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Author's Note:
This chapter was originally written as a Mature rating for language and consensual adult sexual situations. Our original chapter was uploaded into the companion piece which can be found on my author page; Deceptions & Secrets Alternative M chapters. We took the M rated chapter and made significant cuts, and added in toned down wording to make a T version. The choice is yours.
As always thank you for reading!
xo, DivergentPanda46 & FourTrisHEA
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Chapter Disclaimer: This chapter contains implied adult-intimate-situations and references to sex and intimacy. If you are uncomfortable with this, please do not continue to read.
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Chapter 7: Secrets and a Birthday (T version)
Date: One month before Tobias's Choosing Ceremony (Middle of May)
*Beatrice POV*
Although my eyes are closed, I can see the light streaming in through my bedroom window. I don't open them; I know that once I acknowledge the sunlight I will not be able to go back to sleep. For a moment I enjoy the gift of extra sleep, remembering that it is Sunday and we are allowed one extra hour of sleep on this day.
I hear the water running in the bathroom-- the sink, more specifically. How odd that anyone in my family would be up this early. I turn over to lay on my stomach and it is then that I realize that Tobias is lying next to me.
I sit up with a gasp, "Tobias!" I hiss as quietly as possible as I shake his shoulder. He smiles without opening his eyes. He obviously doesn't realize how late in the morning it is. We both overslept.
I slip out of bed, moving the curtain an inch to look outside through my bedroom window. There is already movement in the streets; for a moment I wonder if I have confused the day of the week. No, that is impossible. I clearly remember that yesterday was Saturday as I babysat for two different families last night and I needed to split the evening.
And then I remember, today is a special day of service for Abnegation. That explains why everyone is up and running so early.
I close my eyes briefly remembering yesterday's conversation that went late into the night. It is no wonder we both fell asleep. We talked for hours about our future, our hopes and dreams. It was not the first time that Tobias told me that he loves me and he wants to marry me.
He actually told me that he would rather be Factionless with me by his side than allow anyone to keep us apart. He was so emotional when he said it; the tears shining in his eyes made my heart ache. There is something to be said for knowing that someone loves you so deeply that you may very well be their everything. I love him so much. His happiness means more to me than my own.
I know his choosing day will be soon, and he'll be picking his future faction before me. I had always dreamed of Dauntless, and now that Mother is financially secure and has Marcus...I've allowed myself to dream of that life again. On the other hand, I love Tobias and I believe he is suited for Abnegation. He still needs to take his aptitude test, but I would guess that he will get Abnegation. He thrives here, he is selfless by nature. I didn't say anything, but I know I would be willing to stay in Abnegation in order to be with him. I love him that much.
Last night was the first time we talked about having a family one day. Tobias asked me if I was sure I wanted children. That is an odd question to ask an Abnegation girl as we are raised to find our worth in providing our husbands with a child-- or two children, at most. Any more than two children would be viewed as selfish. I immediately told him yes, of course.
When his smile faltered I froze to examine his face, not quite understanding the emotions I was witnessing. He kissed me gently and admitted that he had not been sure if he would ever want to have a child of his own, but in loving me, he can see it now. For the first time ever he can imagine himself having a real family of his own.
As I push last night's conversations out of my mind, I sit next to a sleeping Tobias and whisper in his ear again, "Tobias! We overslept, one of our parents is in the bathroom right now."
His eyes pop open at that, he jumps to sit up. We are quiet for a moment, both listening to the sink running. He jumps out of bed and runs his fingers through his hair. Fear flashes in his eyes, which in turn makes me nervous as well
I never allowed myself to even imagine that we would get caught. I know how much it would devastate my mother. Hurting her would be the worst part; she doesn't deserve more pain in her life. Getting caught would be so bad... I can't even imagine what would happen.
"I'm so sorry Beatrice, this is my fault." He pauses to look at me, and I move to stand closer to him. I can see how scared he is. His anxiety is wearing off on me, and I gently touch his cheek to try to calm him. I hate to see him this way.
It is usually Tobias that is calm and steady. Our roles are temporarily reversed, so I don't want to let him down.
"It's going to be ok. We haven't been caught yet." I pause and look into his blue eyes. "I love you Tobias Eaton, no matter what happens...I love you."
Suddenly his hands slip into my hair at the base of my neck and he gently pulls me towards him. Without hesitation his lip are on mine and his tongue is slipping into my mouth. I am stunned at the desperation I feel in his kiss. I am also consumed by it and want more. I slip one arm around him order to pull him closer and my other fists his night shirt.
As our kiss deepens, I feel as though the air around me is charged with this tension, even fear, that we could get caught. But part of me just doesn't care. I feel so loved while in his arms, and it seems to add to the electricity between us. I know this boy loves me as much as I love him. I trust him completely.
As our kisses continue I suddenly feel his excitement pressing against my lower stomach. I instantly feel a warmth in my chest. He had once explained to me that erections happen for boys when they are around a beautiful girl or for no reason at all. I know he thinks I am beautiful, and we both make each other feel things that are special just between us. My thoughts are interrupted when his arm suddenly wraps around the back of my hips to pull me close. I feel him tremor as he sharply inhales his breath before kissing me harder than he ever has before.
He suddenly gasps and jumps back from me. His breathing is labored and he looks so torn, as though he is in agony.
"Beatrice, that was too much. I am so sorry, please forgive me. I didn't mean to be so forward..." his voice trails off and he notices that I am smiling at him.
I have a deep ache in my stomach and I want to see if the flops in my stomach will repeat if he does that again.
Without overthinking it, I step backwards until my back rests against the wall in my room. I bite my lip and gently pull Tobias with me.
"Beatrice...we can't...I didn't mean to be so forward. I can't do that again," he whispers, his breathing labored.
"Kiss me, please," I whisper to him. "I love you, so much."
His lip trembles as he gently leans down to press his lips to mine, although I notice immediately that he is keeping his lower body a good distance away from me. I decide to be bold; there is also part of me that is desperate to feel that pull in my lower stomach again.
It felt amazing.
Our kisses are sweet and loving as I slip my hands to his hips and pull his lower body to be near mine. He uses his own strength to not allow his body to push against me with any pressure. I notice that the ache in my stomach does not appear, though I desperately want it to.
We break our kiss and he rests his forehead against mine. I know he is trying very hard to resist this. For me, a gate has been opened. I desperately love him and I want to feel him against me.
"Please," I whisper as I nip his lower lip to encourage him. I know he really likes that.
"Beatrice, no," he says as he in turn plants a kiss to my forehead.
"Just once more, I want to feel you. I want to feel how much you want me," I whisper, "please, Tobias."
He leans down and kisses me deeply, his tongue slipping into my mouth. I then give his hips another gentle squeeze and moan softly.
He stops the kiss and stares into my eyes. His breathing is erratic.
"Tell me at any time if you want me to stop, this is completely new for me too," he whispers, his eyes not leaving mine.
We kiss passionately, pressing as close to each other as we can manage. We look in each other's eyes.
"Is this ok?" he whispers.
"Tobias...I feel, I don't know how to explain it. I feel so strange. Like really really good strange," I end in a whimper. I find myself pushing off the wall to desperately get closer to him.
I notice that he has a fine sheen of sweat across his brow.
He looks pained for a moment, and then he whispers my name softly.
As we stare in each other's eyes it is as though we both decide to share a deep kiss at the same time, tilting our heads to allow our faces to move in precision as our tongues move together lovingly.
I immediately notice he has stopped pressing against me as my body screams in annoyance.
"Tobias..." I stammer.
He immediately jumps back from me and looks worried. "Did I hurt you? Was this too much?! Beatrice, I'm sorry!" he whispers.
I bite my lip nervously and think about what I want from him. But I am not sure if I am brave enough to ask him. As much as we love each other, this may be even too forward for me. I search his eyes, trying to imagine how he will react if I say what I'm thinking.
Obviously we would never have sex before marriage. But just once I want to feel him close to me, above our clothing.
"Beatrice? Are you ok?" he whispers while moving to pull me into his arms.
I blush furiously and nod my head in a yes. He notices that my cheeks are burning.
He kisses my nose and asks, "Was this too much? I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. I love you, Beatrice."
I clear my throat, it's now or never. "It wasn't too much. I am embarrassed to tell you the truth...I want to continue."
He gulps, his adam's apple bobbing intensely. As his eyes widen I giggle nervously.
"Um..." he says.
I lean close to him, "Just once, I want to lay really close to you on the bed. We both have clothes on, I just want to see how it will feel."
His eyes actually widen in shock.
"Please," I whisper. "I mean, only if it is ok with you..."
He inhales sharply and then holds his breath.
I then wonder if I have asked too much, maybe I am wrong to want to feel...that. As I am about to apologize he leans in and kisses me slowly, sensually.
I pull him towards the bed and gently lay down while pulling him with me. I have never been so bold in my life. I also trust him. I trust him with my life, I trust him with this.
I know that Tobias Eaton would never push this too far. We lay side by side as we kiss gently, something we have done many times before.
I gently press my lower body against his.
He clears his throat, "All you have to say is 'no' or 'stop', ok?"
I smile as I lay on my back and open my arms to him, he tentatively moves over me and tries to lay down on top of me while supporting his upper body weight. I feel his excitement once again.
We both just smile and he leans down to kiss me lovingly. I love him so much. I can't wait until are married, and then we will need to figure this out.
As our kisses intensify I suddenly feel that strong ache, and this time it is as though my body and his figure it out at the same time. I am desperate for him, I would give anything to be married to him right now, at this very moment, so that he could satisfy the intense desire I am feeling.
Suddenly he pulls the side of my nightgown down my shoulder exposing me. His loving attention feels incredible.
I feel an intense zing of pleasure, and I whimper, "Oh God, yes." I run my fingers through his hair as I then whimper his name.
I watch as he pauses to whisper my name before pulling my nightgown back up.
It is only then that I realize the water of the shower is running and I have no idea how long ago my mother or Marcus started it. They could be wrapping up in just moments. Tobias seems to have the same thought and he quickly sits up on my bed and pulls me up with him.
"The only thing I can think of that would be worse than being caught leaving your bedroom, is being caught leaving your room with my huge erection!" Tobias whispers.
I giggle and kiss his cheek. We agree that I will look out my door first, as we are in my room, and then he will quickly run to his room. As we walk to the door, the shower is still running.
I slip my hand in his, I don't know if it is because we just did something so intense and personal...but I need his reassurance. I need to know that we are ok, that he still loves me.
"I won't see you all day, I will be with the rest of the women at the clothing drive. And once I am free, you and the men will be starting the next shift of moving the heavy boxes," I pause, hating the neediness I hear in my voice. "We won't even be having dinner together tonight."
Tobias stops and pulls me close to him, resting his chin on the top of my head. His fingertips gently touch my chin to tilt my face to look at his. His eyes study mine, and then he slowly and tenderly kisses my lips.
"I love you so much, Beatrice Prior. I adore you. I promise you, tonight I will slip in your room. Only to see you and to hold you." He clears his throat. "As amazing as that was, we can't do that again. My urge to...take you, is too strong. When we are married, I am going to make love to you the way you deserve. I promise. But we need to be smart, we need to wait."
I nod, knowing in my heart he is right. Had he just asked me... I would have gladly given him every part of me. He already has me. I am his, as he is mine.
"Tonight, I promise." He smiles.
As I look out the door and hear the shower still running, the hallway is clear. He quickly goes to his room and shut the door behind him.
As I am in the process of closing my door, my mother steps out of her bedroom and makes eye contact with me. She frowns for a second, "Beatrice? Is everything ok? I was just heading to your room to wake you."
"Good morning, Mother. The noise on the streets woke me up, I was nervous that we had all over slept," I say as calmly as I can manage.
She smiles at me and instructs me to hurry as we do need to go. As we both look to the restroom and hear that the shower is still running I realize that Marcus has been in the shower for quite a while.
I think back to my parent's marriage, what I was privy to witness over the years. In an instance like this, my mother would have had no issue gently knocking on the bathroom door and sweetly reminding my father about our time constraints.
I see the sadness in her eyes as she faces me again. "Beatrice, since we will be working so hard today, lets save our showers for our return. Please dress quickly and meet me downstairs."
I note that her smile does not reach her eyes. I nod and smile in return as I quickly follow her directions.
It is amazing to me that the leader of the Abnegation faction, by definition selfless...is the most selfish person I have ever met.
++o++
I wipe the sweat off my brow as I continue to work. The day has felt very long and today's service project is taking its toll on me. Once a year the women and girls of Abnegation organize a large clothing drive in Millennium Park. It is open for all of the factions to drop off gently used clothing.
We spend all day gathering the clothing and sorting it into piles based by gender, style and then size. It is unseasonably hot this year; we hold this drive in the middle of May, on a day that normally would be warm, but still cool enough to be able to work hard and remain cool.
I notice that when my mother is away from Marcus, she is truly happier. There are even moments when I look at her and forget all that we both have lost: two wonderful men who meant the world to us. I will forever love and miss Father and Caleb. Sometimes the pain has dulled so much that I can even forget for a moment, or at an event. But as grief rolls in waves, the pain of the next memory is always stronger.
As Marcus's wife, Mother is now the top organizer of this event. I watch her as she works diligently while also motivating all of us to do our best. The women and girls of our faction love her. I see the warmth and respect on their faces.
Although pride is not an acceptable emotion for Abnegation, in this moment I could not be prouder to have this incredible woman as my mother. I love her dearly.
++o++
That evening I enjoy a wonderful meal with Mother, just the two of us. As much as I miss Tobias, I am enjoying this special time alone with her.
During moments alone, I allow my thoughts to venture back to my morning with Tobias. I love him, and I am counting the minutes until I can see him again this evening.
My mother advises me that this year's drive had taken in so many donations that she does not think that Marcus and Tobias will make it home before we need to go to bed. I nod my head and remind myself that I will see Tobias late this evening.
I hug Mother good night and I enjoy the hug that she gives me-- it is stronger than her usual one. I sometimes wonder if she even realizes the subtle differences in how she treats me when we are alone, compared with when Marcus is in the room.
++o++
I am unable to fall asleep that night. I hated not seeing him all day. I smile to myself when I hear Marcus and Tobias return home. I remain still as I listen to their quiet actions as they prepare for bed.
Once I hear complete silence in the house I smile to myself. I know that Tobias will wait a little longer before he comes to my room.
I lay down and rest my eyes. I hope he comes soon, I love him and I want to see him. He promised he would come.
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I am startled awake from a bad dream. It was not a terrible nightmare, but still scary enough that I felt my heart jump as I quickly sat up. It takes me a moment to lay back down on my bed and relax.
It is then, with the sun's light, that I realize that it is already the early morning. I frown to myself; he promised me that he would come to my room last night.
I lay on my back and stare at the ceiling as I replay my conversation with Tobias. He told me he loved me and promised he would come to my room.
Why do I feel this way? I have a knot in my stomach.
And then it occurs to me that he has been volunteering all evening and late into the night. The portion of this service activity that the men performed was very labor intensive. He probably fell asleep.
I figure out that we still have a couple of hours before the rest of the house wakes up. For the first time I decide to slip out of my bed and walk quietly to his bedroom. When I try to turn the knob I am surprised that the door is locked. One of Marcus's house rules is that children are not permitted to lock our bedroom doors.
I pause. I know I should just walk back to my bedroom, but I want to see him so badly. Even if just for a moment.
I breathe in and out before bringing my knuckles to his door and knocking as softly as possible. I pause and wait, my heart is racing. I glance over my shoulder at my mother and Marcus's bedroom door, praying they don't wake up.
After a moment I knock one more time. Suddenly Tobias cracks his bedroom door open. I smile with relief and move to walk in. It is when he does not step back from the door frame that I realize that something is not right.
"Tobias? Um, can I come in?" I whisper, my eyes searching his. It doesn't even occur to me that he would not want to see me.
After a short pause he nods his head no, "Beatrice, please understand...I am just not feeling well. I am really sick."
My smile fades as I look at him, I study his face looking for something. Is he disappointed in me because of this morning? Did I take it too far? Did I give him too much of me?
"I love you. Please don't look at me that way, Beatrice. I am just really sick. I need to get back to sleep, and you need to go to your room. Go to bed," he whispers as he steps back and slowly closes the door on me.
I turn and walk to my room. I am numb, I want to believe him. I really do.
But then I think about what we did in my room, I can't help but wonder if I ruined things between us.
My lip trembles as I lay in bed and bury myself under the covers. I allow myself to weep quietly. My heart hurts.
++o++
The next morning when I walk down the stairs to help make breakfast, I am surprised to see my mother already in the kitchen preparing breakfast. This is a chore that Tobias and I share.
"Good morning, dear. Could you please set the table? I want to make sure breakfast is ready before Marcus comes down."
"Yes, mother. Is Tobias coming down, I mean how many place settings should I set?" I ask.
"Your father let me know last night that Tobias was feeling very sick, it hit him at the day of service. He will be staying home from school today and we should not disturb him," she sighs. "Marcus made it clear that he wants Tobias to rest, and we are not to knock on his door."
I sense that she has an issue with Marcus telling her that she is not allowed to check in on Tobias.
I nod my head in agreement.
As I eat my breakfast quietly I listen to Mother and Marcus go over the details of the clothing drive and all of the work that needs to still be done. My mother asks me if I could please bring their dinner by again as they will be working very late. I nod in agreement.
Marcus instructs me that I am to not bother Tobias, and since I will be walking alone to bring their meal he wants me to make the trip before it gets dark. I nod in agreement.
There is a knock at our door and Marcus informs me that he asked Robert to walk to me to school along with his sister.
After saying goodbye to my parents I walk down the road with Robert and Susan, I take one last look at my house and I see that the curtains in Tobias's window are swaying, as though he has just been standing there a moment ago.
++o++
As I go through my classes for the day, I can't stop thinking about Tobias. I am trying to make sense of what is happening. He didn't come to my room as he had promised, and when he turned me away he told me that he as sick. Although he didn't seem ill... but Tobias is sick enough to miss school with Marcus's approval. He must be really sick, then.
I close my eyes and feel an overwhelming sense of guilt wash over me. I really doubted him, even after he told me that he loved me. I know that he saw the look on my face and he shut his bedroom door. He saw that I didn't believe him.
I can't let the entire day go by without seeing Tobias. When lunch arrives I head to the nurse's offices and use the excuse that I have a terrible headache, adding that I may be dehydrated from all of the work I did out in the sun the day before. The nurse believes me, writes me a note for classes, and I am able to go home.
The streets are empty as I make my way home. I know that Mother and Marcus will be at the offices all day-- and all evening, for that matter.
I silently enter the house and walk in. I don't want to disturb Tobias if he is resting. As I quietly walk through the house I look around and see that all is in perfect order. I wonder if my mother did this after I left, although I can't imagine that Marcus would allow her to do chores that are normally reserved for Tobias and me to complete after school. I am about to open the refrigerator to make Tobias a snack to bring to his room when I hear a horrible scream come from upstairs.
I instantly get chills, I have never heard someone make a noise like that. When I hear Tobias cry out for a second time I race up the stairs and burst into his room. The sight that greets me is like nothing I have ever seen before.
++o++
My first thought upon entering his room and seeing a man's back, completely bloodied and covered with welts, is that Tobias must have found a person that was in a terrible accident, and he brought him home to help. For a second I am relieved I came home so that I can provide aid as well.
"Beatrice?! What are you doing here?" I hear Tobias say as he quickly whirls around and I can no longer see his back. "You shouldn't have seen this! You need to go. Please just go!"
I hear the pain in his voice, and in that moment I realize it is my Tobias that is horribly injured. I think back to his screams of agony.
My God, what happened to him?!
My eyes widen and I feel sick to my stomach. "Tobias, look at your back!?" I step closer to him.
"It's nothing. Please, just go downstairs. I will be down shortly," he says as his voice falters. I notice he has a fine sheen of sweat on his face and chest, as though he may be fevered.
"I'm fine, go," he repeats.
"You're fine?" I shake my head as though he just told me he can fly and is planning to visit the moon.
We are both silent as we stare at each other from across the room. It is then that I notice he has a medical kit laying on his bed, the contents spilled out. I am familiar with the medical kit we owned before they arrived, and from packing up the Eaton's bathroom myself, I also remember bringing the small medical kit their family previously owned. The kit on his bed is one I have never seen before and is much larger than a normal Abnegation family would store in their home. Why does he have that?
"I can explain," he whispers as he sees me staring intently at the kit and supplies. "I never wanted to burden you, I still don't. There is also a part of me that is so ashamed."
Marcus.
My lip trembles, I am instantly filled with rage. I have never been so angry in all of my life. I have never felt hate until this very moment.
"Your father is an animal. You have nothing to be ashamed about," I say firmly, meeting his gaze full on.
The nervousness that Tobias had a moment earlier is gone, a look of relief passes his face.
"I was afraid if you found out, I don't know," His voice softens. "You aren't giving me that look. Like I'm a kicked puppy or something."
"Well," I say. "You're not."
For a second his dark blue eyes are on mine, and he's quiet. He steps closer to me and leans in close, brushing my lips with his. He gently grasps my hands in his and then presses his mouth to mine.
We gently kiss for a couple of minutes and then I feel him wince.
"May I help you? I promise I won't freak out, I love you and I want to try to take care of you," I whisper.
He frowns, "It's not that I don't trust you, but it is so horrible...I don't want you to be exposed to this. I can do it myself. I have a lot of practice...unfortunately."
I frown and feel my stomach drop, this is what I was afraid of. I have to control my face and body because I want to scream. I want to break things.
I want to hurt Marcus Eaton. I want to hurt him badly.
"Come on, you can help me with the parts I can't reach." He pauses. "I'll show you what you have to do."
The next hour is one of the hardest of my life: watching the man I love expertly tend to his horrific wounds and then trying to wrap my mind around the reason why he is so proficient.
I force myself to remain calm. I know that what I am feeling is little compared to his pain. I love him, and I will be strong for him.
I gently touch his shoulder on one of the few areas that is not blistered or bleeding. His skin is very warm to the touch. "Tobias, I am worried you may have an infection. You have a slight fever."
He coughs, "It will be ok. He has been this bad...before. I just need to rest and drink some water. It will pass. The ointment and special bandages will do their job."
As he is speaking I allow my eyes to roam his back; there are also terrible healed scars, of all different sizes and color. I imagine they are from different periods in time.
"How long?" I ask softly. "How long has this been going on?"
Tobias asks me to lay down next to him on the bed. I lay on my stomach like he is and squeeze in right next to him. I am careful not to touch his injuries, but I instantly love the feel of his side pressed against mine. The moment I am settled and comfortable he looks at me and smiles.
We talk for hours. Tobias shares that as a child it was very traumatic for him, witnessing the way that his mother was treated by Marcus. He gave me some examples of how unhappy his mother had been, how awful Marcus was to her. He admits that as terrible as it was to lose his mother, he was happy that she could finally be at peace: death was better than the abuse Marcus had inflicted on her. I listen quietly as Tobias shares his feelings, and thoughts, and even as he desperately tries to analyze his father's behavior.
Tobias explains that he was very worried when our parents first married. He feared for Mother, but then he was so relieved at how happy she makes Marcus. Mother really is the perfect Abnegation wife, she works tirelessly and support Marcus at every turn. Marcus loves that. After I listen to Tobias's reasoning I believe that he is right, my mother is the perfect wife, and Marcus loves perfection. He would never hurt her.
He tells me about his mother's funeral and how Marcus changed with him immediately after. He tells me about the physical abuse, how Marcus views it as a parenting tool to make him a stronger man, to make him better. He also tells me about the closet-- the hours he has spent locked up like an animal. He even admits to me that since Mother and I have moved in, he is thrilled he has not been left to sit in the closet all night long. I feel sick to my stomach listening to it all.
He makes me promise not to tell anyone, especially Mother. He knows that Marcus will go insane and lash out if Mother finds out. Tobias admits that Marcus cares deeply for what Natalie thinks of him. It is safer for everyone if it remains a secret. I know that he is right, but the deceit and allowing Marcus to get away with that makes me ill.
"Do you remember when I told you that I would rather be Factionless than have a life without you?" he whispers.
I nod, encouraging him to continue.
"I... don't know if I can stay here. I want to be here with you...but I don't think Marcus will ever leave me alone. But if I leave Abnegation, it will be a two full years before you could follow me." He catches himself, I see that his cheeks are now flushed. "I mean, if you wanted to come with me of course."
"I love you, Tobias Eaton. We don't need to decide where in this moment. Know this: I would also rather be Factionless and by your side, than to ever be away from you. You are my future. As long as we are together, I will be happy." I pause remembering my dreams. "And for the record, I have always had a strong interest in Dauntless, in case that is something you would be open to considering..."
"I love you Beatrice. And yes, if you wanted Dauntless...I think we could make that work. Honestly, I am just relieved you didn't say Amity."
We both laugh at the thought.
That was the day that Tobias and I really understood what it meant to be in love. Separate from the smiles, touches, kind gestures, and passionate moments...we both learned what it meant to be there for someone when they needed you the most.
We became a team, we had no more secrets between us and we began planning our future, while also enjoying our remaining time together.
++o+ Two Weeks Have Passed +o++
I scowl anticipating my volunteer obligation handing out supplies in Factionless today. Last week Marcus encouraged Mother to organize a day of service that would take a lot of planning and then result in a full day of volunteer work on the other side of town. Marcus pointed out that we usually stick to the Factionless zone that is closest to Abnegation to hand out supplies.
Today he wanted the women to set up a post at the furthest point of Factionless territory so that we could reach people that normally would not have access to supplies. My mother loved the idea and jumped in at full force. It was one of the few times I have ever seen her give Marcus a genuinely loving smile.
It made me sick, not because I was thinking of my father, but because I knew what Marcus was really planning. He wants Mother and I to be away from the house the entire day so that he can torment Tobias on his actual birthday.
Tobias had explained that Marcus had an obsession about making Tobias a better man, so the closet on his birthday was a ritual for him.
It killed me to leave the house this morning knowing that Tobias will be suffering all day. His claustrophobia is unbearable. Tobias put on a brave face and smiled at Mother and I while encouraging us to have a wonderful day of service and to be safe.
As Marcus was waiting outside and speaking to a few other council members, I told my mother I needed to use the restroom one last time. She encouraged me to make haste as we had a lot of work to do in little time.
I flew back into the house and Tobias was cleaning the morning dishes. He looked startled to see me.
I ran over to him and kissed him lovingly. He immediately held me tightly.
"Happy birthday, my love," I whispered as I gently touched his face. I leaned up and pulled him down by the shirt so that I could whisper in his ear, "I know today will be hard, but I want you to know...that I have the most amazing birthday gift planned for you. Ok? Please hold on to that, let that help you make it through today. Promise me? I need to know you will be ok."
I hated the way that my voice cracked at the end, the I felt desperation leaving him behind.
"I will be fine. You be safe and hurry home. We will spend time together later," he said. "Hurry, go."
I ran into the bathroom and flushed the toilet and then washed my hands. I wanted to make sure my lie about using the bathroom would stand up.
The day ahead of me is long, but I am also nervous for later.
I know what my gift for Tobias will be, I just hope he likes it. I smile as I pat the small bottle of lotion in the pocket of my dress. I managed to take it unnoticed from the large bin of donation supplies.
Surely the factionless can do with one less small bottle of lotion. Besides, I need it for a very good cause.
+++o+++
*Tobias POV*
I lay in silence for a full hour after our family has gone to bed for the night. I know that Mother is exhausted from the day of service, and Marcus is always so pleased with himself at the end of day when I have been punished successfully. I made it a point not to provoke him in any way. I hate the closet, but at least once it is over I am able to function normally, unlike when he beats me so badly that I can barely stand after.
Once enough time has passed I silently slip into Beatrice's bedroom and shut the door. She sits up and smiles at me. She looks lovely, especially with her hair brushed out.
"Hey," I say.
"Hi. Please lock the door," she whispers.
I frown, I worry that if someone discovers that the door is locked, they could assume that things are worse than they are.
I open my mouth to object when she smiles at me asks me again. I do as she wishes. I run to sit next to her on the bed and pull her in my arms. She throws her arms around me and pulls me close.
"Are you OK? Tell me, did he..." she says desperately.
"Beatrice, look at me. I am fine, and it is over. Knowing that I would get to see you and do this..." I kiss her roughly on the lips and she whimpers, "made today's closet exercise easy."
She smiles at me and nods.
"Well then happy birthday, my love," she whispers as she lays down on the bed and invites me to lay next to her. We begin to gently kiss, but keep it at that.
It has been two weeks since we had that early morning of passion, and then my terrible beating. We agreed that it was amazing, but something that could easily lead to a lot more if we were not careful. We have taken a step back and just enjoyed hugging and kissing.
She slowly turns her head so she can kiss my neck. I instantly feel a pull in my groin as I am awakened.
"I love you, and I hope you like your present," she says, giggling lightly but also sounding nervous.
"I am sure I will, what it is?" I ask teasingly. "Why are you making me wait?"
She pulls me back into a deep kiss and assures me she will give it to me soon. I smile and deepen our kiss. I don't care about any gift; having her close to me is all I want in life.
As we are both lying side by side on the bed, facing each other it does not surprise me when she places her hand on my hip to steady herself.
She breaks the kiss and pulls her head back, biting her lip nervously. I smile at her, searching her eyes, trying to understand what she is thinking. She watches my face intently as I feel her hand slowly move down from my hip to stroke above my clothing.
I gasp at the unexpected contact. My pants instantly feel tighter.
"Um, Beatrice?" I mumble, barely able to get the words out.
She bites her lips as her fingers begin rubbing me up and down along the seam of my sleep pants.
A shiver goes through me. I remember that I am not wearing boxers, I never do for sleep.
My breathing becomes more erratic. Beatrice's eyes locked in mine, she bites her lip flirtatiously. She looks really pleased with herself.
She gently leans towards me and I meet her halfway for a kiss. As our tongues begin moving together, I whimper.
As she slips her hand past the waistband she seems startled for a second.
"You ok?" I ask her huskily.
"I was just surprised you weren't wearing underwear," she whispers as she leans closer to me and begins kissing my neck.
I wrap my arms around her and pull her close to me. I try to stay still and enjoy the feelings that are washing over me. I didn't know that a woman could do this to a man.
"I hope you are enjoying your birthday present, my love," she whispers. I run my fingertips along her jaw and then bury my hand behind her head. I hold her face while I lean over and begin kissing her passionately.
After a couple of minutes we break to breathe. I assume she is done, my breathing now erratic. I can feel the tightness in my stomach and my sleep pants. I don't care how worked up I am. I love being close to her.
"Tris...I don't know what to say. This is incredible, I never knew...Thank you baby, I have never felt as good as I do right now. That was an amazing birthday present." I smile at her and she blushes.
She firmly pushes me so that I am lying on my back, her hands begin pulling down my sleep pants. "Um? What are you...I mean? Beatrice!" I hiss.
"Is this ok?" She bites her lip and smiles.
"This is more than ok. I just need to make sure you are ok with this too? How did you, I mean...wow!" I mutter.
"I overheard some older girls from Factionless talking... I want to make you feel good. They said that I should ask you if you want me to be a little softer or rougher as I touch you."
She lays down next to me and resumes kissing my neck while she touches me softly. I am so overcome by lust that I know I need to touch her. I watch her face as I pull one side of her nightgown down her shoulder. I kiss her hard and she moans as I gently caress her.
Suddenly she moves to straddle me, sitting on my upper thighs. My hand trembles as I reach up to pull her night gown all the way down to rest around her waist.
My eyes immediately focus on the gift I gave her: the necklace and heart charm that lays low enough to rest between her beautiful breasts. I love that my secret gift is always with her, hidden from the rest of the world. I gently touch the cool metal of the intricate heart charm. I know Beatrice has my heart, and she always will.
She looks me in the eyes and bites her lower lip, her arms suddenly crossed covering her chest, effectively moving my hand away.
"I'm sorry, I should have asked first...I didn't mean," I mutter sheepishly.
"It's just...I mean, I know I don't have big breasts like so many women do..." she interrupts me but then lets her sentence die.
"They are perfect-- perfect for me," I say firmly as I shift her a little lower so I can sit up to face her. I move her arms aside as I watch her expression to make sure this is ok. She nods her head to encourage me.
I press my forehead to hers and whisper, "First, I can't tell you how much it means to me that you wear the gift I gave you. The truth is, you have this charm heart...but you will always have my real heart as well. I love you. Second, I really like to touch and kiss you when you touch me. Actually, I love it."
She blushes and smiles. Beatrice brings each of my hands to her chest and begins kissing me seductively.
She reaches around me, under her pillow and pulls out a small bottle. I immediately recognize it as the body lotion we sometimes hand out to the factionless.
"Beatrice?" I say softly.
"Trust me, I want to make you feel amazing. Ok?" she says, "It is your birthday after all. I want to replace all of the years of terrible memories on this day... if you will let me."
I swallow the lump that has formed in my throat... again. It amazes me how much this woman loves me. How did I get so lucky to fall madly in love with such an incredible woman who actually loves me back?
I watch as she puts a glob of lotion in the palm of her hand and rubs them together.
She puts the information she learned from those older girls at Factionless to very good use..
"Oh my God, that feels amazing," I gasp as I tightly close my eyes to stop myself from screaming out in pleasure. I lay back down on the bed.
Once I am done I collapse back on the bed, completely spent.
She smiles at me proudly, and I smile back.
"I love you, forever, Beatrice," I whisper, undoubtedly with a look of awe on my face.
She smiles at me. "I know. Happy birthday, my love."
This is the most amazing birthday I have ever had.
++o+ Chapter End +o++