He could tell they were on to him. They knew something was wrong besides their version of the failsafe mission gone wrong. They knew there was something he wasn't telling them. Something important.
It had been a week since the simulation. Seven days since he lived thirty years of his life mentally, but was simply unconscious to reality for a few hours.
He felt so uncomfortable, both mentally and physically.
He couldn't properly judge length anymore, and he would find himself reaching for things that were clearly out of his (frustratingly) short reach. He would also find himself dodging or ducking to avoid objects that were too far away to have any effect on him.
In costume, he would find himself stumbling slightly, not used to moving with a cape after so many years. He could still use his escrima sticks - thank God - but he had to change his fighting style to match what Robin's style should be and what would fit his teenage body.
He kept his head slightly lowered as he entered the therapy room. He still noticed every detail - from Black Canary's relaxed but attentive stance to the rushing sound of the small waterfall on the far wall. He took the seat opposite of the heroine (not that he had much choice, it was the only other chair in the room) and quietly folded his hands into his lap. He forced himself not to spread out like he used to do with his long limbs; he was too small to do most things he used to do.
"Robin." He still didn't meet her eyes. He barely met anyone's eyes in the League or the Team nowadays. He couldn't handle the fact that they were alive and standing in front of him. Breathing. Living. It just seemed... impossible. "Robin, look at me." Black Canary softly said, her voice soothing.
He lifted his head and met her eyes. His were still hidden behind shades, thankfully, but it still didn't soften the blow.
"Red Tornado to Cave, I fear that I am all that is left of the League."
He closed his eyes tightly before opening them again. He still looked her in the eyes though, but it was still painful.
"I know the affects of the simulation must have been hard on you - "
"We are Earth's heroes now."
"- and that you went through a lot during that time."
"ARTEMIS!"
"It must've been difficult, leading the Team in such a troubling time - "
"You knew, you knew from the beginning why we were really here."
"And if you have anything you want to get out...I'll listen.
"Wally and M'gann...they didn't make it."
His breathing began to increase slightly, but he took several deep breaths. He didn't say anything to the female leader. He simply stared on, like how he had stared at the ceiling in the hospital for hours when he realized no one else made it...
Don't think about that. He softly chided himself.
"Look, Robin, I'm here for you. And others are here for you too. Batman, for example."
"Nightwing. Call me Nightwing from now on. Robin...he was Batman's partner. And with Batman...dead...I can't be him anymore."
At his continued silence and lack of response, Black Canary hesitantly said, "We've been noticing that you've had some... difficulties... adjusting to reality."
"Since when did you get so tall, squirt? I swear it was just yesterday you were just reaching up to my quiver. Now...you're taller than me!"
Silence. Eerie, uncomfortable silence.
Surprising both of them, he spoke up, "It's not what you think." He snapped his mouth shut, his eyes widening behind his sunglasses.
Black Canary raised an eyebrow, and shifted her position on the chair so she was at eye level with him. "Then what is it?" She gently encouraged. "Please, Robin, help me understand so I can help."
He stood up faster than a speedster, "You can't understand and you can't help." And with that, he left the room, ignoring her calls for him to return.
=======================
Four days later, apparently Batman decided was time for an intervention. The others had already mostly recovered from the simulation. Him? Not so much.
Batman's firm grip on his shoulder guided him back into the chair he had sat in several days prior. Black Canary was once again sitting across from him, but was now joined by Batman and Martian Manhunter standing behind him.
He sat down, not meeting any of them in the eyes.
"Robin." At Black Canary's warning tone, he lifted his head to just meet them in the eyes. His position was ridged and tense, ready to spring into action at any second. "Your recent behavior has come to our attention. Robin...are you okay?"
He gave a small nod, but stayed silent. It was a lie of course, a blatant one. No one in the room believed him for a second, not even himself. He felt the firm grip on his shoulder again, but he didn't look up at his mentor. He didn't trust himself to.
"It's okay to talk about it," Black Canary gave him a sympathetic smile, "It's not a sign of weakness to show emotions or talk about them. Please, let us in. We all just want to help you."
He breathed a shaky breath, trying to suppress the memories of the simulation. "I...I didn't..." Black Canary gave him an encouraging smile and Batman's grip tightened. He tried to focus on that, grounding him to reality, "I didn't die on the mothership." He said quietly, "The simulation...it kept going."
Surprise flickered over Black Canary and Martian Manhunter's faces, "And what happened?"
He looked down, the memories coming up, "I woke up in a hospital after the explosion. Roy was there, explaining that we had won but I was the only survivor. That all my friends...everyone was dead." A lone tear trickled down his face, as he looked up, "And so I lived. It continued for years. Life just kept going. It was so different ...but it felt so real. " his voice cracked.
"Do you think he'd be proud of me?" Damian asked him quietly. "My father?"
He smiled at the younger boy and kneeled down to be on eye level with him, "Your father was never good with emotions." He explained gently, and the boy looked down, obviously hiding disappointment.
He grabbed the boy's shoulders, "But yes. I think he would be very proud of you." Damian looked up and gave a rare smile. Damian was just like Bruce, always hiding what he truly felt. Uncertainty shone in the younger boy's eyes as he slowly gave him a hesitant hug.
He smiled, gazing down at Damian and gently returning the hug. Damian was obviously awkward but still, it was heartwarming.
Awkward yet heartwarming; Damian was definitely a Wayne.
"How long?" Batman was suddenly crouching in front of him, appearing emotionless. He knew the man well though, and could tell he was probably concerned. Martian Manhunter was standing right behind him and Black Canary was leaning forward.
He looked down at his hands, silent. He didn't trust himself to speak. Batman looked back at Martian Manhunter, "Is it possible for him to have been in there mentally for years?"
Martian Manhunter looked indecisive before slowly nodding, "I have heard of something happening once before. The victim was mentally trapped in a similar situation for ten years, when only seconds pass in the real world. Since the mind is so complex, you could be trapped for any amount of time, as long as you were unaware that it was not real and did not 'die' in the fake world. The simulation could have been unknowingly continued after M'gann and I departed and Robin was left behind."
"And here..." He stopped in front of the graves, "...Jason, Tim, meet my parents."
Jason crouched in front of the grave, his fingers tracing over the engraved words. Today marked the fifteenth anniversary of their deaths.
He looked down to see Tim holding his hand, "Are those your aunts and uncles?" He asked quietly.
He nodded, "And cousins."
"Don't worry about your son, Mr. and Mrs. Grayson." He turned to see Jason talking to the graves, "He's grown up and is a great person. He took us in when we had no place to go. You should be proud of him."
Tim let go of his hand to sit next to Jason, "He's the best."
And so he stood there, dumbfounded, as Jason and Tim made conversation with his parents. They were talking about his prowess in battle, and how compassionate he was afterwards. He felt a few tears sliding down his face as he smiled.
When they finally had to leave, he whispered out one small, "Thank you." to both of them. They both just smiled.
"We were only telling the truth."
Batman and Martian Manhunter were quietly conversing a small distance away, using hushed tones so he couldn't hear them. Black Canary was sitting on the arm of the chair, a soft hand on his shoulder, grounding him and bringing him back to reality. She was whispering soothing words, and he realized he was shaking. He drew in several deep breaths, forcing himself to stop.
"It wasn't real." He didn't mean to say the words, they just came out. He suddenly felt awkward. He wasn't used to being treated like this. Like some weak kid. He wasn't used to breaking down and having others have to help pick up the pieces.
He always had to be strong, he was the one that would ground the others in times like these. When Ted Kord, the original Blue Beetle, died. When Tim's parents passed away.
The only times someone had to comfort him like this were on the dates of the Invasion and his parent's death. Barbara would be the one softly whispering to him. Roy would be the one putting a hand on his shoulder. His wife and his best friend.
That would be the hardest thing of all, he realized. He would see them both again but they would know nothing. They would be from a different time, a different world. They wouldn't be the same people he knew.
Black Canary slowly moved away from him and made her way to the two other Leaguers. He didn't react in the slightest to her departure from his side. He unconsciously tuned in to their conversation, catching snippets of it.
"-never faced anything like this before-"
"-he's clearly faced traumatizing events-"
"-tell the Team?"
"-long could he have lived without-"
"-worried about him-"
"Thirty." He spoke up. His head was still down but he knew the others were turning to look at him. "Thirty years."