Tell me tell me teeellllll me whatcha think!
lol I feel like this story will be very frustrating because just like me, you guys probably want them to figure their shit out and get back together.
Naaahh, what's the fun in that? (:
Everything is slow as Louis stands from the couch, like he's in some sort of trance. He knew this moment would come where he'd see Harry again, but he underestimated how much it would genuinely affect him. There's a plethora of emotions running through him right now, and he's not sure which one to focus on. Everyone in the room falls silent when Harry's eyes lock on Louis'. The ultimate reunion of two exes after being separated for three years. It's a lot to take in. A lot to handle, and Louis is pretty sure his heart beat is the loudest thing in the room right now.
Harry is different. Much different than what he expected. Louis assumed he would see all rockstar and sex appeal. Confident and arrogant, maybe even having some sort of starlight glow surrounding him. But that is not at all what he is seeing. Instead, there stands a boy, so fragile and small. Skinny and frail. The once vibrance of his green eyes now dulled with exhaustion, hanging on to the last bit of light that he has. What used to be a boy who constantly drew attention, now stands a man who shies away from all the eyes in the room. As if he simply wants to disappear. No confidence. Just weak and unsure, barely holding it together for the sake of the show.
The goofy - dorky boy is no longer there. All the smiles and dimpled laughter, just a mere thought in the past. The brightness that Harry once was is now clouded by a dimness, all fake smiles that don't reach his eyes and tired lines stretching his face. Harry's taller now. Much taller with long legs and a lean torso. His hair has grown out as wall, reaching to about chin length. Curly and messy, chestnut in color and framing the thin structure of his face. He used to have very voluminous and healthy hair. One of Louis' favorites things about him, aside from the lovely way he smelled. But now his hair is dry and thinner, like it's been falling out and this is what's left over. Maybe it's the stress. Maybe something is wrong.
Harry's skin is different too. In the past, he struggled with acne on his face. But it was still so smooth and soft. Louis would think with all the travel Harry does, especially to the sunny parts in the world, he would have nice, golden skin. A warm glow that radiates off his body. Nope. He's just as pale as ever, peachy and milky white. And although he's out grown the acne phase, there is a red flush to various spots on his skin, rosy and irritated, like it's something he's been scratching raw. His knees cave in, a timid feature to his posture. Shoulders slouched, a type of uncertainty that lingers with him.
Everything about the Harry that Louis is seeing right now is not at all what he expected. He doesn't know if he feels relieved or worried at the moment. Because if looking at Harry is anything to go by, then clearly the last three years have not been good to him.
"Alright," Niall's voice ends up cutting through. The tension in the room had grown so thick that his voice jolted nearly everyone. Louis broke eye contact first, smiling at Liam and Sophia who rejoin him on the couch again. "Let's continue the celebration then, shall we?"
"I'll hook up some music," Zayn says, walking over to the speaker near the television.
Gigi heads over to the couch as well and gets the games set up. Anne and Robin both whisper something privately to Harry and then walk towards the kitchen area, probably giving him the space to hang out with his friends for a bit. Gemma pats his back in almost a comforting sort of way, and Louis tries his best to keep his eyes on his friends instead of peaking over to the two of them. It's quite hard not to stare, especially with the shocking discovery of Harry's appearance. His eyes linger a bit longer than he intends, completely drowning out the rules that Liam is explaining about the new game they're about to start.
Louis watches Harry all the way to the couch, the slow way he walks. He sits directly across from him, but he still hasn't noticed Louis' staring. Harry simply looks at their friends instead, a small smile pressing his lips as he listens to their conversation. Louis gets knocked out of his little trance when someone nudges his shoulder. He uses that as an excuse to finally look away, and in good timing because Harry's green eyes flash his way, as if he felt Louis' gaze on him.
"You're staring." It's Zayn.
"I am not."
Zayn rolls his eyes and settles in the spot next to Louis on the couch. Gemma sits next to Harry, and the game on the table starts. Louis and Zayn keep quiet as the chatter drowns out their private talk.
"Would you punch me if I say you're still in love with him?"
Louis grimaces, eyeballing the others to make sure they're not listening in. They're not, too focused on the game. Harry glances their way every so often, but that probably has to do more with the fact that he and Zayn are sitting so close and whispering separate to their group. He tries to ignore it.
"I do not."
Zayn laughs and ends up dropping the conversation.
Louis sits the first round of the game out considering he didn't listen to the instructions nor did he have the energy to play. He would rather watch, inspect how things are going. It's still weird sitting in this home as if everything is fine and normal. Even more weird when he looks up and sees Harry right there in front of him. Everything seems to fall back in to place as the game progresses, as if there is no built up resentment or bitterness from the past three years. Gigi and Sophia return to gushing over Harry, touching his curls and treating him as if he's one of them. The three of them used to always go on shopping sprees together, and they're already planning out the next time Harry is free so they can relive the old days together.
Hailee laughs at Harry's jokes, even though Louis knows she hates them. She's said so, on multiple occasions that she's never found the boy funny. But she falls back in to the role so easily, as if she and Harry have no problems. The funny thing is that Hailee took his leave hard. Her and Harry always had a special bond, a good connection. She was his shoulder to lean on, and he was hers. They were best friends. The kind with the late night conversations and having someone to talk to about relationships. When Harry left, she was pissed and sad, a different type of heartbreak to what Louis felt but almost similar in a sense.
None of that seems to matter right now though. She's laughing at the jokes she hates. Hugging Harry tightly and inputting his current phone number in her contacts. It's all fake.
Gemma is Gemma. The older sister. Making fun of her brother but clearly adoring him. She does her best to ignore Louis just as much as he tries to ignore her. They never settled anything after Harry left. It's been silence in their relationship. Gemma is the one who broke the news to Louis about Harry leaving for tour, and all he knew was that she wasn't happy with him. Bitter. Slightly cold towards him. There's resentment in her, probably due to her loyalty to Harry. But in the end, Louis doesn't know what he's done to deserve the cold shoulder. He was the boy who showed up to this house three years ago to find out that his boyfriend left him, if anything, Harry deserves the scolding looks.
The worst is watching Liam, Niall and Zayn interact with him. Especially when the four of them spent weeks together upset about why Harry left. It's the first time they ever got together and just cried. Letting all their emotions out and not understanding what they did to push Harry away so abruptly. They've seen Louis break down because of it. Completely heartbroken and ridden to staying in his room for days without leaving. It's the worst Louis has ever been before, and they were they when he was at rock bottom. They know how badly it hurt him when Harry left. How devastated and broken he was. They were there. They witness it with him. Cried with him. The ultimate betrayal in Louis' mind is watching those same best friends talk to his ex-boyfriend like they're all still on good terms.
Louis can only handle so much. He knew coming here was a bad idea.
It might be easy for their friends to brush aside the last three years of silence from Harry, but Louis cannot. He can't watch everyone act like Harry is still the same person with smiles on their faces. Someone shouldn't be allowed to leave for years without an explanation, or a goodbye, and then easily come back like everything is okay. It's unforgivable.
If Harry was able to leave so easily last time, what's to say he won't do it again?
"I'll be right back," Louis suddenly says, interrupting the game and the laughter. Harry's eyes trail over towards him, but Louis' eyes are elsewhere, not focusing on anyone as he stands from the couch. "Need a drink."
Quickly, Louis scurries off into the kitchen, feeling a moment of relief now that he's in a separate room from Harry. He hadn't realized how tensed he was until all the muscles in his body start to ease up. He only gets a moment of this freedom until he notices that Robin and Anne are also in the kitchen, having just walked in on their conversation about Harry's arrival. Louis stops awkwardly in the doorway and smiles when they turn to look at him.
"Sorry. I was just - I came to get a drink." Louis walks over to the fridge and holds his breath, knowing very well that Anne is assessing him right now. She's always been very intuitive about everything, sometimes an instigator.
"S' a lot, isn't it?" she ends up asking.
Louis pulls a soda can out the fridge and pops it open, turning towards the counter and leaning up against it. "What is?"
Anne smiles. "Having Harry back. I don't mean for it to be tough on you. I just thought - "
"I know you mean well, Anne." Louis smiles just to prove he's not that mad about it. He knows why he was invited. It wasn't meant to be mean or hateful, not even to cause drama. She just did it because it's what's normal. When all their friends get together, Louis is always there with Harry. And, it's been three years. Clearly everyone is able to push past what happened. Maybe they are all expecting Louis to do the same.
"Well, thank you for coming. It makes my heart happy seeing all of you together again."
Louis nods his head as he sips his drink.
"Let me go check on them." Anne stands from the table and kisses the top of Robin's head in passing. She disappears out the kitchen to go into the main room, leaving both Robin and Louis alone.
It's only a tad awkward.
"Alright, boy," Robin speaks, eyebrows raised in a quizzical way. Louis drinks more soda, staring wide eyed at the wall ahead of him. "Be honest with me. How are you feeling? Need me to find a way to sneak you out of here?"
Louis snorts. "I'm okay. Really. It's weird. Not sure how I'm supposed to feel. But it's all temporary, right?"
"That's one way to look at it." Robin taps his fingers on the table. "It might be temporary, but it's still important."
Louis blows a heavy sigh out and takes a seat at the table as well, wrapping his hand tightly around the soda can. "I wish I could be like the others. I want to be happy that he's here, but it's hard. He's my ex-boyfriend, you know? We were once in love. Talked about a future together, but it's like - all of that is gone now, and I'm here - as the ex. Not even an old friend."
"Yeah, but the two of you were friends before dating. That part of your relationship can return, can it not?"
Louis shrugs his shoulders.
Becoming friends with an ex didn't seem the most ideal. Especially not with how deep his and Harry's relationship was. They talked about marriage, kids, a future together. All the stuff people get to after being years together. They always had a special love, an epic romance. It was easy for them - falling in love and being together. Louis' love for Harry ran so deep, and he couldn't ever imagine himself having a normal relationship with the boy after everything they've been through.
"I guess we'll have to see how this goes."
Anne returns into the kitchen not a moment later, and Louis finishes the rest of his drink. He feels better after having the chance to step away and talk to someone outside of his friend group. Anne smiles on her way to the table, just as Louis is heading out the kitchen. There is shouting going on in the living room that Louis can hear from the hallway, and he knows it probably has to do with Niall trying to cheat his way to winning.
The next few hours they all lounge around the couches. They continue to cycle through different games. Munch on different snacks and even break in to the beer that Anne had stocked in the fridge. Overall, they have a good time. Louis always enjoys spending time with his friends, and it's easy to forget that Harry is even there with how quiet and reserved he is. It's much different than before. He's typically a shy guy, but never around their friends. He used to be so vibrant and loud, trying to get Louis' attention and simply being goofy.
So it's odd seeing him so different. He just sits there and smiles, watching everyone like he's perfectly content to remain on the outside of the conversation. Gets a little weird when he's not clued in on the inside jokes and passing memories that he's not a part of. Louis watches each time something like that is brought up he glances down to his lap, frowning, looking regretful in a way.
At some point throughout the festivities, Harry and Louis somehow drift away from the others. It was expected. Almost like the others were anticipating for it to happen and it was only a matter of time. They hadn't spoken much since gathering around the couches to play games. Haven't really looked at one another aside from the sneaky glances. But when Louis steps away again to use the restroom, he finds Harry waiting there in the hall, leaning up against the wall with a frightened look on his face. He starts off by mumbling nonsense and taking forever to get to the point. But when he gets there, Louis realizes that this is Harry's attempt to make amends. To make friendly. Like a truce, in a sense, trying to get the big conversation done and over with if they're about to spend all week together.
Louis can play nice. As long as he's not the one initiating it.
They have wondering eyes and ears around, so they sneak out the front door and take a walk outside in the neighborhood. Harry had said he wanted to talk, so Louis is going to let him. It's been three years of silence, and Louis deserves answers. If he gets them today, and they can finally put all the uncertainties of the past to rest, then maybe - maybe he'll survive the rest of the week. And maybe he and Harry can consider becoming friends.
Let's see how the conversation goes and what sort of excuses Harry comes up with for breaking his heart so easily.
"So," Harry says when they reach the end of the street.
It's been quiet since they walked out, and there's enough distance between the two of them on the pavement that another person could fit in between. The sun is beginning to set, and it cascades a warm glow across the streets of the neighborhood. It's very hard for Louis right now to not see how the orange sky reflects off Harry's skin.
One of their favorite things to do together was watch the sun set at the park. Harry always stared in wonderment at the sky, and Louis always stared at him.
"How have you been?" Harry finishes the question.
Louis furrows his brows together. Okay. Small talk. If that's how Harry wants to start this, then fine.
"I've been good. Busy with work."
"Oh." Harry stuffs his hands in his coat pocket. "Where do you work?"
This feels weird.
"London Records," Louis answers. He sees the park up ahead and wonders if that's where they're walking to. He hopes not. Park equals painful memories.
"Music producer then?"
"Not entirely. Working on it still."
"Right." Harry begins to nibble on his bottom lip, and the tension between them grows. "That's cool though. I know how much you want to be a producer and work with artist. Must be - "
"Alright - " Louis interrupts. He's over the small talk bull shit. He's ready to get down to business and talk about the important bits here. Small talk is for later. "Stop with the small talk. Let's get to it."
They stop walking in the middle of the pavement, and Harry turns towards him, face scrunched up in confusion.
"I'm - I'm sorry. I just wanted to catch up with you." His knees fold further inward, and any ounce of confidence that urged him to initiate this walk completely slips out of him.
"Catch up? No. There's not catch up. Harry, you're the one who left. Without saying anything for the past three years. You don't just get a catch up from me."
Harry blinks rapidly, like he's saving the tears that are forming. "Oh. Um. Right."
Louis makes a face, anger slowly building up. "Is that why you wanted this walk, to catch up?" Harry swallows, but he doesn't properly answer. Just looks away. "That's bullshit, mate. If you want to catch up, then let's talk about how much you've changed since you left here. That's a pretty good way to start this."
Harry's forehead creases together, a disgruntled look taking over. "What do you mean?"
"Just fucking look at you, Harry!"
He opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out except for a breathy gasp. Looking down, Harry glances at his body, all the insecurities flooding through him. He wraps his arms around his midline, scuffing his shoes closer together on the pavement. Green eyes flash with something that brings guilt upon Louis, and he almost wants to take back what he said.
At the end of the day though, he's right. Harry's different now. He looks different. Acts different. It's a change to what Louis is used to.
"Is something wrong with me?" Harry ends up asking, voice wavering so weakly.
And well, that's a fucking punch to the chest. Harry's voice sounds so fragile, so scared. He glances down at his body again, and this time he looks absolutely disgusted with himself. Louis can't explain what he's even witnessing right now.
"No," he ends up responding, sighing defeatedly. "Nothing is wrong with you, Harry," he continues to reassure. It pains him to complement Harry, but at this point, it seems like it's what the boy needs right now to not completely fall apart. Makes Louis wonder what things Harry is being told behind the scenes and what's causing him to perceive himself so poorly.
"You're bloody perfect, if anything."
Harry digs his fingers into his back. "I'm not."
"You are. That's the annoying thing." Louis crosses his arms over his chest. "You're so fucking beautiful and talented, and it pisses me off, okay? You piss me off. You left. You came back, and now you're living your dream. You're a new person. I just - I can't look at you anymore without being reminded of who you are now."
A frown makes its way to Harry's lips, and he scratches his arm nervously. "I just wanted to start over. Be friends."
Louis has to laugh.
"Friends?" he mocks, shaking his head. "No way. I can't be friends with you. Not with what happened between us."
"Louis - "
"I have to go, Harry. This was a bad idea."
And then Louis is turning on his heel, walking back the way they just came and hopping in his car to go home. He can only handle so much of a reunion with Harry in one day. He'll try again another day.
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