy anymore but if I could love Matt and Jimmy together and be comfortable sharing my heart between the two."
"Well...you did it back then. I mean yes you only loved Matt platonicly that summer but honestly if you hadn't had Jimmy I might have been a little jealous at the time you and Matt spent together and how close you got."
"Really?"
"Really, I mean I know that Matt's feelings were platonic too but you guys looked like such a couple sometimes even back then. That's actually how Matt ended up with that black eye," She laughed.
"What how?" I asked smiling at her happiness.
"Well Jimmy punched him after he accused him of trying to move in on you," she admitted.
"What? Are you serious?" I asked surprised.
"Yes, luckily Brian stepped in and calmed Jimmy down. Helped him see that Matt was just being a good friend to you."
"I never knew that."
"Jimmy didn't want you to, so Matt promised he wouldn't tell." Her smile turned a little nervous. "You know speaking of Matt and your wedding...."
"What is it Val?" I asked a little concerned if it was making Val nervous.
"Have you considered a dress yet?"
"Well...I would actually really like my mom's dress although it's probably a little dated."
"God I was hoping you'd say that."
"Why?"
"Because I already called your Aunt Peggy back east and she's having the dress shipped here. I already made an appointment to have you fitted and discuss alterations day after tomorrow."
"Wow, um thanks."
"I'm sorry if you're upset," she said giving me an apologetic look.
"No that was nice of you. I just need to discuss everything else with Matt."
"Alright well you can call me if you need any help alright?"
"Ok."
I hugged her carefully because of my staples and then moved slowly back out to the car. I knew Matt would be worried by now because I had insisted on making this trip myself. Really Zacky only lived twenty minutes away so it wasn't like it was a long drive but I suppose I was being stubborn since I wasn't really supposed to be driving.
I went slow and took my time going home making the trip a thirty minute drive only to pull into our driveway to see Matt pacing by the drive.
He rushed up to my window.
"Thank god I was so worried. Zacky said you made it there ok and then Val said you had just left when I called her."
"Matt, calm down, it's ok I'm fine I promise."
"I'm not letting you do that again."
"Don't worry I won't. I might turn you grey and then what would your fans think?" I asked with a small smile.
"Kathy, I love you I was so worried."
"I know Matt. I love you too."
I kissed him gently and broke away giggling. He looked confused until I pulled out my wedding planning book with several lists attached.
"She even went so far as to phone my aunt Peggy and have her ship my mom's wedding dress out."
"Wow...poor Zacky. I remember the hell I went through when...."
"When she was planning your wedding?"
"Yeah," he said guiltily.
"Don't worry Matt it's ok really. I like some of her ideas and I'm glad she's willing to help but there are a few things I want to talk over with you."
"Good because there is something I want to talk to you about too."
"Well let's go inside it's getting a bit warm out here."
He nodded nervously and we headed inside. I took a seat on the couch wondering where Matt had disappeared to until he came back with two glasses of lemonade.
"Thanks," I said taking a sip before I sat the glass down. He only seemed more nervous now than he had outside.
"Matt why don't you go first? You seem nervous."
"Well, uh, ok," he said running his hand through his hair. "It's like this, you know how Jimmy was supposed to be my best man?"
"Yeah," I nodded slowly.
"I've tried and I mean really tried hard to imagine someone else there even one of the guys and I can't do it."
"Well, we don't have to have a traditional wedding party. I mean we can just have Kenna be the flower girl and then I can follow her out. I'm sure the guys and girls would understand why we aren't doing the whole wedding party."
"But what about you? I mean isn't the whole bridesmaid thing kind of a big deal?"
I smiled at him reaching out to take his hand, squeezing it.
"Matt if it were really and truly up to me I'd say let's run away to Vegas or even just go down to the courthouse but you know your parents and Barbara have their heart set on a wedding. I just want to keep things small. Just the close friends and family. I don't want anything really fancy...well ok maybe the flowers." I giggled.
He smiled at me.
"I think I can handle that. So no wedding party, Kenna the flower girl, have you thought of where you want to have the wedding? I think the cathedral that Val had booked is still open if you liked it."
"Well actually...I was thinking more like outdoors if we are doing this soon."
"Well do you think we can pull everything together in two weeks?"
"Maybe, I'll have to talk to the florist and do we want a caterer?"
"How big is the guest list?"
"Well I was thinking more of a private reception just the family and the Berry's?"
"Sounds fine to me and I think for that we can just talk to the family. We could all pitch in and help with the cooking."
"Alright then."
"So where outside were you thinking or just outside in general?" Matt asked as we heard the twins start crying through the baby monitor.
I looked at it and then at Matt. He gave me a small smile and helped me stand carefully. Before I could take a step I felt Matt lift me in his arms and carry me out of the room.
"Matt you don't have to..."
"I know but I want to. I've missed holding you and nothing in this world compares to the feeling of you in my arms."
I blushed at his sweet words and sincere smile.
Matt carried me all the way to the nursery and lowered me slowly into the rocker, his hands lingering at my sides before slowly drawing back. I looked up into his eyes my heart pounding so strongly I swear everyone in the room could hear it as my eyes locked with his shining hazel orbs. The love I saw there made me forget everything and everyone around us as sound and light faded until Matt was the only thing in my universe. His hazel eyes were so filled with love that it was like seeing his heart in them.
"Matt," I whispered reaching a hand out to him. I gently laid my palm against his face and watched his eyes drift shut in happiness.
"I love you Matthew Charles Sanders," I said with more conviction that I ever had before. I knew in my heart that it was true. The only other person I had ever felt like this about was Jimmy and though a part of me still felt guilty saying those words to Matt the rest of me understood that I wasn't denying my love for Jimmy. That I was just grieving and moving on with my life.
I didn't realize I was crying until Matt reached out and gently wiped a tear from my cheek. He feathered light kisses across my lips. Tender brushes of his lips against mine.
"I love you to Kathleen Daisy Seward."
"Does this mean there will be a wedding after all?" Barbara said quietly.
I nodded and watched as Joe brought Andrea over for me to hold. He placed her gently in my arms and motioned for Matt to follow him out of the room. I watched them go and turned to Barbara with a raised eyebrow.
"Oh, don't worry sweetie. Joe just feels the need to play father since your own isn't here. I'm imagining it will be along the same lines of the one he gave Jimmy after you guys announced your engagement."
"He gave Jimmy a talk about our engagement?" I asked surprised.
She nodded as she handed me a bottle for Andrea and picked up another for Jimmy. "Basically he told him that marriage wasn't something to take lightly and that his vows were a very serious way of saying that he had grown up and was ready to take on the responsibility of providing for not just himself but you and eventually children as well. That he was ready to put his wild days behind him and be the man that you would need him to be to start a life together."
"And what did Jimmy say?"
"That he understood that and he knew that by asking you to marry him his life was going to be going in an entirely different direction than it had been but it was the way he wanted to go. That he loved you and couldn't imagine even a day of his life without you in it anymore."
Matt's proposal flashed through my mind as she said those last words. I bit my lip.
"You know it's alright you know to do this. Have you and Matt discussed any details yet?"
"Yes and I wanted to bring it up to you so the other parents will know as well before any rumors start. We are having a wedding but we aren't having a traditional wedding party. Only Kenna as a flower girl and then me and Matt."
"Are you really sure that's what you want sweetie?"
"Yes, I'm with Matt on this. You can't really have a maid of honor and bridesmaids without a best man and groomsmen."
"Well why aren't you having a best man and groomsmen?"
"Because Matt wanted Jimmy to be his best man and he says he can't see anyone else standing beside him on that day and to be honest neither can I. Anyone else in that place just looks wrong."
"Well if you are sure, have you thought about a dress yet?"
"Yes, actually Val already called my Aunt. She has my mom's dress in her attic and she's supposed to be shipping it out here for me. I do have a question for you though."
"What is it dear?"
"Do you think that Joe would walk me down the isle?"
"I would be honored to Katie," Joe said entering the room with Matt following closely behind. Matt smiled at me reassuringly.
"Thank you," I said quietly, watching Andrea finish her bottle. Once we had the twins burped and laid down for their naps Barbara took Joe by the hand and led them out of the room. I watched them leave hand in hand with a sigh before I turned to Matt.
"Is something wrong?"
"No, it's just I want that. To be that happy and still that much in love forty years from now."
"Don't you think we will be?"
"If fate allows us to," I said softly feeling overwhelmingly tired all of a sudden.
"Why don't you just relax and we'll talk more about this and the wedding later ok?"
I nodded before Matt helped me into our room and to our bed. I couldn't wait for these staples to be out. He kissed me gently before leaving me to rest and I stared at the ceiling for a minute as his footsteps made their way down the steps.
"Jimmy you promised you would always be here when I need you. Well I need you now. Am I doing the right thing? Will I be able to love Matt as whole heartedly as I still love you? Are you angry at me for this? For saying yes to Matt? Are you angry that he wants to raise your twins? I love you so much Jimmy and I need you now," I whispered to the empty ceiling as my tears began to blur my vision. Silence was my only answer as I quietly cried myself to sleep.
A/N: Sorry for the long wait I haven't been much in a writing mood. I hope this isn't to crappy because of that. As a side note I've included another video for this chapter. Song is from Stone Sour I think it fits the chapter fairly well and I also included an external link of what her mother's gown looks like. So...vote, comment, like, enjoy!