today i saw how my youngest teammate broke down because she misses home and she misses eating on time and she misses rice and her friends and sweet bread. she wails because she misses her bed and she misses not being cold at night. she cries as she said she misses not worrying about her weight and not worrying that she cannot sing that good anymore. she said she misses the times she doesn't have to worry if she's not good enough that the fans will think she doesnt deserve to be on our team.
as she is the maknae, everyone else's heart broke down with her and remember how she is still lost in seoul and how she sacrificed her youth to train as an idol because her mom called her stupid and told her they'll just waste money on her if they ever send her to school. we remember our own sacrifices and how we let go of our youth and saw how cruel adult life is even if the oldest is just around 20 and our youngest is 15.
i caress her hair and everyone else's too and called them stupid and they should stop crying as i held back my own tears.
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i published all my drafts bcs why the fuck not