I banged my hands on the table.
"You can't be serious," I exclaimed.
Maddon was staring straight ahead, emotionless. Where I, on the other hand, was completely livid. And I wasn't the one being sent to fight.
"He was one of the best candidates we had. It is necessary to protect-"
"Candidates?! These are lives we are talking about. Human lives," I countered.
"And your life will be endangered if we do not send these troops," he reasoned.
"How many?" I said, my voice cracking.
"What?"
"How many young men are being sent to their deaths?"
"I am not comfortable disclosing that-" I cut him off by snatching the paper from his hand. There were at least 100 names on the list. Maybe more.
My vision was tunneled onto one name.
Maddon Crosgrove.
Suddenly too overwhelmed, I pushed back from the desk and stood up, sending papers flying. Maddon began to rise as well.
"Sit," my father barked and Maddon shot back into the chair like his life depended on it. Which it did.
I left them with one final glare behind me as I slammed the door closed.
I cannot believe this, I thought as I paced the hallway.
Why would he send my personal guard away? Who's going to be with me when he's gone? What if he...
I cannot bear to think of it.
The door opened.
Maddon came out.
He walked the other way.
"Wait, Maddon," I called, but he was walking too fast. I jogged a little to catch up to him. He gently brushed my arm before grabbing my hand.
It wasn't meant to be romantic. He was pulling me along with him back to my quarters as I stared down at our hands.
I shook my hand out of his and wrapped my arm around his elbow so no one would be suspicious if they passed.
We were practically running through the halls. Maids and servants watched us go by with amusement.
Maddon burst through the door to my quarter and immediately went to the lounge room.
I decided to stay quiet and let him say what he wanted.
I watched as he paced a little bit. And then some more, before sitting down on the couch with his head in his hands.
Tears welled up in my eyes. The normal strong, brave, and sturdy Maddon was gone. He was shaking like a leaf.
I went over to the couch and gathered him in a hug. He stood up and buried his face in my neck.
We stayed like that for a while. My sniffles were the only sound other then Maddon's hand rubbing the back of my dress.
"How long do we have?" I said, breaking the silence.
"A couple hours. I have to go to the supply room to get weapons and then we get on a carriage to take us to the battle ground," he explained like it was a normal routine. "I have until four o'clock."
We were still wrapped up in a hug. I leaned my head back to look in his eyes. They reflected worry and determination.
"What happens when you get there? How long will you be there? When do you come back?" I fired at him.
He looked away from me and I got my answer.
They don't come back.
~*~
The clock chimed four times.
Tears welled up in my eyes yet again.
"Don't worry, they're sending another guard to be with you. You'll be safe," Maddon soothed, straightening his uniform.
"It's not me I'm worried about, Maddon," I said and wrapped him in another hug.
A tear rolled down my face and onto his jacket.
"Promise me that you'll come back. Please, Maddon. Please come back," I pleaded.
"I will try my hardest, princess," he said.
"You have to promise. Promise me that you'll come back," I continued.
"I can't," he said, his voice cracking.
"You have to," I said. "For me."
"It is my life duty to serve you, isn't it?" He joked. "We should get going."
We slowly walked out of the room.
"Wait here," I said and ran to my room.
"I want you to have this. As something to fight for. Something to remind you of me while you're gone," I said and placed a golden locket in his hand.
"Thank you, Braelynn," he said and slipped it into the breast pocket of his uniform. Right next to his heart.
We locked eyes for a minute before giving each other another hug.
We walked in silence down the hall, me wiping tears from my face, and Maddon walking steadily beside me.
We were in the servant quarters now. Everyone was giving us weird looks as we passed. I had been down here before, but not as often as I would like.
The supply room door loomed in front of us. Maddon squeezed my hand.
"See you soon," he said. "In case I don't make it I just want to say that I-"
"Stop. I don't want to hear it. You will come back." I said, determined.
The door opened.
"You coming or what?" a general barked before slamming the door shut and disappearing inside.
Maddon gave me one last look over his shoulder, opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, but shook his head and went inside.
I stood frozen for a couple minutes, not fully processing what was happening. That Maddon was gone. Possibly forever.
The same young boy from my father's office came up behind me. He saw my tear streaked face and I saw his.
"Be safe out there," I said as he passed. He stopped and turned to look at me, surprise evident on his face.
"Thanks," he said and turned around.
"Hey, wait," I called. "When you go in there, find Maddon Crosgrove. Tell him I sent you. He'll take care of you."
The young boy nodded and pushed open the door.
On my way back to the rest of the castle, I passed many other young boys and men heading to the supply room.
I looked over to my right, expecting to see someone to talk to, but instead saw empty space.
Maddon was gone. Possibly forever.
I walked out into the winter air without a coat on. It didn't matter. I couldn't feel the cold. I was numb.
Maddon was gone. Possibly forever.
I robotically walked to the dining hall and sat down in my chair. A plate of food was set in front of me.
"Braelynn!" someone shouted.
I looked up to see my family all staring at me. I didn't even realize they were there.
"What is up with you?" my mother demanded.
I looked my father dead in the eyes.
"Ask him," I said with as much anger as I could muster and angrily shoved a spoonful of rice into my mouth.
The table was silent as we ate, no one daring to test my mood.
"Your new guards will escort you back to your room," my father said and two men came into the room.
One was large and short, the other super skinny and tall. They both had matching handlebar mustaches. I scoffed and stomped out of the room.
The guards followed at a distance like Maddon did when he first arrived. Unlike him though, I didn't ask them to walk closer.
"Stay out of my room," I said harshly and slammed the door in their faces.
I heard their muffled voices calling at me, but I didn't care.
A stack of mail that I never got to today was sitting at my desk.
I ripped open the first one, glancing at it.
Rebels this, rebels that.
It was the same for the next ten letters.
I snatched the next letter, angrily tearing it in half. A colorful piece of paper drifted to the ground.
It was the corner of a child's drawing.
I gingerly took the halves of the art and set them together on the desk. It was of two girls holding hands; one with a crown and one little one with brown hair. An arrow pointed to the little one saying "me" and one pointed to the big one saying "you."
I lost it. I cried over a split drawing done by a five year old.
My shaking fingers wouldn't tape the pieces back together, which made me cry harder.
The door handle turned.
"I thought I told you to stay out!" I growled and turned around.
Lauren, Carrie, and Holly stood at the door with astonished expressions.
"I'm so sorry," I whispered.
"Shh, shh, it's okay honey, you don't need to be sorry. It's okay," Carrie soothed and the three of them wrapped me up in a hug.
"Want to talk about it?" Holly asked.
I nodded and told them everything. They listened the whole time, providing comfort when it was needed.
When I finished, they all gave me another hug.
"What do you need right now?" Lauren asked.
Maddon.
"Just some quiet time," I said instead.
"We'll go get your nightgown and leave you be," Holly said and grabbed Lauren to exit the room.
Carrie came and sat down on my bed.
She undid my braid and slowly brushed through my hair like I was a little girl.
"I know you must be hurting right now," she began. "But you are such a strong girl. You don't need a guard to protect you. You do that all by yourself."
She was right. I didn't need a guard. I needed Maddon.
~*~
I woke up groggy from a terrible night's sleep.
I trudged over to my closet and pulled on a long velvet red dress and a matching ruby tiara. I slipped on my highest red heels.
The new guards were asleep in the hallway.
I scoffed and marched on past them.
I passed the mirror to my right. I looked fierce; exactly how I wanted to look.
When I banged open the doors to the throne room, my mother and father started.
"Where are your guards?" my mother asked, her eyes wide.
I shrugged.
I had only wanted to show my face to my father, not actually stick around. I exited the other side of the throne room and walked out to the stables.
Ashby was waiting for me in his stall. He pranced up and down as I approached.
When I was tacking him up I saw Lane, the horse Maddon rode. A pang hit my chest.
Maddon's gone. Possibly forever.
I gave Ashby a kick, sending him galloping into the forest. I took him down the same path Maddon and I took.
The lake was frozen over, glistening in the sunlight. I pictured Maddon and I ice skating on it, laughing.
I shook my head to clear the thoughts and rode back to the stable, my mood ruined yet again.
I trudged on through the snow back to my room, where I promptly flopped down on the bed.
Everything I looked at reminded me of him. It was beyond frustrating.
Why couldn't I get him out of my head?
The sapphire tiara on the shelf reminded me of his eyes. I compared other people to him as I walked by them.
My heart started racing.
Finally it hit me.
All the times I passed off my heart racing or stomach stirring to nerves, I was wrong. It wasn't nerves, not even close. It was butterflies.
I liked Maddon.
And this was a huge problem.
Because A) he wasn't here, and he may never be coming back and B) I was affianced to Ford and C) I was a princess and he was a guard. My father would never ever allow it.
I groaned into my pillow.
Although the realization of liking him just caused a bunch of problems, it also felt like a huge weight was lifted off my chest. I guess it was always inside of me, waiting to come out.
I let out a giddy laugh.
I liked Maddon, my guard.
~*~
The next morning, I woke up with a smile on my face.
I chose a flowy blush pink petal gown.
As I skipped down the hallways, I ran into Kellan.
"What's up with you today?" he asked.
"Nothing," I said smiling.
"You were so mopey the past few days. What's changed?"
"Nothing," I giggled and flounced past him.
"You're acting insane," he said, following me down the hall. "You're acting like you're in love."
I stopped in my tracks and turned around to face him.
"Oh my gosh, you are in love!" he exclaimed.
"Am not!"
"Don't bother denying it, I can see it in your face. So who's the lucky guy?" he taunted and nudged my shoulder.
"It's no one, and I'm not in love. I'm in like," I said.
"Then it's not no one. Tell me who it is," he begged.
"If you really want to know, you'll have to guess."
"Ford," he tried.
"Ew, not a chance."
"Do I know his name?"
"Yes"
"What kingdom is he from?"
"That's not a yes or no question," I sneered playfully.
"Is he from Thanes?" he rephrased.
"Yes, he is," I answered.
"I have no idea. Brian?"
"Who's Brian?" I said, wrinkling my nose.
"I don't know! I was just trying to guess," he said.
"Maddon?" he tried.
"N-no!" I stammered.
"Oh my gosh it is him! Wow, I was so not expecting that. Since when?"
"Yesterday," I said meekly.
"Where is he, anyways? He usually never leaves your side," Kellan brought up.
"You haven't heard? Father chose him to go fight the rebels," I said, messing with a crack in the floor with my shoe.
"That's really terrible. I'm sorry to hear that," he said.
"There's nothing I can do now except wait and hope he makes it back."
~*~
Big chapter!! Lots happened. How do you feel about it? Let me know in a comment. Don't forget to vote!!
Q: Any good book recommendations?
If you want a tear jerker, Before I Go is a great book.