Warning: Mild language
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I woke up constrained in a cocoon of bed sheets. I was still wearing my sweatshirt and PJ-shorts from last night.
Last night…
Memories flooded my mind. I remembered every word that came from Zayn’s mouth—which weren’t that many, but coming from him, it seemed like a freaking book. I could smell his scent on the cuffs of my sweatshirt. I put the material to my nose and deeply inhaled.
I managed to unwrap myself and swung my legs over the side of the bed, sitting up with difficulty. I looked at the clock and it said ’11:14am’. What day was it today? Tuesday. That meant I had five days left with the boys. Maybe Darcy and I could go out today and buy them each farewell gifts. I looked over at her sleeping form. I wondered how her and Niall’s talk when last night.
I decided to let Darcy sleep and went into the kitchen to get some breakfast. Louis was the only one up.
“Why are you always up so early?” I asked.
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve just always been a morning person.” He took a sip of orange juice—from the carton.
“If that’s your idea of payback, your ideas suck,” I said, sticking my tongue out at him.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he said, feigning innocence. His eyes lit up, and I knew he got an idea.
“What is it?” I asked.
“We should wake Harry up,” he said with a wink.
I smiled. “What’s the plan?”
:~:~:~:~:~:~:
A half an hour later, Darcy, Niall, Liam, Zayn, Louis, and I sat in the kitchen, anxiously waiting for the time to hit noon. We had all the clocks perfectly set at the same time.
Louis started the count-down. “10 . . . 9 . . . 8 . . . 7 . . .”
I joined in, “6 . . . 5 . . . 4 . . . 3 . . . 2 . . .”
Ear-splitting alarms rang throughout the house. Like planned, I ran upstairs and turned on the strategically placed smoke machine. Smoke flowed underneath the door of Harry and Louis’ bedroom.
“Fire!” Niall’s Irish voice exclaimed loudly, enough to be heard throughout the entire house.
“Oh my God!” I heard Harry yell, a strangling scream coming after. He ran out of his room a few seconds later. Completely naked.
“Oh my God!” I exclaimed like he’d just done, covering my eyes with my hands. I could barely hear myself over all the alarms. The boys ran around turning them all off.
“What the heck is going on?” Harry demanded.
I didn’t dare remove my hand from my eyes. “Go put clothes on!” I shrieked.
I could almost hear his glare. “Fine! But when I get back out here, you guys owe me an apology!”
I heard his door shut, and I let my hands down. I turned around to see Louis, Niall, and Liam at the bottom of the stairs, clutching their stomaches and writhing on the floor, howling with laughter.
“Dude! That—totally—backfired on you!” Louis gasped out between laughs.
I glared at him. “Hey! You’re the one who suggested it!”
“And you’re the one who came up with half of the plan!” he retorted, bursting into another bout of laughter.
“I didn’t know that he’d be naked!” I defended, heat rising to my face. I put my hands to my cheeks just to make fire wasn’t radiating from them.
“And I didn’t know my ex-friends were so heartless,” I heard a voice say from behind me.
I turned around to see Harry, now clothed.
“You—you should have seen your face!” Niall said, pointing up at Harry from the bottom of the stairs.
“You hungry?” I asked Harry, desperately trying to change the subject. I couldn’t look him in the eye after all I’d… seen.
“Yeah,” he said flatly.
“Well, go ahead. Darcy and I have to go get ready,” I announced.
“For what?” Darcy asked, joining the boys at the bottom of the stairs. I saw her brush hands with Niall. I was tempted to say something right then and there, but I decided to talk to her about it later in a much more private conversation.
I ran down the stairs and dragged her to my room. I slammed the door shut.
“Where are we going?” Darcy asked. “And why did you drag me here by force?”
“I thought it’d be cool if we got the boys farewell gifts,” I said.
“Oh,” she said, pleasantly surprised. “What if they ask where we’re going?”
“I’ll just say that we’re going out shopping,” I decided aloud. “It’s not lying.”
“I guess your right.”
“Now get your clothes and get ready,” I ordered.
She laughed, rolling her eyes, and said, “Yes, ma’am.”
:~:~:~:~:~:~:
It was now four in the afternoon and we had all the boys’ gifts bought. Darcy and I now sat in the food court of the mall, eating our dinner from Subway.
“So what happened with you and Niall last night?” I asked.
Her cheeks flushed. “Can we… talk about this later?”
I chuckled at her discomfort, but I decided to be a good friend and give in. “Fine. But I’m going to get it out of you sooner or later.”
After we finished eating, we exited to the parking lot and got into my car.
“So when are we going to give the boys their gifts?” Darcy asked.
I started the ignition and backed out of the parking spot. “I was thinking Friday, the night before they leave.”
She nodded. “That’s a good idea.” She gazed out of the window, her thoughts obviously drifting off to other things. More… romantic things, maybe?
We were getting closer to my house when I finally asked again, “So what happened last night with Niall?”
She took a deep breath. “Fine, I’ll tell you. We started talking normally. And then we talked about the kiss… And then he told me that he liked me, and I told him I felt the same way…”
“Aw, that’s so cute!” I exclaimed, not taking my eyes off the road. (I’m a safe driver!)
“Yeah, well…” Her face fell and she intently fixed her gaze on her tangled fingers in her lap. “Then we talked about how they’re leaving in a few days, and we decided that it’d be best to stay friends. For now at least, until we know how we could make it work. God, Paige, I’m going to miss him.” Tears sparkled in her eyes.
“I understand,” I said quietly, thinking about how hard it was going to be to leave Zayn.
“Are you talking about Zayn?” She huffed in disbelief.
“Yes, I am,” I said defensively. “What’s wrong with that?”
“No offense, but Niall actually talks,” she said smugly. “And you haven’t even made a move yet on Zayn. There’s no reason to try anyway if he won’t respond. I doubt he even likes you.”
My mouth dropped open. “What?! You don’t know anything! You don’t know me! And you don’t know Zayn!” My voice progressively got louder.
“And you do?” she scoffed.
“I know him better than you do!” I exclaimed. “You don’t care about him! Can’t you see that he needs someone? Can’t you see the pain he goes through each day? Don’t you have a heart?!”
“Yes, I do,” she stated. “I’m the one who actually talked to my guy, remember? And he likes me back. I’m the one with the success story, not you.”
“You wouldn’t have ended up with Niall, if I hadn’t encouraged you to talk with him last night,” I argued. “And who suggested the game Truth or Dare and dared Naill to kiss you, huh? And who repeatedly forced you two to be alone together? Me! It was all me!”
“I didn’t ask you to do anything!” she yelled. “The outcome would have been the same without your so-called ‘help’!”
My face heated up in furious anger. I was now parked in my driveway, and I forcefully yanked the key out of the ignition. “Oh, so you don’t need me?!” I exclaimed.
“No!” she yelled in my face.
“Fine! Then go back home! I’m not rescuing you from your lame excuse of a mother anymore! I’m not going to let you take advantage of me and my hospitality any longer!”
“Don’t you dare talk like that about my mother!” She humorously laughed before continuing, “And you call this hospitality? Fine! I’m leaving, and not because you told me to. Go and make goggly eyes at an unresponsive Zayn, like crickets chirping at a rock.”
Oh, so now she was comparing me to crickets? That’s the best she could come up with? And she should know better to insult Zayn in front of me. He’d obviously been through hell and didn’t deserve to be put through more because of others judging him as they saw fit.
I gave her my fiercest glare. “You don’t know a fuck about him! So shut your damn mouth and get the hell away from here!”
We both got out, slamming the car doors for effect. I stormed up to my house and swung the front door open. I heard Darcy follow me and turned around to yell at her. But she pushed past me and marched into the house.
“What do you think you’re doing?!” I hissed at her. I was vaguely aware of the boys watching us from the couches, instead of being focused on the movie playing.
“I’m getting my stuff so I can leave!” she retorted. She disappeared to my room and came back out seconds later with her stuff messily piled in her arms.
“Now get out!” I shrieked, my throat burning from yelling so loudly.
She exited the house. She yelled, “Gladly!” before I slammed the door shut on her, almost crushing her foot.
It was now silent. The boys had paused the movie and were now quietly sitting on the couches, probably wondering what to do next.
I turned around to face them and plastered on a fake smile. They all blinked up at me with blank expressions.
“What movie are you watching?” I asked as if they hadn’t just witnessed the end of Darcy and I’s huge fight. Our first fight. The first time I’d ever yelled at her so loudly. The first time she had ever yelled back at me. The first time she’d ever looked at me with such anger.
Tears came to my eyes. I dropped to the ground where I’d just been standing. And I cried.
Louis was the first to jump up and crouch down in front of me. He wiped a few tears away from under my eyes with his thumb. The others seemed to know that I needed some space. They stayed seated, concern in their eyes.
After I’d cried my dear ducts dry, Louis carried me onto the two-seated couch. He’d just so happened to have been sitting next to Zayn. So when he lay my head down on his lap, my legs were on Zayn’s. Louis comfortingly stroked my hair that had been glued to my cheeks with tears. My eyes trailed down to my legs as I felt a blissful sensation. Zayn was tracing small circles on the smooth skin of my legs with his fingers. No one who looked at us would see it, but I sure noticed. It comforted me right now more than anything else could.
They hit play, and the Lord of the Rings: Return of the King unpaused. They’d waited so long to hit play just because of my breakdown. I was lucky to have them. They didn’t even pester me with questions asking what happened. They simply gave me a comforting embrace.
“You okay?” Louis asked, leaning down and whispering quietly in my ear.
“Yes.” It came out like a whimper. “Thank you.” I hated myself for sounding so weak.
“You don’t have to act strong in front of us,” Louis whispered.
I nodded. My lips quavered and I cried once more. Zayn’s fingers tracing circles on my skin became slower and gentler, again calming me the way I needed most in this moment. I quieted down, suddenly feeling tired. I closed my eyes; I knew I wouldn’t be able to open them again until morning.
Louis carried me to my room. It wasn’t the same as Zayn carrying me. Sure, Louis was strong; it’s not like I thought he’d drop me or anything. But it was different when Zayn carried me. Zayn made me feel warm, and I felt… safe in his arms.
I was laid down in my bed, and Lou pulled the covers over me. I fell asleep the instance my head hit the pillow.
:~:~:~:~:~:~:
I woke up to see a blonde-haired Irish boy sitting on the edge of the bed. When he saw I was awake, he faced the door, cupped his hands to his mouth, and shouted, “She’s awake!”
The boys soon rushed in. I sat up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. Louis came in and placed a tray down on my lap. Liam followed and placed on the tray a plate of eggs and bacon, and a glass of iced orange juice. Harry scurried in after and plopped a paper umbrella into the glass before smiling at me cutely and joining the other boys in a line beside my bed. Zayn came in last for moral support and joined the line. He studied my eyes with an emotion that almost made me happily cry.
Concern.
In fact, all the boys’ faces read the same emotion.
“What is all this?” I asked.
“We’re hoping it makes you feel better,” Harry said, sitting down next to me.
Pretty soon, all boys minus Zayn were on my bed. Niall picked up the fork from the tray and handed it to me as if I couldn’t pick it up on my own.
“I’m not dying of cancer,” I told them.
They chuckled and continued to watch me as I started to eat.
“Come on, guys,” Louis said. “Let’s let her wake up.”
They all left, but Louis stayed behind.
“You want to talk about it?” he asked.
My face fell as memories returned from last night, and I couldn’t meet his eyes. “No.”
He didn’t seem to mind. “Okay. But if you ever need to talk about it, I’m here.”
I nodded, a signal for him to leave. He did as I wished, and I ate the rest of my breakfast in peace.
I got ready by French braiding my hair and putting on denim shorts and a neon green tank-top underneath a black v-neck. After applying some make-up, I came out and met the boys in the kitchen.
“Thanks for breakfast,” I said with a small smile.
They returned the thanks with various versions of “you’re welcome”.
I don’t think they realize how much they really meant to me.
:~:~:~:~:~:~:
The days went by fast, and the nights even faster. Zayn still hasn’t opened up at all. They’re leaving tomorrow.
I sighed, my bare feet used to the pain of walking up the metal stairs of the fire escape. I climbed onto the roof and balanced across the shingles until I sat next to Zayn.
“So,” I said simply.
“So,” he echoed. I could hear the same emotion in his voice as was in mine: heartache.
“You guys are leaving tomorrow,” I said.
“Yep.”
That’s all I ever got from him. One word answers. It caused frustration to flood my thoughts and drown out my dignity. “What happened to you?” I blurted out, instantly regretting it.
Zayn turned his head away.
I tried to lighten the mood. “Did your goldfish die?”
The creases on his forehead disappeared, and he chuckled lightly. I still wouldn’t call it a laugh. “No,” he replied.
“Did you lose your favorite blanket?”
He raised an eyebrow. “No.”
I smirked. “Did your girlfriend leave you?”
Silence.
He didn’t say a word for the rest of the night.
Was that seriously the reason? His girlfriend dumped him? I doubted that could be it… He was stronger than that.
When I started to feel tired, around four in the morning, I knew it was tiem to tell him what I had meant to say to him tonight.
I turned to face him and looked directly into his eyes. They were quite mesmerizing, even though he had never quite looked back at me. “I’m going to miss you, you know.” Deciding that sounded too obvious and desperate, I added, “I’m going to miss all of you guys.” I planted a kiss on his cheek.
He didn’t say a word. Not a single. Freaking. Word. Frustration grew inside of me. So I did something that I knew would get his attention, something that I knew I would cringe at years later because of my stupidity.
I grabbed his face and kissed him on the lips.
I pulled away instantly. “I—I’m so sorry.”
I stood up quickly and walked back to the stairs. I didn’t hear him say another word.
Why hadn’t he said anything? Was he still mad about the girlfriend question earlier? Did I come across as a stupid girl because I told him I’d miss him and the boys? Or even more importantly…
Would he miss me too?