The Diaries of Kenny McCormic...

By animefreakduh

4.8K 132 32

Kenny's always had a strange life, not being able to die, going on wacky adventures, being straight out perve... More

Surprise, Surprise
Crazy Ass Bitch
Don't Leave Me
What kind of Name is Albert?
Kiss and Tell(only you)
Mum's the Word(FUCK THAT!)
A (Pretty Shitty) Plan
Odd Jobs
Cult(Shit man0.0)
Mysterion
Cthulhu
Token's Boat
Sincerely Kenny McCormick
A/N Sequel Opinions?

Failing at Life and more

111 3 0
By animefreakduh

I'm failing as a big brother. It's literally the only title I'm proud of. I hardly slept last night and when I got up I immediately headed to a nearby Harbucks. Evading the cultists last night was simple. After taking a couple twists and turns I lost half of them then I climbed the trees and jumped from branch to branch throwing fireworks every time they'd get close. It was simple and I got to the studio at about 6:40. I assumed Karen would get there at seven since she was with that guy so I started up dinner. I tried my best to keep calm when seven o clock rolled around and the pizza rolls were starting to get cold. I tried convincing myself that she wanted more alone time with the guy she liked(yeah that's how much denial I was in) when two more hours passed I started to eat without her. By midnight, I was cried out... All my mistakes from the night replaying in my mind I should've stopped her from going. By one I was drunk and sobbing again. I'm pretty sure I knocked out at about four. I always fucked up like this, from the start I was just a good for nothing: as mom would say a piece of shit. By the way don't ask what I had to do to get the beer.

I stirred my hot coffee knowing I wasn't going to drink it. I was still in denial. Karen couldn't be gone... Could she? My lip quivered and I gulped half my coffee down to prevent myself from crying in public. I sighed feeling my teeth with my now burned tongue. How could I be so helpless to her in the end, after everything? I looked back at the cup... A thought suddenly popped into my mind.

Last night before I left the head cultists had said something... Yeah, he had said something about Karen. He said that she was the only one they needed she was the one with the power. Surely that meant they needed her alive... Right? I gripped the coffee cup handle harder. My hand was burning. Yeah... Of course! They needed Karen! They needed whatever power she had! They needed her alive! But... that wasn't a guarantee and I didn't know how long they would keep her alive. Shit. Why was I still sitting here I had to move now!

I took a five-second shower(which was literally just water and something I did often as a kid since we often didn't have soap) and pulled my parka on. I looked in the mirror unpleased with myself. Kenny was no hero... Like I said before I'm a shitty hero... but again I know a hero who is!

It was about two o clock when I made my way back to that cultist house. Something about walking back there made me have an anxiety attack and flashes of last night haunted my mind. It was definitely the worst hour walk of my life. I walked towards the window and it hit me how silent the house was. The ambiance buzzed with crickets and chirping birds but nothing else. I looked through the window and it was empty. No one... I punched it. I punched the fuck out of that window. I swore for an hour letting every obscenity fly out of my mouth. Failure. That's all that I was, they were going to kill my kid sister and I couldn't even say goodbye. I fell to the floor covering my tears with my hands when a sweet voice called to me.

"Hello? Is there anybody there?" I looked up and sure enough, there was a woman there. She looked about eighty years old. She gripped her walker as she walked. When she saw me she walked towards me. I stayed there on the floor somewhat amazed that this was happening. Why the hell was a sweet old lady out here? I looked at her mouth open and tears staining my cheeks. She was right in front of me and she smiled really sweetly. I smiled back and that's when she lifted her walker and began beating the living crap out of me with the metal object. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE YOU HOOLAGIN AFTER MY COOKIE RECIPE WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT!" She hit me relentlessly and I tried my best to cover my sweet precious head but it was no use. "OH WAIT TILL I CALL NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH I SWEAR YOU TEENAGERS ALWAYS SKATEBOARDING ON THE SIDEWALK THEN THEY TOOK MY LICENCES NOW YOU'RE TRYING TO STEAL MY COOKIES! I'LL SHOW YOU!"

"Ma'am ow, ma'am, please... OW! I don't want your cookie recipe OW FUCK!" She dropped her walker(BEATING STICK) and smiled cheerily again clapping her hands

"Ooh, well then I suppose we should get you inside it's quite frosty out here, would you like a cookie dear?" I frowned but followed her inside it was too goddamn cold out here.

Debra's house had that old lady smell(you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about and if you don't you're a liar and you know it!) and her cabinets were filled with china dishes and glass antiques. A couple actually had books and dusty magazines. My eyes stopped at a framed picture of a lovely couple and a younger version of the cult leader they all smiled happily. I was guessing those were the leader's parents and seeing how he lived with this old lady now could only mean they were gone... I bit back my pity no man capable of killing my sweet sister deserved pity All he deserved was eternal death. When we reached the kitchen the first thing I noticed was how small it was.

The wallpaper was chipping away and the peachy flowers with an egg white shell colored background was now a gross yellow. Her table was wobbly and wooden the dust and old age hidden by a wool lavender tablecloth. I sat down carefully scared the chair might collapse under me. I removed my Mysterion cloak in respect to granny for letting me into her home. Debra- whose name I found out through her relentless chatter was in fact 72- set a cookie platter and milk in front of me before sitting down herself. She folded her hands under her chin and smiled.

"So what brings a young and handsome lad like yourself to my abode?" I looked down to the table not knowing what to say. How do you tell an old lady her grandson is a criminal masterminding a cult? I bit my lip stuffing an oatmeal cookie in my mouth(when are cookie companies going to start making them without the nasty raisins???) I spit out a couple of raisins and looked at Debra who looked at me with soft eyes. "It's about your grandson."

"GOD DAMN IT! I'VE TOLD THAT HENRY TO STOP GETTING INTO TROUBLE!" She shook her fist in the air and I leaned back surprised.

"Umm." I pondered.

She smiled once more calming down and gently taking my gloved hand.
"I know my Henry can get into some trouble, but I reassure you he's a good boy." I sighed annoyed with her sweet old lady facade. She brushed my hand with her thumb her long cracked yellow nails touching me more than her actual thumb.

"Well, he's actually done something pretty shitty this time." Her face grew serious again.

"Oh God what has that son of a bitch done now!?"

"He's taken a couple of friends of mine and I can't find them." I frowned a little but she smiled again.

"Oh, he's just playing! He and his friends are always playing in the basement, they went down to the abandoned church on Cedar Avenue. I'm sure he'll be glad to see you, Kenny." I nodded grabbing one last cookie and leaving.

Time must've flown by faster than I thought because by the time I left it was pitch black. I had made it five blocks from her house when my hand started to shake and my throat tightened. The horrific thought occurred to me... I never told her my name.

I remembered back to the way she smiled at me, the way she stared at me so distant but overally observant, how she touched me like I was some sort of gem. Now time was fastforwarding. What the hell was she? She was definitely not human this thing was somehow manipulating time and space purposefully slowing me down. Did any of the other cultists have powers like these? I swallowed the hard lump forming in my throat hopefully not.

I walked further along the abandoned snowy road of Louisiana. My cloak barely kept me warm in the winter conditions. I breathed into my mittens rubbing my hands. I'm sure I had only walked five minutes but the moon was high up and the wind whistled passed me. I looked at my watch. Ten o clock. I swore realizing the time jump. That old hag was going to let them kill my sister! I clenched my jaw and surged forward not caring about the hole in my shoe or the snow drenching my feet not even the cold air blistering my face. Karen needed me!

I had made it to Cedar Ave when I heard an all too familiar scream. I've never run so fast in my entire life. Every time she screamed I got more urgent to reach her. What the fuck was she doing here!?

I didn't have time to take in the full scene I just went into action my mind on autopilot. I jumped kicking Criss' attacker across the face. He staggered back shocked by my actions. I turned to her torn between annoyance, relief, anger, and concern. Concern won. "Are you okay?" She nodded a little surprised by my actions.

"Who are you?" I gave her a confused look but another cultist came charging I sighed a little removing a knife from my belt.

"Wanna go big boy cuz I came prepared this time!" He stopped mid run looking at my knife then to the bloodthirsty intent in my eyes he put his hands up and slowly walked away. I saw the third cultist on the floor with a black eye whining a couple feet crawling away from the scene no doubt Criss had punched him in the face. I turned to her now so grateful to see her but she raised her hands towards me pepper spray in hand. "I ASKED YOUR NAME, FUCKER." I questioned her actions for a moment then realized she didn't recognize me in my cloak and Mysterion disguise I decided to go with it.

"Gosh I forgot how pretty you look when you're mad." She blushed and I stepped closer lowering her arm, ignoring the pepperspray in hand. I could feel her nervous breathing on me as I approached her. "Guess I'm that forgetful huh?" She was flushed red now but I was kind of disappointed she hadn't kissed me yet it had been so long since I remembered that feeling. She smiled shakily.

"Yeah guess so." She breathed. She stepped forward and I closed my eyes knowing she'd kiss me but what happened next annoyed me. She lifted her bent arm and drove her elbow into my skull mercilessly.

"What the fuck!"

"That's what you get! I mean who do you think I am some tramp! I have a boyfriend you lunatic now what's your name or so God help me I will use this!" She lifted the pepper spray again. I rubbed my head remembering the last head incident and my not so hot recovery. I swore some more then dropped my cloak.

"Cri-" She had tackled me in a hug before I could even finish.

"Oh my God Kenny! It's you." Tears filled her eyes as I hugged her and even if it wasn't a kiss it was just as good.

"What are you doing here?" I scolded. I could feel the tears on my neck as she hugged me.

"I was worried." Her voice was muffled because she buried her face into my chest but I hardly cared.

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