Life with Harry back in town is different. Unusual. Strange.
Louis expected to only see Harry whenever the concert took place. Figured they would meet with him after the show for a celebration or meet up with him beforehand. He's not too sure what was supposed to happen. Possibly back stage passes that he could attempt to skip out on. He's going to the show, that's about as much as he thought he was giving when he reluctantly agreed to going. But, well, things changed. The plans for the week changed.
They had a welcome home celebration at Anne's house, and that went ... well, it went. Louis was the first to leave, a bit dramatically too after Harry's poor attempt at making conversation with him. Louis assumed after all the spiral of events for the evening, everyone would stopping with their attempts to have him be friendly. But alas, that is not the case. It's seems like now, including him, they have plans with Harry every single day leading up to the concert, and Louis is expected to be there each time. His friends didn't even give him an opportunity to decline or find a lame excuse. They just assumed he would be there. Assumed he's fine to be around Harry like there's no resentment still lingering inside him.
So the morning after Harry's arrival, Louis is getting a text from the lads. A message that's talking about having a barbecue at Liam's house and having a day where they all hang out together without Harry's parents in the other room. They want to drink properly together and have a night in with Harry. Kind of like old times. Except without having adult supervision. And Louis is terrible at saying no. He doesn't want to make his friends upset, and he doesn't want to make how he's feeling towards Harry a thing. The less their friends question and interrogate him about his relationship with Harry, the sooner he can get past all of it.
It's just one week. A few more days, and then he will never have to see Harry again.
Pushing all his doubts to the side, Louis eventually heads over to Liam and Sophia's town home. He's about an hour late already, but it's probably best to limit the amount of time he and Harry are in the same room. With how their conversation ended yesterday, there's nothing left about their relationship that can work out in a friendly manner. Harry tried it. Louis brushed it off. And now they're on day two of being around each other. Louis wonders if there will be another attempt today. He's still annoyed that Harry only wanted to talk to catch up, not to explain why he left in the first place. That was his one shot for redemption in Louis' eyes, and he missed it.
Louis knocks three times when he arrives. On his way over, he stopped at the local bakery to grab a carton of cupcakes. It was the only thing Sophia had asked him to bring since the food and drinks were already handled. He didn't think much of it as he got an assortment of different flavors. Since he showed up late to the party, it was the least he could do. Even if the local bakery so happened to be the same one Harry used to work at. He really didn't think that one through. Hopefully, no one makes a comment about it. It's really not a big deal.
The door opens shortly after, and the welcoming smile on Louis' face slips off when Harry is the one who answers.
"Hello," he says hesitantly, stomach churning.
His luck seems to be wearing thin at this point.
Harry smiles tightly, his attempt at being friendly and neutral. He pushes the door further open and steps aside for Louis to walk in. "Hi," he responds quietly. His eyes trail over to the carton in Louis' hands. "You brought cupcakes?"
"Sophia asked me to grab them." Louis steps inside and continues to walk through the house, leaving Harry behind at the front door. It's a tad rude, not attempting to greet him and be welcoming. But, they're exes. Louis doesn't know anyone who wants to act friendly to someone who broke their heart.
Gigi, Hailee and Sophia are in the living room when Louis rounds the hallway. They're gathered around the couches with wine and a cheese board on the coffee table. Their laughter silences when they take note of Louis' arrival, and all eyes fall over to him. Louis smiles tightly as he raises the carton of cupcakes in his hands, and Sophia stands from the couch to grab them from him.
"How nice of you to show," Gigi comments, raising her wine glass.
Louis rolls her eyes and greets Sophia with a kiss to the cheek. He then hands her the carton of cupcakes. "I'm not that late."
"Almost two hours," Hailee notes, chuckling. "Show up right when the food is almost done."
"The guys are outside with Liam," Sophia notes. "He's finishing up on the grill. I'll take the cupcakes." She grabs the cupcakes and disappears into the kitchen to set them alongside the rest of the food. Harry arrives into the living room shortly after and awkwardly glances Louis' way. The burning gaze of his green eyes makes Louis fidget in his spot. He slowly starts heading towards the patio doors as his excuse to keep his distance from Harry. He worries that the longer the two of them stand next to each other, the more Harry will try to talk to him. He doesn't even chance a glance behind him as he slams the door shut upon stepping outside into the fresh air.
All he needs to survive now is the dinner. Sitting at the dining table is what Louis dreads. Harry will be right there. Not so easily avoidable, and he's quite concerned with how this evening will go without having Anne or Gemma right around the corner listening. With just their friends, there could be a whirlwind of possibilities on how the rest of the day will go.
Liam is at the grill when Louis walks out the back patio doors. Zayn is reclined on the lounger, sipping his drink, and Niall is hovering over Liam's shoulder while he flips the meat that is cooking. Louis shakes his head as he joins the two of them, grabbing a beer from the patio fridge on his way over.
"What's going on over here?"
"Niall thinks if he stares, the meat will cook faster," Liam responds.
Niall flushes red and glances over at Louis, stepping back a little. "I'm hungry, okay? Liam pushed off cooking because of you."
"Because of me?" Louis gulps his beer. "What the bloody hell did I do?"
"Showed up late," Zayn calls from his spot, lowering the glasses over his nose to look at him.
"I was busy," Louis responds helplessly.
"More like avoiding," Zayn grumbles in to the next sip of his drink.
"Hey, I'm here. Aren't I?"
"Yes," Liam huffs, turning his head to both sides. "You both are. Give me some space."
Niall groans, but he listens, walking over to Zayn and taking an open lounger to sit on. Louis follows behind.
They lounge around outside for the next half hour while all the food finishes up cooking. The girls remain inside, along with Harry, and every so often Louis can see them moving around from the living room to the kitchen. He tries not to glance over too much on the off chance Harry looks his way as well. Things are still weird and tense between them, and until there is some silver lining about the dynamics of their relationship, then Louis is not putting in any effort towards the boy.
Once all the food is done, Liam platters the meat from the grill and leads the way inside. Louis follows him in, and Niall and Zayn head off towards the dining room to get things ready on the table. Gigi and Hailee are bringing in food from the kitchen as Sophia pulls items from the oven and the fridge. It's a big cycle of everyone getting the food and plates ready, and Louis does his best not to get in the way. He's on drink duty, which is an easy enough task for him. Harry is mending the rolls at the oven that still need a few minutes to cook, and Louis leaves him alone in the kitchen as he brings two bottles of wine to the table.
Everyone has already taken their seats when he walks in, and Louis should have known how this would play out. Dinner was the biggest thing he was worried about. Because dinner meant sitting around the table with Harry. Being in the same room as Harry. And having small talk with Harry and their friends. What he didn't think to worry about is where they would sit in relation to each other. He figured on opposite ends of the table, where Louis can't directly see him. That was his ideal plan. But he's late, and there's only two open spots left, and lovely enough, they're right next to each other. Although it's not directly across, it's still side by side, where their arms and legs could possibly touch.
Louis groans as he takes a seat, setting the bottles of wine on the table and quickly topping off his glass. This is about to be a long dinner.
"Harry is finishing up with the dinner rolls, and then we can eat," Sophia announces, setting the napkin on her lap.
Gigi pours herself a glass of wine and looks over at Louis. "So, Lou. Did you find someone to take the extra ticket?"
"Would hate for you to go alone," Hailee follows up with.
Niall makes a face, grunting under his breath. "He sure has."
Louis kicks his shin under the table.
"Who is it?" Gigi asks, and all eyes suddenly turn to Louis for an answer. He blinks owlishly.
"Oh, just an old friend."
"An old friend?" Sophia pipes, wiggling her eyebrows. Zayn already looks wary.
"Who's the old friend?" he ends up asking.
Louis sips his wine. "Luke," he answers slowly.
Zayn tuts, and Liam shakes his head. Niall glances down to his lap, and all the girls gasp in excitement. There's too many mixed emotions about it, and Louis just keeps drinking his wine.
"Luke, as in - Hot Luke?" Gigi questions, a growing smile on her face. "Man, I haven't seen him in years."
Sophia coos, clearly ignoring all the disapproving looks from the guys. Louis tries to ignore it too. "He always had a thing for you. So cute. Have you two kept in touch?"
Niall snorts into his glass of wine, commenting quietly, "They've done plenty of touching."
"Niall!" Louis grits, kicking his shin again.
The sound of a platter clashing to the ground interrupts the conversation, and Louis feels his heart sinking to his chest. Turning around, he sees Harry in the door way, breathing heavily as he looks down at the platter of rolls scattered across the wood flooring. He can hear Niall cursing under his breath, can feel Zayn's inquiring gaze on him. Liam's holding his breath, and the girls are completely oblivious to everything that just happened. Harry heard him. He heard the conversation, and now he knows that Louis and Luke had a thing at some point within the three years that they've been broken up.
And it shouldn't matter. Louis was single. He knows he was single when it happened.
But it was with Luke.
The guy who did drive a wedge in between their relationship. The biggest threat to Harry's insecurities. It's got to not feel good hearing it so abruptly the way Harry just did. It's not really something Louis intended to bring up or tell him. He might have wanted to bring Luke with him to the concert, but he only wanted to do that just to make Harry mad. To rile him up and make him feel just an ounce of hurt that Louis has felt all these years. Having everyone know about his secret hook up with Luke was definitely not one of his intentions.
But the big reveal just happened. Accidentally, and now Harry knows Louis hadn't been so celibate within their years apart. It's kind of like their past issues are coming to surface with the way Harry looks so betrayed right now. As if everything he once worried and stressed about had some sort of truth to it.
Louis feels a tad guilty, and he chugs down the rest of the wine to avoid confrontation.
"I-I'm sorry," Harry eventually speaks, voice cutting through the tensed silence.
"It's okay, H." Sophia stands from the chair and walks over to him, helping pick up all the rolls on the floor. "I'm telling you, Liam drops shit all the time. He thinks it'll be a good enough excuse to get a dog."
Harry smiles weakly, an attempt to brush aside his accident, but it fades away quick.
"Hey. Dogs eat all the scraps we drop," Liam reasons.
Attention diverts off Harry, and Louis can breathe a little better because of it. He doesn't know why he held his breath when the spot line suddenly shun down on him. All he did was drop the rolls to the ground. Maybe it really was an accident. Who knows if he even heard the snide comment from Niall. He didn't say it that loudly.
... Well, maybe he did. Given the looks coming from Zayn and Liam, more than likely everyone heard him.
Once all the soiled rolls get on the platter, Sophia drops them off in the kitchen. She returns to the table and takes her seat next to Liam, and Harry slowly makes his way to the open spot next to Louis. The air is still thick, and there is a growing tension that makes things feel awkward. Niall tries to lighten it up by talking about the dog, and then it leads into other conversations that stray away from the sudden mention of Louis and Luke's hook up. Louis stays quiet as he fills his plate with food, keeping his eyes down and not drawing attention his way. His words so far have only caused problems and further complications with Harry, so he plans not to talk anymore for the evening.
Harry doesn't do much but sit in his chair, hands folded tightly on his lap. He only gets a few things set on his plate, a tiny piece of chicken and little bit of the sides. It's definitely not near as much as what other's are grabbing, and Louis can't help but to take notice of it. He doesn't drink his wine. He barely nibbles on his food, and he doesn't engage in any of the conversation. It's like he's zoned out, not actually here with them in the room. At least Louis is somewhat actively listening, laughing when someone says something funny. Harry does nothing other than look at his lap and remain quiet.
He's upset. Louis knows that he's upset. This is what Harry does. He pulls himself away. Caves in on his body, tries to appear smaller than he is, and just blocks out everyone. Bottles everything up inside of him. Louis watches it all happen right there before his eyes, and he knows he's to blame. In spite of wanting to hurt Harry and get back at him for leaving, it's still hard for Louis to do. Harry's just so sweet and kind, soft and gentle. Nothing about that has changed over the years. If anything, he's more fragile than before. On the verge of breaking. It's been only two days since he's back in town, and Louis has already witnessed Harry barely keeping himself together.
It's hard to be vindictive to a person that breaks so easily.
The dinner goes about smoothly. As smooth as it can get. The conversation is enough of a distraction to stray away from the big elephant in the room, and Louis is thankful for it. They eat their food, talk about nonsense, and finish both bottles of wine. At the end, Harry joins Sophia in the kitchen to help her clean some of the dishes. Gigi and Hailee head in there as well, joining in on the cleaning crew while the others walk in to the living room. It's the perfect divide of keeping Harry and Louis in separate rooms. Probably the breath of fresh air they need after sitting through a tensed and awkward dinner. The girls are more than likely talking to Harry about what happened, gossiping and attempting to make him feel better.
If Louis could, he would leave. He would walk out the door and drive home. It's what he planned to do after dinner. But now, he put himself in a worm hole. If he left, then he'll seem like an even bigger asshole than he probably is. That's not really his goal. In fact, he's not really too sure what his goal is anymore. Being around Harry has made him feel so many different things, and he's not sure what to even do with himself.
His ex-boyfriend is there, constantly around now, and he's just so out of his limit. He wants to bring Luke to the concert to piss Harry off, but at the same time, he didn't want Harry to know anything ever happened between them. It's just a constant loop of contradictory things going on inside Louis' mind, and he's at the point of giving up and hiding away until Harry finally leaves.
Like he said. Nothing good can come from two exes spending so much time together. Especially when there was no closure to the break up. Now Louis is questioning all his motives for the week and for the concert.
"So," Liam breathes out once they all get sat on the couch. Louis immediately grabs a pillow and shoves his face in it. "The dinner was ... good."
Niall has a troubled expression on his face. "Louis, mate. I'm sorry. I didn't think I said that so loud."
Louis burrows deeper in to the pillow, groaning in frustration.
"It's just, you know how I feel about you bringing him."
Louis pulls the pillow away and gives Niall a cold look. "I didn't ask for your opinion. I didn't ask for you to shout out something I told you in private."
Niall regretfully looks down at his lap, shoulders slouching in shame. Louis huffs in annoyance.
"The two of you had sex then?" Zayn questions, eyebrow raising.
"Is that why you wanted to bring Luke? To rub it in Harry's face?" Liam wonders, already sounding so disappointed.
"That's fucked up," Zayn comments, and Louis rolls his eyes, tilting his head back on the cushion. "I thought you wanted to bring him just to be petty. Since H never liked him. Didn't realize you wanted to bring him because you finally shagged him."
"Guys," Niall speaks up. "Shut up."
Liam shrugs his shoulders, head tilted to the side, contemplating his thoughts. "I mean ... Louis wants to bring the guy that Harry never liked when they were together. And now he knows that you two fucked. That hurts, mate. That's more than being petty. I thought you were better than that, Tommo."
Zayn nods in agreement.
"Gosh, bloody hell with you two." Louis rubs his temples in frustration when Liam and Zayn's scolding tones bring on an annoying headache. Fuck.He should have left when he had the chance. "Whatever I did with Luke, it's my business. I was single, okay? I am single. You lot are acting like I bloody cheated on the boy. I didn't. We're not together anymore. I can be with whoever I want, and I don't need to run it by Harry's feelings first, got it?"
There's a throat clearing from the opposite end of the room, and Louis shoves his face back in the pillow again. He doesn't even have to look to know who is standing there. If by the sharp intake of breath coming from Niall is not a good enough indicator, then the slur of cuss words coming from Zayn will definitely do it.
Again. His words continuously keep biting him in the ass. He knows he's right. He's glad he said it out loud. But fuck, man. He can't catch a break with Harry at all. Louis is not the bad guy here, but he keeps making himself out to be one. Harry is just too fucking soft and fragile, and that is something he can't deal with. Not when he's the hurt one and the one who was left behind.
"Thank you for hosting dinner, Liam," Harry says amidst the silence. "I have to get going."
Liam stands up from the couch, desperately looking at Zayn for help. "You sure, mate?"
"I - uh - I have stuff with the band that I need to do."
"Okay." Liam glances worriedly from Louis over to Harry, slowly walking up to him. "Let me walk you out."
Harry smiles appreciatively and follows along to the front door. Once he disappears, Louis flings back against the cushions of the couch and tosses the pillow to the side.
For two people who are not together, Louis keeps feeling guilty about what he's doing. His and Luke's fling doesn't mean anything. Shouldn't mean anything to Harry considering they are broken up. All these hurtful and harsh words that he keeps saying, and the cold way he's acting towards the boy, it's how it's supposed to be. Harry can't expect the two of them to be friends when they haven't spoken in three years. It doesn't work that way.
Harry is the one who left, and Louis will gladly remind everyone about that. He's the one who left, and Louis is the one who was left behind. Without a good bye or a reason why.
So what Louis did in those three years don't need an explanation. He was single. Is still single. How Harry feels, and the pitiful way he constantly looks, should have no direct relationship to Louis and his feelings. He should brush it aside. Turn the other way and not worry about.
Everything about Harry Styles and all the emotions he felt towards him are just a thing in the past. Harry is no longer a person Louis needs to constantly think about or worry about because they're broken up. They're no longer together.
But then .... how come Louis still feels so guilty about everything?
It doesn't make sense. It's not fair.