Chapter 41
I felt like someone took my heart and stabbed it a million times.
"You're breaking up with me?" I suddenly voiced out, aware of this situation.
'Maybe if you talked a little bit earlier this wouldn't have happened.'
He looked at me with wide eyes at first but he quickly recomposed himself and a sad look took over.
"I know I promised that I would never leave you but then it would make me a bad guy if I won't let go of you and make you unhappy right? I think that I should give you time and space to think if you really wanted this. Us. Our relationship. I'm sorry that I didn't treat you the way that you deserved but I tried my best. I know that it's better if we're together well for me but I don't know for you, but if it doesn't work that way for you then I would let you go." He stared at me, his eyes held no emotion.
"Do you really want to break up with me?" I sniffled, not afraid to break down infront of him.
"I think it's good for the both of us." He let out a wistful sigh.
"If I agreed to this, will it make you happy?" My voice croaked.
Please say no.
"Honestly? No. I wouldn't want to break up with you but-"
"But you thought that this would make me happy?" I cut him off, slightly pissed off.
"Yeah. But we can still be-"
"Don't finish that bullshit because you and I both know that we couldn't live with that." I replied angrily.
His face became contorted before it hardened and became cold, distant.
"What do you want us to be then? Stay with each other and do nothing but fight? I couldn't live with that, making you cry every fucking day. Watching you sulk and bawl your eyes out when I can't do anything to make it stop." He snapped at me, suddenly those memories came flooding back.
"I-I just want to you to be with me all the time. To be there for me everytime I fall." I felt the tears falling faster.
Stupid tear ducts.
"I am always there whenever you need me remember? I still am now but I'm just tired of you pushing me away when I work my ass off trying to make you smile and make you go back to who you were before." He pinched his nose bridge.
"I didn't mean to push you away, I just don't want to burden you with my problems." I said in a depressed voice.
"Give me some space to think, I'm sorry." He got up from the stool beside the bed walked towards the door.
"Please don't leave me." I whispered, voice barely audible.
He froze for a second.
"I'll bring someone to replace me."
My heart officially broke into shattered pieces. He walked away with that, leaving me crying my heart out.
The only person that I loved left me, but I'm more hurt about the fact that there's no one who will protect me and tell me that everything will be okay.
************
It's been 3 weeks of hell since my last encounter with him, since I my last accident and since I moved out. I'm currently staying at Ally's which was really heart warming that her parents accepted me whole heartedly. It was massive, beautiful, classy and all but I just felt like I don't belong here, like there's something missing.
"Cass! You've been like ignoring me for the past few minutes, leaving me blabbering to myself." Ally threw her pink fluffy pillow which unfortunately hit my face.
"Sorry," I said sheepishly.
"You know what?" She said in a thoughtful voice.
"What?"
"I'm tired of seeing you like this, moping and sulking so get up." She hopped off her bed and pulled me with her.
"I'm not in the mood to do what you want to do, I'm sorry." I rubbed my face.
"Well then I'm going to change your mood."
"Look, I don't want to go wherever it is." I grumbled, twisting my wrist to get her hands off me.
"I won't take no as an answer. Get your lazy ass up and you will come with me." Ally grabbed my hands again and we walked to her closet.
I stood there motionless staring at her overflowing cabinets, dresses were practically popping out of the cabinet. I suddenly remembered those times when Carson and I were goofing around, that time when we went star gazing by surprise on the hood of his car.
I frequently ask myself the same question everyday, 'what went wrong?'
"Why are you crying?" Ally's voice snapped me out of my trance.
I subconciously touched my cheeks, they were damp and moist. I quickly wiped them away and took a deep breath before plastering a wide smile on my face, the best that I could muster.
"You can't hide anything from me, I know you Cass and that smile? I know that's fake. Come on Cass, it doesn't mean that you should stop talking to me the moment he broke up with you." She tackled me with a hug.
"What will I do without you?" My voice hoarse.
"I'm sorry to break it to you dear but I won't disappear from your life even if you want me to, so spill."
"I-I, I remembered the things that we used to do. I miss him Ally, I miss him so damn much." I sobbed on her shoulders.
"I know, that's why we're going out right? Who knows maybe you'll meet another guy that will make you happier. Maybe he isn't the one for you, maybe you haven't found your real prince charming yet, but that doesn't mean that you should stop living your life and mope all day. It doesn't mean that you should stop searching for another guy and be afraid of love because it failed you once." She rubbed my back soothingly.
"That's the problem Ally, my heart won't let me look for another man because it only beats for him. Everyday I try to move on and forget about him but too many things remind me of him. I'd probably die single than have another guy who's not him." I replied.
"Are you really trying?" She quirked her eyebrow at me.
Well yes..
Alright no.
"Do you think that I hadn't play my part well? That's why he thinks that I'm not happy with him?" I hiccuped.
"Honestly?"
"No, lie to me." I said with an eye roll despite my tears.
"Well to be honest, you sort of didn't. You did but not as much as he did. He really made an effort out of everything you know? I'm not saying that it's your fault but I think you owe him an apology." She pulled away wistfully.
"I screwed up didn't I? I got myself a perfect guy but then I made him let go of me." Silent tears flew out of my eyes.
"Hey, I'm sure you could find someone."
"But my heart won't let me remember? Besides I don't think I wanted to be involved in a relationship right now."
I heard her sigh but didn't say anything. She rummaged her closet for minutes until she pulled out a blue and white polka dots dress and handed it to me. I stared at it in awe for god knows how long.
"Well aren't you going to put it on?" Her hands on her hips.
"Why would I?" I said, voice knackered.
"Because we're going out remember?"
"Where are we going?"
"Why do you have so many questions? Just put the damn dress on." She snapped at me.
Woah. This is so uncalled for.
"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you. I just had a peachy day." She recomposed herself.
I nodded dubiously and hurried to the bathroom. I stripped my clothes off and put the dress on. It surprisingly clung to my body perfectly, it stopped right above my knees. I walked back to her bedroom finding her dressed in a tight black and red striped sequined dress.
"Well don't you look sexy," both of us said in unison.
We giggled like little girls, after we contained ourselves we worked on our hair, I braided mine into fishtail and Ally curled hers which looked amazing by the way.
I applied a swipe of waterproof mascara knowing that I would cry sooner or later, then a bit of blush on. I slipped on my blue glittered flats and waited for Ally to finish her make over.
"Okay I'm ready!" She made a little twirl.
"You look like aphrodite and I look like a peacock's butt."
She laughed in response with humor clearly written on her face.
"You're kidding me right? You look pretty even if you don't try." She playfully shoved my shoulders.
"Please," I rolled my eyes.
"Ready to go?"
"More like ready to kiss the bed."
"Shut up."
She dragged me to her car and the moment we got in I can't help but notice the big smile on her face. I looked at her questioningly and I got a wider smile in return.
"Why are you smiling like that? You're creeping me out alright?" I felt my hair stand up and goose bumps invaded me.
"Nothing, I'm just so excited for tonight." She answered too quickly.
I let out an exasperated sigh.
"I know you Ally and from what I can tell, this isn't nothing." I deadpanned.
"Well if you really know me then you would know that you wouldn't get anything out of me." She said, her voice was lacing with something that I can't make up.
"Well, I guess I just have to be patient then." I tucked the loose strand of bangs behind my ear.
She chuckled softly and I leaned my head against the window watching the trees pass by a blur, buildings rapidly passing by like an illusion. I don't know why or how my mind drifted off to the time where both Carson and I are at the McDonald's throwing french fries at each other.
I remembered when he used to spoon me from behind whenever I'll sleep. How happy I was to wake up to his face every morning but sadly, I don't think I'll be that happy anymore.
I didn't notice until now that a few drop of tears hit the back of my hands, good thing I had my waterproof mascara on.
"We're here!" Ally announced, sparing me a glance.
I briskly wiped the tears away and took a sharp intake of breath before going out. I was honestly shocked when I saw where we are, I whipped around and faced her.
"You brought me to a party?" I almost yelled.
"I did, didn't I?" She looked at me amused.
"But you know that I don't root for parties," I shifted my gaze to my glittery blue flats.
I heard footsteps approaching, grass crunching beneath them.
"I know, but this is the best solution that I can come up for you to forget those things." Ally offered me a small smile.
I closed my eyes and took a calming breath before nodding. She squealed in happiness as she clapped her hands excitedly. She looped her arms through mine and we walked towards the door, loud music blasting, people holding red plastic cups were wasted, and some are spewing their guts out.
She gave me another big grin before turning the door knob open. We were greeted by the blaring speakers and the blinding lazerlights that were flashing everywhere.
"We're gonna have so much fun," she suddenly exclaimed beside me.
We made our way through the crowd and landed somewhere, where the drinks and punches were located. Ally grabbed two plastic cups and filled it with the color peach punch that filled the big glass bowl.
"Here," she handed me the other cup.
I brought it theough my nose and took a whiff. It smells like fruits.
"What is this?" I shouted over the nerve wrecking music.
"Margarita, try it." She yelled back.
Margarita?
I took the risk and made my first sip. I felt the liquid burn down my throat tho it tastes good.
"Is it okay for me to leave you here and go to the dance floor?"
"You don't want me to dance with you?" I feigned hurt.
"Please, I know that you would decline the offer and I just want to save my pride." She waved her hands dismissively.
I let out a snort before laughing but suddenly stopped when a memory came back.
'May I have this dance?' He offered his hands while his other hand behind him.
'I don't dance.' I averted my gaze on the floor afraid to meet his eyes.
'Everyone can dance, I'm sure that you can. I don't even know how but I'm willing to take the risk just for you.'
I snapped out of the memory and wouldn't wish for anything but to go back to that time and dance with him. Ally's right, he made a great effort out of everything but I didn't notice them. I've been a stupid, terrible and pathetic girlfriend, no wonder he broke up with me.
I wiped my tears away and took another sip of the drink. I gulped it all down before squeezing into the sweaty bodies to head to the bathroom. I opened the door and practically barged in, I ran to the sink and splash my face with the cold water.
I stared at my reflection and I once again saw the girl who looked vulnerable, broken, abused and harassed. A few tears escaped my eyes, mixing with the running water. I breathed out one last time before going out. I was too keen to go out that I bumped into someone.
"Sorry," I muttered under my breath, not knowing if the person heard me or not.
I walked past him but a hand latched onto my wrist and stopped me from doing so.
"You aren't going anywhere pretty girl," I whirled around to find guy that has jet black hair, dark brown eyes and messy stubble under his chin.
"Let me go," I twisted my wrist to free myself but he didn't let go.
"I don't think so, I won't let a pretty girl like you get out of my sight." He slurred, his other hand gripped my ass which made me squeal.
"Let go," I said shakily, those memories coming back.
It's going to happen all over again, but this time I know that no one would save me.
"Nuh-uh," he moved his face closer to mine, alcohol clearly detected in his breath, he planted his mouth forcibly onto mine.
I tried my best to get rid of him as I threw punches on his chest but he only gripped my ass tighter. His other hand tried to pull my dress higher but I use my strength to pull them down, this made his other hand make its way in my inner thighs.
I cried with my body trembling furiously when he touched me somewhere no body ever has, I pummeled his chest again but he won't loosen his grip. I started to feel hopeless as the river of tears cascaded down my cheeks.
I'm going to get raped again, and now no one would stop him.
"Let her go."
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Haaaaai!!
I'm sooo S O R R Y for the late update guuys. I hope you guys would understand and all. Thank youu so much for 130k read, seriously I can't thank you enough for this.
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The book is almost ending tho there are still like 7-10 chapters left:)
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