I creep into the bedroom channeling my inner Pink Panther, shutting the door behind me with a quiet thud. Enzo is asleep on the bed as far as I can see in the dark and I'm praying I didn't leave any shoes laying about on the floor to trip over. I strip out of my clothes and put them on the dressing table, finding my nightshirt where I left it this morning on the dressing table chair.
I take off my bra to get more comfortable in bed and slide the night shirt over my head. It doesn't take me long to find my way to the ensuite where I quickly do my nightly routine of washing my face and brushing my teeth. The light from the bathroom shines over the bed and I see Enzo is awake and watching me.
I switch off the light and head towards the bed, pulling back the covers to slide inside. "Hey."
Enzo moves closer and wraps his limbs around my body. "Hello, sweetheart. You have a good time?"
I wriggle out of his embrace to put some distance between us. "Yeah, it was okay."
Enzo turns over to switch on the bedside lamp and sits up, moving his body to face me. "Tell me what you got up to then."
I pull the duvet up to my chin and watch the excitement set into his features. "We played around with flowers. You know, the usual."
Enzo covers his mouth when a yawn catches him out. "I missed you tonight."
I smile. "You did?"
"You bet," he replies rolling on to his back to cover his forehead with his forearm. "I had to sit through five re-runs of Gardeners Den with dad. It blew my mind."
I laugh in a soft tone, conscious of others sleeping in the house. "I watch that all the time when you're away with your animal rights friends."
"Poor you," he reaches out to poke my cheek.
I swat him away.
"How's Violet doing?" he says, moving his body my way once again.
I frown. "You should know. You spend more time with her than you do me."
"Don't be silly," he laughs uncomfortably.
"It's true. You do."
"Are you looking for an argument?" he responds, sounding thrown by my sudden attitude.
You know what? Maybe I am. I'm hurting because of him and his silly ex-fiancé.
"You tell me, Enzo. I'm not the one keeping secrets. Are you purposely trying to hurt my trust in you?"
Okay...so that wasn't meant to come out that way.
"Excuse me?" he barks, sitting up so his back rests on the wooden headboard.
"Violet told me about your stupid little animal protest next week. Did that skip your mind when we were talking about your birthday last night? Or did you not think it was necessary to let me know your plans?"
"It's for a few days. What's the big deal? I didn't want to tell you because I didn't think you'd care."
"It's your birthday. Of course I care."
Enzo runs an agitated hand through his hair. "I'm going to be thirty-three years old. I stopped caring about birthdays a long time ago."
I sit back completely stung. "You could have told me that when we first met instead of letting me waste all that money on you."
"Come on," he laughs, shaking his head. "It's always for you. All those parties you surprised me with and the lavish presents. It's ridiculous."
"Oh, sod off," I hiss, throwing the covers off to storm over to the bedroom door.
"Where are you going?" Enzo sighs, squeezing the bridge of his nose.
"I'm sleeping in the other guest room tonight."
"Don't be so childish. Get back here now."
"No," I tilt my nose up. "You can sleep on your own tonight. And when you reach out for me in the middle of the night, your hand will be the only thing to keep you company."
I feel my stomach twist and turn at his laughter. God, I hate this feeling. It's unnerving.
"You're acting like a teenager. Stop it."
I blow out a breath. "Goodnight."
"Ambrosia," he raises his voice when I head out of the door.
I try to keep my steps as light as I can, not seeing the storage cases piled up near the door ready to go into the loft. I reach my hands out to steady the fall, crashing into Tomás and Janice's bedroom door as I fall.
"Ow," I cry, smacking my teeth on the floor as I face plant it. "Bloody hell, that hurts."
"Ambrosia, are you all right?" Enzo's panicked voice shouts out, along with a bleary eyed Tomás who almost trips over me when he comes charging out of his room.
"Fine," I respond, running my finger along my top teeth to make sure none were lost in my fall.
"What's going on?" Tomás says, switching on the hallway light.
"I fell over the storage boxes."
Two strong arms wrap around my waist, tugging me up to standing. Enzo's scent hitting me all over. "I said we should have moved those boxes earlier. It's a death trap in the dark."
"Let's not make a big deal out of it," I reply, limping my way across the landing and into the guest room, switching on the light when I close the door.
I stop and stare at the two card boards on the bed, reading: ANIMALS BREATHE TOO! on one and JUST BECAUSE WE DON'T SPEAK, IT DOESN'T MEAN WE DON'T HAVE A VOICE! on the other.
I move them off the mattress and lay them on the floor near the chest of drawers, spotting a few pieces of paper sitting on top of the cabinet. I see Waver-stone Park Hotel and pick it up seeing that it's a booking for two days next week.
"Ambrosia, come back to bed. Please," Enzo says, coming into the room.
I lift the piece of paper in the air. "Glad to know you'll be celebrating your birthday in style. I'm a little confused though. You seem to have booked two rooms."
Enzo folds his arms over his chest. "Yes, because Violet couldn't afford to pay outright so I said I would and she can fix me up later."
"The rooms are five hundred a night. Couldn't you have found a B&B or something cheaper?"
"No, Waver-Stone Park is holding the campaign. Everything is included in the price."
"You're willing to fork out one thousand pounds after giving me such a hard time about unnecessary spending?"
The cheek of it.
I found myself feeling guilty looking down the hair colour aisle at the supermarket the other day, because Enzo went on and on about saving our money for a rainy day.
"This is something I'm extremely passionate about, Am. it's a once in a lifetime thing."
"And, so is our honeymoon. But, you seem to be cutting the corners there."
Enzo looks exhausted. "I'm trying my best here. I thought you were enjoying yourself."
"No, you were enjoying yourself. Ignoring me. Swanning off with your friends while I stay behind and knit with your mother. And, we all know, I'm not coordinated enough to make a decent pattern," I wheeze
I'm all of a sudden very angry with him and everything in our life.I just want a special time. Is that too much to ask?
Enzo lowers his head, looking torn up inside. "I don't know what to say. I'm genuinely trying my best here and nothing seems good enough. Tell me what to do and I'll do it."
"Be there for me. Enjoy this experience together. We only get one chance at life and I married you because you're the person I want to live that one life with. You're my special person."
"Sweetheart," he falters, eyes deadly serious. "You are my one too."
"Yeah? Then start acting like it."
"Can I hold you?" he asks, and I realise he's never asked permission to touch me before.
"No, not tonight."
I go over to the bed and pull back the sheets, throwing myself inside at an elephants grace. Enzo - thank goodness - leaves me be, knowing I need some space to think, but I'm so exhausted from the million thoughts in my brain that I drift right off into an uneasy sleep.
💍💍💍
I eventually pull up enough courage to go down to breakfast the next morning around ten. Our bedroom door is ajar and I peep in to see it's empty. I stop by Janet's office to say hello, before leaving her to it, knowing Monday's are one of her writing days.
Enzo is at the table nursing a glass of water when I step in and the first thing I notice is the grey tone to his skin. It worries me even more when he tries to smile, his eyes closing on a heavy wince.
"Morning," he says, gasping and covering his mouth.
I rush forward. "What's the matter? Are you sick?"
"Migraine," he retches, stumbling off his chair towards the sink where he throws up.
I follow after him and rub my hand up and down his back in gentle strokes, wondering if the stress I put him under has triggered one of his retched headaches.
I pass over the tissue for him to wipe his mouth while I deal with my worst nightmare in the sink. The smell hits first and it takes all the energy I have in me not to start retching too.
"I'm sorry," Enzo stumbles to the side, gripping either side of his head. "You shouldn't have to clean up after me."
"In sickness and in health, remember? You sit down there and then I'll help you back into bed."
Enzo closes his eyes. "The light is blinding down here."
I forget about the mess in the sink, deciding Enzo's comfort is more important. My arm loops around his waist and I help him towards the stairs, stopping when his stomach threatens to upheave again. The room is dark from the black out blinds and there's a cool breeze circulating the air.
"Get in bed and I'll fetch you your medicine," I say, going over to his wash bag.
I can't see the familiar pink box. "En, baby, I can't find them."
"What?" he replies.
"The migraine meds aren't in here. I don't think you packed them."
"What are we going to do? I need them."
"I think I brought some codeine with me. Will they help?"
I doubt it, but it's worth a try. "No, it won't touch the pain."
I stand up. "I'll have to drive into town and pick up your prescription from the chemist."
"Would you mind?" he slurs which tells me the pain is getting worse for him.
"Am...I think I'm going to pass out."
My feet trip as I dash to his bedside and see his eyes rolling. I bite my trembling lip and whisper. "You're safe in bed. I got you."
Enzo will always lose conciseness when he has a bad attack. Usually, he's at home as he can notice the warning signs of a growing one, but on the odd occasion a migraine will strike when he leasts expects it - like now.
I shout down to Janet that I need her help.
The top of his nose crinkles when his eyes flutter open, the shade of his skin even paler. The floorboards creak and Janet appears through the door. It only takes for her to look at Enzo once to know what's going on. A mother knows everything.
"I'll nip in to town for your pain meds, all right?" I whisper, combing my fingers through his hair.
"Okay," he takes a few deep breaths.
"Take my car. The keys are hung up on the side near the front door," Janice says, massaging a certain spot on Enzo's hand.
I do just that, driving to the supermarket first where I soon learn that they don't stock the brand of migraine relief we need. Not wanting to make Enzo wait any longer, I head into town where I finally find a chemist who stocks the tablets.
While I wait for the prescription to be processed, I nip to the Tesco Express next door and buy some of Enzo's favourite treats in the hopes he can enjoy them when he's feeling better.
I almost trip out of the chemist when I collect the prescription as Enzo will be desperate for some relief and this trip has taken me over an hour already. Lucky for me the roads aren't too busy when I drive back to the farm and I get there in no time at all.
I grab the bags, medicine and foam relief pillow I bought him and run as fast as my legs can carry me into the house. I shout my arrival, kick my flip flops off because I know I'd break my neck running up the stairs if I didn't and enter the dark bedroom.
I stop dead at the sight. "Violet, what are you doing here?"
Janet comes into the bedroom completely out of breath, almost as if she was chasing me.
Violet puts her finger on her lips. "Shh, he's sleeping."
I turn my questioning glare on my mother-in-law. "Jan, what's going on?"
Janet gulps. "Enzo was in a lot of pain and Violet suffers with acute migraines too. We needed the medication sooner, love. So she brought some over."
I stare down at the ground. "Oh, right."
Violet to the rescue.
"Did you manage to get what you needed?" Janet says.
"Looks like she went on a shopping trip at her husband's time of need to me," Violet sneers.
I can feel my eyes fill with tears. "No...this is all for Enzo. It's his favourite things."
"Always so thoughtful. You are the best wife to my boy," Janet sniffs in Violet's direction. "You can go now. Thanks for the meds."
"I'll just say bye," she moves to the bed and bends down to place a kiss on Enzo's forehead.
I feel volcanic.
Enzo's eyes flutter open and he reaches up to cup her cheek. "Vi, is it work time already?"
All the air evaporates and I feel like I'm drowning, there's love in his eyes. Deep. Bone crushing. Love.
"Er," her eyes fly to me.
"When are you going to marry me? Like to leave a guy hanging, huh?" his voice slurs and then he drifts back to sleep.
I feel destroyed.
There's no words in the English language that would be able to describe the way my heart is breaking right now.
"Excuse me," I sob, spinning around to get the heck out of there before my heart physically shatters in my chest.
...
Thank you so much for reading! ❤️