"Talk to me. What happened?" I croon softly, not releasing my hold. "Hey." I lift her face, trying to get her to look at me.
She shifts, pulling away from my embrace. I feel the loss everywhere and see the change as soon as she stands. She's shutting down. Two steps forward, one step back. The mask of indifference has secured itself.
With eyes closed, she takes two deep breaths before speaking. "What happened?" Jade asks sarcastically. She pushes the air from her lungs in frustration. "I'll tell you what happened—I did it again!"
"Did what again?" I ask quietly.
She throws her hands in the air and begins to pace the room. "I fucking knew it."
I start to approach her, trying to keep my tone calm. "I don't understand. What did you know?"
Jade stops moving. Her eyes widen as if she forgot I was here. The harshness in her voice slices through me. "I'm no good for you."
"Why would you say that?" Her statement stuns me, especially since she just said she'd fight for me. What the hell happened on the phone to make her think this?
"Don't you get it? Everyone I love dies!" Jade approaches but stops. "I can't let you be the next one. I'll die before I let that happen."
I'm lost. "Jade, talk to me." I place my hand on her arm, but she shoves it away. The rejection burns through my veins. "Don't push me away. I'm trying to understand," I urge her.
"I'm not pushing you away. I'm saving you!" She yells and walks over to grab her phone. "I won't let it happen to you too!"
"Let what happen? You're not making any sense!" I say to her as she heads toward the door. "Stop! Talk to me!" I beg her. She made me promise not to run but that's exactly what she's doing.
It's like we've gone back to three days ago, only now I'm on the other side. She's breaking and I can't stop it. Desperate to get her to listen, I run in front of her, placing myself between her and the door and hoping it will stop her. Her eyes are unfocused and void as the storm rages within her. She's going to break my heart right here. The irony is not lost on me—I gave it to her only to have it shattered. My stomach churns as I see the truth of that reflected in her eyes. Whether I'm standing here or not, she's walking out this door. I've already lost her.
Her face is ashen as she chokes out the words. She's speaking but not to me. "How many more tattoos do I have to get? Huh? How many ways do I have to mark my mistakes?" Jade looks at me, desperation flashing across her face. "I'm protecting you, Perrie. I won't let you love me."
A tear cascades as the words fall out. "Too late."
Her eyes snap up at my admission and her nostrils flare. She quickly pushes forward. "Don't! Don't say that!" The muscles in her neck are pulsing with rage and frustration.
"I will say it because it's true. What did you think was going to happen? I knew I was falling for you. Then you told me ... you told me I was it for you! Don't walk away. Don't give up on us."
Leaning close to my face, her warm breath washes over my cheek while my tears fall freely. Ever so slowly, her hand lifts. She gently removes a droplet of pain from my cheek only to have more follow in its path. Her lips tenderly find purchase on my temple. "I'm not giving up. I'm giving you a chance."
I refuse to move from the door. If she leaves, I'll never get her back. I can't lose her. My pulse is racing, but I stand strong. I have to do something to make her see me.
"Jade, I love you! Give us a chance," I beg her, praying she'll listen to me.
Her arms wrap around me, dispelling my fears and the breath I was holding. With my eyes closed, I take this moment, finding the tiniest bit of relief in it. She didn't leave. I told her I loved her and she's here, enveloping me in her warmth. I could stay in her arms forever. I feel her lips press against my forehead. When I look up into her eyes, hoping to see her recovered, the color drains from my face. There's no love or recovery there, just determination. It rolls off her like thunder.
"No ..." The strangled sound of my voice doesn't register.
Jade's hold disappears along with my hope. With each step she takes, the floor falls a little further down, and my heart follows. She doesn't stop or look back.
No.
Her hand touches the handle and my breath hitches.
Please don't do this.
I want to tell her, but the words won't come out!
Dammit, Jade, stop!
"Jade." I say her name like a prayer.
She stops but doesn't turn as her hands clench the door jam. "You said I shouldn't run." The pain lances through me, fueling my anger to flames. "You lied to me! You're doing what you promised you wouldn't—leave." Still she says nothing, so I step toward her. "Fine. Be a coward! Go! Walk away just like they all do."
Her hands drop but she doesn't turn. Shoulders slumped, defeated, broken—she's not the woman I know. Jade is strong, a fighter, loyal, and I'm desperate to get her back.
"Coward? I'm fucking saving you. The only thing I'm afraid of is losing you."
"I can't do this again, Jade. Please don't walk out that door after I've told you how I feel."
I watch her head shake from side to side and everything inside me rattles. Jade remains in the door with her back to me, her voice quiet and strained. "I can't lose you like that. I'd rather walk away."
Anger that was simmering beneath the hurt is starting to boil. How dare she do this? She comes here, fucks me, tells me not to run, and then she's going to do exactly that? I'm pissed. I'm talking volcano erupting, fire burning, hulk smashing kind of pissed the fuck off.
"You're going to listen to me, goddamnit. Four days ago, when we went into that lawyer's office, I was falling apart. Everything in my life felt out of control. It was you who held me together. I drew on your strength to get through that fucking day from hell." I close my eyes, remembering what came after that. "But after everything else, I was terrified. You could hurt me so much. I was falling in love with you weeks ago, but that day I saw it all vanish. I ran because I was so afraid you'd let me go. I thought if I pushed you away before you got rid of me, it would be better. But it wasn't!"
Jade turns and looks at me, the battle still raging inside her. "I'm not running, Perrie. Aaron is dead. I'm going to collect his fucking body and deliver it to his pregnant wife. Guess whose fault it is again? I give up trying to fight a war I'll never win."
"It's not your fault."
She goes stone-cold, every muscle rigid and tense. The brown eyes I love are black and glossy. "Try telling Natalie that. I leave tonight for Afghanistan to get her body and bring it home. I'm done arguing with you. I'm just ... done."
If I don't get this out now, I'll find a reason to hold back. I'm trembling from adrenaline as well as the fear of her walking out this door.
"I'm ready to fight for you. For so long I thought it wasn't my choice if things worked or not with any one. But with you—it's different. You told me I was it for you. Well, same here. I love you." I look into her eyes, completely vulnerable. No walls, nothing to hide my emotions. I'm giving her the truth with everything I am. "So you choose, Jade. You tell me now if you want me to walk away. You walked through my door today. It's up to you to keep it open. I'm not talking about going to do what you have to do. Please, don't close the door on us."
The silence surrounds us, giving me the answer I was dreading. I drop my head while I struggle to keep the tears in check. When I feel her hand on my chin, my heart sputters. Once I look up, I'll have to face the truth. My gaze drifts as my chin glides toward her eyes. Her face gives nothing away. My emotions are like a dam about to break.
"Say something, dammit!" I yell with tears in my eyes.
Jade's hand drops from my face, leaving me bereft. "I've said it all already. You're not listening."
"That's your answer?" I ask, defeated.
She looks up, shaking her head, then exhales. "Everyone I love or care about dies. I'm protecting you."
"No. You're protecting yourself. People die, Jade. It's tragic, but it happens."
Her fingers sweep the hair off my face, lingering in my hair. "You know that night we met in the restaurant? It was so intense. I'd never felt so connected to someone so quickly. You walked away. Then, by some miracle ..." Jade's hands cup my face. She takes a moment with her eyes closed. "You found your way back. I won't allow anything to hurt you. Including me." Releasing a heavy sigh, she drops her hands.
"The only thing hurting me is you leaving."
"I don't have a choice." She grips the back of her neck and looks at the ceiling.
There has to be a way. If I can keep her talking, maybe she won't go. "Of course you have a choice! Please. I'm begging you. Stay tonight, fly out tomorrow—please stay with me. We can figure this out. You're too upset to drive or be alone. I want to be here for you, but you're pushing me away."
Jade stares at the window, unwilling to look at me. "The plane leaves tonight."
If she has to leave because she needs to deal with whatever is going on, fine. But she's leaving and planning to end things. If she walks out the door, I fear it's truly the end.
"I won't give up on us. I know you're hurting and I understand you have to handle this situation, but you can lean on me. Let me carry some of your burden. Talk to me, Jade. Let me in."
Our eyes meet for a moment before her lips crush against mine. I'd give everything up right now if she'd keep me in her embrace. Her tongue demands entrance and my lips part, allowing her access. Every organ clenches as she pours herself into the kiss. I give her everything right back. All the love in my heart, my body, I offer her at this moment.
Needing an answer, I break the kiss. My heart is pounding so loud I'd swear she could hear it. I take a deep breath. "Don't kiss me if you're going to break my heart."
She looks at me with a mix of fear and regret. Then she closes her eyes and whispers, "Good-bye, Perrie." Jade walks out the door without a backward glance.
I stand there, waiting to wake up from this nightmare. Surely that didn't happen. I'm asleep—that has to be it. I'm at my kitchen table with the papers strewn everywhere because that did not happen. Only it did. I look around my apartment, at the hole in the wall where Jade punched it in anger. The door she walked through is still open, waiting for her to walk back through. I stare at the space she walked away from. It seems to be growing smaller, shrinking into itself as time does the same. She doesn't return. The thunder booms outside, snapping me from my haze. The tempest within becomes a hurricane.
She's gone.
She walked out on me after she promised she wouldn't. My heart splinters like glass on the ground—jagged and raw and ready to cut with all its sharp edges. I knew this was going to happen eventually—I'd hoped not to fall, but I guess it's too late for that now. I've crested the mountain only to fall down the other side, and no one is going to catch me.