October passes by quicker than it arrived. This month has easily been one of the strangest, to say the least.
For starters, Sarah and Charlie are back together. As I had expected.
Sarah has yet to talk to Lilly or I about anything. I don't think she talks to anyone but Charlie, actually. It doesn't really bother me as much as I thought it would, but it seems to bother Lilly. She was a bit closer to Sarah than I was, so I know she is just worried about her.
Honestly, I am not worried about Sarah at all. She has done all of this to herself. She has not only excluded herself away from her friends and only to Charlie, but she hasn't even explained herself to Lilly or anyone. It's just a bit odd. She has to know that we don't exactly support the situation.
Then again, that's probably exactly why she doesn't come to us. She doesn't want us to tell her what she doesn't want to hear.
As for Charlie and I's deal, both of us kept our word. Nobody but him and I know about Ethan going to his house and I haven't said anything, or even talked at all, to Sarah. I respect him for keeping his part of the bargain.
The only interaction I have with Charlie or Sarah is when I see them together in the hallways and make awkward eye contact with them.
On another note, Amy has stopped having her Friday/Saturday night bonfire parties. Not that I went to most of them anyways, but it is somewhat upsetting. It's truly the end of an era.
Lilly, on the other hand, was devastated. She lived for those parties.
As to why Amy stopped having them, nobody really knows for sure. I tried to bring it up to her in our first period one time but she didn't really say much about it. Lilly thinks it's because her parents wouldn't allow them anymore.
Grayson and Ethan's football season ended last week. They seem happy to be finished with it, but a bit sad at the same time. I think football helped Ethan cope with a lot of different things, so I'm glad he did it.
Throughout the past couple of weeks, I have also seen Robert's son, Locke, in the front office a lot. I've mentioned it to Grayson, and we've come to the conclusion that he could always be up there for one of three different reasons:
1. He gets in trouble a lot, and is in the office to see the principal.
2. He gets sick a lot, and is in the office to see the nurse.
Or, 3. He is always in the office to talk to the school's guidance counselor.
Seeing him up there so much has reminded me of the one time Grayson and I talked to Principal Carter about removing Ethan's expulsion. I realize that he was up there during that, as well. A mental image flashes in my mind of him sitting in one of the many waiting chairs in the front of the office.
Grayson and I keep meaning to talk to Robert about it, but him and Anne have been so busy planning the wedding, of course.
Which, by the way, they have finished. All that is left to do is for Anne and Robert to set a date and venue. As of now, Anne wants to have the wedding at the end of December. She even mentioned having the wedding back in New Jersey, so that she could see it just one last time before she passes.
It hurts every time when I remember her bucket list. I secretly hope she decides to have it in New Jersey, so that she is able to fulfill just one more item on her list.
And, I'm not going to lie, I would love to see where Ethan grew up, too. I imagine him taking me to all of his favorite locations, us eating at his favorite restaurants, and just him and I running around through the streets of New Jersey- Ethan leading the way.
Grayson has even admitted to me that he hopes the wedding is in New Jersey as well. He says he wants to meet up with Elena there- whom, by the way, he doesn't seem stressed out or angry about texting anymore. He just seems happy, and excited to see her again.
I am so elated for him. And I would love to meet Elena.
As for Ethan and I, we are better than ever. I couldn't be happier.
He has been acting amazing lately. He hasn't messed up at all, and has even been excited about Anne's upcoming wedding. I am beyond proud of him, and who he has changed into.
His heart isn't so rough anymore.
In fact, it's honestly hard to believe that it ever even was. He hasn't made one mistake since the whole 'Charlie' mishap, which, might I add, didn't even happen.
Today is just another day. I find myself counting down the days until December, actually.
With a blank expression, I trot through the congested hallway of Clearview High, trying to make it to my third period. My head hangs low, along with my spirits. I am so over high school.
"Hey, Jessica."
I am not only confused, but shocked when I look up to see Samantha Hughes talking to me. What on earth could she possibly want?
"Oh, hi, Samantha." I force a small smile.
"So, are you getting excited for Anne and Robert's wedding?" She asks.
It's odd that she is trying to make casual conversation with me. I haven't talked to her in what feels like forever.
Her long, black hair is flipped over her shoulders and her lip gloss is shinier than ever.
"Yeah. Are you?"
"Yes. I mean, my mom is stressed out, being the maid of honor and all, and she kinda stresses me out about it, but besides that, I am definitely excited."
I don't really know why she is acting nice to me, but I don't question it.
"Especially since the wedding has been moved to November. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's terrible why it had to be moved, but I am happier that it's sooner than later, now. You know?" She adds.
Wait, what?
What is she talking about?
"Wait, the wedding is in November, now?" I ask.
She furrows her perfectly-shaded eyebrows at me for a moment and puckers her shiny lips.
"Well, yeah, because of Anne's-" she pauses for a brief moment, "did Ethan not tell you?"
I gulp, suddenly becoming nervous. What could Ethan not have told me?
"Um, no. I guess he forgot. I thought the wedding was going to be in December." I answer honestly.
Samantha breaks our eye contact, looking down to the floor. Her manicured fingernails glimmer in the light as she clasps her hands together.
"You're going to figure out soon anyways, so I guess I could just go ahead and tell you," she starts, shrugging.
"Anne's cancer spread to her bone and liver. It's apparently pretty bad, so Anne moved the date sooner so she could... you know, be here, for sure."
As the words tumble from Samantha's lips, my knees become weak and my heart begins to literally hurt. My entire body aches, and I suddenly feel sick.
What a shitty way of finding out such shitty news. As if this month wasn't terrible enough already...
"Oh," is all I manage to say.
Samantha sighs.
"I know. Um, I'm sorry that I'm the one who had to, you know-"
"No, no. It's okay."
I don't really know why Ethan would choose to keep this from me. I would find out soon, anyways.
"My mom just told me this yesterday, so he hasn't been keeping it from you for long." She says, trying to lighten the mood, but I suddenly become annoyed with her.
"Well, thanks for letting me know." I say, wanting to put an end to our conversation.
As I look at her I can't tell if she actually feels bad, or is just putting on a show, as usual.
"I'll see you there. Anne's paying for everyone's plane ticket, too."
Do I just not know anything? I feel so stupid.
"So, it is in New Jersey?"
Samantha nods.
"Yeah," the school bell rings loudly, surprising us both, "I've got to get to class. See ya, Jessica."
She waves lightly as she walks off, leaving me somewhat irritated for a reason I can't explain. She was nothing but nice and I have no reason so be agitated, but I hate that she knew everything about Anne's wedding, and I didn't. I'm sure Ethan was going to tell me soon, though.
Right?
Samantha's mom is best friends with Anne. That's the only reason she was up-to-date with everything. Besides, it's a last minute thing anyways.
Right?
I hate when I do this to myself.
I find myself texting Ethan to meet me in the hallway. I can't tell if I am acting crazy or not, but I decide I don't really care.
Sure enough, Ethan appears down the long hallway after only a few minutes.
"Hey, are we skipping again?" He asks.
He rubs his hands together, acting excited.
"No," I giggle.
"Are you wanting to make out in the bathrooms or something?"
"Definitely not,"
He laughs.
"Then, what is it?"
I sigh as he leans against some lockers, tilting his head at me.
"Samantha just told me."
He pushes himself off the lockers immediately, standing up straight.
"Told you what?"
"You know, how Anne's cancer spread and everything, so the wedding date had to be set earlier. I just wanted to let you know so you didn't have to worry about telling me or anything. Of course Samantha is the one who had to tell me," I lightly laugh.
When Ethan doesn't laugh along with me, I look over to see his face has turned completely pale.
My heart stops.
He knew, right? Samantha literally said, "Did Ethan not tell you?"
Or, was she just assuming that Ethan already knew, too?
I know my second conclusion is correct when Ethan remains stiff, his body seeming to give up on him.
"It... it spread?" He eventually asks.
His small, raspy voice makes my heart break even more.
"Oh, Ethan," I pull him into me, "I am so, so sorry. Oh, God, I feel awful. I thought you knew, because Samantha-"
"Shhh, Jess." He says into my shoulder.
He responds to my hug and wraps his arms around me, engulfing me. I love being so close to him like this, I always will.
"It's okay." He whispers.
I close my eyes, hugging him tighter than ever before.
"I have to get used to this, Jess. She is going to be gone soon. I'm sure she was going to tell Grayson and I tonight, and I promise I would've told you the second I had the chance. I'm sorry you had to find out this way, too."
I love how understanding and thoughtful he has become. He has no idea how much it means to me.
He gently sways us back and forth as we continue to embrace each other at the end of the school hallway.
"I wish Anne didn't have cancer." The words come out of my mouth without permission.
He responds by kissing the top of my forehead.
"Me too, baby. Me too."
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