To say that the tension between Roran and I was uncomfortable would have been an understatement – multiplied by a million. Every time I had tried to explain my reasoning for leaving he would just glare at me and then go back to pretending I didn't exist. I wasn't exactly sure what he wanted from me. It seemed he was angry with me for leaving, but now that I was back he didn't seem to want me to stay.
"So are you going to ignore me for the rest of eternity, or what?" I asked him, receiving nothing but another glare in response.
"Okay, look, this is pretty silly," I began again, trying to pry his attention away from the knife he had been sharpening for so long it would probably cut a person in half.
Roran's head snapped up to bestow me with another glare, only this time he didn't look away. His eyes blazed deep red in his anger, the darkness in the cave making them glow even more brightly.
"You think risking your life is silly?" he forced out through clenched teeth. "Or maybe you think it's silly that I had risk my life to save you, again."
I glared at him this time. "You didn't have to do anything. You chose to save me, Roran. No one forced you."
He scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Well you certainly wouldn't have gotten out of there alive if I hadn't intervened."
I couldn't argue with him there.
"What were you thinking, Thea?" he demanded, his tone less angry but still unhappy. "I left you here, safe, with plenty of weapons to protect yourself. Why did you go wandering off?"
"Look," I began, trying to figure out how to phrase my next sentence in a way that wouldn't make him angrier. "I don't know you, okay? You dragged me here and just expected me to trust you. For all I know you could be some crazy psycho killer!"
'Good job saying that so nicely, Thea. Calling him crazy is definitely the way to go.'
"If I wanted you dead I would have killed you when I found you in the crypts!" he snapped in response, shoving the blade he had been sharpening back into its holster. Looking me square in the eyes he continued, "But when I saw you down there you were crying and scared, and I realized you weren't like the other creatures here. They are vicious, bloodthirsty monsters with no remorse and they kill on sight. You and I aren't like that. I'm pretty sure we both just want to be left alone until we can find a way out of here. Am I wrong?"
I shook my head and scuffed my shoe against the dirt. "No, you're not wrong."
"I get that you're afraid and you don't trust me. But right now I'm the best chance you have of ever getting out of here."
Now that Roran had explained his side of things, I kind of felt bad about accusing him of being a psycho. If he was telling the truth and honestly wanted to help me out it might not be so bad to hang out with him here for a while. At least I would be safe from the other monsters.
"Yeah, I'm starting to get that," I admitted, refusing to meet his eyes and instead focusing on the small hole I had dug with my shoe. "What I don't get is why you would want to help me. I'm kind of a burden to you. What are you getting out of this?"
It took several minutes for him to reply, and when he did his voice seemed almost embarrassed, barely a whisper. "One thing you need to know about purgatory - if you're not a crazy killer, as you put it, then it gets pretty lonely down here. The last friend I had was around fifty years ago."
I looked up and stared at him in disbelief. "Are you telling me you haven't met a decent person down here in the past fifty years?"
He frowned, looking as if he had to think hard about it. "Most of the creatures here were monsters long before they ended up in purgatory, Thea. It's rare to find anyone like you or I. And if I do meet someone who isn't completely horrible, they usually take Moroi's offer instead of staying here."
"After seeing what life is like here, I can't exactly blame them," I mumbled, rubbing my aching head.
"Are you planning to make him another offer then?" he asked, the deep scowl on his face making him look even more intimidating.
"No way," I replied. "I would never be able to take people's souls, especially if I knew they would eventually end up here."
I was surprised when he smiled at me, a genuine, sweet smile. "Good."
"Besides just the idea of drinking blood is disgusting to me. I would never be able to actually do it," I told him, scrunching up my nose in disgust at the thought.
Roran's scowl returned and I felt like I had said something wrong.
"What?" I asked, eager to fix whatever problem I had caused and see him smile again.
"I told you before you're not going to be able to resist the blood thirst for long. Eventually you will have to feed. It's inevitable."
I shook my head. "Nope. Not going to happen. I refuse."
He smiled at me again, but this time it didn't look very sincere. "You keep saying you don't want to drink blood. What did you think was going to happen when you agreed to become a vampire?"
"I didn't agree to anything!" I snapped. "For the third freaking time, I don't remember what happened to me. I just knew that something bad would happen when I left my house to take that trip to the city. Which is exactly what I was afraid of, thank you very much Dr. Harper."
Roran was giving me a funny look and I realized I had accidentally said the last part aloud.
"What are you talking about?"
"It's kind of a long story," I replied, not really wanting him to figure out how lame I truly was.
He smirked and gestured around us. "It's not like either of us are going anywhere. We have all of eternity."
Taking a deep breath, I decided to start from the beginning. And I mean the very beginning.
"It all started when I was five years old. I was afraid of pretty much everything, to the point I would sob for hours if my parents tried to make me leave the house. At first they thought it was a phase and that I would grow out of it, but they were wrong. It only got worse as I got older because the more I learned about the world, the more I was afraid of it."
I leaned back against the wall and it almost felt like I was back in my therapist's office - if my therapist had somehow changed genders and had turned into a dangerously good-looking man/phoenix thing. Anyway....
Turning to look at Roran, I continued, "Did you know that the United States has one of the highest homicide rates in the world? There are around five homicides for every 100,000 persons each year! And don't get me started on burglaries and rapes. It's a mad house out there!"
He smiled at me and shook his head.
"What?" I asked, wondering what could be amusing about what I just said. The world was a horrible place and I had the statistics to prove it! You can't argue with statistics!
"100,000 people living together and only five of them killed in a year? That sounds like paradise to me after living here for so long," Roran explained. "You and I have witnessed the deaths of ten people already in the past day and a half, Thea."
"Why do you think I want to get out of here?" I shrieked. "I'm not cut out for this! This is why I never left my house. I knew something bad would happen."
He nodded and said, "I understand. I do. I want to leave here as much as you do, probably more. But for now why don't you just continue with your story? You still haven't explained what you meant about never leaving your house and Dr. Harper."
Right. I had gotten a bit sidetracked there.
"Well, as I got older I figured out there are plenty of ways to live in isolation. I got a job that I could do in the safety of my own home and had my groceries delivered to me every two weeks. Once I went three whole months without talking to anyone. It was wonderful," I said, sighing happily at the memory.
"But my parents worried about me. They claimed it wasn't 'healthy' for me to spend so much time alone and went about holding an intervention to 'get me help'. Even my great-aunt, Louise showed up. Can you imagine? It was really embarrassing."
I cringed at the memory. During the intervention Aunt Louise had gotten drunk on cooking sherry and started telling everyone the reason I was so unusual was that I was an alien. Good times.
I was silent for so long, lost in my memories, that Roran cleared his throat to catch my attention. I blinked out of my mortified stupor and continued.
"So, anyway, at their urging I started seeing a therapist, Dr. Rachel Harper. She was nice enough, I guess. At first it was just like this," I said, motioning between him and me. "With me talking and her listening. But then she started suggesting I get out and see the world. Push myself, fight my fears, test my limits; blah, blah, blah. But I knew! I knew if I did something bad would happen. And now look at me! I'm a freaking vampire!"
Roran let out an irritated sigh and crossed his arms. "You still haven't told me how you became one, though! Was that not the whole point of this strange story?'
I glared at him in response. "How many times do I have to tell you I don't remember? I. Do. Not. Remember. I can't say it any plainer than that. I know that I planned on going into the city to get groceries but everything after that is blank," I ranted, angry that no one understood. I had no idea how I became a vampire any more than they did.
"So what is the very last thing you remember?"
I closed my eyes and tried to picture it.
Anger. That was the main thing I remembered. I had been angry Dr. Harper had chosen Friday of all days for me to go into the city. It was always so crowded and noisy on the weekends.
And fear – I had felt crushing anxiety weighing on me like a ton of bricks. I think I had had three asthma attacks by the time I had left the house. It had been so difficult to force myself out the door – suffocating almost.
"Hey, are you feeling alright?" I heard a voice say to my left.
Looking around I came face to face with...
Where had that memory come from? Had I actually gone to the grocery store after all? And why couldn't I remember what the man looked like? It was like someone had gone in and scrubbed away his face from that part of the memory. But somehow I did remember that he had helped me somehow...and then...
The next memory I had was ending up here. Had the man at the bar been a vampire? Was he the reason I was in this place? And if so, why couldn't I remember him?
Looking at Roran I whispered, "My last memory is of a guy at the grocery store, but I can't remember his face. Do you think he could have been a vampire?"
"It's very likely," he replied shrugging. "I know that you don't know a lot about your kind, but vampires have a power they refer to as 'thrall', which allows them to control humans and make it so that they have no free will. It's very likely he made you intentionally forget."
I blinked at him. "Wait, so I have the ability to make you do whatever I wanted?"
He laughed and shook his head. "No. Thrall only works on humans. And I've seen it work on other vampires on occasion, but not on other supernatural creatures."
I sighed in disappointment. It would be nice if I had some abilities that I could use to protect myself against other monsters. "Is there anything else I can do? I know I can grow fangs, but that's about it."
"Fangs, claws, and if you ever drink blood-"
"I told you I'm not doing that!" I interrupted.
Roran gave me an irritated look and snapped, "Fine. But if you ever did, then you would have enhanced speed, strength, and healing abilities. Basically vampires drain the life force from their victims and use it for themselves."
"Nice, real nice," I huffed sarcastically. "So what you're telling me is, if I don't drink blood I'm practically defenseless. Fantastic."
"As long as you stay in the cave and do as I say you'll be fine, Thea," he reassured me. "Maybe one day we'll be able to get Moroi alone and persuade him into telling us the way out of here. The you won't have to worry about it."
Suddenly the gears started moving in my head. "I'm supposed to meet with him in around two days to reconsider his offer. Do you think we could come up with a plan by then?"
Roran grinned at me and nodded. "We can try. Let's get to work."